#cuz im so afraid to reach out. and in the end convince myself that they wouldn't like me anyway | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

nthngbxtfanfics · 5 years

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Not her - Jooheon scenario

As you may noticed. Part 6 got deleted, just because Tumblr did such an amazing job in synchronizing the App version with the Web version. YEY.

So now I had to rewrite it. It makes me so sad cuz the previous version was so damn awesome!

But that doesn’t mean that I’ll be taking mercy on you.

Welcome to my rollercoaster of emotions.

Taglist:

@lidda @meiiyue @pleasantpeachstudent @im-what-iam @elenaramos1 @1crazyteenage-dirtbag @ghostofyoujungkook

I hope I didn’t forget anyone...

“What?” You thought your ears would play a sick prank on you. But that wasn’t the case. His words repeated in your mind, trying to figure out if these words had any truth in them.

“I-”

“Stop! Don’t repeat yourself. I don’t wanna hear that!” you interrupted him as the weight of his question pulled onto your heart-strings. A new kind of pain evolved within your chest, making it hard to breathe.

“But Y/N-” he took a step forward, opening his arms, trying to reach out to you.

“Stop! Jooheon I told you to stop. I don’t wanna hear more from you, don’t you understand?” your body reacted automatically with your words and took a step back, further away from him. You felt uneasy, you couldn’t understand your own actions, emotions or thoughts. Everything was so confusing.

“But Y/N I do wanna be with you! I’m not lying to you! I’m fucking serious” his words got heavier in your chest. You couldn’t face him anymore, you closed your eyes avoiding the man in front of you. Your sobs made your body tremble, your limbs became cold. The whole warmth in your body was gone.

“Please don’t do that to me Y/N.” Jooheons heart was in extreme pain. Your fragile figure, your tears. The pain in your body was visible and he hated that sight. His vision was blurry, tears stained his cheeks. He never wished to bring you to this state, he wanted you to be happy but not in pain. He knew he was selfish the whole time, neglecting his feelings and you. He wanted to erase those emotions and failed and this was his punishement.

Once again, Jooheon tried to come closer to you, to embrace you in his arms and yet again, your body reacted on it’s own. Your arms wrapped around your waist, hugging your trembling body, trying to give yourself some warmth. Your feet took you another step back, away from Jooheon, searching for a safe spot in the room.

“I’m pleading you Y/N. Please let me explain everything.” Jooheon couldn’t hold back his emotions, he needed to release them or else he would go insane. He wanted you to know everything, hoping it would ease the pain in you.

Your legs became weak, you searched for a place to rest your feet. Your body sat down onto the soft matress of Hoseoks bed, your upper body leaned forward, your elbows rested on your knees and your hands supported your head. You kept your eyes away from Jooheon, too scared to see his broken state. His voice was enough for you, it broke your heart to hear the sadness in it. Your mind was empty and dark, tears kept flowing down your now red cheeks.

Jooheon took your silence as a sign for him to continue. His gaze wouldn’t leave you for a second, he wanted to catch every reaction of your body, for him to move on. He hesitated, finding the right words to start. He saw how vulnerable you were and he wanted to be more cautious and careful with them. Too scared to hurt you even more. He took a deep breath, finishing it with a shaken sigh.

“I’m so sorry Y/N.” His lower lip started to tremble more, trying to hold back a sob and tears started to reapear, taking over his vision. His head turned away from you for a short time to return with shut closed eyes, trying to stop the drops from falling. As he opened them, they catched your small figure and let the tears free. Jooheon took another much smaller bit of air, his teeth hold onto his trembling lip, trying to stop it. He himself was drained, all energy left his limbs. Anger was no where to be found, all he wanted was to lock you in his arms and never let go. His desire to keep you safe and warm became stronger, his first priority became you. His own heart gave him a hard time through this situation. He wanted you back, but he needed to earn that reward. “I never meant to hurt you. I was just too stupid and selfish to notice how much I actually hurt you with my actions. All I wanted was to get rid of these emotions for you. I wanted to get rid of this everlasting pain, I have when I don’t have you beside me. When you smile and I’m not the main reason for it.” His own sobs interrupted him, he took this opportunity to calm down a little and to wait for some reaction coming from you. Your body was still, listening to all his words. Words full of pain, sadness and love. Honesty weighted those words, you couldn’t argue with that.

“Y/N I love you since the day we first met. It felt like love at first sight, your smile brought warmth to my heart. Your hugs brought me strength through my busy schedule days. Your voice brought me the sweetest dreams at night, even if they were short, I knew I could lean on you. I wanted to ask you out back then, but I don’t wanted to pressure you on being my girlfriend, especially since I’m a member of Monsta X. But I don’t wanted to loose you, I wanted you beside me. That’s why I kept you as my best friend.” The words became heavier and the knot in Jooheons throat tighter. His mouth became dry, swallowing his own saliva became a struggle. “The more time I spent with you the more I fell for you and became more scared to confess my feelings. I was too afraid to scare you away. I don’t wanted to ruin our friendship and throw our memories to waste. You mean so much to me I can’t loose you.” He took another breath to put more words together.

“When I introduced you to the other members, I was so happy that you got along so well. That the members love you almost as much as I do. But as you started to get closer to Kihyun, that even rumors started to circulate, that you two were dating. My mind went crazy, I was so jealous, I couldn’t think straight. I was so close to punch my brother and loose my chance to you. I couldn’t let this happen. That’s why I acted like I was fine with this whole situation. I came to the conclusion to get rid of my feelings for you.” As memories started to flood his mind, tears of pain and betrail started to fall free from his glassy eyes.

“I went to my studio to get drunk or wasted and ended up in clubs, hooking up with some random chicks. Only to erase you from my mind. I searched you in every woman I was with, but no one was as perfect as you, only worse.” Jooheon stopped himself, to wait for a response from you. But your body stayed still this whole time. Jooheon grew confident and walked towards your figure. He kneeled down in front of you, reaching your eye-level. He lifted his hands to reach for yours. He took them away from your tears-stained face and held them tight in your lap. Squezzing them a little, to comfort you. His thumb circled your palm, warming up the little spot. His hands radiated warmth and your shoulders began to relax. Jooheons eyes laid on your hands, they fitted perfectly in his palms.

“I thought, my only option was to get a girlfriend. I hoped it would actually help and I was wrong. It only got worse. Especially after Kihyun cleared up the situation, that you two aren’t dating and that you both were not really interested in doing so. That’s also when Hyejins real face was revealed to me. I know, you tried to convince me first and I didn’t believed you. Only when Changkyun told me about everything that happened. The things she did to Hoseok-hyung, to Hyunwoo-hyung and to you. But If I’d knew about the coffee incident earlier, I would have done something about it.” Jooheon lifted his eyes, searching for yours. They hid behind your messy bangs, Jooheons hand automatically took action and lifted itself, to brush some strands behind your ear. Revealing your now puffy eyes. His hand rested on your cheek, cupping it. Tears welled up in your eyes, waiting for release. You couldn’t hold them back and let them free, yet again. Jooheon catched those tears with his thumb, before they could reach the soft cushion of your swollen lips. His thumb rubbed lightly on your cheek, another comforting gesture. You leaned into the warmth of his palm, your eyes shutting close. Enjoying that small moment.

“Y/N. I don’t know why I was so careless and so stubborn. As I saw you and Kihyun today, so close. I couldn't hold it anymore, it made me so mad. I never meant to scare you like that. I don’t know myself anymore. Please forgive me for being me, for being too stupid to not see what’s best for me and for letting go of you.” Jooheons hands started to tremble, as new words flooded his mind. Words he wanted to let free.

“Please look at me Y/N” You raised your head, meeting Jooheons glassy eyes, tears asking for release. You could see all kinds of emotions in those lost, dark orbs. Pain, sadness, anger and love. Your reflection, visible in them like a mirror. His gaze was strong, but didn’t afraid you. The opposite, you wanted to fall in them deep as deep as you could. Like falling into the galaxy, you desired the feeling of no gravity and the stars becoming your home.

“I love you.”

Your eyes widened at his confession, the three words repeated themselves in your head. A force within him took over his body as Jooheon reached forward, the desire to feel your lips on his became so strong. There was no stopping in his movement until he met the softness of your plump lips. You were taken a back at the sudden contact but gave in. Your lips worked in sync, your brain felt dizzy, your surroundings became blurry. More tears left your closed eyes, Jooheons tears got mixed with yours. The kiss was soft, passionate and full of pain.

A sudden strange feeling of pain, different and stronger than before, filled your body. You pulled back from the kiss. Your sobs became stronger, your body started to tremple again and more thicker tears started to fall. Your head fell onto Jooheons chest, hiding in his presence. Jooheon immediately sat beside you and wrapped his arms around you nd pulled your legs over his lap. One hand caressing your back, the other holding your head in place. His arms were strong around you, not letting you go. His own emotions started a battle with him, but he needed to be strong for you. He never saw you in this kind of state. Sudden guilt builded up within himself.

An internal battle started within you, a battle between your heart and your mind. Your heart wanted to let go, to feel the love he was giving you. The long deserved warmth from the man you love so dearly. Your mind was screaming to let go, it was too soon to give in. It warned you from further harm, you weren’t ready to receive and live with that love. You had to leave now or it’ll be too late, but your heart wanted you to stay a little longer. You needed to heal and it knew you could do it with him.

Jooheon waited for you to calm down, but wouldn’t let go of you. He would never forgive himself if he’d let you slip away from his fingertips. He needed you and you needed him, he wanted to be there for you. His grip got stronger as his thoughts went further. He felt in peace as your cry decreased and you stopped fully.

His warm chest, transfered warmth to your cold body. But the battle within you increased, making it uneasy to stay in his arms. But your body lost almost all energy that was left. The weaker you got, the stronger the force to leave became stronger. You couldn’t handle it anymore, you used your last bit of strengh and escaped out of Jooheons grip.

“I’m sorry but I can’t” You rushed out of the bedroom, leaving a shocked Jooheon behind. As he lost sight of you, his body reacted immediately and run after you as fast as he could. Begging you not to leave him.

“Y/N! You can’t leave like that. Y/N wait!” you slammed the front door, right infront of Jooheons face. His hand reached the doorhandle, trying to open it. But another hand stopped his motion and shutted the door, when Jooheon managed to open it a little.

“Jooheon!” Jooheons head snapped towards the calling voice. “Leave her alone.” Hoseok was concerned about you and Jooheons well being. But he couldn’t let Jooheon leave in the state he currently was.

“But Hyung...” Jooheon collapsed into his members firm chest, letting his emotions take over. His sobs were strong, his tears thick. Hoseok wrapped his arms around the younger one. His cries were loud enough so the others could hear the pain, their rapper was suffering.

They listened to the whole situation that happened behind those thin walls. They felt sorry for both of you. But no one blamed you for running away, you had a really hard time and Jooheon just came over and put more confusion into your emotional hurricane.

“Why did she left? All I wanted was to give her my love” Hoseok tried his best calming down the broken-hearted man. Jooheons sobs became louder as he continued. “Why do I deserve all that? She took my heart, left and threw it away.”

“Y/N needs time, you overwhelmed her with your confession. She needs time, let her breath a little. She loves you. She’ll come back. I know that and you know that too, you know her better than we do.” Hoseok held him tight, picking the right words to comfort him more.

“But why does it hurt so much?“

“Don’t worry, everything will be fine. I promise.”

Your feet took you as fast as you could, the pain coming from your soles got ignored. Your breathing was heavy and painful, your throat was dry, unbearable. Your speed slowed down as exhaustion made itself present and your familiar bus-station became visible. You made sure, that Jooheon nor a member was following you, before you halted completely. You searched for your purse, to take the next bus back to your place. Your search was unsuccessful, you forgot your purse at the dorm and running back was definitely no option for you.

You decided to walk on your own. Your pace was slow, exhaustion took over your body, just like the wish for your place called home. Your arms hugged your own body, giving yourself the much desired warmth, you needed. Your mind was lost, the unfamiliar pain now gone, your heart crying. You couldn’t understand why, no happiness fueled your body. The man that you love so dearly confessed his feelings to you and repeatedly stated to be with you. But why couldn’t you find the hapiness in that moment. Why did that voice warn you? Was it really too soon to give in and fall? Was there more to come?

The apartment complex became visible as you slowly reached your destination. You made your way towards the elevator, picking the right floor. As the doors opened, the sight of the heavy door became visible. You expected a warm feeling building up in your chest, whenever you saw this door. But now it seemed so foreign. Your fingers moved and punched the code to your place into the touchpad. The doors automatically opened, giving you space to enter. The apartement was dark and cold. A feeling you’ve never been greeted by. As the doors closed, your body slammed against the wood and slid down onto the floor.

No tears left your eyes, no pain left in your chest, your mind dark. But a small sad smile decorated your lips. Your teeth finding the soft pad of your lips, holding back the new tears as realization hit you.

Please, Find me

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sevensity · 7 years

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RFA * V* Saeran overhearing their female s/o on the phone telling another boy she loves them but it's actually just one of the s/o's family members ?

hey it’s been like five years but I finally wrote it and I’m sorryI had no idea what to do for Baehee >.

I love how they get progressively long as you go have fun reading

YOOᔕᑌᑎG:

· You’re playing LOLOL together when suddenly you get a phone call,and pause the game while you answer

· Yoosung’s doing some quick character customization while yourconversation goes on, but he’s getting the feeling that you’re talking toanother man

· And someone close to your age, at that

· He’s been working hard at controlling his jealousy, but it’s sodifficult, especially now that you’re speaking such gentle words, your pretty eyessoft and twinkling

· Who is it you’re talking to that would warrant such anexpression? Such words that spoke of warmth and tender love?

· Yeah so it was impossible for Yoosung to keep his switch off

· Can you stabsomeone through the phone? How can I perform simple voodoo? became hisnewest google searches

· “Take care of yourself, I’ll come see you soon, I love you!” you hang up with a wistful sigh.

· “The old geezer went and fell down the stairs…again…honestly heneeds to be more careful.”

· “Old…geezer?” Yoosung asks tentatively, slowly putting his phonedown

· “Yeah, my grandfather went and broke up hip by tripping on astep. Luckily he didn’t fall a whole flight, but still, at his age….”

· Yoosung discreetly closes his ‘Voodoo for Beginners’ tab andcoughs lightly

· “Right well, let’s continue our match, shall we? I’ll crush you!Ha-ha, I’m kidding?”

· The battle begins once more, you having already forgotten aboutthe phone call, but somewhere in Yoosung’s mind, he’s thinking about the webpage he’d closed

· Maybe it wouldbe useful to look through

· For futurereferences…

ᘔEᑎ:

· Y’all are rehearsing some lines

· or taking selfies

· or working out

· or trying to summon Satan idk but your phone rings and youexcuse yourself from your current activity to answer it

· lmao though imagine you actually summon Satan and he’s trying totake your soul or smthing but then you’re like ok hold up my dude I got a phonecall the delivery guy might have gotten lost and Satan is just left standingthere like ??? do I get food too or

· anyways hi hello it’s your /actual/ father calling about thefamily reunion on Saturday

· Zen’s sneaking glances your way because what’s with this sweettone of yours

· is i T A mE m Be R of Th eOpPOSi t E SE x????????

· basically he’s trying to listen to the voice on the other end ofthe line but being sneaky about it

· we all know that ‘subtlety’ is not part of Hyun Ryu’svocabulary, let alone life skills

· so he’s basally draped himself over you like some sort offallen tree trunk

· im good at analogies alright

· you’re trying to focus on the call but at the same time Zen whatthe flippity fuck are you doing you’re making me have to pee

· he’s already suspicious but when you hang up with acheery “love ya daddy!” Zen malfunctions and doesn’t know whether to cryor yell

· “Who was that why do you love that person was it a guy wh-”

· “Zen, chill that was my dad.”

· :0

· :000000

· you can see him dying a bit inside because oh no I got jealous over her F A THER??????

· but then Zen is Suddenly Inspired

· “Hey,” he whispers in a sultry voice, his lips pressed againstyour ear, “how about you call me daddy too?”

ᒍᑌᗰIᑎ:

· contrary to popular belief, Jumin is actually cool with youtalking to other dudes

· as long as it’s strictly professional, that is

· he’s never heard you talk to your family before, so heisn’t aware just how close you allare

· the both of you are attending a meeting, and during the coffeebreak you receive a call

· ‘Jongin’ is the caller’s name, which Jumin manages to catch aglimpse of flashing across your phone’s screen before you deftly answer thecall

· “Yeah? Hello!” you say, before excusing yourself from theroom

· Jumin is left wondering whether he should follow you or justignore it

· but there’s just something about the delicate shift in your tone that puts him ill at ease

· because you should only be speaking to him that way

· side note I reallllllly want to see some yandere Jumin but notlike weird prison guard Jumin but actual Yoosung level yandere

· alas, the meeting starts again, yet you don’t return to the room

· he hears you giggle occasionally from the hallway, but tries notto focus on it too much because the meeting is about the future of C&R’scat projects and therefore of uttermost importance

· needless to say, his mind is quite preoccupied

· one of the chairmen asks him “What do you believe would bethe total production cost for this particular plan?”

· Jumin answers with a distracted “Oh, no I rather do like red wine with my pasta.”

· basically he’s really not himself what’s gotten into himhe’s usually an unstoppable force in meetings but now???

- the meeting is adjourned, and he rushes out the door

· as soon as he spots you in he hallway, he’s marching straighttowards you, reaching for your arm right when you say “Okay bye! I’llsee you tomorrow, love you!”

· “What’s this about loving who now?” Jumin hisses, his hand closing lightly, but firmly, around your wrist

· “It’s me telling a family member that I care about them?” yousay, confused as to why he’s reacting in such a way

· “You - what? family member?”

· Yeah, that was my uncle. We usually go shopping together everyfew weeks, and we’re due to go again tomorrow.”

· Jumin’s emotions quiet down in an instant, however his heart isstill running rampant like a wild beast in his chest

· he slides his fingers down to envelop your hand, and gentlyrests his forehead atop yours

· “Please, my love, don’t scare my like that again, you are myone, my everything…”

· you’re getting ready to whisper your own cheesy loving sentence, but hecontinues

· “Also you should bring your uncle shopping in this building. Wehave over 200 different stores, and maybe he would be willing to lead our catcampaign-”

· you poke his stomach

· “You are not bringing myuncle into this cat thing…but if you want, you can tag along and comeshopping with us.”

· he agrees, which is a bad idea

· cuz you and your uncle tag team him

· and he ends up wearing some sort of cat/maid outfit that showsskin in just the right places

· yeah but it’s a good buy

· Jumin actually wears it around the penthouse

· Driver Kim once saw him in it

· “The young master has rather particular interests….”

· lowkey approves and wants one himself

ᔕᗩEYOᑌᑎG:

· mmmmmmkay well honestly he’s heard you say “I love you” toseveral people already, but he doesn’t get jealous because you’re always showering him with your affection

· but he’s had one of his bad days, old emotions and thoughts andinsecurities are already chasing each other in his mind

· so it isn’t helping him much when he can just tell you’re talking to another boy

· terrible thoughts swarm his head, and he cannot stop fretting about all the bad things that could possibly be happening

· What if he hadn’t been looking enough into things? What ifhe’s being played? Are you going around behind his back? Betraying him?

· but for every one of these thoughts, he lashes out athimself, thinking things along the lines of don’t I trust her? Do I reallythink she’s that bad a person? She’s given me all this love, would she reallyjust abandom me like that?

· Or maybe now I’m reading too much into things?

· “Alright, bye Kyungsoo, I love you!”

· He winces, not wanting to face you, afraid that the bile in histhroat will lead him to say harsh things

· “What’s wrong, Saeyoung?”

· “Who…” he croaks, a faint pain etched across his face, “Whowere you talking to?”

· “Oh that? It was my brother!”

· “You…your…ah.”

· “Is something the matter?”

· “No, I’m just a huge idiotis all.”

· “Now tell me something I don’t know,” you say with a sly smile,wrapping your arms around his waist, “you might be the world’s biggest idiot,but at the very least, you’re myidiot.”

· Saeyoung instinctively returns the embrace, holding you tightagainst his chest. “Likewise.”

ᐯ:

· oh my hea RT lmao what heart haha I just roasted myself

· y’all are just chillin’, looking through his pictures when youget a phone call

· V is fine with you talking on the phone right beside him, so youanswer right there

· Heck, you could even be riding the shit out of him and he’d stillbe chill with you calling your friend

· MC orders pizza while getting laid lolololol

· He gets momentarily nervous, though, when he hears a deepervoice on the other end of the line

· But V, he tells himself, don’t discriminate maybeit’s a girl with a deeper voice you never know

· “Who is that?” V mouths, just to be safe

· “Oh, he’s just –” you start to say before you getcut off by the person you’re talking to

· a b OY?!

· “Okay! I love you!” you say before hanging up

· V’s all ༼ ºل͟º ༼ ºل͟º ༼ ºل͟º ༽ ºل͟º ༽ ºل͟º ༽

· it takes him a moment to calm down, at which point he’sconvinced himself that you’re moving on, which is fine, because he’s not goodenough for you he wasn’t good enough for Rika you’ll be happier without himyou–

· “V you’re turning blue I don’t think you’re breathing.”

· He inhales sharply and looks at you with tears in his eyes

· it makes sense, he concludes, trying to hold backthe waterworks

· “You should have told me sooner,” he says softly

· “Told you what?”

· “That you’ve…found someone else.”

· seriously V I thought I jumped to conclusions toofast but you really take the cake

· you just stare at him, then look at the phone in your hand, thenback at V

· whoops

· “Sweetheart no that was my cousin!”

· V just blanches

· I am horrible how dare I get jealous so easily and I thought shewas in love with another family member what am I –

· “V if you stop breathing like that you’ll actually die.”

· without a word, V reaches over to you and pulls you into hischest

· there’s a strange elation sensation inside his body, and herealizes that he had unconsciously been so stressed, a knot of worry had formedin the pit of his stomach

· his worry is replaced by a realization

· the realization that

· he’s not okay with you leaving him after all

ᔕᗩEᖇᗩᑎ:

· He ain’t taking none of that shit

· the moment he hears you say “Hi!” in such a sweetvoice because MC you’re only supposed to talk like that with me h o w dare you, he practically launches himself at your phone and does awicked somersault landing

· Where did he go?

· Surely not inside the kitchen cabinets

· oh

· but there he is

· crouching between cereal boxes and jars of tomato sauce,just emanating dark waves of furious doom

· They’re so tangible for a second you worry they might stain thewalls

· “She’s mine,” he hisses into the receiver, “and I’m notgonna let you lay a single hand on her.”

· “Well…” the voice answers, “that’s fine and all but I’m herbrother so we do occasionally hug sometimes.”

· Saeran had already prepared a nasty comeback, but he wasn’texpecting the call to be from your family

· “Ah uh, okay bye,” he grunts instead in an awkward manner,before promptly hanging up

· “Um…Saeran…I kinda really needed to talk to him though…”

· He whips his gaze towards you

· “The….” he chokes, his eyes wide

· “Huh???”

· “The what???? Hug?????” hefinally whispers, seeming if not a bit panicked by the thought such a thing existing

· you stare at each other blankly for a brief minute before youdouble up in laughter because

· a) he looks like a startled, edgy cat b) he’s in your fucking kitchen cabinets and c) the what??? hug??? wassomething you never thought would come out of his mouth

· but he gets so sour about you laughing at him that he refuses toleave his perch for the next two hours

· #spends the whole time thinking about you hugging him

· *cue the blushies*

· wants to try this ‘hugging’ ordeal

624 notes · View notes

survivorwesteros · 8 years

Text

Episode 10: the gag is you actually have to PLAY to succeed - Luke

Jordan Pines is mean to me. I love Drew. I love Luke. Steffen can eat a dick. Andrew is an icon. Darian is a mess.

Who is this Nic?

how do i feel? dead inside. i sent steffen receipts of jordan saying he wants steffen out cause........................................................................... why not i dont feel like i can trust jordan! and i still might vote steffen out cause i wanna win

I guess I've been playing like Tony? Only in the sense I'm trying to blindside people out of paranoia that theyre gonna blindside me first.

I'm definitely not in power like Tony I'm more like... in the middle. I went from the bottom to the bottom of the middle... I'm shooting for atleast true middle.

Welcome to today’s episode of…………..

DO WE FLIP ON JORDANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(fans scream as Bob Barker rises from the not-quite-dead with his long-ass stick microphone)

As mentioned in last week’s episode (although not really because I haven’t done a confessional that wasn’t Gilmore Girls related in weeks), flipping on Jordan would be a shitty thing to do. He and I have been playing together since the very beginning, he even let me off of the Others before him, which led me to Lannister to make the new tribes and just put me in the most amazing place ever. Find Luke, work with Ashley and Darian (rip the dead), get Jordan back, never lose a challenge, the joys and thrills of pitting Darian and Luke against each other. Since merge, we’ve worked through every plan together and been right about every vote except Lily, and we got immediate and swift revenge for that. We’ve planned every step together, he’s been in the vast majority of my alliances, he’s kept a hold on working with Nic while I have with Luke, which has gotten us to the point we’re at now, the chance to walk to the end. We play the tribal phase of the game so well but we’ve never made a merge together, and this game we’ve finally gotten the chance to play a merge together and it’s gone amazingly well. Like AMAZINGLY well. We ran this game from the second we pulled all the corners together and blindsided Ashley. It would be an amazing end to the story to get to the end together and fight it out.

But.

I think he beats me if he gets there with me. He has two practically built-in votes of Ben and Lily in a jury of eight. That’s terrifying. And if we’re at the end with Luke, he would get Nic too. I think he’s the only one here of the six who wins if he makes it. I could potentially battle him out and get Ashley and Darian, and possibly Brian, if any of them have forgiven me, but that’s three maybes against his three sure things. He’s got a good story of not even starting in this game and working his way in twice. He’s been strong, he’s been social, he’s done an arguably better job than I have in that respect. And he only needs to convince Steffen and Andrew of that. He deserves to win. And I think he knows he has me if we go together so he wants to play it out, because going against someone like Steffen who played a completely different game is going to be scarier to him than someone who’s played similarly but on a more limited scale.

He just messaged me about how he had a revelation. Of why everyone’s just been letting us go through the game together. He says it’s because they’re waiting for us to turn on each other. They don’t want to deal with the fallout of coming for one and having to leave the other, so they’re waiting until we pull the trigger and start the war that they think is inevitable. Because they all think we can’t want to go to the end with each other. And they’re half right. Jordan still might turn on me but I think he’s genuinely not that afraid of fighting me in the finals. It’s not inevitable to him because he could want to go to the end with me. But I don’t want to go with him. Not in this scenario, not with this jury.

It can’t be this week, Andrew should go now. It’s too soon to make the move because I lose the strong connection to Nic and then there’s nothing stopping Steffen/Andrew/Nic from teaming up to take us down. Luke and I would still have the idol on our side but one of us would NEED to win immunity or guess correctly on the idol (only a 50/50 guess but still). But letting him stay runs the risk of him winning his third immunity, or even his third and fourth immunity, and walking to the end anyway. He’s vulnerable now, in a way that I don’t know if he ever will be again. And passing up on that chance is scary, but for the rest of the layout of the game, it has to happen, because the only other number I’m confident with is Luke, and I’m not going into F5 with only a duo.

So the answer is yes. We do flip on Jordan. Not tonight, but hopefully soon. And hopefully it doesn’t have far-reaching consequences. But yes.

hey confessionals......... long time no see....

so if this vote goes as planned i really did that i think jordans going home and tbh not to sound overconfident but its mostly from me

soooooooooo ill add that to my checklist of things i did

Love how Jordan has played off he's been saving me this whole time and trying to work with me and keep me in the loop like. Lmao I haven't believed that shit for a second. He's strong armed me going for the longest time and he's getting what he wants tonight so. Rip me. Out of two storybook games two days in a row. Honestly, who lets Jordan Pines get his way?

While I like to think of myself as an ok player, Ive spent the majority of this game screaming at the top of my lungs, first of all instant tribal is insane so the best thing to do is at least make sure that my ass isn’t grass, so I tried spending my time trying to get Darian out, but Jordan and Darian went to work targeting Andrew, thank god Andrew canceled every vote, thanks to the magical dragon egg that came out his ass. So the revote comes around, Darian is after Luke and we’re like, PERFECT, but in the process of that night, Nic tells me that Jordan was targeting me, yeah thats great, wish I could fully care at this point, but seeing as I entered a truce with him, I’d hope he would keep promises this time before turning on me. Now I’m done, you turn on me and thats your last mistake, now I’m out for blood, but I just got to push the right buttons now, so I got Andrew paranoid and I sent him on his way to talk to Nic, who magically “came up” with an idea to target Jordan, but we need Luke, and I’m here trying to make sure everyone is sane, and it turns that Jordan is after Andrew again, and it turns out Im lying to Drew again, but leaving him out of the loop may need to happen since he and Jordan are close, so we’ll see what happens, but I need betrayers gone, and if I need to betray in order to be in a favorable position, maybe thats not that bad.

bye guys......i cant believe im getting either rocked out or getting 5th place

luke was supposed to vote jordan but i guess he wants that 2nd place... cant blame him i guess cuz i wanted it too

WAIT A FUCKING MINUTE

"When I asked Andrew what happened and how he got it to me you know what he said I couldn't betray Steffen and Nic was Nic so it wasn't like it was hard They don't want to allign with you They want to use you this round" - Jordan to me

Jordan really knows how to play me!! it's thru pathos. What do i dooooo............................... YOU KNOW WHat steffen probbly knew about Andrew's advantage and voted Andrew because he knew andrew wasnt going home. Do Steffen and Andrew wanna make their final 2 any more obvious? We can name the chat topic HOUSE BOHN and he and andrew can be the admins cuz at this point.............why not anyway today has been a rough day.

also speaking about obvious alliances let's call out lucas/drew/jordan perhaps

Guess whos back to square one? me. I have no close allies I just ruined all of them so xoxoxoxoxox............ Also all my confessionals have been so ugly and cringey its like looking back at your social media from 2011 except its a paragraph you wrote about an ORG a week ago

I'm really bored so I'll stop acting messy and compare everyone in this game to Abi gifs

Luke-

Steffen-

Andrew-

Drew-

Jordan-

Me:

After everything that Drew and I have done and planned in this game it could all be coming down to me potentially having to draw a rock. I can't believe that I could be WILLINGLY drawing a rock for JORDAN PINES (that's an episode title if I ever did see one tbh!).The same Jordan Pines that sent me to the wall way back when...like HOW does this happen..I'm shook. In the event that I do need to draw a rock and I do go home then I gave my idol to Drew so he's guarantee to make the final 4 because I really want him to win this game if he can't. In the event that I don't need to pull a rock and I stay then either Drew or I need to win next immunity so the idol can be played on the vulnerable person and we can make final 4. At that point it doesn't matter that our close bond would be exposed because the most that could happen at that point is a tiebreaker challenge which we could fight to win. An ideal scenario would be if it were final 2 and it was #Drewcas sat there but a final 3 with somebody like Nic or Steffen that haven't really done anything is idea so that one of us can win this game.

UMMMMMMMMMMM STEFFEN THINKS LUKE IS SO FAR UP JORDAN'S ASS THAT EVERYTHING IS OVER FOR HIM NOW I CAN'T EVEN FUNCTION

I repeat, up ******JORDAN'S****** ASS

Me and Luke: have been best friends since I showed up on Lannister and he complained that he had no one to work with there and I was like "Fuck, me too!" Me and Luke: talk out every move of the game together Me and Luke: pass idols back and forth for safekeeping like it's a damn game of monkey-in-the-middle (and y'all really are the monkeys) Me and Luke: call each other almost every night for hours until the sun rises in England Me @ everyone every vote: "Let me talk to Luke, I should be able to get him to vote with me." Me @ anyone who asks: "Oh my god, I love Luke, he's literally the best." Me @ Darian: "Bye I'm not voting for Luke, that kid is so important to me." Everyone else: "zOMG I'M SO CONFUSED WHO IS LUKE WITH, IT MUST BE JORDAN, THIS MAKES NO SENSE, WHY WOULD HE DO THIS, THE WORLD IS ENDING, JORDAN PINES HAS HIS PUPPET!!!!!!!!!!" Me and Luke:

Like BYEEEEEE the reason you didn't fight harder with me to get me to vote out Jordan is because you thought you already had majority without me, like I heard all about it, every step of the way. And now you're mad at me because I signed your death warrant??? I quite literally cried for this vote, don't put this part on me too, especially when you think you're in this shitstorm because you're reading the entire game incorrectly. Nic was the one Jordan thought he had and he lost that person, Jordan has no one now because after this vote, he doesn't have me, which means he doesn't have Luke. But I'm not gonna be the one to tell you that. Or tell Jordan that. Or anyone. Because somehow Luke and I have played this game lock-step since fucking Boat-O-Cross and no one took the time to notice.

I don't think Steffen is actually going to take it to rocks. If Jordan was pulling one too then he might because that's the person he's really afraid of. But I don't think he'll risk a 1/3 chance of leaving himself to get a 1/3 chance of eliminating the person who Steffen thinks is Jordan's puppet, who in his eyes has already done his job of protecting Jordan when he was vulnerable. So after ALLLLLLL the conflict of the past 18 hours, I should be getting what I want out of this tribal. The only thing that fucks me up now is if this actually goes to rocks and Luke goes home. But even then, I have his idol right now, so like....... one way or another, I'm making it to F4. Hopefully that's with Luke, Nic, and Steffen, which looks nothing like the final five I had planned so many cycles ago, but this is working out even better. If I can get rid of Jordan and make it to the end without him being too upset with me, I could very conceivably get Ben, Lily, Ashley, Darian, and Jordan to vote for me to win. Hell, Brian might too, and who knows what Andrew will do, or the other person to leave in that ideal scenario. But like I don't feel like I've burned any juror bridges. There are still two rounds left to go and a lot of shit can go down, like Jordan winning out, Luke and I guessing wrong on the idol and not making final four together, people in jury being more bitter than I'm anticipating or seeing someone differently than I'm seeing them and rewarding their game over mine, like I've seen it all before. But I feel good about this. The rest of this season? It's doable.

Steffen is going off at me for not telling him I was voting Andrew and I'm SCREAMING. Just because he's only just decided to wake up and start playing doesn't mean the rest of us have. We've actually been playing whereas he's just been like "oh well gosh golly I sure do hope the vote isn't against little old me!" And then doing nothing about it like....the gag is you actually have to PLAY to succeed

Drew and Luke can choke

Luke is a patronizing asshole and I’d literally put my hand in a blender than speak to him again

[12/10/16, 8:19:10 AM] Lucas: heY STEfFen [12/10/16, 10:39:50 AM] Steffen Bøhn: whats up [12/10/16, 10:40:46 AM] Lucas: oh nm :) you? [12/10/16, 10:41:05 AM] Steffen Bøhn: well you know got lied to so thats fun [12/10/16, 10:42:42 AM] Lucas: always fun [12/10/16, 10:43:21 AM] Steffen Bøhn: so like I was hoping you would try to explain why you were playing along with this “plan” the entire time when you could’ve just told me that you weren’t interested, I would’ve completely been ok with it, its better than this [12/10/16, 10:44:17 AM] Lucas: i mean, that's survivor. you have to play the game and you have to get information and play your cards right. it wouldn't be survivor if everybody just told the truth the entire time [12/10/16, 10:45:38 AM] Steffen Bøhn: Im sorry that came off as just patronizing if I’m being honest, like I want to hear this from your perspective cause I’m not seeing it now and I’d like to [12/10/16, 10:48:13 AM] Lucas: If I'd just been like "oh well I don't wanna vote Jordan out I'm voting Andrew out" you know damn well that you would have run straight to Nic and Andrew and been like "oh my god Luke isn't voting with us what are we going to do" and then have me be a potential target? It would have been stupid of me to have shown my cards to you at that point. Believe it or not I have been playing this game

again rather would jump onto a bed of nails than continue this conversation

#youwinoryoudie

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