#cuz mentioned by name but he names the hyungs too so techinically mentioning all the other trainees

[rkharu]

「 guilt & worry 」

it was done. he had signed the papers, there was no going back-- when he had first gotten the offer he wasn't entirely sure what to do. it was like his entire trainee period went through his mind-- especially this last month. in the end, he had accepted the offer and signed the papers. one thing he had come to realize in his time as a trainee was that this was the goal of every trainee, yet he hadn't really put any serious thought into it... not until the month of january.

jaehyun had wondered if he had made the right choice-- he knew he couldn't go back and change things, he had already signed the papers. sphere had given him a chance-- kt hadn't, that was his conclusion. 

he made sure to get all the things that he had laying around, then he left the kt building-- as quietly as he could. he went to the cafe that was across the street and sat there for a little, ordering an americano. he looked at the kt building-- the brunet wasn't one to get sentimental about things but something about this situation felt incredibly bittersweet.

in kt unexpected things had happened, there were people that he had gotten close to, it wasn't something he expected but he welcomed it.

despite that, the month of january had brought on many different thoughts for him, two of the biggest and recurring thoughts were jiwon's ( @rkjiwvn​ ) leave and also being excluded from the other hyungs. it was a wake up call for him, jiwon couldn't always be there ( even if he wanted her to be ), and the hyungs that had been in kt for years already-- was he really good enough to take a spot from any of them? no, he had wished to be able to catch up to them-- that was his initial desire-- a part of him still wanted to do just that.

instead, jaehyun had accepted the offer from sphere, to join convex as a lead singer. he couldn't share it with anyone, no one to celebrate with. even if he could-- would the others celebrate it with him? he was now... debuting before them.

while sitting there at the cafe he brought up his phone, to send a couple of text messages. the first message he sent was to taemin ( @taeminrk​ ), how would he explain that he wouldn't be in kt anymore? would the older blame himself? jaehyun hoped not-- would taemin hate him when the news comes out? jaehyun shook his head, it wasn't something he wanted to think about. he finished typing up the rest of the texts, it wasn't many-- he didn't have all the phone numbers saved but it was enough.

jaehyun had gotten an offer to debut-- this way, he wouldn't take any of the spots that were held by the older trainees if by chance he had gotten a chance to be picked to debut in kt. this way, the older trainees would get the chance to debut together and they would stand on stage together-- this way.... he would be able to stand on the same stage as them in the future.

there was a wave of anxiety that came over him regardless-- what if no one in convex wanted him there? what would he do? he would have to prevail regardless.

while sitting there he thought about nayeon ( @rkiny​ ) what would she say when she learns, the beach had been his idea-- he hadn't been able to share anything with her, none of these thoughts. then sphere had come in today. he couldn't and wouldn't tell her.

while looking at the kt building realization starts to hit him, he is going to a new place, a new company-- a new team, for a moment he thinks about who he knows in sphere but not one face pops up. then he remembered when he first went to kt, he didn't know anyone then either.. only jiwon but he had managed to get close to some of the other trainees regardless. this would be a fresh start for him.

sitting there he wondered, would anyone know him? sure he had been a public figure-- in the newspaper multiple times in the past for his career in sports and his accomplishments but that was over a year ago and now, he was basically a no one. not for long-- he'd join an already debuted team, that had popularity and he would again be in the eye of the public.

before the anxiety and the thoughts overcame him, jaehyun finished his coffee and sent the last text. regardless of everything, he was filled with determination.