#cuz so far even the show version has been...lack luster

[fratboykate]

Your tags about Yelena and Kate moving in and the 2 spoons just murdered me. Thanks for that Papi 😩 So when can we expect a cfau type of story for them? 😂

Forks! Where did spoons even come from? Haha. Not me having people begging me in the AO3 comments to finish CFAU and I'm here cranking out 1,500 ficlets no one asked for in an hour.

DISCLAIMER before we even do this: I don't read comics. I don't watch Marvel movies/shows. I don't know anything about these two characters beyond what I've seen in these five episodes of Hawkeye so I don't want to hear any "she wouldn't do or say that". I don't care lol. It's 3:20am, I'm up, I just wanted to expand on this one headcanon I talked about earlier. That's it. Don't even with me because I know y'all too well.

//

Let's quickly set the scene for where they are as humans/in their relationship in my head at this point. Fast forward six months after that dinner scene in 1x05. Kate is using Bishop Securities to help Yelena track other Widows and deprogram them. It's a Whole Thing now. Yelena is training Kate to be a more skilled fighter/overall well rounded "superhero adjacent" thing (or whatever it is you want to call what Hawkeye does). They're being good gays and about to Uhaul. Kate surprised Yelena with the key to an apartment that has a view of Rockefeller "...so that come Christmas time you can see the tree every day." It got her laid. More than once. So many times. Okay, that's the basic fork headcanon backstory.

Now, they're supposed to be moving into the apartment but before they can go in Yelena stops them at the door and she pulls out a blindfold.

"Last time that came out I had bruised ribs for three weeks."

"I am not teaching you how to actually LISTEN during a fight this time, am I?"

"I don't know....There was also that one time you told me we were going to get our take out and ten minutes later drove the car into the Hudson."

"Escaping a sinking vehicle is a necessary survival skill. My father says you learn faster and better when you are not expecting the lesson. You made it out in four minutes and twenty two seconds. It was not a bad time. For a first timer."

"What's in there? Is there a seven foot man that I'll need to fight with my hands tied behind my back?"

"No."

"Ninja stars that'll come flying full speed at me?"

"No."

"Uh...a pissed off alien trying to retrieve a priceless artifact that I'll need to defend?"

Yelena hangs her head back laughing then gets on her toes to kiss her much too tall girlfriend.

"No angry aliens. Trust me, yes?"

"Always." Kate smiles and steals another kiss.

"Close your eyes then. No blindfold."

"Yeah, let's hold on the blindfold. Still too soon on that one."

"Are they closed?"

"Tight."

Kate can hear Yelena open the door. Yelena holds her hand then guides Kate inside. By her vague memory of the layout, Kate can tell they're heading to the kitchen.

"Okay. Move this way. More this way. A little this way. One step that way." Yelena keeps adjusting Kate trying to place her in just the perfect spot. "Open them."

Kate opens her eyes and on the empty counter there's...two forks.

"Two forks. Because we two people now. Not just one person anymore."

Kate takes a moment to internalize the forks and the immense meaning they hold. She stares at them for a long beat then turns to Yelena, eyes brimming with tears.

"You hate them." Yelena's face falls."I knew I should've asked Laura for recommendations instead of Clin-" Yelena is cut off by Kate's lips on hers.

"I don't hate them. Not even a little."

"Okay? Me and Clint did good job then?"

"The fact that it took two of the world's most dangerous killing machines to pick forks is...impressive but yes, you did an amazing job."

--

Hours later, when they're sweaty and tired after unloading the moving truck, they make Mac & Cheese with Sriracha like that first night.

They have no chairs yet because they didn't bother packing anything except for the one pot they needed. It's all the energy they can muster. As soon as it's done cooking, Kate ungracefully slides her body down the cabinets directly next to the stove. That's as far as she can move. Pizza Dog promptly finds his place next to her and stares with his one good eye, begging for a serving. Kate relents.

Yelena might always be in control in most other aspects of their relationship but she's also the Smol to Kate's Tol so she's resigned herself to often being what she learned Americans call "Little Spoon". When Kate rests her back against the cabinets, Yelena shamelessly sits between her girlfriend's legs and presses her back to Kate's chest. You'd think after six months of this, Kate would be used to feeling Yelena's skin against hers but it still makes her stumble and whatever thing she was rambling about at seventy five miles an hour gets derailed for half a second.

"Do I make you nervous, Kate Bishop?" Yelena tilts her head to look up at Kate with a playful grin while she shoves a forkful of macaroni into her mouth.

"Pffft...me? Nervous? By you?...." The fake cocky façade breaks. "Yeah. A lot. All the time, actually. Like, constantly. Angry swarm of wired butterflies right up in here." Kate points to her stomach. They look at a each other for a long moment then burst out laughing. Yelena pulls Kate's chin down and they kiss.

"You really like the forks, yes?"

"They're good forks. Top notch." Kate tells her with a smile.

"Wait till you see spoons. Well, they are same as forks, but spoons. They are in box somewhere. There is knives too. Clint and I got the whole set."

"Wow. You guys did all that by yourselves?"

"I am sensing some sarcasm there." Kate shrugs and smiles. "You are lucky you are sexy or I kill you."

"Yeah yeah, I've heard that one before."

"It is truth. I could. You would not even know what happened. But I would never."

"'Never' is a big word. What if I eat the last fry one day? Or accidentally break one of your guns?"

"Then I just divorce you. But never kill you."

"Oh, so you're planning on marrying me? Is that what I'm hearing? Because, see, in order to divorce someone you sorta have to marry them first."

"Clint might have helped me buy other things."

Yelena shrugs. Kate's eyes go wide.

"What does that mean?!"

Yelena shrugs again.

"It means that Clint is...what you say..."Grumpy"...but Avengers get good deals on expensive things. He is great to take places."

"Baby, you can't just say that and then not..."

Yelena kisses her and jumps to her feet.

"Soooo many boxes left. Look at all the boxes." Yelena goes to work on the overflowing one on the counter. Kate also stands. She flips Yelena over and pins her again the counter.

"You can't say things like that and then do the Spy Deflecting Thing. That's just being a tease."

"I do not think you have ever complained about that before." Yelena tells her as she easily slips out from where Kate held her down and heads for the living room.

Kate follows, reaches for her arm, pulls her towards the wall, and pushes her against it face first. Yelena's cheek is now making contact with the cold paint. It's rough but not forceful, just enough. Kate knows she's pushing all the right buttons.

"Kate Bishop do not start things you cannot finish."

In one swift motion Yelena has not only reversed their positions - Kate now being the one tacked against the wall - but she has also managed to hold one of Kate's hands above her head while her other hand teases right over the edge of the tattered training shorts Kate had thrown on earlier.

"Oh, I can finish."

Kate stares at Yelena defiant. Yelena's hand slides under the elastic waistband.

--

They give the apartment a proper christening that night.

Despite Yelena's desire for an intricate proposal, Kate Bishop can be quite convincing (read: annoying) and Yelena was talked into showing the ring she had purchased that week soon after they woke the next morning.