#damime haas imagine

[smoshwrites]

i love you - damien haas

<<not my gif>>

includes: damien haas x reader

warnings: Very angsty, (fluff at the end, of course.) mentions of anxiety, depression and cheating.

this is a song fic, i recommend you listen to I Love You by Billie Eilish while you read :)

the defy split fell at a terrible time for you, for you were fresh out of a relationship with a cheating ex and needed to find not only an apartment, but a new job. you stayed with sarah wittle for a while but couldn’t help but feel intrusive of her and claudio’s relationship. but with your job now fully secure back at smosh and a small apartment not too far away from the office made you feel slightly back on track.

now that the office building is so much more open than before you are able to interact with not only your fellow meme-team, but the squad too, and it wasn’t until smosh began to work under mythical did you actually meet damien. his charming personality rubbed off on you immediately and you grew a liking for the boy after only a few interactions. every morning he would walk into the office he would give you a smile, which always made your heart flutter. your gut knew damien was a great guy, but your mind was still in full close off mode. but damien. he made you feel special. some days your only interaction was the shared smile in the morning, but he always made it his goal to sit next to your desk and eat lunch with you. you guys never really got the chance to hang out outside of work until one fateful weekend when shayne canceled his weekly anime binge with damien and he invited you instead. these nights became tradition, whether including shayne or not. you three became the iconic trio of the office, and you and damien became inseparable.

one night, shayne had flunked out on your anime binge yet again due to The Goldbergs, leaving you, damien and his two cat (who had become very fond of you). you were about 3 hours into your normally 8 hour long binge when you feel damien begin to shift and stiffen beside you.

“sorry, am i bothering you?” you softly question as you lift your head from his shoulder.

“no, no you’re completely fine.” he responds, avoiding eye contact with you.

“somethings up. i can tell.” you say to him, placing a hand on his shoulder and rubbing small circles on it. “talk to me.”

“i-“ he begins, tripping over his words, “i’ve been feeling a lot more emotions recently,” damien briefly pauses “and, well, i don’t know what to think about them.” he says.

“ok,” you start, “emotions are weird, i would know.” you whisper the last part. “and well, i find trying to be up front about them is helpfu-“

“i think i love you.” he whispers, just loud enough to hear.

you pause, your brain goes into full panic mode.

damien was your best friend, he had gotten you through a lot in the past few months, but you felt a sudden wave of panic when he said those 3 words. you hadn’t heard those words from someone in almost a year.

you slowly pull your hand from his shoulder, “damien” his name is not more than a whisper.

“y/n i-i’m so sorry. i knew it would be too much for you, god damien why did you have to say that, and i said it anyways,” damiens apologies became fuzzy in your brain.

the hardest part of this was you loved him too, you couldn’t escape the way you loved damien.

you hadn’t realized how far into your head you got until damien had to shake you back to reality.

“damien.” you whisper again, feeling your hands begin to shake. he took his hands off your shoulders, understanding you probably needed some space. “i-“ you still don’t know what to say, “i need to go.”

you saw the hurt in his eyes. you had never seen him cry before that point, but you could’ve sworn you saw a tear fall down his face.

“yeah. hey. don’t worry about this.” he says, you can hear the strain in his voice, like he was trying not to break. you nod, feeling quite emotional yourself. he stands up from the couch and you follow, stepping towards his front door. he opens it for you.

before you step out of his apartment, you mutter a quick “i’m sorry.” and slide out of his door without another word. one you got to your car you felt sick to your stomach. you couldn’t help but feel you had lied to damien, you loved him, even though you didn’t want to.

work the next few weeks were off. shayne could definitely see the tension between you and damien and you were falling back into a bad spot mentally. he stopped eating lunch with you and you tried to bury yourself in your computer to distract yourself from the bubbly presence that wasn’t next to you anymore.

one the 5th friday since damien said those 3 words, there was a small knock at your apartment door. you furrow your brows and get up off your couch to get the door, not bothering to check the peep hole. when you open the door and see the y’all boy with blue hair, you can’t help but suck in a breath.

“d-damien?” you say, dumbfounded at the boy on your doorstep.

“y/n, hey. can we talk?” you nod your head and step to the side, holding your door open for him.

“sorry, i wasn’t really expecting guests.” you say as he enters your fairly messy abode, which you haven’t had the motivation to clean.

“it’s totally fine, i kinda popped up unannounced.” he says, making eye contact with you for the first time. his eyes were swollen and red, like he had been crying. you wondered if he could tell how much you had been crying over him.

“oh” you break eye contact and shake your head, almost to clear your thoughts, “we can talk in the livingroom if you want.” you offer a shy smile that he reciprocated and you lead him to your couch. you both take a seat and damien clears his throat. you didn’t know where to start, or who was going to start. you could cut the tension in the room with a butter knife.

“i’m sorry for being so distant lately.” damien says and you nod.

“yeah, i’m sorry on my part too.” this conversation has played through 100 times in your head. “damien,” you start, but you choked on air as tears welled up in your eyes. you tilted your head towards the ceiling, as if that would stop the tears from falling. “i should’ve said it back.” you laugh at yourself, “i was- i was just so confused and overwhelmed and i didn’t know how to say it.” you pause for a second as a sob wracks through your body.

“y/n.” you could hear the tears in damiens voice.

“your too good for me damien.” you whisper.

“y/n.” he says again and you finally look towards him. his face was flushed and he looks to have shed as many tears as you. “i still- you know- my feelings haven’t changed.” he says, which makes you sob again.

“i love you, damien.” you finally muster out. “god, so much. i hate myself for it. i hate that i didn’t say it back. i hate that you are so, perfect. too perfect for me. i hate that i let myself love you so easily.” you slumped over your knees and stayed there for a second, waiting for damien to respond. all he did was put a hand on your back, and you fell into him.

you don’t know how long he held you for, but it felt like for an eternity. it was what you needed. as you pulled away he said, “let’s try this again.” he pauses before continuing, “y/n y/l/n, i love you.”

you felt a smile creep up into your mouth, “damien haas, i love you.” you pulled him into another hug that felt like it lasted a lifetime.

a/n: hello! i’ve been really sad lately so this was kinda comfort so sorry it’s so sad!! love u guys muah.