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lifewithdavefarts · 2 years

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happy new year!

DaveShorts #3 - DaveFarts: Fartworks

New Years Eve just flew by and Dave and I got home at around 5:00 AM that night. We had a friend drive us to our place 'cause we both were dizzy because of the celebration.

We were fine, just tired as shit.

We both clumsily managed to open the front door, taking turns to guess which one was the right key (at one point we even wondered if it was the right house). After we managed to get in, he said something to me but I'm pretty sure it was just a weirdly verbal burp. So, without saying anything that actually made sense, we just silently agreed to go upstairs in our respective rooms and go to sleep, hopefully to wake up directly on January 2nd.

Dave went first and, dizzy as we were, swaying through the stairs was a surprisingly difficult task, which actually made us laugh like idiots as gravity easily made us its bitch.

Since I was a few steps behind him, it's almost needless to say that my face pretty much ended up being aligned with Dave's butt. Not what I was going for I swear, but it's a nice view nonetheless.

We both kept walking very slowly until my bro just stopped and somehow started to talk more fluently.

"Bro..." he whispered, trying not to laugh.

He lifted his right leg, fully exposing his denim ass in my face.

"I swear." I said, knowing where all of this was going. "If you say that there's gonna be fireworks I'm go-"

Dave cut me off in the way he does best: by farting, and man that was loud, probably hours of alcohol and food being processed into a gas bomb. That sounded quite difficult to rip but Dave didn't flinch for a second. After the slow start, the fart erupted in all of its force by getting even louder, sounding like e deep chainsaw. I just stood behind him taking it, as I was too tired to do anything anyway.

After 12 seconds, Dave's leg went down and he almost collapsed on the stairs because of how much he was laughing like a jerk. He turned around to check my reaction.

"I'm still gonna say it you know."

He reached for my head this time, his leg again going up. I couldn't trying to get out of his grip even if I wanted to as I was too weak and exhausted (though it's not like I didn't like that...). I didn't even have the time to feel his denim ass planted on my face, or even the stench of his previous rip, that he started pushing another one out.

"Here comes the fireworks." he smirked after that, I'm sure.

And another fart blasted my face. No slow starts this time: just loud, proud and manly. My face was shaking and the gas, mixed with the all the alcohol I had, almost made me pass out on the spot. Dave kept pushing and more gas came out, effortlessly ripping his way in into the new year. Lame joke aside, that was indeed as loud as fireworks, though the fact that he was farting all over my face certainly helped.

Another 14 seconds passed and the fart finally stopped. My bud turned around again and winked, being the hot bastard that he is.

We resumed walking upstairs, relatively faster this time, as Dave ripped small (for his standards) toots for almost each step he took.

"I'm going to bed." he simply said, right before ripping one final loud toot (around 5 seconds long). "Happy new year and all: remember the bathroom is right there." he then laughed, before disappearing into his room.

Yes, he was aware that my first stop before my room was getting rid of the massive boner he gave me, which really embarrassed me. But at the same, I'm glad Dave kept being so chill about all of this.

The fireworks joke is still lame however.

The End

#fart story #eproctophilia #daveshorts

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lifewithdavefarts · 3 years

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Halloween episode?

The DaveShorts is a series of (tentatively) shorter stories based on readers’ requests. Despite the name and the story below, they don’t have to be related to the main Dave series, so if you have any idea, feel free to share!

DaveShorts #1 - DaveFarts: CamoFarts

Before leaving for the party, Dave as usual decided to torture me with his farts. He made me trip over the couch, grabbed my head and planted it in his ass, only to start farting loud and proud. Dave’s choice for this Halloween was a pair of camo pants, simply because he thought they looked good and unusual enough (for him) to pass for a costume, even though the party didn’t require one.

“Grenade!” he shouted, imitating a random COD soldier more than anything, given the kind of pants he was wearing, only to raise his leg a bit and rip another loud fart, because he’s that mature.

“Thanks I guess.” I said, as I went looking for my jacket, my nostrils burning.

“Told you I had to test those pants first.” he joked.

"They look like shit, now let's go." I firmly said, annoyed.

We were late and yes, as much as I enjoyed my straight bud being chill and all about my kink, we had to leave. The friend who was throwing this party already messaged me to know what the fuck were we doing. Luckily, it was only a few blocks from us, so it was a 10 minutes walk.

It was late at night and were already alone in this boring town. Dave kept farting a couple of more times, because of course he did.

“Trick or treat, Tim?” “Which one is the fart?” I asked, still annoyed.

He ripped two loud farts back-to-back and passed it as an answer.

“Both, actually.”

Once we got the party, we were greeted by the scent of alcohol, the smell of some weird scented candles, and some buds, but overall it wasn’t a night for party animals (the perks of being adults, finally), it wasn't even "spooky" you know, though the music was nice.

“Wellllcome friends.”

Oh, it’s Greg, dressed up as usual even though it wasn’t necessary. Now don’t get me wrong, we all love a great Halloween costume, but please we’re just trying to hang out, stop interrupting our-

“You might be wondering why me, Greg, should be dressed up as magician...” he asked, but that was a rhetorical question and we didn’t care.

“’cause you’re gonna disappear?” Dave joked, earning some laughs.

“Very funny, Dave. But you see, I actually do know some tricks.”

We all rolled our eyes as Greg pulled his phone out of his pocket, and opened a weird App that all it did was having the screen flash in a bunch of different colors. He then pointed the screen right in Dave’s face, almost blinding him.

“I’ve been trained in the ancient art of hypnosis.”

We all laughed.

“And I’m telling you, Dave. You like attention? Well, you’re gonna be a... I don’t know... what’s popular nowdays...”

“Not you I guess.” he again joked.

“Fuck you. You’re gonna be a fucking e-cam girl or some shit like that. And you're gonna be one as long as your clients are satisfied!”

“What?” me, Dave, and our other buds said.

“Those are popular nowdays... right? E-cam girls? Please validate me I don't know what I'm doing why my life!”

Dave reached for Greg’s phone and put it back in the so-called magician’s pocket, then pinched his cheek as he was a cute dog. “You’re adorable, dude.”

We then all walked away to get some drinks. That was weird and embarrassing, even for Greg’s standards.

–––

Later that night we went back to our place, a bit tipsy because of the alcohol but actually not tired, so me and Dave decided to fire up some shitty horror movie to make fun of. I was sitting on the couch, trying to decide which one to pick on Netpicks, only to have Dave walk in front of me, turn around and bending over, his camo pants getting tighter and fully cladding around his ass.

“May I suggest a third choice...?” he said in a super weird, sexy (?) voice.

What the fuck. And obviously, a loud fart immediately ensued, right in my face, from that weirdly rounder ass.

“Oh... sorry... was that me?” he said, again in that weird voice, right before ripping what was basically the other half of this loud fart.

I got up, my dick almost drilling a hole through my denim crotch. I was stupidly aroused, I'll never get used to Dave's farts and this is weird even for our standards.

"Where are you going, you hot stuff?"

What the fuck.

"I thought you liked me being dirty."

"I literally never said that. Like... never!"

Another deafening fart echoed in the room, Dave's camo pants wishing they were probably being used in an actual war rather than enduring my bud's loud blasts.

"Come here, babe. Sit on the couch... I'm gonna make this night unforgettable."

He stepped closer and then pushed me on the couch, as if he meant it. What the fuck. Did Greg actually do it? Was Dave... hypnotized? My bud was towering over me, my face aligned with his crotch.

The only conflict those camo pants were witnessing was me hating this and at the same being wildy aroused by it. I hate myself!

"Tell me something dirty..." he said, staring down at me.

"...mud?"

He leaped on the couch, while still standing up. He was basically teabagging me now. I guess, given the pants he's wearing, that he's again doing a COD impression.

"Oh yesss you dirty pig."

And I heard a loud blast above me, as his crotch rubbed through my hair. Fuck you Greg, what the fuck did you do to our bud?! How is this even possible?!

As the fart kept going, Dave was basically using my head as a stool. I gradually succumbed to my bro's weight and I had to lay down, and he made sure that my face remained aligned with his farting ass because apparently I had lost my oxygen rights.

Dave was now lying on me on his back, as if we were pulling off a gross, gassy version of the 69, his roaring ass still blasting my face.

"Ohhh I'm so fucking horny dude." he said.

"No you're not!" I yelled, as if he told me had a gun.

But he answered with another fart.

"Look how good those pants look on me, you pig."

Yet another loud blast, short but proud.

"I can feel you... appreciating me."

Given how we were positioned, Dave could feel my boner growing even more, which made me want to die accordingly. The stench was unbearable instead, and indeed I was probably going to die for real.

"Fuck you Greg!" I yelled.

And another fart ensued. I had to stop this. I had to save Dave but also myself. Then I remembered Greg's words: "as long as your clients are satisfied". Was this a clue to how to break the spell or whatever shit this is supposed to be? Maybe there's a safe word?!

Dave was going to fart again, I could tell because he was showing off his camo ass inches from my face... and as much I appreciated Dave blasting me, I didn't want to it be like this, with him not being himself.

I had an idea, and it was worth a shot.

"I unsubscribe!" I screamed. "I unsubscribe!"

Apparently, this was the magic word indeed. No fart came out, and it all went silent.

"Fuck, I can't do this anymore." I heard Dave, almost crying with laughter.

He raised his ass, basically letting me go and he sat normally on the couch next to me. I could taste oxygen again, or what was left of it in that room. I've never seen him laughing this much, not in recent times at least. Like, he was literally crying now.

"What the fuck."

"Bro did you really think that Greg hypnotized me?" he tried to say, but he couldn't breath for how much he was laughing. "I unsubscribe! I unsubscribe!" that was a really bad impression of me.

"Fuck you, you asshole." I hissed "That was horrible..."

"Was it?" he asked, with a smirk. "You pig..." he again tried to do that sexy voice but laughed again instead.

"Fuck you..."

"I appreciate that you still wanted the old me back though. I'm so moved I could facefart you again." Dave then said, faking some tears, but not the fact that he could facefart me again.

"I'm just going to bed now..."

"That's what you get for saying that my camo pants look like shit! You get to know them up close and personal haha!"

All of this was just a disgustingly petty revenge for something that I said hours ago. Fuck you, Dave, you're both the best and the worst friend/roommate I could ever ask for.

As I walked upstairs, actually heading for the bathroom to get rid of my boner, I felt another fart echoing back in the living room. "Don't forget to like and subscribe!".

"I'm hitting the dislike button!" I yelled back at him.

"I love you too!"

Yeah, despite everything, truth to be told I'd totally subscribe to Dave, as long as it's the real one.

The End

#fart story #eproctophilia #daveshorts

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lifewithdavefarts · 3 years

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a daveshorts story that somehow leads to dave sitting on tim? haha

DaveShorts #2 - DaveFarts: Making It Too Easy

I was lying on the couch, minding my own business and messing with my phone, checking my buds' stories and stuff like that. It was a lazy evening and I was probably going to watch a movie later. In the meantime, my bud and roommate Dave was getting ready for a date with his girlfriend, though since it's been years they've been together, one could say they're simply hanging out at this point.

I saw him walk around the house, looking for his shirt, maybe the car keys, sporing a rather casual outfit, shirt and jeans basically.

"Don't forget the house keys." I reminded him, my eyes glued on my phone however.

Dave simply walked in front of the couch, towering over me lying down. "What?" I asked him.

"Dude, you're just making it too easy." he said, with a smirk.

He turned around and before I could realize what was gonna happen, he just say on my face, his denim ass crushing my skull. He made himself comfortable, spreading his legs wide open, was if I was a mere human pillow.

"If you wanted me to facefart you, you could have just asked you know." he joked.

It was all big tease to him.

"Plus I don't want to hot-box Dana's place, so it's not like you're gonna mind if I..."

From where I was I could immediately feel his muscles relaxing, pushing one out. A huge fart shook my face, loud and proud, though the sound was a bit muffled because of, well, my whole face obstructing my friend's butt.

The fart sounded strong yet somewhat "difficult" to rip, if that makes any sense, but it's not like Dave had any sense of personal space anyway, so he simply adjusted his position accordingly, treating me as I was part of the couch, lifting his leg a bit, as a way to keep the fart going as long and loud as possible.

The long fart turned however into a long series of 3 seconds blasts, ripped back-to-back right into my nostrils.

I didn't even try to fight back as it was no use. Plus, Dave may be a teasing bastard, but I was indeed enjoying that, because of my kink.

"Okay, I'd love to stay and destroy your face." he said, as he got up, ripping one final loud 3 seconds fart before fully standing up. "But you know, social life and all."

I managed to snap back to reality. "I'm just tired, ok?"

"When I come back, if I find you like this I'm gonna sit on your face again and this time I'm not gonna get up..."

Normally, this wouldn't be a threat, but when even Dave threatens you with his farts, you know that not even a fart fetishist would be able to endure those, so I used my phone to text some of our buds in case they wanted a beer o watch a movie.

"Your nostrils are safe, bro... for now." he said. "Now get your ass off the couch: you've been lying on my house keys this whole time.".

Thanks for not letting me turn into a fossil, Dave... I guess.

The End

#fart story #eproctophilia #daveshorts

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