#dayl rixon/reader

[twdeadfanfic]

First and Last Pt.4

Daryl Dixon x Reader

Summary:  There’s only one girl that Daryl has ever fallen in love with, the one who had to leave him and break both their hearts, and the one he’d tried his best to erase from his memory so it wouldn’t hurt that bad. There’s no way he could have guessed that he’d find her again, more than seventeen years later, after the world went to shit and the dead began walking, both their lifes different that what they used to be.

Tags: Sequel to my mini-series “The first to blow your mind.”  You can find it in my mastelist and read it before this or after it as a prequel. Daryl’s POV. My usual combo of slow-burn, fluff and angst, but there’s also some light smut. Some canon divergences.

Chapter: 3/28 Updated on Monday and Thursday

Thanks to the people who gave this story and read it, because I really loved writing it, it made me enjoy writing again.

...................................................................................................................

Daryl didn’t know what he was doing, walking around that place that he couldn’t seem to like. A new day had come and his family had gone out and about, as if they’d been in the damn place forever, and he didn’t know what to do with himself. Maggie seemed to be working with Deanna, Glenn and Tara had joined the supplies run team, Rick was off Daryl didn’t know where, and Carol had gone to the pantry where Y/N worked to collect some things before starting her new daily communal cooking thing.

Y/N…

He had dreamed about her again that night…the  dream mixing with memories long time forgotten…or maybe not that forgotten, even though he had tried to never think about it again…

Daryl was glad to be outside the walls of that weird place that made him feel so awful most of the time. He was tracking, trying to hunt something, but everything looked too familiar. Then he saw it, the clearing and young Y/N waving to him, grinning in that way she did every time she saw him, in that way that sent butterflies to his stomach.

She was collecting sticks so he could start a fire and roast the meat he brought with him. At the beginning, he had brought it already roasted, but one day he hadn’t had time to cook it before, being tied up with Merle and his damn friends, and he had gotten a fire ready and cooked the meat there with Y/N at the clearing.

After that, he had decided to start roasting it there because the meat tasted better freshly cooked, and because Y/N had seemed to like the idea. She liked to watch him and learn how to start a fire, liked to sit down around the campfire with him, and watch him cook. She said that if she watched him enough, maybe she’d be able to roast the meat herself without leaving it charred on the outside and raw on the inside.

All those memories, happy once but bittersweet now, came back to Daryl in a dream, but it was a dream, and so all he felt then was happiness. Excitement, as he approached her, but nerves too. He had something in his bag for her, something that wasn’t just meat for roasting, something he’d been thinking about doing for months and months, since he couldn’t find any of her mother’s books when he sneaked into her stepfather’s house, only being able to get her an old picture.

“I’m getting the shape right?” Y/N asked once he was close, pointing at the campfire she was starting to build, as she had watched him do again and again.

“Yeah. Perfect.” He nodded, smiling and sitting down next to her, carefully placing his bag on the ground, and Y/N grinned at him in that way she did…  “I…got you something…”

“Rabbit or squirrel this time?…don’t tell me it’s snake.” Y/N giggled.

“What, you didn’t like it?” They had only eaten snake once, not that it was Daryl’s favorite either, and Y/N had been quite freaked out about it at first, but then she hadn’t complained.

“It was…it was weird, it didn’t taste bad but…weird…” She giggled again, biting her lip as she looked at him, filling Daryl with all kind of weird feelings and butterflies. “Tell me is not snake.”

“It ain’t. Squirrel. But I didn’t mean that…I mean, yeah, I bring meat, but not only that, just…” He felt at loss of words, as usually happened to him, awkward and nervous, and so he stopped trying to say anything and just reached into his bag, taking out something and handing it to her.

It was a book, an old one, quite battered. He had seen it at the window of a crappy store in the town, that sold all kind of old stuff, mostly broken or useless, though it had some good finds sometimes, Daryl’d found a few motorbike pieces for cheap in there once that he’d been able to fix for his bike.

The book had caught his attention when he walked past the store. He thought he remembered the title, Y/N had told him it was one his mom used to like, if he remembered correctly. One that Y/N hadn’t been able to take with her when her step-father kicked her out of the house. Hoping it wasn’t expensive, Daryl had gotten into the store determined to get Y/N that book. If it wasn’t the one that her mother liked, it was a detectives one, and Y/N liked those things, so hopefully she’d like the book…if the damn old thing didn’t fall apart.

Y/N was staring at it now, stroking the cover as Daryl had noticed she used to do with books, seeming surprised, and then she looked at him wide-eyed. “Where did you get this?”

“You know that crappy, weird shop with the old stuff, not that far from your place?”

“Yeah! I’ve always wanted to get in, see all the old treasures it might have…but I’ve never dared…it is kind of weird…”

“Old treasures? Girl, all it has is shit.” Daryl snorted. “Ain’t treasures in this town. Sometimes you can find good shit, though… But yeah, it’s weird. Could go with you, one day, if you want…” He shrugged, trying to sound casual, as if he wasn’t still a mess of nerves every time he asked Y/N to do something with him, no matter they saw each other daily, spent so much time together…

“Yeah, I’d really like that…” Y/N nodded, giving him a smile before focusing all her attention back to the book, stroking the cover once again before opening it carefully, finding one of the old ink illustrations that grazed some of the yellow pages. “Woah…this is so perfect…I love it, Daryl, so much...” Her words gave him all the butterflies again. “It was one of my mom’s favorites, you know?”

“I know.” Daryl nodded and couldn’t help his smile, pleased he had remembered the title right.

“You’re the best Daryl.” She grinned at him and Daryl was sure the butterflies were going to make his belly explode. “You didn’t have to expend money on this.”

“It’s fine…told you, it’s a crappy old shit store, it doesn’t have fancy expensive stuff.” Daryl shrugged, he didn’t want her worrying about that.

“It’s so perfect…” Y/N whispered reverently, stroking the cover again, before carefully placing it down. “Thank you. Thank you so much, Daryl.” Before he couldn’t say anything, her arms were around his shoulders and she held him to her, snuggling to him, and Daryl snuggled right back to her. He loved it when she hugged him, yet he’d never dare to ask for it or hug her first. It still made him nervous and a bit awkward, but the warm and comforting feeling that her arms around him gave him overcame all that…

She pulled back, taking the book again, and for a weird second, Daryl wondered if he was suddenly jealous of a book. “Do you want me to read you aloud the first chapter?” She asked, grinning and seeming so cute and excited…his heart beating all funny as he nodded…

The dream had ended there, he had woken up before he could hear her reading, feeling kind of weirdly disappointed. The things he’d felt in that dream of a memory still lingered in him, making him feel strange things…and at the same time, making him feel like he wanted to talk to Y/N, to see her…

It was all confusing, and strange, and kind of scary…

Daryl felt more at ease after his conversation with Y/N yesterday…which meant he didn’t want to run away from her, but that he was still full of nerves and confusing feelings, with those ghosts memories making everything even harder. But he knew, he was sure now, that he wanted to know her again, to take this chance to have her in his life again, to be friends all over again…even if the memories of them being more than friends still hurt…but she had made him happy, had made his life better, being one of his best friends, and no matter what, Daryl had decided he wanted that again.

He still wasn’t sure about how to go about it, but he could probably just let Y/N take charge of that, just like the first time. He hoped he’d proved to her that he was interested in them being friends. Maybe he could do something, though. Maybe he could have gone to the pantry with Carol, say hi to Y/N, even if it was awkward, even if his stomach did weird things.

Daryl was abruptly taken out of his thoughts when he saw a commotion ahead, Glenn fighting with two of the guys of the supply team, and he ran to them, things escalating as punches were thrown. Glenn seemed to have it under control, though, pinning one of the guys to the ground, but the other was going for him and so Daryl grabbed him before he could hurt Glenn, pushing him, but before he could do anything Rick was pulling him back, telling him to stop, and Daryl didn’t understand a damn thing. Hadn’t he seen those assholes were attacking Glenn? Were they now supposed to let the Alexandria people pull shit like that just because they lived in there? Then he’d rather leave.

He didn’t snap, didn’t do nothing, he knew there was no point, just glared at them while Rick and Deanna talked about it, tense and ready in case Deanna might try something on his people. Instead, though, what she did was announce that she was making Rick and Michonne constables of the place. Daryl didn’t know what was going on, but he didn’t like it, even less when Rick and Michonne agreed so readily, as if eager to become Deanna’s lapdogs or some shit.

He knew he was getting riled up, feeling eyes on him, hearing people’s murmurs, and so he decided to just walk away. He didn’t know where to, though, and he ended up once again sat down on that porch where he seemed to find himself all the time now. He was dying to go outside. He’d wait until the gate had cleared of gossipers and then he’d leave, just his crossbow and him.

Daryl was still there, mulling it all over, angrily carving a new bolt, when Y/N walked up the stairs of the porch to join him. “Hey, I was told what happened.” Her voice was soft, but it prompted Daryl into making assumptions anyway, all his self-conscious feelings coming back strong.

“Yeah? Came to tell me I’m a damn savage who doesn’t belong here? Yeah, no need to, I know already, I’ll be glad to leave.” He snapped, as if all his early thoughts about wanting to have Y/N back in his life were gone.

“Oh, come on, cut the bullshit, Daryl!” Y/N snapped back, making him look at her surprised. “I know you. Or I knew you. Either way, those things you said? Bullshit. And you know it.” Daryl just shrugged, blushing red and looking down, embarrassed. “You and your friend punched a couple of guys? I know those guys, I’m pretty sure there was a reason. So, can you tell me your version of what happened? No bullshit.”

“Don’t know…don’t know why Glenn was fighting with them.” He hadn’t asked, he hadn’t cared. “Just that they were two and Glenn one, and I wasn’t going to let them hurt him... But Deanna didn’t get angry, she made Rick and Michonne constables and it doesn’t make sense…” He found himself telling her everything, as if she was an old friend and they hadn’t been separated for seventeen years. It was…it was a weird feeling.

“Yeah, I heard about that too. I think Deanna has been thinking about that since getting to know them,” Y/N said as she sat down next to him. “I heard Rick was a cop, before, and Michonne…I don’t know her, but she looks…awesome.” She chuckled, seeming a bit embarrassed. “So it does make sense to me, they’d be good constables. We’ve never had stuff like that here, but maybe it’s about time, you know, shit can happen, people can argue, it might get out of hand…it’s good to have someone to show up and control it.”

Daryl shrugged, he was still unsure about being on board with the idea, but the way in which Y/N was saying it, it didn’t match with his idea of Deanna being throwing them bones to keep them content and doing as she commanded…it actually kind of sounded like those people saw them as useful. Or at least Y/N. Though maybe they didn’t seem him as useful, Deanna still didn’t say anything about him working on anything, and he was sure people still looked at him wrong.

“There’s been trouble like that before, here?” He asked when Y/N didn’t say anything else and he began to feel a bit awkward.

“No, not really, everything is quite peaceful in here, you know, and we’re also lucky with walkers stuff and that…so yeah…I mean, there’s been some trouble sometimes, as everywhere, but…well, not much…” She rambled.

“What kind of trouble?” Daryl asked instantly, the almost forgotten instinct of protecting her jumping back into him seventeen years later. Y/N looked at him and chuckled, shaking her head, making Daryl frown and snap. “What?”

“Nothing, just…” Y/N bit her lip but her smile widened anyway. “You really haven’t changed, have you? I mean it in a good way,” she added when Daryl’s frown deepened.

“I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about.”

Y/N took a deep breath, frowning as she reorganized her thoughts, and Daryl felt so nervous he could run away. “You…you really care about your people, a lot. You did back then too…’bout me…” She blushed at that, and so did Daryl. “About your brother, even if I still think he didn’t deserve it, but you cared so, so damn much…”

He had, he had cared for his ass of a brother right until the end. The way in which Y/N sounded…it made Daryl wonder if maybe she did blame Merle for him having stayed in their town instead of going with her to the city. Merle was one of the reasons, yes, but Daryl had known that there was nothing for him at the city, he couldn’t do nothing there but drag her down…and so he had let her go and never followed her…

“And you still do it, you protect your people, you take care of them…so, yeah, that hasn’t changed…which is a good thing, if you ask me.”

Y/N shrugged, blushing again, and Daryl found himself thinking about her words. He had never seen himself like that, but now that he thought about it, now that Y/N said it, it sounded right. He did care for his people, deeply, more than for himself, probably. He did want to protect them, more than anything. Y/N was right, she was, as if she still knew him, seventeen years later, as if she knew him better than he knew himself even. Daryl looked at her in wonder and she smiled, biting her lip and blushing even more. She was cute, like she had been…the thought made his way into Daryl’s mind without him being able to stop it.

“You did it for me…took care of me, no one had done it before, only my mom, and she’d passed and I had no one…and then I met you…” Y/N looked down as she spoke quietly and Daryl blushed, feeling the weird twirls in his stomach and memories he’d kept looked coming back to him. “You’d talk to me, and took care of me, and you fed me, you protected me, when I was scared walking out that damn club…do you remember that time you beat that guy who was trying to…do nothing good to me?”

Daryl gulped and nodded. He did remember. That was the first time Y/N had kissed him. He remembered how the fight had gone, though. “More like he was the one beating me until Merle came…” He scoffed. “Don’t know why you’d feel protected after seeing that…” He’d been so embarrassed, he remembered.

“What? What are you saying? Damn, Daryl, for me you were like a hero!” Y/N bit her lip, fidgeting as if shy, and Daryl felt the weird twirls in his stomach going out of control while he blushed deep, feeling awkward too, he couldn’t help it. “Anyway…maybe punching Deanna’s son wasn’t the best to win her good side but well, she’s a fair leader, she’s not going to do nothing bad, you already saw how she made Rick and Michonne constables, so don’t go thinking she won’t have you here now or silly things like that.”

“I don’t care if she does, I don’t care if she wants me to leave, I’d leave. I don’t care” Daryl snapped, he couldn’t help it, everything about Alexandria and Deanna making him nervous and awkward.

“I’d care,” Y/N retorted, making him blink at her. “I don’t want to lose you again, Daryl. I don’t.”

She was blushed red, looking down, and Daryl blushed too. He didn’t know what to say or do, but it sounded to him like…hell, she cared for him? Seventeen years later. No, she couldn’t, she didn’t care for him, she cared for the memory of him. But either way, he knew that he didn’t want to lose her again, if he could help it, that he wanted to try to be friends with her again. After all, it seemed he couldn’t stop himself from still being drawn to her, seventeen years later, from feeling that comfortable with her, from trusting her like that. Years later, he still couldn’t resist her. He wasn’t sure he wanted too. Everything scared him, though.

“Ain’t leaving…if Deanna doesn’t want me, I mean. I ain’t leaving my family…” He rasped, and Y/N nodded, smiling softly. “And I meant it…that I want to know you again…so…yeah…” He admitted, shrugging and looking away.

“Good, that’s…that’s good.”

*

Daryl couldn’t sleep, perched up on that windowsill again, no matter everyone was now taking rooms.

Maybe Y/N had been right and he had been wrong. Maybe him and his family had been taken into Alexandria because they thought them useful and wanted their help, and it was his family who the Alexandrians should be worried about.

He didn’t know what was going on with Rick, but their last conversation that night at the porch had left Daryl mild confused and worried. It seemed as if Rick were thinking they could just take over Alexandria, claim it for them, if Deanna and her people didn’t bend to what Rick wanted, if they didn’t become what he had in mind.

Daryl was loyal to his family and to Rick, over everything, but still, his brother’s words made him feel wrong. Take the place for them…it kind of sounded like what the Governor had tried to do with their prison, no matter Rick had better reasons.

His family would have no problem taking over Alexandria, no matter the Alexandrians were more, they were kind of helpless too, they seemed pretty useless at fighting or protecting themselves, except Aaron perhaps, which still made Daryl wonder how the hell they had survived that long. For that same reason, though, the words “taking the place for ourselves” felt even worse…the Alexandrians wouldn’t stand a chance.

Probably he shouldn’t worry too much. Probably it was just a way of speaking. Rick would know what he was doing. He just wanted his family to have a home, a home that didn’t make them feel unwelcome or out of place, and a safe one, so he needed the Alexandrians to see that they needed to do some changes.

Daryl should stop worrying that much and let Rick and Carol keep going with their plan…Rick’s words still lingered heavy in his mind…he didn’t want Y/N getting caught in whatever argument or problem Rick, and maybe even Daryl himself, might have with Denna or other Alexandrians. He didn’t want her thinking the wrong things about Rick, either, or about himself. Maybe he should talk to her and tell her…what? That Rick was making some kind of plan that involved taking control of her home? It sounded all kind of wrong, and Daryl didn’t even know if that was what Rick was trying to do.

He felt caught up in the middle of things that he didn’t like neither understood, and he didn’t know what to do. Probably he should stop overthinking it, trust that Rick knew what he was doing, even though he’d been acting kind of strange, different. It was normal, after what they’d gone through.

“You okay?” Carol whispered, sitting down next to him, and Daryl nodded without glancing at her, still looking through the window. “You’re not worrying about having punched some idiots, are you?”

Daryl scoffed. “Of course I ain’t.”

“Then what have you worrying?”

Daryl just shrugged, but didn’t say anything. He didn’t know how to explain it, and she too seemed to be helping Rick…sure, Carol’d have things under control, Daryl should stop worrying.

“How are things with Y/N?”

“Good…we spoke today…things are good…” Daryl answered vaguely, feeling like he was blushing. She’d said she cared if he left…that she didn’t want him to… that she…that she didn’t want to lose him again. Those words, it made Daryl feel all kind of weird things, it was kind of scary in a way, but also warm, and comforting, and Daryl didn’t know how to explain it, not even to Carol.

She just smiled softly, reaching out to squeeze his shoulder. “Try to get some sleep, okay?”

Daryl nodded, though he was sure he couldn’t sleep, his mind busy with all kind of thoughts, no matter he tried to stop it, it was as if its mind never wanted to shut up. Letting out a sigh, he leaned against the corner of the window, looking through the darkness.

...............................................................................................................

It seemes their relationship is progressing even if awkardly and slowly...but, there’s a twist coming next week that I was excited about.

Please, if you liked it, let me know your thoughts! I love to talk to you all, though I think I lost half the people who used to read my things.

As always, excuse my english, is not my first language.

If you want to be (un)tagged let me know.

@momc95  @jodiereedus22 @osweetdevilo @sapphire1727 @coffeebooksandfandom @crustyrose @checkintoreality @daddys-little-princess67 @sesshomaru-lover @crossbowking @coltcas @feartheendlesssummer @izumi37 @gruffle1 @cutiepiemimi13 @drina365 @kuolematkorjaavat @daeshaunex2 @twdeadlysins @stressed-lasagna @teenyforestfairy @yenne-yen-illustrations @mychemicalimagines @nikkipea @crazycatladyalustriel @miniprz @wolfkg @paybackbarnes @haleypearce @nikki082489 @dotslabyrinth @mtngirlforever @superflannel @blckbuttler @deanervs   @linktheloveabledork @sourwolf-sterek32 @iminlokisarmysofi @traveleraroundsworld @deliciousassafrasssandwich @angelontheinside @friendly-black-cat @firehoopinmama @d0ntfitin  @lxdyred @a-dlv @elysijin @gabriels-pornstashe @marie-is-in-the-dark @lonewolf471 @hedakylo @wnygirl2012 @j-a-val @gabidarkage @dashesoflipstick @hopplessdreamer @of-storms-and-sadness @angelophany @million-dollar-milkshake @daryldixonandfrogs @easnuppa @art-flirt @snarkandsarcasmwrites @aisling-beatha @theunofficialduke  @toxic-ink @fand0m-fiend @theonlyone-meeeee @nickangel13 @summerluciddreams @fanfictionsilove @lilo-1988 @ly-canthropewrites @imaginecrushes @allthingzhiddleston @txladyj-blog @tcnystcrk1985 @my-current-fandom-is @womanup22 @lilred91 @imdixonsangel @fanfictionsilove @glamorizedtrainwreck @okay-rm @nohemi2500 @shameless-pope @aryaarathornson @sapphire-angel @frenziedreadingwriter @collecting-stories @mblaqgi @avengerswon @cutelittlethingsworld-blog @lokilover-39 @buzzybhee @alienemilyyyy @oncemorewithfeelingg @honeymilk-4 @kitkatcronch @princessxpunk @cathwritestragediesnotsins @hells-mistress @justyouraveragefangirl1967 @heda-mikaelson @mel-2a @dixonluvv @brenancampbell @twdeadfanfic