#dean sleeping with a knife under his pillow; sam having nightmares constantly; never being able to really have a HOME.

[imaginesinthewind]

Lazarus Rising - “I promise I will never leave you anymore”

(Y/N) is Sam and Dean’s little sister. She is 10 when Dean dies and goes to hell. She faces grief and loneliness when she is sent by Sam to live with Bobby. But after four long months, the most unexpected visitor knocks at their door. 

Warnings: reader trying to cope with the death of a sibling, but so much fluff at the end, I promise!

A/N: As promised, here is my OS based on this post. I remind you that English is not my first language so there might be some mistakes here and there. Feel free to correct me if anything seems weird or wrong. Enjoy! As always, feedback is much appreciated.

Gifs are not mine, I found them on Giphy.

When you woke up that day, you wished once again that everything that had happened recently was nothing but an awful nightmare. Oh, how you wished it was...

But you knew it was real.

Nothing felt different from what your life had been for the past four months. You still had the same lump in your throat, going down your stomach and stopping you from eating anything, or going up to your eyes, making you cry for hours.

The worst part about it was that life had to go on. You had to wake up. Getting dressed. Eating breakfast. Going to school. Pretending to be listening. Going back to Bobby's. Doing your homework. Eating dinner and then going back to sleep, and doing it all over again the next day knowing that your mind was far, far away from there.

How could you get back to normal, boring life after what you had known with Sam and Dean?

But in the end, it was not the most difficult part. The worst thing you had to do was trying not to break down over and over again all the time. When you opened your eyes each morning, while brushing your teeth, while talking to your friends or while hearing from Bobby that it was going to be alright. That pain will always be there but that it will get easier with time.

“You see,” he had assured you several times in an attempt of bringing you comfort, “I know what you're going through, (Y/N). I've been through it too when I lost my wife. At the beginning, it feels like your whole world is falling apart. But life goes on. It has to. You have to get up, day after day and one day, you will notice that it hurts a tiny bit less.”

And you had waited for it to hurt less, you really had.

But there you were, four months later, with your sorrow and your sadness, and everything was reduced to a reality that you struggled to accept.

Dean was gone.

He was dead.

And dead meant... forever.

How could you cope with the idea that your favourite person in the world was... in hell?

You were only 10, but you knew what Hell implied, and you could not accept it. Dean meant everything to you. John Winchester was your genitor, but it was Dean who had taken the decision to raise you and to watch over you. And he had done so much more than just that.

He had wiped off your tears when you were sad and had hold you tight when you had nightmares, he had been there when Sam had left for Stanford, he had always been by your side to cheer you up and to constantly assure you that you were loved. Dean had been everything; a dad, a friend, a big brother. He was good and kind and if you knew anything at all, it was that he did not deserve to go to Hell. You just could not accept that, and the mere thought of it was enough for you to break down in tears. 

Noticing that you were going through it all over again, Bobby sighed and put his hand on top of yours, squeezing it softly.

“Sweetie, you have to eat. You can't go to school with nothing in your belly so, try to eat a little. Can you do that for me?”

You stared at your untouched pancakes and then, your eyes met Bobby's worried ones. You smiled weakly and nodded. While you were trying as best as you could to eat without starting to weep again, Bobby smiled back and asked you, "how about we invite your brother tomorrow for dinner, hmm? It's been a little while since we last heard of him, and it could be good for you to see him."

"Sounds great," you answered him although you could not help but feel angry against Sam. Your brother had decided that it would be better for you to live a healthy and well-balanced life, away from hunting. Bobby, who was practically like a father to you, had agreed to foster you and Sam had promised to come to visit you as often as he could.

But you had heard some talks between him and Bobby. The truth was that he was not sure to be able to be there for you and he was not ready to accept the charge of raising you after... after what happened. He just could not do it.

You knew you could not be angry at him for taking that decision, and even if he tried to hide it, you knew your brother. He was suffering just as much as you. You could not imagine what it must have felt like for him to lose Dean.

But it hurt you nevertheless.

“Why does it feel like my two brothers have abandoned me?” Is what you thought before finishing your last pancake and getting mentally prepared for another day at school.

The day seemed to last forever but you finally came back to Bobby’s home. School had managed to clear your mind for a while, but now that you were all alone again, the same thoughts came to invade you.

You scanned your room, in search of a specific object, and your eyes fell upon your bedside table. Heavy hearted, you took the picture that was on it and contemplated it for what seemed to be the thousandth time. The photo was worned out, especially in the corners, but it brought a little smile on your face. It pictured a 3 years old you trying to get away from Dean’s embrace. You were obviously unhappy to be interrupted in your child’s games. Your older brother had a wild smile on his face and Sam’s arm was resting on his shoulders.

A single tear rolled down your cheek as you remembered these happier times. You held back the sob that you felt was coming and put the picture back on your bedside table.

You had to get over it.

Dean was gone.

He would never be by your side anymore, nor would he hold you in his arms again.

The realization of it struck you so hard that you collapsed on your bed and hid your face in your pillow in order to contain your sobs. Then, you cried for what seemed to be a very long time.

"Grief will never let go of me", you thought as you began to lost track of time and let yourself slip into dizziness.

You were on the verge of falling alseep when a weird noise coming from outside your room startled you. Then, you heard Bobby’s loud screams, shouts of someone else’s voice and furniture being moved. It seemed like a chair was being thrown.

Was Bobby in trouble? Even though you knew he had stopped hunting since you had moved out with him, he could still have problems.

As you kept hearing loud voices and strange noises, you decided that you could not just stay here and do nothing.

You opened your door as silently as you could and quietly walked up to the corridor. Bobby hid knives everywhere in his house, so you easily found one under a book that was put on a table. Bobby would probably be mad at you for even thinking that you could use one of his weapons, but you were determined not to let one of the few family members that you had left getting hurt, or even worse.

“You never know what kind of enemy can be on your doorstep, (Y/N). You have to be ready. All the time.”

You were determined to follow what Dean kept repeating you all the time.

As you came closer, the house was silent again. You could not see Bobby nor the stranger yet but then, you could hear their voices again and this time, very clearly.

“It’s… It’s good to see you, boy,” Bobby stammered with emotion in his voice.

“Yeah, you too,” whispered someone else that you could not identify.

“But... how did you bust out?” Bobby inquired, making you frown. What was he talking about?

“I don't know,” answered rather hesitantly the other, “I just, uh, I just woke up in a pine box and…”

Then, several things happened all at once.

You finally did recognize the stranger's voice but you thought your mind was playing a trick on you. However, at the same time, your eyes grew wide as they fell upon a person you knew very, very well.

Dean.

You opened your mouth but no sound came out. For a few seconds, you were paralyzed. Was it surprise, fear or anger? You did not really know. Maybe all three.

Then Bobby, who was turning his back on you, splashed water at Dean’s face and at the same time, you gasped loudly, putting the hand that did not hold the knife in front of your mouth.

“What... What... Dean?!” was all you managed to pronounce. 

Dean, or “the thing that was Dean”, his face dripping with holy water, met your eyes and stopped the sentence he was about to let out. Several emotions crossed his eyes - surprise, relief, tenderness, and eventually, love. He ended up smiling and while approaching you, murmured, “hey, baby g-”

“What do you think you’re doing with this, girl?!” Bobby interrupted him, furious to see you with one of his knives. He was about to take it back from you but anger made you surprisingly faster. You managed to avoid him, and threw yourself on Dean without really thinking about it, your emotions speaking for yourself. You just wanted to make the monster or shapeshifter who dared taking you brother’s form pay!

Dean, even though he was surprised, disarmed you with ease. You were just a little girl after all, what could you possibly do against an adult or a possible monster? Then, he tried to take you in his arms, still moved to see you again despite what you had tried to do, but you pulled yourself away from his embrace and you exploded, “who are you and why have you taken the shape of my brother?!”

Dean instantly lifted his palms up, as if to show his good intentions, and replied with a soft voice intended to calm you down, “(Y/N), sweetheart... I know how crazy it must look, but it’s really me. It really is. Ask Bobby, he has checked and by the way,” he added, looking at Bobby, slightly annoyed, “I am not a Demon either.” 

“No! You can’t be him, because my brother is dead!” You shouted. You wanted to be mad and angry, but then, your voice broke at the last word and you started to cry again. 

“(Y/N...)”

Dean, saddened to see you in this state, wanted to take you in his arms once again but you stepped back.

It was too much.

Too much to handle.

You rushed out of the room, sobbing, and Dean wanted to run after you but Bobby stopped him. “Give her some time, Dean. You don’t know how hard it has been for her to lose you.”

Lying on your bed, you had been staring at the ceiling for hours without being able to find the slightest sense in what had happened. On the one hand, you wanted to believe it. You wanted it with all your heart. But you had suffered so much from Dean's loss. You could not imagine the pain that false hopes would create.

Suddenly, someone knocked on your door and, rather suspicious, you sat up. You did not answer but the door opened slowly. You frowned when Dean smiled at you.

“Hey, kiddo. Can I come in?”

You hesitated for a few seconds but then, you nodded slowly. He came closer and sat next to you on your bed. He stared at you, not knowing what to say to break the heavy silence that was settled. But after a long time, he sighed and murmured, “It really looks crazy from my point of view. I cannot imagine how it must be for you.” 

You remained silent as you detailed Dean from every angle. Everything looked like him; his green eyes, his face, his hair...

“You still don’t believe me,” he commented as he noticed your gaze. “It’s alright, Princess. I wouldn’t believe it either if I were you.” 

Dean’s words moved you and the usual lump got back in your stomach. Everything was so much like him, from his way of speaking to the little nicknames he used to give to you...

“Prove it,” you whispered, nervous that your voice would betray your emotions. Dean gave you a questioning look and you added, “prove me that you are really Dean and not someone else.”

“Easy,” he smirked. “To begin, your name is (Y/N) Winchester. You are 10 and your birthday is the (B/D). Your favourite dish is (F/D) and you were only two when Sam, Dad and I saved you from the gang of vampires who killed your mother. We took you to live with us that day and you were very shy at first, you did not want to let me or Sam go anywhere without you.”

You could not help but laugh as you imagined a little you hanging around Sam’s or Dean’s legs all the time. Dean smiled and started to feel relieved, for he could sense that you were starting to believe him.

“But with time, you became more and more adventurous. You broke your right arm when your were 5 and broke your left leg when you were 7. You nearly got yourself killed by a bunch of vampires when you secretly followed Sam and I. You were such a pain in the ass, you know,” he added, amused, and you had to make big efforts not to burst out laughing. “I was not!” You exclaimed, and Dean replied, “Yes you were, kiddo! But then, Sam went to Stanford, Dad became obsessed with his hunts and I was the one who... who was there to look after you and to raise you.”

Dean stopped and looked at you. A lot of emotions came across both of you, and he took your hand, squeezing it softly. His was warm and callous, and this touch alone brought back memories of Dean comforting you many times when you were the only ones left. 

“And I think I did it quite well. I am proud of you, you know. You had the perfect reaction earlier.”

A single tear rolled down your cheek. Dean wipped it softly with his thumb and you stammered, “It’s... It’s really you, isn’t it?”

“Yes, sweetheart. I’ve missed you. Come here.”

More tears followed and Dean opened his arms. You threw yourself into them almost instantly and you burst out in tears. For a few seconds, you could not say anything and Dean stood there, hugging you tight and stroking your hair. You could smell his perfume and you knew this time that it was really him. 

“I... I... I couldn’t do it, Dean,” you managed to let out between two sobs.

“Do what, babygirl?”

“Living without you. It was so difficult.”

“Shhhh. It’s over now, I’m here. I promise I will never leave you anymore but please, don’t cry, okay? I can’t stand it.” 

He pulled you away from him and wiped your tears again. You noticed that his cheeks were wet too and it surprised you. As far as you remembered, you had never seen Dean cry before and you thought it was something that would never happen. 

“No more tears, alright?” He said, and you nodded. You got back into his arms and Dean sighed, happy to get his little sister back after everything he went through.

“Dean?”

“Yeah?”

“I love you.”

@babyplutoszx2 @wendibird @elliewithcellie