#deeeppp sigh

[tutuandscoot]

This has got to be some of the most raw, emotionally beautiful practice footage there is of them. Is it even a practice? or is it a performance? or is it the most human, physical visualisation of two intrinsically connected souls communicating with each other??? I honestly don’t know, but I love it.

I’m the first to justify literally everything they do that seems unconventional for a supposed platonic relationship with the basic facts of the work and care they put into building trust and respect. But the amazing thing about what they do is you can not know all that, or know it all and just ignore it and watch them dance. Believe whatever you want to believe-whatever story they themselves are seemingly entranced in.. so let’s do that this time.

The way she falls on that 4th piano key. A legitimate trust fall- she falls so far off before he makes contact with her. The actual reaction in both of them, feeling the heavy weight of struggles they are navigating. How once she falls and he takes her weight, that causes his blades to slide open and back, his head inclined to look at her as if there’s nothing he can do but carry her through her pain.

The dynamics of the first lift. I’ll confidently say their lifts are so stunning because T is doing so much more work than any other girl does in lifts, she literally initiates the whole thing with her momentum, then the almost, stormy ocean current-like shifts in dynamics between the spin to her throwing and almost falling again back in his arms to again thrown up over his shoulders.. but it happens so seamlessly because they are both so strong.

The freaking dancing in their circle step sequence.. I don’t give two fucks about the skating they are doing- I know it’s amazing and I have all the respect in the world for them as technically brilliant skaters, but the skating is the blade in contact with the ice, above that, and the way they skate.. they are dancing. They are Ice. Dancing. Even when they don’t have their eyes on each other their eyes are still somehow on each other.. when thy look away they are still connected.. it’s so god damn intimate. What audience? If there was ever a program that proved they shut all the 7billion or so people on this earth out when they dance it’s this one. The suspension following Scott’s twizzle at the centre back of the rink and he reaches out to the front, only momentarily entertaining the idea that anyone else is actually there to save them. The way they play with the music as if making certain notes freeze in time, then race to catch others like their lives depend on it.

Even when they break.. the way they take a good 5 seconds to stay in that bubble, the way he gently fondles with her.. like with their hug just settling their heart beats back down, coming back to each other to refocus while still connected to the yearning violin drawing them back to start again.

Then just as they dipped briefly out of character, letting the story overtake them and they phase back into it in that beautifully soft little cradley hug, spinning in their shared energy as the lyrics start to emphasise what their bodies are yearning for each other, the movement signifying them stumbling over their own two feet as the other is their save them.

The exquisite, time standing still pause as the whole arena breathes with them, realising the euphoria flooding them as finally their stunning smiles emerge.

I don’t know if anyone has noticed at this point, but this pause, only along with twizzles are the only times they have been out of contact with each other. They stretch and intertwine like elastic silks, their limbs only an extension of each others.

That minuscule throw where Tessa becomes airborne, only for her feet barely to touch the ice as she’s intentionally dropped back, not at the mercy of his control, but their own energies saving each other’s whether in the air or on the cold ice.

Then taking off, he like an eagle with her flying on his back. Landing again and her being tossed around because euphoric happiness isn’t all light and gentle- the essence of their love is that physical expression of which part of the fun is seeing how far they can push the boundaries of movement together.

Joining in an expansive waltz hold which should look so out of place in a contemporary routine but instead represents how their closeness and bond remains as they navigate through life taking them all directions- holding each other close just to almost completely release, only their fingertips left in contact, to pull each other in again as they grasp for their person.

That brief moment where he has to chase after her in the middle of a required technical step sequence, they are now just dancing. What audience? what coaches? what other skaters? are they- TS even here? As if dna under a microscope- they are just two lost souls who found each other in this big wide world.. communicating the best way they know how, doing the thing that brings them the most passionate joy in this life.

Tessa arching up to the heavens in their straight lift, thanking whatever powers brought them together.. embedded in music the slightest sound of angelic choir voices during that lift as she exhales.

The music then settling as they too quieten down. That last spiralling lift, expansive to nestled.. them both almost folding around each other in a foetal-like position as she hangs on closing off the world around them. Wanting to be as close as they can he reaches down to give her the most gentle little kiss on the first spot he reaches.

It truly brings tears to my eyes.. how special they must feel in a moment like that. Her unable to do anything but hang on and he confirms the magic of that moment with a gesture far too intimate to be considered platonic. But in these moments that label means nothing to them.. what is any label you can put on a feeling this special?. In the middle of a rehearsal for a competitive program, at a competition with a result so important in their plan for 2018.. let alone completing their gold collection. In this moment none of that matters, nothing else in existence matters except them in their little world. I can only imagine, for her in that moment spinning in her lil tucked position, being met with a kiss she has no control over receiving. Receiving it from someone she trusts with her life, she knows exactly what that kiss means in the context of who it’s coming from, but also in that moment it has no meaning, it is just an expression of overwhelming love.. how freaking loved must she feel in that moment??

As they come to a stop, not reaching the end of their journey, but just another step in realising their essential role in each other’s existence, these two.. sometimes emotionally disturbed (borrowing that from their description of Stay), maybe even by their own emotions together, have made it though another chapter alive, safe, still in each other’s arms.

Laying her back she takes one last exhale, him resting on her beating chest, hopefully in time with his own.

Yes, this was just a practice.. just another run of their FD. These two great athletes, this terrifying, formidable team… so good their practice just becomes a conversation.. just them communicating, synchronising, feeling anything and everything they want to feel.

[justinstolemybike]

sigh. season 3. here we are. 

i watched the first five episodes and... i felt so uncomfortable. it was bad. not all bad but... pretty bad. so bad, that it wasn’t enjoyable for me and i didn’t care to watch it all the way through, so i read other spoilers and i am not sure if i will watch the final season. but with it being said that i did not watch the whole thing, this can’t be a full review. so, here comes my first glance. spoilers obviously. 

instead of weaknesses and highlights, lets just say likes and dislikes. likes first.

LIKES

- tyler’s storyline. last season, i was skeptical of how they would handle his rape and emotions about it, but i am relieved they gave his character proper care and devin druid did a magnificent job. my only gripe is that i wish they had him do something other than boxing to channel his anger. like, i understand why he would be learning self defense but i would like to see him do something less violent?? 

- jessica’s reclaiming of her body. at first the whole intro to the sex toys was weird but it actually was really touching (no pun intended) to see jessica begin to love her body and love sex again after what she’s been through. also, female masturbation is so underrated. nice to see it encouraged. know your bodies, ladies. 

- the classic jensen tour. i’m surprised they still allow him to do the tours. like, none of the exchange students from the last time reported him? oh.

- chloe and the abortion. as a character, i don’t care for chloe, i’m sorry. she’s not a character to me, just a plot device. also, she gets no cookies for lying for bryce in the trials (i know abusers and victims have a twisted dynamic and that’s why that happened but nah chief) but i do like how they showed that some pro-life clinics will mask as abortion clinics and manipulate women into coming and trying to get them to keep their babies. totally real and fucked up.

- bryce was held socially accountable (kind of) and i think that makes an interesting point about rape culture. in the real world, jail doesn’t scare men in power because they can buy their way out. they don’t care about women and what they feel, obviously. what’ll really fuck sexual assaulters up is when they have no friends and no one likes them. that’s what they (kind of) showed with bryce this season. and he died which, yes fucking rad awesome wow.

- i know that justin also had a kind of darker storyline (with seth, i think? you can tell me if i’m wrong but don’t be rude) but he was a lot of the comic relief it appears and brandon flynn was great at it.

- alex and jessica broke up. hallelujah.

- justin is a abuse survivor. makes sense with his background. 

- monty died too AND went to jail. cool amazing beautiful.

- tony is still ferociously loyal and apparently there was a scene where clay and tony said they loved each other. rise clony. rise up from the ashes.

- “i write fanfiction” - clay jensen.

DISLIKES

-ani. ani, ani, ani. i can understand why people find her annoying and she was probably the biggest reason i was uncomfortable watching but i didn’t hate her. she just... didn’t make sense. the things she did,the things she said, how she was involved and everyone just takes to her and loves her immediately, no questions asked, no buildup necessary... none of it felt natural or believable. a new girl comes in and it’s just a coincidence that clay gives her a tour and she decides to go up to jessica and says shes amazing and lives in bryce’s house and connects herself to the house of horrors that is the tape club (which was so dumb on the tape club’s part by the way, as she could have snitched and destroyed them all) instead of just finishing out her high school career in peace considering she moves around a lot and she starts college in a year and half and probably won’t talk to any of them after that. no, she’d rather potentially go to jail for a bunch of fucking strangers and criminals and rapists. sure, okay.

and for someone who just fucking got there to basically insert themselves in the traumas of these kids and make things worse in some respects and do some fucking shitty things (not listening or caring when she heard about bryce being a GODDAMN RAPIST, accusing jessica of SLEEPING WITH HER RAPIST, accusing clay of being the killer, yelling about chloe’s pregnancy in the street, the list probably gets longer) and think they’re allowed to pass judgment when THEY JUST FUCKING GOT THERE. LIKE, WHY IS SHE SO INVESTED? WHAT DOG DOES SHE HAVE IN THIS FIGHT? DOESN’T SHE NEED TO STUDY OR SOMETHING? WHY IS THIS MORE IMPORTANT THAN ANYTHING ELSE SHE HAS GOING ON IN HER LIFE?

now, i get what the show was trying to do here. they wanted another, fresh perspective/narrator and i guess a love interest for clay (a wayyyy too convenient love interest, ‘she loves robots and drawing and not minding her business too! swoon!). but they could’ve had both of those things without adding someone to the payroll. honestly, i don’t think they needed a narrator at all but if they really wanted one, they could’ve added an ACTUAL ADULT detective, with no biases so they can be completely reliable to the audience and their investment would be justified. for love interest, yall already know how much i love and miss sheri. she could check clay without sounding patronizing and had chemistry with him and actual nice, romantic history. she could have been his second cop and they could have reconnected and become a couple and... we could’ve had it all, rolling in the deeeppp. 

it’s like with ani, the show wanted to kill two birds with one stone but they missed them both and i think the backlash on her character says it all. i’d just like to remind everyone to give the actress who plays ani respect and courtesy because it’s not her fault. 

- was it just me, or does it seem like the tape club has learned nothing from what they went through? they’re still keeping secrets and trying to hide shit and keep it all inside and i’m like..... but.... this behavior is what got ya’ll fucked up in the first place? and i totally understand it’s about protection and whatever but.... it also feels like an excuse to not be held accountable for wrong doing. like, alex killed bryce. although he had all the reasons to do it and i’m glad he’s dead, he killed someone fam. that’s not okay. and his dad is wrapped up and it’s just... i just... i dont know. then, there was the whole “let’s not tell on tyler so he doesn’t go to jail” thing and i have mixed feelings about that. i think they should’ve turned him in and got clay’s mom to rep him for rehabilitation and therapy instead of a jail sentence. they’re hiding the guns and trying to trust tyler and luckily that worked, but how long? what if someone fucks with him again and it’s too much for them to help him with? 

- speaking of help, clay needs it. oh my god, does that boy need it. they were so focused on getting tyler professional help but, clay’s out here putting guns to his head and having night terrors. he needs therapy more than anyone. honestly, what i would have liked to see, wayyy back in s2, is as soon as justin saw that, he wouldve went to clay’s parents and got him back on his meds and seeing a counselor. he’s been through so much trauma and guilt and he’s tired of his own fucking hero complex. it’s enough man. 

- they tried to have their cake and eat it too when it came to clay stopping tyler from shooting up the school. they tried to be like, clay shouldn’t have done that but oh, he was so brave and what a great guy he is for doing that. no, that doesn’t work. clay should not have confronted tyler in that situation. period.

- zach was disappointing because i agreed wholeheartedly when he said that they should have called the cops but... he didn’t. he was blaming them for letting tyler go free but he was too. damn, zach.

- it’s like they give clay a new lackey every season and.... ok, i guess.

- i also thought it was kind of weird that after everything they’ve been through, they still walk on eggshells with each other? like i guess because now we’re dealing with murder but... i would think they would trust and care for each other a lot more than to accuse each other and spy and interrogate and not just simply ask... like... this season made me not understand the tape club’s relationship. like are they friends? allies? allies trying to be friends? friends out of necessity? do they know? 

- bryce does not deserve to be humanized. that’s all.

- monty does not deserve to be humanized. that’s all. also, it’s so disappointingly predictable that he’s closeted. 

- the new characters (ani, caleb, chloe, winston, cyrus ) i still don’t care about. plot devices, all.

i may edit and retract some things, should i decide to watch all the way but i’m tired.

[tutuandscoot]

(More thoughts from the RODcast)

Part of it is their personalities just clicking. I think we and certainly I have romantasised it in they are soulmates (which I do believe on some level) but the way they talk about it-just finding this instant joy and their energies playing off each other- at 7 + 9 there’s no way you know what that means but but they felt it meant something and they knew that’s where they wanted to be. That’s the crazy part that in those early years- being paired up, it just happened to be that they clicked and it clicked in a way that made sense- even though they didn’t know what that sense was. That is just the luck factor, or if you want to take the ‘fate’/ soulmates angle. Like if their personalities just didn’t click there’s really a very small chance it would’ve gone much further. Tessa seemed to come with that determination and work ethic at a young age but by the way they tell it and reflect on it, it was her that brought that out in Scott.

It’s also really interesting- but not surprising- that tessa gravitates more to talking about realising they had a shared goal and vision and working towards something they found great satisfaction in. It’s also really interesting the way T is more attracted to acknowledging that more strategic, part of it, that she maybe took on a bit of an early leadership role in that respect. You can see in early videos how cute it is that on the ice she is leading him - which is very common in young dancers especially committed and ambitious ones you see the girl leading (whether that’s in a male/female partnership or just picking a single girl out of a group of other girls) but I think very quickly they were taught and adapted to their responsibilities within the partnership- as I said maybe T stepping up into that more off ice leadership role and Scott very quickly learning to be the leader and the one in charge on the ice which was something they did for their whole careers and I always find particularly very beautiful in the way they went about that.

Whereas he talks more about the feeling and connection he felt with her. He was a hyper little boy who just wanted to run around throwing snowballs and playing hockey but as soon as he held Tessa’s hand he felt something special and found purpose (again without knowing particularly why or what it exactly meant). He started feeling a love for it develop only with her and realising he just didn’t have that same feeling for hockey which is what he thought he should love.

That must’ve been such a confusing time for him because (as he tells it) he didn’t really deal with bullying or being feminised for being an ice dancer, but he dealt more so with that internal struggle and confusion, at times maybe (again as he has said) fighting against the love he had for skating and dancing with T, with what he thought should be ‘normal’ and every time he talks about that is just so beautifully honest and vulnerable.

It is so significant to me how adamant he is that he only loved and does love the sport because of Tess and had she not come along he may not have ever found that purpose, whereas she says that he just loved skating much and was so passionate about it- she can delineate herself from his own emotions, but she can’t delineate him from her emotions for skating, which is really interesting- not that it’s contradicting themselves but they do tie so much- really all of their love and commitment to the sport to each other but similar to how they can recognise and celebrate each other’s success separately from their own, they can recognise those really special qualities in each other, even though all their success came exclusively together. And again with her, she can’t separate her love and dedication to skating because of him, he drove her to get better and be the partner she felt he and his talent deserved, while he gushed about how talented she was throughout their career. She says his the single person who’s had the biggest impact on her life. Then scoot will publicly say how superhuman and “unbelievable” she is- that she deserves this fame she would undoubtedly achieve anything she does.

Simply put. They only did this because of each other. They only love it because of each other. They hold all their success and opportunities in life to the care and support and confidence they gave each other. They believed in each other.

There is absolutely no doubt they would’ve both been amazing humans and had incredible lives had they never met, but the fact is they don’t need to contemplate that scenario because they were blessed with finding each other when they needed to, and they get to live their whole lives feeling they are a better humans for having lived in this world together 😭😭😭.

Going back to the start now, that Tessa speaks about their goals and Scott about their love and passion, those are things they were so critical of themselves during their career- Tessa just not ever feeling up to his standard technically but him saying she’s the best ever and it’s crazy that he’s the one who lucked out having her as his partner, then Scott being self critical of his emotions and dance ability and being too passionate, but Tessa says his passion and raw emotion is his best quality and that inspires her so much. So while they are different in those respects and that’s maybe reflected in their occupations now- Tessa more tactical and business oriented and Scott more attracted to that creative activity, the two do exist in each other and they are both expressing the opposite traits in their daily lives - probably because of that influence they had on each other for so long.

It’s like they always said that they are such different people, but they really were perfect for each other. They brought out all the best qualities in each other, and lifted up and gave confidence and validation to those qualities they themselves felt critical of. Then the A M O U N T of care and attentiveness they gave that. You COULD NOT put that much work into fostering a relationship with someone if you didn’t inherently care about them. It’s just incredible. It’s so so moving. It’s always been obvious watching them skate how much chemistry they have and how they must be madly in love. And of course there are hundreds of teams out there who have their own unique relationships, but it is just really underestimated the importance Tessa and Scott placed, on loving each other- the work they put into loving each other, was important to them. Any couple, on ice, off ice, random people in to world, imagine what kind of society we could have if we all treated each other with the respect and compassion that TS do… but this is what no other ice dance team has. Then encased in working on that love is the time spent learning about each other, listening to them, empathising with them, caring about them, acknowledging their fears and doubts, shining a light on what makes them special, protecting not just their bodies, but their souls, caring about each other as humans, not simply athletes.

That’s it. That what the magic is. It’s their humanity and human connection with each other. From there they could express anything. Then of course came the skating and the dancing and the gym and nutrition and costumes and everything else. But as a partnership- partners expressing emotion and telling a story- relating to each other artistically.. there is just no one like them and there will never be anyone like them. Because it all had to work. Their personalities had to click, they had to be the right age and size and grow correctly and have the families with the means to support them and for fucks sake find each other just 10 minutes down the road!! Then they both had to work night and day for 20 fucking years and be ridiculously talented and have the work ethic to become the best in the world. They are a ⭐️ GOD DAMN ANOMALY! ⭐️

In the moment watching them it’s impossible to comprehend all of that, so we just have to watch them and accept that it’s magic because how could two people possibly have earth-melting chemistry in the middle of a set of twizzles or simply holding hands or as she’s standing with her full weight on steel blades pressed into his hips and emote music so perfectly it’s like it’s being composed for them live as they are dancing to it.

Aaa..hhhhiii. 😰😰😰

I really don’t know what else to say.

I’m not writing this to convince anyone.. it’s all there, all 22 years of it just about, plus it coming from their own hearts and minds. It’s incredible. It’s just the most beautiful and inspiring story. They didn’t go to space or sail round the globe. but they just loved each other for who they were and shared that with the world. That’s brave enough in itself.

Here’s a pic of these incredible humans to finish this off.