#definitely could think of a hundred thousand ways it could have been soooo much worse at the very least lmfao

[merlions]

Hmm I know the whole thing of cis people not having a great grasp of trans related vocab/not wanting to say certain words is what spawned phrases and questions like "are you a they/them?" (Variations I've heard lately include "so is [name] a she/her now? Or she's still a she/they?" Etc) And that at first glance it can seem kinda transphobic, or at least kinda infantilizing

But I was just kinda hit with a realization that like that's actually a pretty fuckin decent way to ask if someones not cis? Especially on the fronts of safety and respect for privacy.

Like not everyone who is not-cis identifies as trans, or nonbinary, or both. Not everyone has specific labels for exactly their gender, not everyone even wants to find one, not everyone wants to tell people what specifics they've figured out. It also doesn't force you to verbally say or admit much of anything that would put you in a dangerous position if a bigot were to overhear this exhange. This person may be aware that you may not feel safe telling more detail to anyone, or that you've clocked nearby dangerous people that they aren't aware of.

Crucially it is a correct-pronouns-first type of thing. Like you can tell the person more about your gender, if you want to; but they are ONLY asking what pronouns you use, and any additional detail you give them is absolutely and entirely under your control and discretion.

Like I'm not saying it's the best ever way to ask if someone is not-cis or anything but like in retrospect, I think I judged that whole thing a bit too harshly and I genuinely think it's not a bad thing to have in this world

[btsslowburnfic]

BTS Reacts: You Surprise them with Flowers

Fluffy Friday. Enjoy <3

Jin:  Jin walks through the door to your home. “Jagiya! I’m home,” he shouts as he takes off his shoes. He hears nothing in return and then realizes your shoes and purse are missing so you must still be at work. He frowns; he had gotten off early to celebrate your anniversary and he thought you also might have. He notices a light floral fragrance filling the air and  walks through the foyer into the main living room. He instantly sees two vases of roses sitting on the coffee table. “I didn’t order flowers,” he thinks to himself and he walks over to inspect them. He sees a pink envelope laying next to them “Jinnie <3” He blushes as he opens the envelope. “Happy 2nd Anniversary Jinnie baby!! These flowers are almost as good looking as you. ALMOST. I Love You!!!! See you tonight! PS I bet they match the color of your ears right now. Right?” “Aish…” Jin said, feeling his ears and neck turn red. He takes a selfie and sends it to you, “You were right. <3 See you tonight.” 

Suga/Yoongi: The guys were backstage getting their hair and makeup done. Yoongi was over it. He was tired from the press tour and the concerts and he missed you so much. He scrolled through his phone looking at pictures of you and of the two of you together. A sad sigh escaped his lips. “Excuse me!” a voice pipe through the room, “I have a flower delivery.” Namjoon walked over to meet the delivery person. “Oh how nice, someone sent us flowers.” He takes the bouquet and looks at the card. “Actually,” he walks over and hands them to Yoongi who hasn’t even looked up from his phone, off in his own world. “Someone sent this guy flowers,” he thrusts them into Yoongi’s lap. “What the hell?” he asks confused with a pout on his face. But then he sees the card with his name on it and opens it up, “I miss you so much babe! I can’t wait to see you again next month, until then xoxoxo” He looks at the bouquet of flowers, forget-me-nots and for a brief moment, his smile appears. 

JHope/Hobi: “Just relax, we’re almost there!” you reassure your boyfriend as you continue to drive the car away from Seoul and into the countryside. He of course has no idea because he is blindfolded. You feel a little like a creep but you know it will be worth it. “How can I relax? I’m so excited!” he says, his infectious smile spreading across his face. “Just ten more minutes!” you grab his hand and squeeze it. “You know, I could get used to this blindfold thing,” he says, teasing you as he intertwines your fingers. He can’t see you blush, but you are sure he knows the effect he’s having on you. You arrive at your destination, the car slowing to a stop. “Can I take this off now?” he asks, his hands moving up to the blindfold. “No!” you yell. “I need you to keep it on for like 2 more minutes, I promise!” you walk out and open his door for him and gently lead him to the surprise. “Ok. Now you can take it off!” you say. He removes the blindfold and finds himself surrounded by a field of Sunflowers. His hands fly up to his mouth. “What is this? This is amazing!” “It’s a sunflower field. Well...technically a sunflower maze. Since you give everyone so much sunshine I thought this would be perfect for me to give to you.” “I love it!” he pulls you close and kisses you. “Wait, did you say it’s a maze?” 

Rm/Namjoon: Namjoon was taking a break at the studio, scrolling through instagram when he saw a picture that caught his eye. It was a photo that looked just like his commissioned bonsai painting hanging up in his home but with another painting next to it. “Hmmm I wonder if the artist painted another one?” he wondered. But as he looked closer at the picture, he came to realize that it was his wall and that was his painting. What the hell? He texts you, “Did someone  from the art studio come by and take a picture of the bonsai painting? It’s on instagram and it definitely looks like it’s at our house but there’s another painting next to it????” You look at your phone and look up at the wall. Shit. You had commissioned a painting to accompany it by the same artist as a surprise and he had posted it before you were able to show Namjoon. Uggghhhh. It wasn’t the artists fault, he didn’t know that Joon hadn’t been home yet this week. “That’s weird. What does the other painting look like?” you evasively respond. “Flowers. Lots of flowers. It does compliment the other painting well though. Maybe we should ask him about it?” You breathe out a sigh of relief as you text back, “You should recognize them, they’re clematis <3 And it IS our living room. It was supposed to be an early birthday surprise soooo SURPRISE!!! XD XD” “haha really? Well, I love it and can’t wait to see it in person this weekend (and you!)”   

V/Taehyung: Taehyung was on tour during his birthday again this year. You were sad you weren’t able to fly in and surprise him, but you were looking forward to him getting his present which you had coordinated with Jimin and the agency to make sure it arrived in the correct city on the correct day. You had not anticipated he would open it on VLive. You were watching as you wanted to feel like you were celebrating with them. The boys brought out a birthday cake for him and they all sang. They looked tired and happy, the usual when they were on tour. “Thank you everyone. Thank you ARMY, thank you to my parents, thank you [y/n]. Thank you all for supporting me another year.” He waved and made cute faces for the camera and then some awkward ones as well because of who he was. “Actually,” Jimin says, “We have a gift here from [y/n] for you.” Suddenly you are very embarrassed and wish you weren’t watching. Let’s let hundreds of thousands of strangers see what you got your super hot famous boyfriend. Oh God. But his smile was the sweetest, shyest thing ever as he took the package from Jimin so you continued watching even though you wanted to die. “Really? All the way from Korea?” He asks. He takes his phone out and texts you “Are you watching?” you cringe as you respond “Yes <3” He opens the box and you are glad it’s at least nothing sexual or super weird. Out pop hundreds of origami flowers. Carefully folded in various shades of purple, red, and pink. “OOOOoo” the other guys remark as the flowers fall through the hotel conference room. “Beautiful. Did she fold all of these?” Jin asks. Tae smiles as he texts you that same question. You respond. Tae reads your response out loud. “Yes. There are 365 flowers in the box. I folded one each day since your last birthday. The red ones have messages on them as well.” collective awws and “how sweet” fill the room and the Vlive comments fill up with hearts. “Thank you [y/n] I love them and I love you.” 

Jungkook:  JK was currently snuggled up on your couch, drifting in and out of sleep. Jin and Jimin had just left him at your apartment after they had taken him to have his wisdom teeth removed. He had been out of his damn mind at first but now he was just a cute drooly baby. You returned from the store with more pain medicine, ice cream, gauze, and flowers. You had never taken care of someone before really, but this stuff always made you feel better. You head over to the adorable lump on the couch and snuggle up next to him. “Hey,I’m back. You need to take more medicine, it’s been 4 hours” you gently nudge him. “Mmmm k…”  he manages to get out with all the gauze still packed in his mouth. You walk back over to the kitchen and return with a glass of water and your supplies, handing him the pills and water while you arrange the ice cream and flowers on the table. You also go and grab a blanket and stuffed Cooky for maximum comfort. When you come back out to the couch he is crying, “You go me fwower?” “oh my gosh why are you crying? Does it hurt?” you rush over to him. “I wuv fwower. I wuv you” You laugh as you realize he’s still high from the medicine. “ I love you too and I’m glad you like them babe. Now let’s eat some ice cream and rest,” you push his hair back gently and kiss him on the forehead. 

Jimin: You were so excited to go to the festival today! Jimin had bought coordinating hanbok for the two of you to wear and you were going to surprise him by making flower crowns for everyone. Well. In theory you were. But in actuality you were surrounded by petals and greenery that were not going together at all. You felt your tears welling up in frustration. Damn it, you softly whispered as the flowers once again came undone. You hear a knock on the door and go to answer it. It’s Jimin. He’s early and there are zero flower crowns. “Are you ok?” he asks, seeing the sadness in your face. “Do we need to skip the festival?” “No,” you shake your head sadly and open your apartment door all the way, showing the flower explosions. To his credit, he tries not to laugh. He really does. But that just makes you start to laugh as well. Soon the two of you are giggling as you try to show him how bad you are at making them. “See? I’m worse than Jin.” you say, “his was ugly but it stayed together.” you laugh-cry at the sad pile of leaves in your hand. “Oh jagiya, it’s ok. Here, let me help you.” he takes the flowers into his hands and manages to weave them into a beautiful crown. ���You’re so talented.” you say and shyly smile as he places the crown on your head. He gently kisses you, “you look beautiful.”

[surveys4ever]

4.

Why did you first kiss the last person you kissed? Because I love him and I finally got to meet him in person for the first time!

Do you care what people think? I try really, really hard not to but it’s hard when there are hundreds of thousands of eyes on you, all with opinions on literally e v e r y t h i n g you do.

Are you listening to music? If so, what is it? Nope, I’m listening to the movie my husband has on in the background.

Do you like to take walks? My dog sure does!

 Would you ever date someone out of state? My husband was out of state in the beginning!

Plans for tonight? I have to shower and finish redoing my kitchen shelves!

Do you want to go to a party? On one hand, its been nice to have friends that like me enough to invite me to a party but on the other...I have social anxiety soooo no.

Has your birthday past this year? Yup! January baby.

Has anyone seen you kiss the last person you kissed? Plenty of people over the years!

Will this year be better then last? I think every year after this one will be a better year than last year lol.

Can you listen to music while reading a book? Yeah! I enjoy it.

Are Monday mornings the hardest mornings to wake up to? I work from home so all my days are the same! It’s not really hard to wake up ever, unless I was up super late or couldn’t sleep the night before.

Would you go back in time if you were given the chance? I would LOVE to go back and relive when my husband and I first met. Just to experience it all again!

Last thing you ate? Doritos!

Who was the last person’s voice you heard? Ryan Reynolds’, haha!

Who do you get along with best in your family? My younger brother or my grandma!

How old do you think you’ll be when you get married? I was 19!

Have you ever been kissed in a car? Many times!

Who were you last on the phone with? Either my mom or the vet!

Do you think anyone has feelings for you? I know someone does!

Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 months from now? It’s been 9 years, so yeah!

Can you commit to one person and one person only? Already done!

Is there someone who continuously lets you down? Of course.

Is there anyone in your life that knows right away something’s wrong with you? My husband knows me a little too well, haha.

Do you miss your past? Some bits of it!

Are you typically a happy person? I try to be! My brain really tries to prevent that though, sadly.

Do you miss the way things used to be between you and someone else? Yeah. That’s the worst part about getting older.

Who last made you smile? Hubs :)

Can you recall the last time you sincerely liked someone a lot a lot? I can recall right now, yes!

Is there a difference between love and being in love? Obviously!

Where is your Mother? At home I would assume!

Have you ever laid on a couch with the opposite sex? Many times, yes!

Would you rather look at clouds or stars? Stars. Looking at clouds hurts my eyes.

If you could change one thing this year about your life, would you? I mean...I’d like for covid to not be a thing. That would be nice.

Did you sleep alone last night? I never do!

Does it matter to you if your boyfriend/girlfriend drinks? I mean, to excess, yes I would care. But the occasional drink, no!

Do you like potato chips? Yessss.

Are you ticklish? Much to my dismay, yes.

Craziest place you have slept? I don’t think I sleep in very crazy places ever.

Have you ever been cheated on? Nope!

Can you count on anyone to be there for you, always? That’s the best part of being married!

Do you think being “heart broken” is as bad as people say? Oh it’s so much worse.

I’m guessing you’ve probably been asked this before, but which do you prefer - Coca Cola, or Pepsi? Coke!

Do you think the last person you texted is a virgin? (You don’t have to tell us who the person is, just say yes or no.) No, my husband is not a virgin.

Has your phone ever gone off in the middle of a class at school? I always had it on mute!

In your phone’s contacts, who is the second person listed under the letter ‘R’? My hair stylist!

What is that person’s favourite drink? I’m unsure what her favorite is but last time we were there, she requested I bring her a berry Propel!

Has the last person you texted, ever been in your bedroom? Yes, as its his bedroom too.

The last time you washed your hair, did you use conditioner? .....there are people who wash their long hair and don’t use conditioner???

Do you prefer light or dark jeans? There’s a time and place for both!

Do you have an item of clothing that reminds you of someone? Tell me about it, and the person it reminds you of. There’s a lingerie set I wore in an ad for a major brand that always reminds me of my husband because we shot it together and it was a really surreal moment.

If the last girl you texted told you that she was pregnant, how would you respond? She is pregnant, actually! I was super excited for her.

How old is the last male you texted? 27!

How would you react if your mother told you that she was pregnant again? I would be P I S S E D. I already have too many siblings, she does not need any more kids, especially at her age.

Who do you have the most text messages from? Definitely my husband.

When was the last time you visited the doctor? Yearssss ago. I’m terrified of doctors.

Do you know anyone who deserves to be slapped? Oooooh yes, she’s had it coming for far too long.

When you listen to music, do you generally sing along, or just listen? It depends! If I'm just sitting around doing nothing, I just listen but if I’m cleaning, I sing along.

Do you have any of your exes as friends on Facebook? No, I think that’s weird.

Would you have sex with the last person that poked you on Facebook? Poking hasn’t been a thing for yearssss but it was probably my mom, so...

Does more than one person like you? Probably but idc.

Who is the youngest person in your household? When is that person’s birthday? Our pup! It’s also in January!

Who was your first love? Do you ever miss that person? My husband! And I don’t have to miss him, he’s right here.

What is a word that starts with the second to last letter of your name? Ever.

Do you like your middle name? Ehhhh! It’s not my favorite. It’s an old lady name that’s been passed down through the generations but I don’t really like my family so I’m not attached to it at all. I’ve thought about changing it.

Would you ever visit a psychic? I really want to! I wanna see what they have to say.

You log into Facebook and see the red ‘1’ notification next to the message icon. Who do you want it to be? I dunno! Someone exciting I guess.

Let’s say I was going to make you something to eat, what would you like? :) I would love some Chinese food, if you know how to do that!

And what drink would you like with that? Just water is fine by me.

Do you know anyone with the same first name as you? Tell me about him/her. I know plenty but the first one that comes to mind is my childhood best friend’s high school best friend, if that makes any sense? We were best friends in middle school and then we went to different high schools so they became best friends. I’m Facebook friends with her but we’ve never actually met in person, haha!

If your hair is long, would you ever think about having it cut short? Or, if it’s short, would you like to grow it long? I’ve had it super short and I’ve had it down to my butt. It’s currently at my shoulders but I’m attempting to grow it out...I’m thinking like titty length?

Can you remember the last time you felt emotional? What was the reason? Period hormones, baybeeeee.

Do you call your partner ‘baby’? Rarely! It’s usually beebs or bean.

What if you were told that your life has to stay exactly as it is right now, and nothing will ever change? How would you feel about that? I would honestly be pretty okay with that.