#definitely my fav part of the show. I loved all the other evil exes too! and like. most of the other characters ghg | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

greggeverman-blog · 7 years

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Star Trek, Another Generation. 4. Captain of the Best Men

“WHAAAAAAAAAAAT!!” the Starfleet Admiral Janer Cooner yelled in Mclintrix’s face. “What do you mean ‘New Shoes’!??” “It wasn’t Silver Krag’s fault, Admiral”, the ex-captain explained, holding up his hands defensively. “That fleet of prison barges was just asking to be attacked by the Klingons. Silver Krag is just the guy everyone always blames when something goes wrong.” Admiral Cooner and the two other Federation representatives looked at each other exasperated. “But-but-” “Besides”, Lab interrupted enthusiastically. I don’t think General Krag meant to attack the barges anyway. He just couldn’t fight the temptation when the time came.” “Yes!” Mclintrix applauded. “Listen to the Lab-rat!” “The Lab-who?” “No, Not the Lab-who. The Lab-Rat”, Mclintrix corrected. “And don’t try to convince me you haven’t ever had a new pair of shoes! I don’t believe that for one second!” “But, listen, Mclintrix”, Admiral Jase Looney said irritatedly. “This type of offensive is something we’ve gotten rather used to from the Klingons recently. These flash attacks are lately becoming old hat- if you will.” “I won’t”, he answered. “And what exactly does the fact that we’re at war with the Klingons prove?” “Captain, it proves that these brazen attacks must be answered imminently.” “I call ‘em ‘flash mob’ attacks!” Mclintrix replied, proud of himself. Then he paused for a minute. “What does ‘imminently’ mean?” he asked. “It means: Rather soon”, Vulcan ambassador Gluck answered. “Thank you, alien buddy”, Mclintrix bowed. “Those are funny eyebrows you’ve got there.” “I am a Vulcan from the planet Vulcan. There we speak Vulcan and possess that good old Vulcan know how.” “Always an excuse, isn’t there?” Mclintrix smirked. Gluck shrugged contentedly. “That’s logic for you.” He and Admiral Curtis high-fived playfully. “Who says logic can’t be fun, huh?” he asked. “Not I”, Mclintrix responded. “One thing you have to remember though, ambassador Gluck, is that humans are pretty fun too. On a scale of 1 to 10 they’re a 7.3.” He nodded. “Only Bejorans and Oxi-mights- who I like to call Oxymorons- score higher, scoring 8.2 and 9.7 respectively. Now bear in mind, that only counts if you’re respective of them- which I’m not.” “We Vulcans believe in respecting everyone, Captain”, Gluck contradicted him. “Because of the crimes of our long gone Mind-Lords, we have grown to respect all peoples. But especially our friends- and more notably our ‘friends-with-benefits’!” “Not as much as I respect My friends-with-benefits!” Mclintrix affirmed. “Why just before I got tossed in the cookie I-” “Captain, can we Please return to the subject!” Admiral Looney interrupted. “That’s what I’ve been trying to do for the last minute-and-a-half!” Mclintrix replied, equally angry. “Looks like you minstrels can’t seem to get your heads on straight!” “SEEMS LIKE A LOT OF CONFUSION!” a new voice boomed out. “MAYBE I CAN CLEAR IT UP!” A man then stepped out into the room. He was smirking smugly as the three admirals and the Vulcan ambassador trembled in fear. “Captain Evart Demoral!” Admiral Cooner exclaimed nervously. “That was a wallopingly dramatic entrance you did right there!” “Thank you, good sirs”, Demoral said upon entering. “Glad to be of comical-relief.” Admiral Looney introduced him to Mclintrix with a shaking hand. “Captain Mclintrix, this is Captain Demoral! Captain of the USS Cowboy! A very good friend of mine!” “I’ve got Two problems with your sentence structure”, Mclintrix pointed out, raising two fingers. “One: You said Captain a few times too many, and two: It sounds like you’re saying the Cowboy is a very good friend of yours, and not Captain Demoral.” “That Is what I was saying, Captain”, Looney replied. “I love the Cowboy Destroyer. It’s my fav’ ship of all our ships! Captain Demoral I hate.” “So, why is He here?” Lab asked Admiral Cooner, concerning Demoral. “He always intrudes on our confidential meetings”, Cooner explained; but the instant Demoral looked over at him, he added, “Which we love! Heh heh!” “Somebody has to!” Demoral bloomed out approaching the two. The man had to be almost 6 feet 2 inches tall! (Now, that’s Tall!) “It’s the only way to keep you power-hungry nepotists on your leash!” Looney was able to crack a smile. “Yes, we’ve heard all those nepotism allegations before, Captain Demoral.” Demoral marched over to him to stare down on the wimpy human. “Have you now!?” Looney pretended to think back. “Uh…yes, we have.” “Repeat them then.” He walked away to sit down behind Admiral Cooner’s desk and put his feet up. The three admirals and the Vulcan ambassador lined up in a row before his desk, and said in one voice, “Every member of the Starfleet council was only able to achieve his rank because his mommy or daddy is rich.” Looney was the only one who felt brave enough to add- though it was disguised by a fake cough- “Most- of- them-! Cough! Cough!” Demoral popped up out of his seat! “What did you say, Looney Bin! (his nickname for the admiral)” “Nothing! Nothing, nothing!” was the chicken’s answer. Demoral rounded the desk and approached the comparatively tiny human (Demoral was a full inch-and-a-half taller, you see; and with at least 12 pounds of solid muscle on him!). “No; you said something! I heard something in that cough distinctively!” he placed his HUGE(ish) hands on the pipsqueak’s shoulders. “Spit it out, Tiny! Or I’ll turn you into what resembles more of a Pounded human than a real one!” Cooner stepped forward bravely to confront the slightly bigger man. “Please, show some mercy, Captain Demoral!” he pleaded. “For pity’s sake, show your compassion on this poor fool!” Demoral made a backhand swinging gesture at the brave duck, causing him to duck and roll himself into a defensive ball on the floor, whimpering, and muttering what sounded to Mclintrix and Lab like what one would repeat to a baby. “NEVER SAY THAT AGAIN, COONER!!” the Brute Demoral thundered, “demoral”izing them all (I’m so sorry about the pun. It won’t happen again, I promise). “NOW, WHAT DID YOUR FILTHY TOUNGUE JUST UTTER, LOONEY BIN!?” “Please, oh great Demoral!” Looney replied, sinking to his knees. “Ask anything of me, and I shall gladly pay it and more! Just spare me your punishment!” “Finish the twerp!” Mclintrix exclaimed to Demoral. “Thank you, Captain!” was his answer. “I think I will!” He reared back a noodle arm to strike! “SHOW ME MERCY!!!” Looney hollered, holding up his hands before his face. “TAKE YOUR VENGEANCE OUT UPON EITHER THE OTHERS OR THE WALL OUTSIDE! OR EVEN THAT GUY WHO KEEPS BARGING INTO MY OFFICE DAY IN AND DAY OUT, WANTING A LONG TERM, AFFORDABLE HEALTH CARE PACKAGE!!” Demoral slapped him around a few times!! (Oh! The horror of it all!) When he had finally had his fun, he allowed the guy to slump down to the ground, cherry-cheeked! (I hope this isn’t too disturbing of a part for my viewers; because I know I sure had a hard time writing it down!) Looney ended up beside Cooner, who was by now singing lullabies to himself, while covering his eyes in an attempt to block the awful memory from entering his mind. Even the steel-willed Mclintrix couldn’t help but feel for them. “Captain…” he began slowly to Demoral. “I know it had to be done after all they did, but… Did it have to be so violent…?” Demoral looked down at his hands- those tools of such bitter violence! Finally he responded- his voice trembling- “I just… I just wanted to make them pay for their nepotism so bad, Donovan!” Mclintrix placed a hand on his shoulder. “I know. And they definitely deserved it. But not like this, best friend… Not like this…” Demoral threw himself into a big emotional hug with Mclintrix. “I’m so sorry, Donovan!” he exclaimed, breaking down into sobs. “I let evil overcome me! And, yes, I purged this horrible evil from our world! …But at the cost of losing myself!” He cried pathetic tears for a few minutes while Mclintrix patted his head like a puppy. “I’m so sorry!” “I know”, the good captain answered consolingly. “It wasn’t your fault, Evart… It was mine… I should have been there for you… I should have been there…” Lab put a hand on Mclintrix’s shoulder. Tears were in his eyes. “It had to be done, and you know it, Donovan”, he said. “Those admirals are better off this way (lieing on the floor, wallowing in self-pity)… We must go…” “C’mon, Evart”, Mclintrix said, putting an arm around his shoulders. “Let’s go back to the Cowboy.” Demoral looked down sorrowfully at the two whimpering admirals. “I don’t want to leave them like this”, he wined (and dined). But he came with them anyway. *“ALL HANDS, BATTLE STATIONS!! WE ARE UNDER ATTACK!!”* an alarm blared. *“IT LOOKS TO ME LIKE IT’S THOSE STUPID KLINGONS AGAIN!! I’M GUESSING IT’S GENERAL SILVER KRAG’S FLEET!! I’M ALSO ASSUMING THAT HE’S HERE FOR THE MUNITIONS DEPOT- BUT DON’T TAKE MY WORD FOR IT!!”* Everyone popped to their feet, Admiral Looney and Cooner just to dive under their desk. “Under attack!?” Vulcan ambassador Gluck exclaimed. “I’m bailing!” He dived down a hallway. “Follow me, Captain!” Demoral ordered, wiping his eyes. “Let’s get to my uber-awesome ship! It’s called the- wait for it… Cowboy!” “Yes, Captain!” Mclintrix replied, clapping him on the shoulder. He, Demoral and Lab headed after the Vulcan. “Sounds to me like Krag is accidentally attacking us again!” “Yeah!” the huge (sort of) captain shouted back, nodding. “Let’s make this the last mishap he ever makes!” “Let’s!” he reaffirmed. “Because- as we all know- after we teach him a lesson, he’ll get to go home and be more careful next time!” Demoral spun around on him! “NOT WHAT I MEANT AT ALL!” he roared right in the poor man’s face! Mclintrix covered his eyes in the hopes that Demoral wouldn’t even see him there. Demoral snickered as he backed off. The three continued down the hallway into the hangar bay. Docked in the bay were three Galaxy-class cruisers as well as one much smaller Constellation class vessel. Mclintrix and Lab automatically headed toward the first big one- Demoral grabbed the two of them by their coat collars, hauling them back. “NOT THAT ONE, YOU CIRCUS CLOWNS!!” He redirected them towards the next giant vessel. “THAT WAY!!” Mclintrix and Lab didn’t dare resist. They bolted down the docking platform towards the next boarding ramp and began to make the turn- “NO!!” Demoral growled like a ornery shift supervisor! “NOT THAT SHIP!! THE OTHER ONE!!” They bolted down the platform ahead of the mad dog towards the last big ship in the bay. Once at the ramp they turned- “STOOOOOOPPPPPPP!!!” Demoral was screaming. Mclintrix and Lab curled up into a defensive ball in an attempt to ward him off! He dived into their ball throwing fisticuffs! Seconds later Mclintrix and Lab burst out screaming as they ran for the tiny Constellation class vessel, leaving a battered and bruised Demoral lying on the boarding ramp. Once there they wasted no time in pushing and shoving their way up the thin ramp- both trying to be the first to reach the protection of the destroyer. Mclintrix sealed the hatch door as they entered, and then bolted after Lab towards the elevator. The two stuffed themselves into the small doorway and slapped the ‘up’ button. “Whew!” Mclintrix said at last. “We escaped that guy!” Lab was panting heavily. “I don’t like humans!” he moaned. “I wanna go home- AAAAAA! What are You!?” he screamed at a third person in the elevator- if Person is even the right word for the thing! It had no mouth, two blue eyes staring out from in between a think nose bone (which carried down below his collar!), and a weird, braided fohawk atop his thick forehead! “ROOOOOOOOAAAAR!!!” he howled at the two of them! They both pasted themselves onto the far wall of the elevator, panicking big time! Before two seconds passed, they were scaling up the side walls! “Gets ‘em every time!” the alien exclaimed, clapping and giggling (though the sound wasn’t coming from any mouth, but rather a small disk-like indent in his nose-bone). “You Terrans will be so easy to conquer one day.” “You’re an Oxi-might, huh?” Mclintrix said energetically, hopping down from Lab’s shoulders. “I thought you guys had a truce with the Federation?” “Only until we see an opportunity to destroy you, Captain”, the Oxi-might replied, shaking Mclintrix’s outstretched hand. “My name is Q.L: son of A.R, and First in the line of Oxi-might Monarchs.” “EX-Captain Donovan Mclintrix”, he introduced himself. “First in the lineup for hotdogs.” “Ah, I see you are being funny, Captain Mclintrix”, the alien laughed. “But don’t worry, it will be your last.” “Thank you”, was his answer. “I’ve had enough hotdogs today, anyway.” “Can you just drop us off in the prison bay, please!” Lab moaned. “I’m scared!” Just then the doors opened. They were on the bridge! “Q.L!” the acting captain exclaimed. He was a dark-skinned Terran, wearing a ‘what-else-could-go-wrong-today?’ look. “Where in the name of all the Guys is the captain!? We’re all prepped for takeoff, and the fleet’s taking a pummeling out there!” “I’m not his babysitter!” Q.L retorted. “I looked everywhere for the dunce!” “But we need a captain!” the officer said frantically. “I’m too squeamish to do the job! Not to mention I can’t handle the responsibility! Do you guys have any Clue what happens to captains who make mistakes!? I’d probably end up like that presumptuous walking-pig Donovan Mclintrix!!” “So you guys need a captain, do you?” Mclintrix said, stepping forward. “Didn’t you just hear my speech- which included what a fool that Ex-Captain Donovan Mclintrix is!?” the executive officer of the ship asked aghast. “I did”, Mclintrix answered. “And I do believe I’m your man!” he sat down in the captain’s chair confidently. “I’m a Starfleet prisoner anyway, so I’m expendable.” “I wish I was expendable!” the first officer wined. “Alright! You’re in charge, Captain…uh?” “Donovan Mclintrix.” The guy snapped his finger. “Hey! I was just Thinking about that presumptuous…uh- Guy. Yeah. My name’s Drey “Jugular” Sapairo (pronounced Sap-air-o). I’m Number One on this ship.” “You mind if I just call you Jug?” Mclintrix asked. “I love it!” he replied, slapping the back of Mclintrix’s seat so hard his teeth rattled. Mclintrix felt good being back in the captain’s chair again, though. “All hands!” he called over the intercom. “Prepare for launch! Helm, Release docking clamps!” “Uh, Captain?” the helmsman said, turning around to face him. “We’re not back in the early 2000s. We don’t use docking clamps anymore.” “I was just testing your knowledge on history, son”, he replied. “I’m an expert on every single year of the 2000s- up until the year 2018, sir. I don’t know what happened in that year or any after.” “Me neither”, the new captain responded, pointing out the front viewer. “Engage impulse!” Standing directly behind Mclintrix, Drey clapped his hands together merrily. “Ooooh! An impulsive engagement!” he cheered. “So…who are you getting married to anyway?” “This guy Jug is better than me a that!” Mclintrix grinned. “Helm, at least You know what to do!” “Plan the wedding, sir?” the helmsman asked. “Activate impulse!” They guy broke out into song and dance, singing to the tune of Mississippi Moon-base! (Actually he did a heck of a rendition!) He stopped and turned red in the face when he realized the entire bridge crew was staring at him. “Why did you do that!” Mclintrix demanded angrily. “I activated my first impulse, sir, just like you ordered. Was it not to your liking?” “I hate humans!” Lab complained from a corner. “LOOK OUT, CAPTAIN!!” Jug screamed, pointing out the front viewer. A Klingon Bird of Prey blew the front hangar door open, and entered guns flaring! It’s heavy disrupter cannons ripped off the lower warp core of one of the Galaxy class vessels! “MOVE, HELM!!” Mclintrix ordered. The ship’s impulse engines flared into life and their vessel zoomed out passed the Klingon vessel. “Fire phasers as we pass!” he ordered the gunner (Q.L). “Oh my goose!” Jug jubilantly screamed just above a whisper, jumping for joy. “We’re actually gonna Pass at something! Mommy would be so proud!” Their Constellation class vessel poured fire into the Bird of Prey as they passed by it, ripping off the end of its right wing! *“OOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!”* a loudspeaker on its nose screamed. Mclintrix looked stunned as their ship zoomed out into the space outside the space-dock. “I don’t believe it!” he cried out. “That sounds like Silver KRAG!” he spun his chair around to face the communications technician. “Communications officer!” he said to the woman. “Patch me through to that Klingon ship quickly! It’s urgent!” “I can’t allow that, sir!” she replied, leaning lazily on her desk. “Starfleet protocol won’t allow communication outside of expected parameters, without an official on-site representative’s or ambassador’s compliance with the matter, due to subsection 8 protocols on a preliminary basis.” He paused for a second. “Please! It’s urgent!” “Well, why did you wait till Now to tell me that!??” she patched him through. “General Krag’s face should appear on the screen now, sir.” His face appeared all right, except the zoom-in feature wasn’t adjusted properly, so all they could see were a set of Klingon teeth in front of a flapping tongue. “Uh, who is this?” Krag asked (or rather Krag’s mouth asked). “I am Captain Donovan T.T.Y.L Mclintrix of the Federation starship- uh… What ship are we on?” he asked Commander Jug. “Cowboy, sir. And may I just say that you are my role model and hero of-” “The Federation Starship Cowboy!” Mclintrix continued to Krag. “We come in peace-out. We want no trouble with your people.” “Mclintrix!” Krag shouted. “No way, my man! You did it, right? You talked to the Federation big shots? Well, what’d they say? Am I allowed to continue this gravy-train raid? I mean, like…we got over a hundred Federation credits on that last raid, my fellow creature of the cosmos! That’s almost enough for me to buy back-braces for all my guys, so they can do their stretches in comfort and quiet, man. Peace and harmony, man.” His Klingon mouth curved up into a dreamy smile. “We can finally become one with our inner star-shine! And peace? …Well, dude, peace is just the next step, my cousin. We’re gonna ride the train carried by the wind from here on… The Love train… Dude, this is happy in a can, man! And it is So awesome!” Mclintrix had to bury his inner compassion as he replied, “No Krag. I’m afraid I can’t allow this to continue any longer.” He tried to look resolute and brave, but his insides felt like Terran deep-fried salami (Ewww!). The Klingon’s jaw dropped on the screen. “Whu-uuhh!” Krag exclaimed. “But we’re Besties, dude-man! No way would my best friend ever say that to his chum! I’m almost not even able to believe you’re my best friend, Mac’n’cheese… Or uh…Mclintrix!- that’s it! My best friend Mclintrix wouldn’t even consider hurting his besty by saying something rude and mean like that!” The crew all looked to their heartbroken captain to respond. It took him awhile to answer- as his mouth was stuffed with comfort food (Cheesy cupcakes! Yum-yum!). “Listen Silver Krag…” he began slowly- his mouth full. “We might be the best friends time and space ever created- although I, for one, don’t even believe time and space actually created us- but I must stand firm in my resolution… You and your ships must…” He took a deep breath and swallowed hard (The cupcake took a lot of effort to get down). “Back off…” “AAAAAA!” Krag exclaimed, biting his fingernails. “No way!” The teeth on the screen began making wild crunching motions and he began to blow giant bubbles with his bubble-gum. Finally a big one exploded all over the part of his face that was visible. “So, this is how it’s gonna roll, huh!?” he said angrily. “You’re making my peace thing hurt, Captain! So prepare yourself to get a lil’ HURT back!” The screen went dead as the camera zoomed into the blackness of his open mouth, and the transmission was cut. Mclintrix slumped down in his seat. The Cheesey bag dropped from his greasy hand. Lab came over to comfort him, as did all the other officers. There ended up being a large pileup of bodies around the captain’s chair. (The scent of Cheeseys called to them. The “comforting” was just a ruse to get at the delicious snacks!) “Helm!” Mclintrix screamed out from inside the group. “Prepare deflector shields, as well as regular shields!” The helmsman returned to his post, having had his fill of Cheeseys. “Shields…up, Captain”, he said between gulps. “Photon Torpedoes ready as well.” “Good”, Mclintrix replied, reassuming his commanding posture. “Then get ready for the fight of you life!” The Klingon Bird of Prey burst out of the hangar bay, and zoomed right at them! The Battle of General Silver Krag vs Captain Donovan Mclintrix (which later became known as the Battle between Lifelong Friends) was about to begin… (This is so Epic, man!)

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