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shoichee · 4 years

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Red Rose

Part 3 of the Pun Fest collection!

Akashi x Reader

Word Count: 4,355

Synopsis: You made it a challenge for yourself as the esteemed 1st year class clown to get a reaction out of Akashi. Not just any Akashi, however. Boku-Akashi. Things quickly get too out of hand.

Note: I will be trying to avoid describing the “color” of Akashi’s eyes because they are actually a non-diegetic effect, where the animation/visuals are flashy/emphasized for the audience to see, but in the canon universe, they don’t actually look like that and no one will actually see said animations, and such.

»»—————　☼　—————««

“...and after that, his ass fell flat on the floor right in front of everybody! Can you believe that?”

As your voice chimed throughout the halls, your fellow classmates were stifling their laughter but chortles still escaped from their suppressed lips. Hayama smacked your head in utter embarrassment.

“You’ve already told that story to everyone, c-cut it out already!”

“Kotarooooo,” you pouted. “Not my fault that they kept asking for me to retell it again.” You stuck your tongue at him.

“Tch,” he clicked his tongue, figurative irk marks popping up on his temple. “You needa show some more respect to your senpais!” With that, he started grabbing your head to mess with your hair.

“H-Hey! It’s not my fault that you tried to impress a passerby 3rd year girl by doing a failed dribbling trickshot,” you vehemently protested, trying to rip his strong grip off your poor hairline.

Your classmates were either watching with complete entertainment or with concern for your safety as both you and the Uncrowned King were duking it out and sidestepping each other.

… That is, until they grew increasingly uncomfortable after spotting a particular redhead walking in their direction.

You and Hayama were too invested in the playfight to notice the unforeseen deathly silence and chilled air that accompanied it.

“Kotarō.”

With a simple call from his airy tone that still somehow glaciated the sunniest of atmospheres, he halted both of you (with his hand still fisted in your hair and you still pulling his cheek) to turn your attention to the person to whom the voice belonged.

Akashi Seijuro.

“C-captain!” Hayama separated from you at an inhumane speed that rivaled his lightning dribbling. You stiffened yourself straight like a plank.

You’ve heard the rumors. From whispering gossipers to personal testimony from your blonde best friend, you knew his presence meant anything but pleasant.

“Did you forget that we had practice today?”

Holy shit. You glanced in the corner of your eye to see Hayama paled before he gulped. Was he gonna be okay?

You dared not move a muscle from where you stood, hoping not to attract the basketball captain’s attention, but you knew you stuck out like a sore thumb after seeing how all the students huddled closer to the walls while you were stuck in the middle along with Hayama and Akashi.

“I knew that you forgot, so I came by for your sake so we can all start practice together as an absolute team.”

Ah… there was his infamous favorite word.

Akashi flickered his catlike gaze to you. He didn’t miss the way your body was paralyzed by fear, but he slightly narrowed his pupils at the fact that you almost looked curious about him.

“We’re going.” He gracefully pivoted around to walk the opposite direction in where he came from.

“I-I’ll see you later, dummy,” he whispered, giving you a playful wink before he strode up to Akashi’s pace, but you knew from his tense back that he was scared shitless of whatever inevitable punishment drill he was going to be tortured by.

You recovered from your stupor and tried to ease Hayama with a joke. “Don’t act all tough, Kota! I know you’re gonna akashit your pants!—” You snorted trying to finish your one-liner but finding your own joke funny. “P-pf-pfft, don’t slip on the floor again, okay?”

And just like that, with your words, the students around you eased up and let out soft chuckles.

Hayama turned back around even as he continued walking. “Oi! Watch it, kid!” He made the motions of pointing his eyes to you, but you knew that he was grateful for you in trying to unravel his bundle of nerves.

Akashi, still walking, merely glanced back at your figure, unamused at your “joke” but nonetheless almost impressed that you actually had some type of leadership charisma to be able to uplift a crowd’s mood in an instant.

. . .

Everyone released a huge sigh of collective relief once the basketball-player duo was out of sight.

“Are you insane, (l/n)?” Another good friend of yours went up to your side. “You had the balls to literally say such a thing in front of him? Of all people?”

“Well, it’s not like, I’d get sent to the faculty office because of him…” you muttered. On second thought, you probably would. This was Akashi Seijuro you were talking about.

Everyone started clamoring as they all started seeing you in a much higher regard; some of them even looked at you with starry eyes and others swore to be your new admirers. The rest, though, thought you had just sealed your fate by getting under Akashi’s radar.

“You’ll be missed and honored,” a classmate said, giving a solid pat to your right shoulder. “What type of flowers would you like for your funeral?”

“Hmmm,” you hummed, pointing to your chin and staring at the grand ceiling. You turned to them. “Roses as red as Akashi’s hair and the blood of his victims.”

“(l/n), you did not—”

“Oh my god.”

“Is it too late to become religious just to pray for your wellbeing?”

You just summoned chaos in the hallway for the next hour.

---------

The next morning was just another indication of a mild, warm day in Kyoto as you walked past Rakuzan’s school gates. Or at least, you thought the morning would be fine. Even with your thick uniform blazer, you swore that you felt cold chills running down your spine every now and then when you were strolling your normal route to your class.

There’s the cold chills again.

You stopped and looked around your shoulders and behind your back. No one shady was near; they were all too busy chatting with their friends or changing their shoes in their lockers to care much for your presence. Those who noticed you nearby had already given you a friendly greeting.

You hesitantly walked again, being your usual carefree self but now being hyper aware in tracking the students around you. Your eyes widened.

There.

Had you blinked in that moment, you would have surely missed it, but a flash of red flitted around a corner of a hallway. You sighed and groaned inwardly.

Your classmates were right: you were going to die by the hands of a certain redhead.

This was the price you had to pay for not passing up the perfect opportunity for an iconic line.

---------

“Say,” you said turning to your friend once you entered your classroom. “Has Akashi ever shown a side other than being a calm freak?”

“I don’t know if you ever wanna see anything different than that,” she replied, looking up from her homework.

“Imagine him laughing, though. That’d be news of the century.”

“Dear god, I can’t imagine him laughing other than the kind of scheming cackle you’d get from the TV show villains.” You bursted into a fit of snorts while other students, who were secretly eavesdropping out of curiosity after hearing Akashi’s name, snickered.

Another student wedged himself into your conversation. “No one’s ever seen him show any side of him though. Honestly, he’s like a demon.”

“He’s a 1st year student just like the rest of us,” you chided. “Come on, he’s human too. He wasn’t born to be a calculating machine.”

Everyone in the vicinity gave you incredulous looks (for valid reasons, to be fair).

“Hmph!” You crossed your arms. “I’ll prove it to you guys! He’s not as stone-cold as you think!”

“(y-y/n)-san…” Your friend from earlier tugged onto your sleeve. “You’re really fun to hang around with and all, but…”

“Yeah, um… We know you’re competitive and don’t like to back down, but I think you shouldn’t tread into this type of… dangerous territory.”

“Did you already forget what happened with Hayama-senpai yesterday?”

Pretty soon, a large chorus of agreements and mumbles spread throughout your class. Irked, you pouted as you continued to cross your arms.

“I’m gonna make him laugh, and I’ll do it.”

“Uh..”

“Um…”

No one had the heart to disagree with you when you looked like you sparked a fiery aura around yourself as you raised your fists, ready to take it as a challenge for yourself.

Your classmate sighed. Welp, there’s a reason why you got along with Hayama so well in the first place.

You were both so overly enthusiastic and reckless.

---------

You’ve been thrumming your fingers on your desk throughout your classes, staring blankly as you start stringing up ideas on how to accomplish your “challenge.”

Succeeding in making Akashi laugh is like Hayama agreeing to let the dentist extract his snaggletooth. You’re basically asking for the impossible.

Maybe you should’ve settled for a more realistic goal, but then again, this entire ordeal was an entire miracle on its own.

Ah ha. You stopped your finger taps, hitting a fist to your palm in realization. Maybe you just need to get a reaction out of him, and the rest will eventually fall into place.

At the same time, your friend looked at you in worry; you were making odd hand gestures and mumbling to yourself as you went too deep within your thoughts to regard your surroundings.

Oh dear.

---------

Once lunch began, you immediately left class after incoherent chants of “seeyah” and “gotta go” to go look for Hayama’s corpse and pay your respects for the poor 2nd year after yesterday.

You bought sweet bread from the student store for his offering before you went to look for him.

At the sight of the completely lethargic Hayama, you ran up to him in mock grief.

“Ah, spirit-sama!” you cried out, bowing with your hands clasped together (the bread secured in between). “Please at least tell me that Kota died peacefully—” He interrupted you with a chop to the head.

“Ow! Please don’t curse me, spirit! I didn’t treat him that poorly when he was alive…” You winced, rubbing your head in an attempt to soothe the impact.

“I’m not dead, idiot!” he retorted, but his banter lacked bite, and both of you knew why.

You sighed before you flashed him a genuine worried expression. “Are you okay, though?” You promptly handed him the bread, and he immediately did a 180, hooting and having starry eyes at the package.

“Of course I am,” he said, munching on the bread. “Not! He made me do so many extra drills and exercises that I seriously thought I was gonna die!”

“Okay, before you totally freak out, but please don’t freak out,” you started. You told him about your plan about Akashi.

“You’re gonna WHAT—”

“SHHHhhhHHH—” You clamped over his mouth despite him still chewing. “What did I just say?”

“Reo-nee! Ei-chan!” he called out while you still attempted to close his yapper. “Save meeeee!”

The said Uncrowned Kings nearby eyed you two before looking at each other and shrugged; they strolled up to you.

“Oh? (y/n)-chan?” Reo tucked his strands behind his ear. “Has he been causing a ruckus?”

“I have not—”

“Actually, since you’re here anyways, I wanna ask you all something,” you said. “What do you know about Akashi personally?”

“Huh?” was all you heard from the Uncrowned Kings.

“Well…” Reo hummed. “I might know a thing or two about Sei-chan…”

“I’ll just go get lunch,” Nebuya called out.

---------

Day 1 of the Challenge.

Thanks to Reo, you knew most of Akashi’s schedules so you can find the perfect opportunities to “safely” encounter him.

You waited behind a corner of the hall that you knew Akashi would walk through to get to the student council room during lunch. Peeking out, you looked for scarlet hair, ignoring the judgmental (and curious) glances thrown your way here and there.

The moment you saw that everyone instantly collectively vanished, you knew Akashi was extremely nearby. You took a huge breath, expanding your chest to the point of exaggeration, and turned around the corner to finally meet the infamous emperor.

You casually strolled, putting up an impeccable act that you were naturally there rather than staking out the same spot for 20 minutes.

There he is.

You purposely got closer, hoping the closeness between you two would catch his attention. He walked without a change in expression, however, impassively eyeing you before turning his gaze back to the front. That’s when you saw your opportunity.

You almost bumped into him, but you jumped away at the last second while putting your hands up in surrender.

“W-whoa! Wahh, sorry, Akashi-san!” you quickly apologized in a bow. “Luckily, I had my emperor’s eye to foresee the future and prevented any mishap on my part.” You peeked up from your position to see him standing with his back to you, head turned to the side.

A few beats of silence passed before he said, “Your head is too high.”

“Huh?” You were thrown off. That was the last thing you expected him to say. “Wouldn’t my head not be high because I’m bowing?”

He was still assessing you from the corner of his eye, and you willed yourself to return his stare.

“Stay out of my way.”

“Then you should take your own advice,” you huffed, getting up from your bow. “Yesterday morning, I knew you were watching me at some point before you disappeared.”

But he just turned his head back to the front and continued his intended course for the student council room.

Day 1 Results: he scared the daylights out of you instead of you trying to unnerve him.

---------

Day 2 of the Challenge.

What the hell did he mean by “your head is too high?” You still couldn’t decipher his cryptic line. Maybe he just said it to everyone, but that would be really corny of him; he wasn’t that type of person.

Did he think you were too much of a peasant to even talk to him?

You gritted your teeth. You weren’t gonna give up any time soon.

When everyone was dismissed after school, Hayama let you accompany him to Rakuzan’s spacious gym, under the belief that you were going to go home right after.

As soon as you were both in front of the bulky front doors, you marched right in, catching the blonde off guard so much at the fact that you waltzed in there (full knowing Akashi was in there). He couldn’t yank you out in time even with his lightning reflexes, and you skipped around, being careful to stay near the gym walls to not disrupt anyone. You plopped yourself on one of the further benches where you knew none of the players would ever sit, and as soon as you knew Akashi was in earshot (who was ignoring your existence), you smirked.

“Hey Kota!”

“Huh?” He looked up from rummaging through his duffel bag.

“I’ve heard shogi is being played a lot more by people our age for once, but don’t you think it’s such a dread to play such a dull hobby?”

“Yeah, righ—oh.” He swallowed back his answer in seeing Akashi behind you a few meters away, being as still as a statue.

You gleefully looked behind you, hoping for any entertaining response.

Without moving, he slinked his pupils to you before grabbing a water bottle and leaving.

“C-c-can you just drop this entire thing already?” Hayama runs to your side to give your shoulders a firm shake. “I swear to god, you’re not gonna live at this point!”

“You’re right,” you said. “Just for today, I’ll have to retreat before I’ll die.”

“Not just today!” He shook you harder. “I mean stop this for good!”

“Kota, I already signed a death certificate the moment I bumped into him yesterday. Might as well go all out.”

“Oh god, you started this yesterday?”

“Well, I gotta go! See you tomorrow!”

“... More like see you never.��

Day 2 Results: his reaction was inconclusive, but it was more of a failure than success.

---------

Day 3 of the Challenge.

You were pondering about how to annoy Akashi next, both excited and terrified about where this was going to end up.

“(l/n).”

“Y-yes?” You stood straight up from your seat the moment your homeroom teacher called you.

“During lunch, please make your way to the student council room. You’re needed.”

What in the world was going on?

You fidgeted in your seat for the next few hours, shooting anxious glances at the clock every so often. All your classmates’ words of encouragement went through one ear and out the other.

“You’ll be fine!”

“I’m sure a teacher just wants you to help out with some workload…”

“We’re rooting for you!”

As the lunch bell rang, you braced yourself before you promptly made your way to the room that reeked of that particular chilled atmosphere that repelled most students away.

You prodded the door open, slipped in, and softly clicked the door shut before turning around to face the poker-faced terror sitting on his desk, watching your every move.

“Right on time.”

“You called me here?”

Akashi paid no heed to your outburst and continued. “I’ll admit. I’m quite interested in you. You have the innate sense of magnetism that draws others in.”

D-did he just compliment you?

“I would like to put your leadership to the test. You’re now vice.”

“What? You can’t just make a decision like that!”

“I ordered him to quit. There shouldn’t be a problem.”

What the hell?

What the hell, what the hell, what the hell—

Akashi looked at you like he was peering into the depths of your conscience and simply gave a civil smile.

“I hope you will contribute greatly to this school.”

Day 3 Result: a miserable failure.

---------

Day 4 of the Challenge.

You’re stressed, and it’s all Akashi’s fault.

Which made you even more determined to ruffle his feathers and rile him up.

When news broke out of your new “promotion” as vice president, your classmates celebrated for you and your already high popularity skyrocketed. Your teachers didn’t want to hear you talking about quitting when you “haven’t tried anything yet to know if this job was for you.”

The Rakuzan’s basketball starters (minus Mayazumi) were initially ecstatic for you as well… until you told them about Akashi’s string-pullings.

“I’ll make sure Sei-chan won’t do anything, okay (y/n)-chan?”

“Thanks a bunch, Reo-kun… or should I say… Reokunma (Rilakkuma bear)?” You snapped your fingers at him. He just stared at you and patted your head, totally disregarding the fact that you made a pun.

“Just pack in the muscles and you’ll have nothing to worry about!” Nebuya flexed his biceps before getting a scolding from Reo.

“Shortie! Call me whenever you need help!” Hayama dropped his elbow on top of your shoulder to emphasize his point.

“Argh, Kotarō! You’re not that much taller than me at all!” You rolled your eyes. “If anyone, why don’t you say that to Akashi?”

“Say what.”

Oh fuck.

“S-Sei-chan!...” Reo walked over to Akashi. “If you’re here for us, I thought practice didn’t start until much later!”

“I am here for (y/n).”

His irises contracted, highlighting his feline pupils. “I am depending on you as vice president to make this school an absolute powerhouse.”

He still somehow made that sound extremely condescending, like a king encouraging a mere peasant.

You were scared out of your wits, but you weren’t going to crumble so easily. Not until Akashi did first.

“Buh-bye, everyone! Good luck in practice later!”

. . .

The walk back to the office was painfully silent. You decided to break it.

“I’m not taking back what I said, prez, you’re a shortie.”

He paused in his steps. “You run your mouth while knowing no bounds.”

“You’re just a spoilsport, y’know.”

“My orders are absolute.”

“You know, you’re scary as shit, but the whole ‘absolute’ line kinda grows old when I hear it every time I talk to you.”

Palpable silence blanketed between the two of you once again at your words.

This guy can’t even crack no matter what you do.

You stepped into the office and followed him to his desk. He walked to grab a pen from a drawer before he approached you.

He stepped forward, thrusted the sleek, black fountain pen to your face, and jerked back the writing instrument at the last millisecond.

You froze, forgetting to breathe as you felt the pen nib harshly prodding the tip of your nose.

“Do not make me repeat myself. My orders are absolute.”

He then gave you some paperwork and assignments to complete like nothing ever transpired.

Day 4 Results: you thought being relentless in your attacks would prove beneficial, but you’re starting to regret everything.

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Day 5 of the Challenge.

Maybe you needed to avoid direct confrontation, but that doesn’t mean you couldn’t get a reaction from him in other ways.

One small perk of being vice was the fact that you no longer needed to tail around Akashi in order to bump into him “coincidentally,” but you’re not sure if this sole advantage could outweigh the disadvantages, particularly one that might result in your early death.

You’re frankly not as scared as you should be, even though you definitely were at those times you were with Akashi. If anything, it pissed you off that he’s always able to get you to jump out of your skin.

He’s just a 1st year. He’s just a 1st year.

You went to the student council room early to tape on a note to his desk, so there wouldn’t be a chance that it would “fall off his desk” and that “he didn’t see it.”

Roses are red,

I suppose you’re “absolute.”

You’ll still be knocked dead,

And there’ll be no dispute.

You snickered. It was too funny to pass up.

Before you left, you took the time to survey around and get a solid look at the office interiors for the first time (since Akashi’s presence made it impossible for anyone to not pay attention to him).

It was ridiculously tidy, all the wooden furniture polished to the point where their mahogany varnishes shined. Books were meticulously ordered by alphabetical order and genres, and they looked like they were all dusted at every free chance. The rugs showcased simple circles, but the minimalism of them added to the office’s air of crisp cleanliness. The gray curtains gently framed the wide window behind Akashi’s desk. But what really caught your eye was a board of shogi and its pieces tucked away in a corner on a high shelf.

Maybe it wouldn’t hurt to try knocking on Death’s door again.

. . .

Akashi’s shoe clicked on the floor as he opened the door. His steps continued to echo throughout the small room as he walked to his desk to start his work, that is, until he saw your note.

“Oh?” A grin snaked its way onto his face by the time he read the last line.

He severely underestimated you. You unexpectedly had tenacity.

No one has ever defied him repeatedly so openly before.

His expression put the notorious Cheshire cat to shame, his ulterior smile occupying half his face as his eyes widened in excitement equivalent to a predator.

Feeling pumped for the first time in a while, he decided to expend his energy on shogi. He carefully brought down the board and placed it onto his desk, going through the familiar motions of unpacking and setting up a game, before he froze.

There were various pencil doodles on each shogi piece. All of them were variants of :/ and :).

You were taking a jab at his personality as well as his mannerisms.

He barked an amused harsh laugh.

. . .

Day 5 Results: truth be told, you were too scared to see him face to face right after your double stunts; since you knew his schedules, you only came into the student council office when you knew he wasn’t inside.

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Day 6 of the Challenge.

Continuing to avoid him would already confirm to Akashi that you were actually shaken up by the high possibility of him retaliating, and you definitely weren’t about to give him the satisfaction.

You went to class as always, and by break, you feigned innocence as you strolled into the council room, seeing Akashi leaning against the table.

“Good morning, Akashi.”

He nodded in acknowledgment before he gave a full, predatory smile, his pupils focused on you.

“To continue to fuel diligent work, it’s beneficial to recognize one’s efforts by giving gifts.”

What? Was he not going to bring up what you did yesterday?

He pulled out a single red rose and gracefully tilted it for you to take. You warily plucked it out of his hand.

In a different context, it would’ve been sweet or even romantic, but you knew Akashi ticked a different tune.

“I do hope that you will continue to stay and become even more efficient with your work.”

You gazed at the rose at your hand, confused, as Akashi started walking back out, heading for the door.

You gasped.

“... Did you overhear our conversations the other day in the hallway?”

He chuckled.

“I know the future, because I am absolute.”

“Bastard.” You clicked your tongue, turning to Akashi. “You knew the entire time?”

“Shogi is easily applied to every aspect of life. Move the correct pieces and you will always win.”

You turned back around to avoid letting Akashi see you in an embarrassed state. He played you like an absolute fiddle.

You scowled, and you were about to cross your arms in defiance until the sunlight from the window cascaded on something where your “note” used to be.

“Akashi, what’s that on your desk?” You tentatively walked up to the table to see a stainless glass vase with a single dark burgundy dahlia resting daintily against the inner rim.

His hand was on the doorknob before he turned back to face you.

“Dahliang,” his tone of voice light, almost mockingly saccharine. “Do be careful from now on.”

He left.

Day 6 Results: he completely destroyed you at your own game and sealed the final nail to your coffin with a pun.

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End Note: Black dahlias (which are actually dark burgundy in color) symbolize signs of warning, betrayal, and other negative emotions.

#knb #knb x reader #akashi x reader #akashi seijuro x reader #akashi seijuro #akashi scenarios #kuroko no basket #kotaro hayama #hayama kotarou #reo mibuchi #nebuya eikichi #rakuzan #knb scenarios #punfest series #bokushi #boku-akashi #ore-akashi

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amphtaminedreams · 5 years

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Paris Haute Couture Week 2019: Favourites at First Glance

Hi to anyone reading,

And before we start...let me clarify.

Listen, I’m not Luke Meagher. I didn’t go to fashion school. I did history, philosophy and ethics, and psychology at A-level. Not a trace of even textiles experience in sight (I mean, I did it until we picked our GCSE options but I don’t feel that counts, lol). The only “fashion” knowledge I have is from coffee table books, youtube videos and twitter. AND I LIKED MARIA GRAZIA’S 2019 DIOR HAUTE COUTURE COLLECTION.

I think Haute Couture week is probably one of my favourites of the year because I’ve always been good at spotting a pretty dress I’ll never be able to afford and to be honest, not much else. And to me, the Dior collection is everything. Sure, it might not be the most groundbreaking or technically advanced thing ever, and yes, some of the shapes might not be the most flattering, but the best pieces (picked out above) are classic Dior. See, I’m not sure what my idea of “classic Dior” is actually based on other than a vague cultural knowledge but I feel this year’s haute couture collection fits in with that schema a lot more seamlessly than Grazia’s 2018 or 2017 collections, as much as I enjoyed them too. The colour scheme, the lace, the netted veils, the heavy eye makeup; these are dresses for turning up to the funeral of the rich husband you just secretly poisoned in/Eva Green would’ve worn in Penny Dreadful and I’m here for it. The spiked feather detailing that crops up a lot gives me Natalie Portman as the Black Swan and regardless of how flattering they may or may not be (because I'm kind of tired of fashion being thought of as a way to showcase a woman’s figure), I like the Edwardian inspired two pieces. I may be a bit biased, chokers, berets and some kind of netting are 3 of my favourite additions to an outfit, but I do think that as a collection, it all comes together beautifully and I commend Maria Grazia for that. I think now that she seems to have found her footing in terms of producing looks that are recognisably Dior, we only have increasingly creative efforts to look forward to.

Similarly, I adored the styling at the Schiaparelli show. As weird and wonderful as ever, you can see the influence of nature and possibly the visuals of flowers in bloom on Daniel Roseberry’s designs and styling. My favourite thing about this collection was its presentation: for his debut show, Roseberry took a seat in the middle of the runway and sketched out his designs as they appeared on the models in real time. I can’t think of a better way to introduce the fashion world to your vision and creative process.

Moving on from the Schiaparelli collection, it only feels right to talk about Guo Pei next, whose collection also has that characteristic organic feel, almost like the designs could’ve grown right out of the ground of a Tim Burton film. My favourite is definitely the second from the right on the top row, which wouldn’t have been out of place at the 2018 Met Gala. Heavenly Bodies: Fashion and the Catholic Imagination is without a doubt my favourite theme of the last few years. Ornate as ever, each look displays a renaissance painting level of intricacy and craftsmanship; not that a plunge that deep would ever be remotely flattering on me, like there’s a reason I feel a certain type of way about belly button piercings and low rise jeans, but I am obsessed with the detailing of the dress on the far left of the bottom row. That being said, I don’t love this collection quite as much as Guo Pei’s 2018 haute couture offering, however, I think that’s just down to the colour scheme and structures of the latter.

Next is Chanel’s haute couture show, which right off the bat I’ll say I was a big fan of. Surprisingly, I’ve seen a lot of people say they don’t like it but I think it’s a welcome departure from the past few collections which (in my very design naive opinion) were beginning to get a bit monotonous. There’s only so much unnecessarily prissy detailing I can take before it gets a bit like...did they run out of ideas? I think for Virginie Viard’s debut show this is a return to the fresh, clean, functional and even slightly androgynous looks that I think we forget Chanel was originally known for. We still had a couple of the classic elegant dresses too, as seen in the two middle shots I chose, which pays homage to the haute couture collections of the past couple of years. Again, as with the Dior collection, I love the Edwardian/early 20th century influence and the library setting is a fucking perfect backdrop to the collection.

It probably feels a bit contradictory, me going on to praise this year’s Armani Prive collection considering I just criticised the past Chanel collections for being unnecessarily decorative but I see a clear direction with these looks. And yes, I generated a meme to describe how I probably sound right now:

Alternatively, I could’ve just put “how I sound right now”, semi colon, and then insert a photo of a clown underneath, but I’m clearly into 2018 memes, okay?

I’m not going to lie, the basic bitch in me loves these looks because I just know how good they are on the red carpet. Very Disney princess and I’m into it. I’m easily pleased: pastels, faux fur (I hope it’s faux though to be honest, I’m not quite sure), sequins and satin and I’m calling it a masterpiece. So it’s probably best to move on before I expose myself for just how much of a high fashion novice I am, if I didn’t already do that in the first paragraph by praising Maria Grazia. For the same reason, I was obviously a big fan of these looks from the Georges Hobeika haute couture 2019 collection:

And of course, all of these beautiful Ralph and Russo designs:

The dress on the right end, second row from the bottom is honestly probably my favourite of all the 2019 haute couture looks. Like frills!? PASTEL frills!? TIERED, PASTEL FRILLS? Fucking sold. Giambattista Valli is obviously the king of this:

Though I think I’m right in saying that the slightly more unconventional, exaggerated nature of Valli’s dresses elevate them in the eyes of the fashion community that little bit more. Personally, I love the touch of the black bows and the Elizabethan style neck collar of the look second from the right on the top row. Next is Zuhair Murad:

If I'm being brutal, I was a bit disappointed with this collection. I always love Zuhair Murad and love his dresses regardless but I found myself getting a bit bored with a lot of the looks this year considering how excited I was to see them. Though these are my favourites and they are still stunningly elaborate (clearly a lot of work went into the embroidery and stoning), I don’t feel as if any of them, apart from the green and silver jumpsuits, are really anything I haven't seen before. I thought the tribal/nomadic elements of some of the looks could’ve been slightly more conceptual. Like, I get that Zuhair Murad’s dresses, at face value, aren’t really about telling stories but I think if you’re going to go down the mildly culturally appropriative route, you should do it in new way. I read that he was inspired by a trip to Marrakech and I do see that, but it more seemed like an afterthought of throwing these details onto his usual style of dresses rather than the observations influencing the very basis of the collection. Elie Saab’s 2019 haute couture collection is, in my opinion, a good example of how to do this right:

Everything about the construction of these dresses from the padded shoulders to the Mandarin collars draws on the dreamiest possible incarnations of the wardrobes of Chinese royalty, and to watch that translated onto the runway in such a stunning way I hope is a pleasure to see for those who do consider their culture’s past to be a part of their identity today. The jewell tones, the baroque-like patterns, the defined silhouettes, the hair and makeup, I am in awe of EVERYTHING about this collection. I’m glad that Saab had so many East Asian models showcase his designs too; I don’t think it would’ve been right any other way.

Talking of structure, next is Iris Van Herpen:

Like, I need to know the SCIENCE behind these dresses, because I know there was a shitload (lol jk, I really don't want to know anymore science unless I have to). I mean, aside from a few more unconventional, bubble-like shapes that I wasn’t necessarily such a fan of, I can’t fault this collection at all. It really speaks for itself; every part of each design is as mesmerising and as hypnotic as the next, from shape and structure to the colours chosen. Even the more “simple” numbers such as the golden dress second from the left on the bottom row looks like it’s permanently caught in the wind, and I can imagine it on the statue of some Greek goddess whose name I cannot in this moment be bothered to check I’m not pulling out of my arse. You know, Aphrodite, Athena...one of that lot, lol. Finally, let’s talk about Valentino, Givenchy and Fendi, starting with my least favourite of the three, Valentino:

It’s not that there weren’t some wonderful looks. Of my favourites above, the white kimono style dress on the left of the bottom row, the blue dress with the cape and the green floral coat with the matching mesh dress underneath are the stand outs. It’s just that this collection isn’t particularly my style as I’m not much of a fan of block or primary colours; it’s personal preference and that’s not to say it’s a bad collection by any means. I can still appreciate that more thought and work and general energy than I’ve probably ever exerted in my life went into it.

Next is Givenchy:

LOOK at that dress on the right on the row second from the bottom. LOOK AT IT! The pastel pink cape! The layered houndstooth dress! The feathers! The neckline of that top on the right, second row from the bottom! The MENSWEAR! I want it all. It’s modern and it’s cool and it’s wearable but it also looks like me or you could never bloody afford it and that’s how you know it’s Givenchy, lmao. It’s not hard to see why this collection was so popular within the fashion community; it really is a masterclass in less is more which takes a lot to admit because I’m usually a more person.

However, overall, my favourite collection of the three has to be Fendi:

The 70s are my favourite decade for fashion and so this collection is absolutely delicious. I love the warm tones contrasted with a splash of almost metallic cools or pastels every so often and throw some faux fur (again, I don’t know if it is faux?) over anything and it immediately looks 10x more glamorous in my opinion. Half the looks are giving me groupie to a rock band and the other half are giving me bored Hollywood movie star in her Beverly Hills mansion, walking round with rollers in her hair and a pornstar martini. As you can probably tell if you’re still reading, outfits that give me a story are the ones that I love the most, lmao. The perfect balance between opulent and effortless, in an ideal word I would absolutely own and wear every single one of these outfits, regardless of where fashion critics stand on them, and feel like a badass bitch.

And to kind of round off the post, isn’t that what’s most important? That an outfit makes you feel empowered and like you could dramatically slap the shit out of anyone who disrespects you (FEEL being the keyword here, I’m really not recommending anyone goes round slapping every person who disrespects them)? I definitely do want to be more educated on fashion and its history, after all, I’ve always been a history student, but at the same time, I don’t want to suck the fun out of it for myself. Most of the time I don’t want to look at a dress and compare it to every single collection of years past or scrutinise who did what better, I just want to marvel at it. I think one thing that bothers me is that within something as relatively harmful as fashion, it seems kind of elitist and hierarchical to categorise opinions as good and bad based on how much education a person might have on the topic. Let’s be real, fashion isn’t really a realistic career path for most of us. The average person hasn’t always got time to research the history of a fashion house before they make a statement about one of its pieces. They’re working, lmao. If your career is in fashion, lucky you. But in a lot of cases, as within a lot of creative industries, luck is really just privilege, connections, money, leisure time and choice and only a select few people have those things, and I don’t think we should let those people dictate who has style and who doesn’t. These things are subjective. Let people like what they like without equating that love of something to a lack of taste, you know?

In a broader sense (and I really don’t know how I got off on this tangent) something makes you feel beautiful and YOU think you look hot af, WEAR IT!

It’s a bit of a cliche as a closing statement but if anyone read until the end, I hope you enjoyed the post. I am always totally open to hearing other opinions and points of view so feel free to send an...ask? Message? I’m not sure what it’s called in 2019, lol. Anyways, feel free to do whatever that function is called nowadays and rant away.

Lauren x

#eliesaab #kaia gerber #dior #paris fashion week #fashion #fendi #Zuhair Murad #givenchy #valentino #giambatista valli #chanel #iris van herpen #guo pei #schiaparelli

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