#didn't wanna disrespect their languages...but being monolingual does not help gbisdxf

[emeraldtawny]

IkeVam Headcanons: Angry Vampires (Mild Crack)

Hello and welcome to “Let Them Say Fuck”, a crack headcanon piece for each vampire and how they would react in a situation when shit hits the fan and the only possible answer is to word vomit profanities or punch the nearest wall~ ^w^

I checked with many people who actually speak these languages to confirm its accuracy. However, if I do get anything wrong, I do apologise. It’s all fun at the end of the day anyway, right? Anyway, profanity ahead. Let’s go~!

~

Napo

Reason for anger: MC got kidnapped and was almost stabbed before he rescued her, barely subduing his rage.

Response: “Brûle en l’enfer, connard.” before taking her home and taking out the rest of his anger in combat training.

Translation: Burn in hell, bastard.

~

Mozart

Reason for anger: The piano tuner was a day late and didn’t seem repentant for his misdeed in the slightest.

Response: [muttered under his breath] “Geh staub fressen, du hurensohn. Leck mich im arsch.”

Translation: Go eat dust, you son of a bitch. Kiss my arse. (I had to include ‘kiss my arse’ since he kinda did make a composition of the same name bfuxkgjfxngx.)

~

Leonardo

Reason for anger: A tower of books collapses over him when he pulls one loose in his mess of a bedroom.

Response: Throws his hands in the air as he proclaims, “Vai all’inferno, pompinara. Porco Dio!”

Translation: Go to hell, cock sucker. Fucking God!

~

Arthur

Reason for anger: A bird stood him up...but it got him in enough of a rut to make him lose a chess match to Theo.

Response: “Fucking vazey wagtail making me look like death’s head upon a mop stick. Fuckin’ Theo, that fuckin’ wanker.”

Translation: Fucking stupid whore making me look like a miserable man. (Second part is self-explanatory.)

~

Vincent

Reason for anger: Someone thought that it was a good idea to grope MC without her consent.

Response: No words. Just the cleanest, most back-breaking suplex that you have ever witnessed upon another person.

~

Theodorus

Reason for anger: Just as a successful art trade was about to occur, the museum director ‘accidentally’ ripped the canvas and had to throw it away for no longer being suitable.

Response: “Vieze zakkenwasser. Krijg de klere! Pleur op!” and punches the doorframe on the way out.

Translation: Dirty douchebag. I hope you get cholera! Fuck off!

~

Dazai

Reason for anger: On an awful gambling streak. And today of all days is when everyone wants to talk to him when all he wants is to seethe privately.

Response: “エヘヘヘ... 死ね。”

Translation: Ehehehe...die. (うわ, 怖いよ〜)

~

Isaac

Reason for anger: He was just about to have a breakthrough in his work but he went to grab some coffee...and came back to all of the paper around the archive gone, likely thrown away by someone who thought it was trash.

Response: Clenching his fists until they turn white and punching the bookshelf as he exclaims, “Lord, so help me before I take your name in vain and run to the Devil himself! Bloody Nora…”

Translation: ...not needed? (Given how religious irl Isaac was, it seemed fitting to give him something like this.)

~

Jean

Reason for anger: He just…..remembers why he’s here. Remembers that Comte brought him back as a vampire.

Response: “Sacre bleu...fais chier.”

Translation: Good God...this pisses me off. (He’s a man of the church, so his swears are relatively tame….relatively.)

~

Shakespeare

Reason for anger: A self-proclaimed ‘critic’ thought they could give Shakes some helpful ‘tips’ for his ‘eyesore of a play’.

Response: [spoken with a deadly calm tone and the brightest smile] “Without beating ‘round the bush, more of your conversation would infect my brain. Away, you quailing, flat-mouthed miscreant.”

Translation: … yup.

~

Comte de Saint-Germain

Reason for anger: Will is being a piece of shit, so much so that MC’s life is put in grave danger because of it.

Response: [spoken in a calm and measured voice] “Putain, fuck, cazzo, mierda, scheiße, foda, kut, blyat, منيك.”

Translation: Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. (Languages are French, English, Italian, Spanish, German, Portuguese, Dutch, Russian and Arabic respectively. Leo says the last time Comte spoke Arabic, an entire organisation of aristocrats ceased to be known again, so be wary.)

~

Sebastian

Reason for anger: Someone stole his precious notebook and the residents discovered his ‘pastime’.

Response: “くそー! この野郎。Je vais les tuer.”

Translation: Dammit! This bastard. I’m going to kill them. (Poor Sebastian...and poor guy coughArthurcough who will be receiving his punishment.)