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floggingink · 7 years

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Riverdale, “Chapter Seventeen: The Town That Dreaded Sundown”

SOME TENSE SHIT!!!!! SIT BACK!!!!!

Jughead should definitely know that a serial killer needs to have a body count of three to earn that sobriquet, so what Riverdale has is a sort of obstinate murderer

I LOVE his serial killer thought-mannequins

“Damn good coffee”: of course the Riverdale library has one light bulb per shelf and of course the librarian is dressed like that, with a big, big flower pin and half-moon readers

Jug should probably NOT say things like “Research, not for school,” unless he wants to be put on a list, like in Se7en (he has to raise flags verbally as it appears the library is offline)

Cheryl’s hair: there is very little Cheryl in this episode, but I take heart from the fact that her hair looks as bouncy and incredible as always, in the background

Alice rolling her eyes at Hal putting in a stronger lock seems to encapsulate much of Alice’s particular joie de vivre: She hoovers up every grisly bit of information, draws the most macabre conclusion possible, and spreads her vision to the masses for others to panic, but dares the danger itself to try and affect her, Alice Cooper

another slide transition wherein Alice and Jughead are more or less doing the same thing!

one of these days Jughead is going to cautiously open the door of his trailer and get absolutely pummeled

Archie made a little target out of printer paper with a Sharpie

I really like the long, serious, universe-appropriate fallout of the video. people are like, What the FUCK were you thinking? because it was a fucking insane thing to do!

Hermione is ON THE MONEY about Archie right now. Archie was a bumbling hero last episode, but at the end, VIA HIRAM, took it to “the streets” and is now “threatening violence,” because he has PTSTunnel Vision

Veronica’s hot pink miniskirt? seconded

Hiram beaming as he ticks off the “chaos and confusion” spreading around Riverdale, half of it brought about by his bequest, wishes he had a glass of port to swirl menacingly

the Coopers seem to have a centerpiece on their dining room table of a big bowl filled with napkins

Best costume bit: Betty’s cut-out paper snowflake shirt???

The Blossom spawn: REMEMBER THAT POLLY RAN AWAY AGAIN? it was like the fourth time she ran away

Mädchen Amick, MÄDCHEN AMICK: Alice’s HUGE DRAMATIC inhales as she cry-scolds Betty. “AND THEN YOU TRY AND MAKE ME THE MONSTER.” PUNCH THE TABLE

Hal’s extremely calm, blue American Eagle sweater

okay when Archie said he took the original video down on his own, I was slightly mollified, but you know, YOU KNOW HE WASN’T DONE OKAY

at Betty’s request that Jughead leave Southside, during lunch, to go to Riverdale, during lunch: “Betty, I have to try and at least maintain a semblance of being a student here.”

Sexy, aesthetic Southside: Sweet Pea’s computer is such a piece of shit, he is amazing

Toni has on some sort of incredible elastic headband from Claire’s

Gay?!: Fogarty wants to earn his “Serpent stripes,” which apparently means you need to...take something to the streets…

he and Moose would probably get along. they seem to be built from the same mold

Sweet Pea LOVES this idea and pounds the table!!! gerrymandered violence!!!! meanwhile Jughead is panicking because he is really bad at violence

Gay.: “I know this guy,” AKA I slept on his bedroom floor for a couple weeks

Jughead calls Archie “a milquetoast,” a word Archie would not understand

there is a BEAUTIFUL, eye-rolling Serpent along the wall behind Sweet Pea, with a nose ring, who does not care that Jughead does not like this

Sweet Pea’s sort of caustic bluster comes from someone who has probably never shot anybody. I think he is still trying to figure out Jughead, whom he just calls, proprietarily, “Jones”

Archie > Dawson: Archie strutting down the hallway, revelling inwardly at how badass his callout of the Black Hood was, crashing into a Veronica who does not give a shit, is almost perfect except that there isn’t literally a record-scratch sound effect

there is a girl in a pink sweater, by the way, who gives Archie what would be my expression, which is like, Don’t you, like, play the guitar?

Fifth period is AP English: Archie read Lord of the Flies but missed the part where it’s not about human nature in general but rather the nature of spoiled boys

Veronica is slightly stunned that Archie does not have a plan more intricate than basically what he outlined in the video. basically that Hermione was right

I don’t think Betty/Jughead and Veronica/Archie interact this episode, which means we do not get to read the screen of Archie’s phone receiving Jughead’s text: “nice video, YOU DOLT. ARE YOU HAVING SOME SORT OF PSYCHOTIC BREAK.” five minutes later: “is this because I stopped sleeping on your bedroom floor? tell me the truth.”

someone transcribed the audio of Archie’s video into Principal Weatherbee’s olive Moleskin dayplanner

if Episode 1-5 Archie saw what Episode 17 Archie has done to his music and football career, he would have a coronary

Kevin has “reupped” his membership to a hookup site for blue-state people in red-state states

OOH the soundtrack when Betty talks about getting the Black Hood letter was SORT OF opening-credits Se7en, but like, by way of the Riverdale theme

Betty makes a classic horror movie decision (good or bad TBD by the outcome) of deciding not to tell anyone about The Test

Kevin makes a valid point that Betty is not unionized FBI Special Agent Will Graham, or even trainee Clarice Starling

50 Shades of Betty: Betty’s eyeliner manipulates Alice’s dramaternal instincts

Alice assumed the Black Hood is “terrified” of her so he uses the second-best Alice, which is Betty

in another Zodiac move, Alice publishes the cipher in case an old retired couple takes a crack at it and solves it over breakfast (this is a great movie)

Reggie’s world is collapsing around his ears: “PLEASE, BRO. SIGN THE LETTER.”

Archie is taking Alice’s spin seriously that the killer must be a Southsider, like he took Hiram’s word to form…….I’m exhausted

this episode’s Archie is the same Archie as “The Outsiders” when he outs Jughead’s father as a Serpent, which was awful, except the awfulness this episode entertains me

Dilton just wants to watch the world burn, which at this point Archie should recognize since he says things like “The hunter becomes the hunted” and “And then there was one”

Summer + Blair = Veronica: Veronica quietly confronts her father, Slytherin to Slytherin, about Archie’s simpleness being both a pro and con

is it weird for her to have to sit facing a portrait of herself? (probably not)

the CW website dims when you pause it, so I can’t read Jughead’s notes, but he’s taking notes longhand, which is probably, like, calming

I want to say he’s put up a few of his movie posters! Jughead has a bedroom!!!!!

Toni prefers Jake Gyllenhaal’s Zodiac book from the movie (this is a great season of Riverdale for David Fincher)

Jughead is kind of adorable in this scene. he has never had a friend, EVER, who has not given him a weird look when he drops a reference to H. H. Holmes’ murder hotel or Dahmer’s sex zombies or whatever (Archie does not know who they are). his big blue-eyed gaze up at Toni is because he finally found someone else who listens to The Last Podcast on the Left

though Albert Fish stuck pins up his dick, so there’s a time and a place for all quips

“True crime is my crack” is an understatement

“True crime is my JJ” would work

the lock screen on Betty’s phone is like a pink Versailles print because Betty is a French Rococo princess

in a twist I never saw coming, Jughead chooses the “__ - __” version of a dash instead of an em dash

Veronica supports Archie’s dangerous side-project because right now it’s just Archie and his “comely crew” picking up Ethel on the side of the road. she does not know of the plan to go TO THE SOUTHSIDE, LIKE A MORON, for a confrontation no one else wants

I’d like to know what secret fund Archie is dipping into to buy Ms. Grundy $300 cello bows and $500 tactical Army gear

Jughead 1) brought his beanie with him to the door and 2) doesn’t bother putting it on when it’s Betty, because he is a special young man

Betty wants to see Jughead EVERY DAY

Jughead becomes the second television character in history to admit to having morning breath, after Sookie St. James

Fwoopy hair is the best hair: Jughead’s freshly slept-on mop of hair, Jughead’s bedhead, reinforcing the lesson that seeing him without his hat on is a privilege reserved for the few, the proud

Jughead eats: Jughead’s breakfast of coffee and cereal feels right, true

consider that Jughead could have lied and not told Betty that he’s been doing research on the side—and it’s not even on the side! it’s on his own time, at his school—with his ONE OTHER FRIEND, leaving her to “discover” this fact later when Toni “lets it slip,” what we might call the Gossip Girl route. instead Jughead’s like, I’ve been doing X with Z, by the way

Betty very cannily proposes a group project to steer this train barrelling down a hill and makes sure to haul in Kevin, an ally

Jughead’s resistance to fully embracing Kevin continues

“Are you saying I’m not rocking the scoop-neck look?”

Veronica was rich: Veronica’s late-night planning is impressive, as was someone’s ability to come up with a wholly original logo for a downtown office space converted into a restaurant only open for brunch and happy hour for her

Cheryl’s a chaos angel from hell: Cheryl agreed to help distribute the T-shirts, I can only assume because she knows she is spreading Hiram’s chaos and confusion

WHAT’S UP, TONI?

Kevin knows where his platonic bread is buttered: “ICONIC AND BEYOND REPROACH”

Kevin looks SO MUCH like his father in this scene!

Betty TAKES DOWN her ponytail, in an incredible soft-power move!

God bless jingle-jangle: Toni is right that people need to stop TOTALLY ERRONEOUSLY forcing themselves to assume everything bad is from the southside and Betty is right that Toni is TOTALLY ERRONEOUSLY forcing herself to assume Betty is Betty’s mother! it’s not Toni’s fault that she didn’t get that Blue & Gold issue with Betty’s huge “FP JONES PURE AS FRESHLY FALLEN SNOW” headline. however I do wish Toni’s defenses of the southside, that mostly it’s patriarchs like Clifford Blossom who are involved in drugs and that Archie’s Red Circle IS A GANG, were not so couched in obnoxious SJW verbiage

Every triangle has three corners, every triangle has three sides: also I agree with other very eloquent, thoughtful people that what Toni probably wants is for Jughead to just be a fucking Serpent already and that Betty, to the Serpents, is an almost out-of-nowhere anchor to the preppy, ancien régime northside who needs to go so Jughead’s transformation will be complete

CAN PEOPLE STOP TELLING JUGHEAD’S GANG SECRETS FOR HIM? CAN JUGHEAD LET PEOPLE KNOW THINGS HE WANTS TO TELL THEM ON HIS OWN TIME? CAN JUGHEAD HAVE ONE SINGLE THING TO HIMSELF?

Archie going to the southside, completely unbidden, is GLORIOUSLY HORRIBLE, OH GOD

if Jughead knew Archie was strolling around graffitiing vintage barn doors on his side of town just to intimidate the locals with a giant defacing threat of baby police state violence, Jughead would actually, literally kill him

some sorta sweet green muscle car parked there though!

I’m writing a scene where it’s gay.: as it is, Sweet Pea would be honored to do Jughead’s dirty work for him, except that Archie is PACKING HEAT

These students are legally children: Sweet Pea’s feelings look hurt that Archie escalated this so insanely and Archie’s hand is shaking because he wants to be a big scary guy but really he is an infant

Allison Anders’ camera pans so lovingly up Betty and Jughead’s semi-entwined bodies as a sort of cool-down exhale, like Everything is fine

Jughead confirmed big spoon

“Exhaustion. It’s not easy being us.”

Cheryl’s sheaths: Don’t miss Cheryl’s low V-neck in science class!!!

she’s partnered with Kevin, so...to be a fly on the side of that table…

Archie can TRY TO PRETEND like he’s still writing songs!

VERONICA’S READING GLASSES ARE BACK

HERMIONE IS GREAT AGAIN

“Let me tell you something about loyalty. AND I KNOW WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT.”

YOU KNOW I LOVE THE HUGE THEMATIC THUNDERSTORM

YOU KNOW JUGHEAD HAULED HIMSELF TO THE COOPERS’ AFTER HE READ THAT LETTER

Jughead CANNOT BELIEVE he was not immediately included in the intimate circle of two who knew HIS GIRLFRIEND got a PERSONAL LETTER from his PET SERIAL KILLER

oh my god, oh my god, someday I will be a good enough writer (@nimmieamee) to sit down and with cool confidence articulate all the ways that Jughead’s scene with Archie in the second episode, when he grabs Archie by the lapels and shakes him, with his words, begging him to TELL SOMEBODY, is Jughead’s defining, most fantastic, saddest, righteous moment, from a kid who screams at the sky that he doesn’t care about anything yet cares EXTREMELY about EVERYTHING. it gladdens me...it is my JJ...that Jughead does the same here, to someone else he loves, who is sitting on explosive information that is putting, you know, lots of people in danger, just because the information is too close or too scary. you know, Jughead can be on whatever side of the town he wants. but Jughead is a fucking moral compass. Jughead is like the Zodiac killer’s target symbol, except that his target IS JUSTICE

“I’ve been gone for two days.”

Jughead doubts it: at this point I honestly can’t tell if I think Archie would absolutely know that Betty isn’t to blame for anything or if he’d be like….But is it possible…

goddamn fucking Jughead like when Betty was like, AM I CRAZY, Jughead is like, GET IT TOGETHER

it was too much when he sat next to her and rubbed her shoulder. his signature move. can you believe this. it even calmed Archie once. Veronica, you’re next. sit down on a couch built for two and let your eyes start to fill. I need a Jughead right now because of all the emotion I’m feeling about Jughead

HE EVEN TRIGGERS ANOTHER BLUE & GOLD BRAINWAVE I’M HAVING A HEART ATTACK

Veronica makes an instinctively uncomfortable face reaching into the tank, but the tank water is clean, for the record. I want to stand up for these bathrooms because they are so much immeasurably fancier than my high school bathrooms

Archie’s blackout speech to Veronica in his living room is the apex of his insanity, so it’s all going to be okay, but Veronica has to do all the work to get him there

“No, you just asked me to fetch your loaded gun.”

a Reggie will always defuse tension

Penelope’s looking good at the town hall! you can only barely tell her face is fucked up

“In the Book of Reg, that makes you a top-tier loyal badass.” basically what Serpent Daddy told Jughead about his father

GET IT? BECAUSE THE RED CIRCLE IS BASICALLY A GANG? they’re both gangs. case dismissed

Sweet Pea just gets cuter and cuter

SWEET PEA AND REGGIE, TOGETHER AT LAST?!

“You have crap timing, bro.”

Veronica calls them all “troglodytes,” which I think isn’t giving troglodytes enough credit

everyone promptly concedes to Veronica, who is far and away the most natural leader amongst them

Jughead and Betty break into the library to stop an actual killer and Veronica breaks into the school to get Archie’s gun, so you tell me who’s a better boyfriend (they are both excellent girlfriends)

okay maybe they go to the library, which is just open late, and calmly check out a Nancy Drew book, but once again Betty&Jughead’s plot is like THE SKY IS FALLING, meanwhile Archie is like, THIS PROBLEM I CREATED IS GETTING OUT OF HAND!

The 2001 Josie and the Pussycats movie was a masterpiece: Mayor McCoy is about done with Alice

What damn high school in America: I don’t think Alice means that the Southside kids should integrate into Riverdale High so much as they should just end up on the streets like the hoodlums they are

THIS “PIT OF VIOLENCE WAITING TO ERUPT” IS A RED BUTTON LABELED DO NOT PRESS THAT ARCHIE ANDREWS CAN’T LOOK AWAY FROM

Certified pedigree: “Alice, you’re the one holding the cleaver.” WHERE IS YOUR SON FREDERICK

Fred saying “Meanwhile there’s a guy out there with a gun and a hood” overtop Archie, a guy with a gun and a hood, “bringing out the worst in this town”

Archie’s haymaker is really good, though

Sixth period is Intro to Film: the pullback along the line of Serpents and Bulldogs crashing into each other is straight out of Captain America: Civil War because it cannot be improved upon

does Hiram WANT Riverdale to get divided into two different towns so that he can buy one of the towns?

I’ve seen Brick like thirty times: Veronica, in a cape, fires a gun into the air to stop the gang fight, because out of everyone there she is actually impressive

Dilton Doiley is a canonically great dancer: Does Dilton—stab himself? is Dilton ACTUALLY a psychopath?

Betty and Jughead with their post-investigation wet hair is classic

I am breathlessly waiting, BREATHLESSLY, for Alice’s hammer to come down on Jughead

Veronica uses the word “fraught,” which Archie will write down for later

The female gaze: Archie’s torso and Veronica’s thighs

the warm summer rain of perspective starting to mist in on Archie’s garden of trauma

Betty answers her the call from “Unknown,” because I suppose she’s never answered one and it’s turns out it’s from the car dealership in the state you don’t even live in anymore trying to tell you that the warranty on your Corolla is about to expire soon when you know very fucking well it expired like ten years ago and they just want YOUR MONEY

Please protect Betty: BETTY PLEASE BE CAREFUL!!!!!

NEXT WEEK: Cheryl waves at me

#riverdale #i say #commentary #tropes

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