#disorient my percetion of time and my identity.
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isn't it weird when something happens that by all accounts should make life feel slightly better but you just feel worse?
#a little while ago something happened between me‚ a friend‚ and his friend where she didn't let me into a server and since then i was#wondering whether it was a problem with him or me or just circumstances‚ and i was getting kinda paranoid about it so i asked him today#what the deal was with that and apparently it's bc 'nobody wants me to be there / and i should stop caring so much'.#which i mean‚ fxxk. im kinda wishing now it was just because 'i suck' or something that's like a specifically-made sequence of words to#disorient my percetion of time and my identity.#i was hoping that asking him would help by making me less paranoid but now i just feel bad. which is a net loss. so that sucks
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