#does cooley usually look like that. like a baby

[slaykovsky]

at least he’s good at hockey (?)

[papermoonloveslucy]

LUCY AND CAROL BURNETT (aka THE HOLLYWOOD UNEMPLOYMENT FOLLIES)

S3;E22 ~ February 8, 1971

Directed by Jack Carter ~ Written by Ray Singer and Al Schwartz

Synopsis

Harry has fired Lucy again, so she visits the unemployment office where she reunites with secretary turned actress Carol Krausmeyer (Carol Burnett) and meets other out of work show biz folk.  They decide to put on a show in order to make some dough!  

Regular Cast

Lucille Ball (Lucy Carter), Gale Gordon (Harrison Otis Carter), Lucie Arnaz (Kim Carter)

Desi Arnaz Jr. (Craig Carter) does not appear in this episode, but is given opening title credit.

Guest Cast

Carol Burnett (Carol Krausmeyer) got her first big break on “The Paul Winchell Show” in 1955. A years later she was a regular on “The Garry Moore Show.” In 1959 she made her Broadway debut in Once Upon a Mattress, which she also appeared in on television three times. From 1960 to 1965 she did a number of TV specials, and often appeared with Julie Andrews. Her second Broadway musical was Fade Out – Fade In which ran for more than 270 performances. From 1967 to 1978 she hosted her own highly successful variety show, “The Carol Burnett Show.” Lucille Ball made several appearances on “The Carol Burnett Show.” Burnett guest starred in four episodes of “The Lucy Show” and three episodes of “Here’s Lucy,” only once playing herself. After Lucille Ball’s passing, Burnett was hailed as the natural heir to Lucy’s title of ‘The Queen of TV Comedy.’

Krausmeyer is the same last name as the music teacher played by Hans Conried on Lucille Ball’s radio show “My Favorite Husband.” 

Richard Deacon (Harvey Hoople) is probably best remembered as Mel Cooley on “The Dick Van Dyke Show” (1961-66). He appeared as Tallulah Bankhead's butler in “The Celebrity Next Door,” a 1957 episode of “The Lucy-Desi Comedy Hour.”  He was employed again by Desi Sr. as a regular on "The Mothers-in-Law” (1968). This is the first of his two appearances on "Here’s Lucy.”

Harvey Hoople is a clerk at the Unemployment Office, although his name is never spoken aloud.  

Clarence Landry and Vernord Bradley (“The Highhatters”) were a tap dance duo who both appeared in in the Vitaphone 1941 short Minstrel Days.

Landry and Bradley are a introduced to Lucy by Carol using their real first names. 

Jack Benny (Himself) was born on Valentine’s day 1894. He had a successful vaudeville career, and an even greater career on radio with “The Jack Benny Program” which also became a successful television show. His screen persona was known for being a penny-pincher and playing the violin. Benny was a Beverly Hills neighbor of Lucille Ball’s and the two were off-screen friends. Benny previously appeared on “The Lucy Show” as Harry Tuttle (a Jack Benny doppelganger) in “Lucy and the Plumber” (TLS S3;E2), did a voice over cameo as himself in “Lucy With George Burns” (TLS S5;E1), and played himself in “Lucy Gets Jack Benny’s Account” (TLS S6;E6). This is the third of his four  episodes of “Here’s Lucy.”  Benny and Ball appeared on many TV variety and award shows together. He died in 1974.

Although Benny plays into his 'tightwad' personae, he is never identified by name or recognized as a celebrity.  

Vanda Barra (Unemployment Cashier) was married to Sid Gould so is Lucille Ball’s cousin-in-law. This is just one of her over two dozen appearances on “Here’s Lucy” as well as appearing in Ball’s two 1975 TV movies “Lucy Gets Lucky” (with Dean Martin) and “Three for Two” (with Jackie Gleason). She was seen in half a dozen episodes of “The Lucy Show.”

Unusually, Barra is nothing more than a background performer in this episode, but still gets end credit billing. She has no dialogue.

The 'Canadian Mounties' are played by:

Sid Gould (left) made more than 45 appearances on “The Lucy Show,” and nearly as many on “Here’s Lucy.” Gould (born Sydney Greenfader) was Lucille Ball’s cousin by marriage to Gary Morton. He was married to Vanda Barra (Cashier).  

Johnny Silver (center right) was a busy Hollywood character actor who was seen with Richard Deacon (Harvey Hoople) on “The Dick Van Dyke Show” and with Jack Benny (Himself) on “The Jack Benny Show.”  He will do one more episode of “Here's Lucy.”  

Mike Wagner (right) makes his only appearance on “Here's Lucy.”

Kay Kuter (center left) was a character actor who made an appearance in the 1970 TV movie Swing Out, Sweet Land with Jack Benny and Lucille Ball as the voice of the Statue of Liberty.  

Carol identifies Kuter as “Chuck Walters, a fantastic singer” when they are the unemployment office. This character was named in honor of Charles Walters, director of the previous episode, “Lucy and Aladdin’s Lamp” (S3;E21). Carol probably should have said “fantastic dancer” since the real Walters was known as dance director of MGM musicals, six of which featured Lucille Ball. 

Others at the unemployment office, including two male acrobats and various clerks, are played by uncredited background performers.

This episode is sometimes known as “The Hollywood Unemployment Follies” to distinguish it from previous episodes also titled “Lucy and Carol Burnett.”  

Interestingly, although “The Carol Burnett Show” usually followed “Here's Lucy” at 10pm on CBS, there was no new episode the night this “Here's Lucy” first aired.  

On the series DVD this episode is introduced by Carole Cook, who says that Lucille Ball did her own signing on this episode, despite the fact that Cook had previously dubbed Lucy in other musical episodes.  

In a previous episode, Kim reminds Lucy that Harry has fired her 14 times.  This makes 15.

Kim tells Lucy that in California she could get as much as $65 a week in unemployment insurance. As of this writing (late 2017) the maximum was $450 a week for 26 weeks.

Carol jokingly tells Lucy that 'Carol Krausmeyer' isn't her professional name when acting – it's Raquel Welch.  She looks down at her bosom and says “Ok, someone let the air out.” Raquel Welch was a voluptuous movie star who was previously mentioned on “Lucy and Johnny Carson” (S2;E11), “Lucy, the American Mother” (S3;E7) in which she was mentioned alongside Burnett, and as Jack Benny’s Palm Spring neighbor in the second episode of the series. Carol also used Welch's name as a punchline in “Lucy Competes With Carol Burnett” (S2;E24).  

When Harvey Hoople decides to join up with the unemployed performers to write and direct their show he says “Governor Reagan, I quit!  You can keep your old job!  I'm back in show biz, Ronnie!  Don't you wish you were?” Former Hollywood actor Ronald Reagan had been elected Governor of California in 1967, a position he held until 1975. He was later elected 40th President of the United States and served until 1989. He was previously mentioned in the second episode of the series, “Lucy Visits Jack Benny” (S1;E2) and more recently in “Lucy and the Raffle” (S3;E19).

To flatter him into being a backer of their show, Carol says that Harry looks like Cary Grant. He dryly replies “So do you!” Harry was compared to Cary Grant (and others) by Kim (disguised as new secretary Shirley Shoppenhauer) in “Lucy Protects Her Job” (S2;E14, above). Grant was often mentioned on all of Lucille Ball's sitcoms, although the two never acted together.  

The subtitle of the “Hollywood Unemployment Follies” is “How to Starve in Show Business Without Really Trying.”  This is a variation on the title of Frank Loesser's 1961 Pulitzer Prize-winning Broadway musical How To Succeed in Business Without Really Trying, which was made into a film in 1967.

The ensemble sings “Hooray for Hollywood” a song by Johnny Mercer and Richard A. Whiting that was first sung in the 1937 movie Hollywood Hotel. This song is the only one to features specially written lyrics to fit the episode's theme. This version mentions Henry Fonda and his children Jane and Peter.  Lucille Ball and Henry Fonda starred in the film Yours, Mine and Ours together in 1968.

Stumbling onto a Hollywood soundstage, Lucy, Carol and Kim discover a mannequin of Humphrey Bogart.  Kim had a poster of Humphrey Bogart (inset) on her wall in “Lucy and the Andrews Sisters” (S2;E6). In “Lucy and the Bogie Affair” (S2;E13) Kim and Craig name a lost dog Bogie because it has the same sad look as Bogart did at the end of 1942’s Casablanca. Ogling the mannequin adoringly, Carol references the famous line “If you want anything, just whistle,” Lauren Bacall’s parting words to Humphrey Bogart in the film To Have and Have Not (1944). This line was also referenced in “Lucy and the Bogie Affair” (S2;E13).  

They then admire a larger than life photo portrait of Jean Harlow. Jean Harlow (1911-37) was Hollywood's original wisecracking blonde bombshell. Only five months older than Lucille Ball, Harlow died of uremic poisoning at age 26 just as Lucy's career was getting started.

They move to a mannequin of Jimmy Cagney dressed in prison stripes.  Kim does her impression of Cagney saying “You dirty rat.” Cagney never actually said the famously mis-quoted dialogue but a line in his 1932 film Taxi! probably came closest, calling a philandering man “You dirty, yellow-bellied rat!” James Cagney (1899-1986, inset) was a singer, dancer and actor best known in Hollywood for playing tough guys.

They then encounter mannequins of Clark Gable and Vivian Leigh dressed in costumes from Gone With the Wind (1939). Carol, using a high pitched Southern accent, imitates Scarlet O'Hara. Coincidentally, Carol will play Scarlet (re-named Starlet) in a one of her most famous sketches from “The Carol Burnett Show” in 1976 (above right).  

Lucille Ball herself was short-listed for the role of Scarlet O'Hara and even did a screen test for the part. Ball will play Scarlet O'Hara in “Lucy and Flip Go Legit” (S4;E1) with Flip Wilson as Prissy. 

Lucy imitates Butterfly McQueen, who played Prissy, Scarlet's maid, using the famous lines “I don't know nuthin' 'bout birthin' babies.”  After Lucy's imitation of Butterfly McQueen, Carol sarcastically says “it sounded more like Steve.” Steve McQueen (1930-80) was an actor who would receive an Oscar nomination for The Sand Pebbles in 1966, the same year that he was mentioned in “Lucy Goes to a Hollywood Premiere” (TLS S4;E20).  

The final mannequin on the 'soundstage' is of Judy Garland (inset) in The Wizard of Oz wearing her famous blue gingham dress and ruby slippers. Kim does a high-pitched imitation of the Munchkins. Two of the Singer Munchkins, Jerry Maren and Billy Curtis, appeared in “Lucy and Ma Parker” (S3;E15) and Shep Houghton, one of the Winkie Guards, was a background performer on “Here's Lucy.”  

Lucy, Kim and Carol launch into “We're Off to See the Wizard,” written by Harold Arlen and Yip Harburg for The Wizard of Oz, which brings them to a wardrobe rack conspicuously labeled COSTUMES WORN BY BETTY GRABLE AND ALICE FAYE. Faye and Grable did two films together, Tin Pan Alley (1940) and Four Jills in a Jeep (1944).  Betty Grable (1916-73) made two films with Lucille Ball when they were both at RKO in the mid-1930s. She then guest-starred as herself with her second husband bandleader Harry James in “Lucy Wins a Racehorse,” a 1958 episode of “The Lucy-Desi Comedy Hour.”  Alice Faye (1915-98) often played gritty, non-nonsense women in films. She was married to Phil Harris, who will play himself on a 1974 episode of “Here's Lucy.” 

In a magical reveal (aka editing) Lucy and Carol become blondes singing “Chicago (That Toddlin' Town”) a song written by Fred Fisher and published in 1922. 

After a quick costume change (editing again), they sing “Alexander's Ragtime Band” which was composer Irving Berlin's first hit in 1911, the same year Lucille Ball was born.

After a commercial break, Lucy and Carol discover “the derby worn by the one and only Bill Robinson.” Bill Robinson (1878-1949) was the preeminent tap dancer of his day. He is best remembered for his appearances with young Shirley Temple in four of her 1930s films. Robinson worked with Lucille Ball on the 1935 musical film Hooray for Love. 

 After some camera trickery (more editing), Kim is wearing the derby and introducing (through song) one of the Highhatters as Bill “Bojangles” Robinson (inset) doing a tap routine which she then joins in.

Next up, four comical Canadian Mounties sing “Stout-hearted Men,” a song by Sigmund Romberg and Oscar Hammerstein II for the operetta New Moon in 1927 with film versions in 1930 and 1940.  Richard Deacon (also dressed as a Mountie) and Carol Burnett sing “Indian Love Call” by Rudolf Friml, Herbert Stothart, Otto Harbach, and Oscar Hammerstein II written for the 1924 operetta Rose-Marie. The melody was used for the mating call of the wild Gorboona in “Lucy's Safari” (S1;E22) which guest-starred Howard Keel, who was in the 1954 film version of Rose Marie. 

Dressed as Marlene Dietrich, Lucy sings “Falling in Love Again (Never Wanted To)” from the 1930 German film The Blue Angel. Harry plays a World War I German soldier. Marlene Dietrich (1901-92) was born in Berlin, but came to Hollywood to make films in 1930.  She was nominated for an Oscar in 1931. 

The Highhatters introduce Carol as Miss Ruby Keeler and they sing “Shuffle Off To Buffalo” by Al Dubin and Hugh Warren, originally written for the 1933 film 42nd Street. They then do a dance challenge to the title song from the film. Ruby Keeler (1910-93) was a singer, dancer and actress most famous for her pairing with Dick Powell in a series of movie musicals, including 42nd Street. Like Lucille Ball and (now) Lucie Arnaz, Keeler had a home in Palm Springs, California.

As the finale, the entire ensemble is dressed in rain slickers and performs “Singin' in the Rain” written by Arthur Freed and Nacio Herb Brown in 1931.  It was most famously featured in the film Singin' in the Rain in 1952.

Many of the movie posters decorating the 'soundstage' were from Paramount Pictures, to which Lucille Ball sold Desilu / RKO and where they filmed “Here's Lucy”:

Hollywood or Bust (1956) starring Jerry Lewis and Dean Martin

Samson and Delilah (1949) starring Hedy Lamarr and Victor Mature

The Greatest Show on Earth (1952) starring Charleton Heston, Betty Hutton, and Gloria Grahame, who replaced Lucille Ball when Lucy became pregnant with Lucie

Short Cut to Hell (1957) directed by James Cagney

Gone With the Wind (1939) starring Clark Gable and Vivian Leigh

Under Two Flags (1936) starring Claudette Colbert and Ronald Colman

“The Lucy Show” established Lucy Carmichael as a film fanatic in the Hollywood-themed episode “Lucy Goes To A Hollywood Premiere” (TLS S4;E20).  

The Scarlet O'Hara dress is the same one Lucy Carmichael wore in 1965 as Lucybelle in “The Founding of Danfield,” a community theatre play featured in “Lucy and Arthur Godfrey” (TLS S3;E23). 

The vaudeville backdrop curtain during “Chicago” and “Alexander’s Ragtime Band” was also used in “Lucy and Jack Benny’s Biography” (S3;E11). 

Props! The wardrobe rack of costumes worn by Betty Grable and Alice Faye also contains Gale Gordon's silver space suit from “Lucy and the Generation Gap” (S2;E12).  It is hard to imagine either woman wearing that!  

Who Am I? One mannequin on the 'soundstage' doesn't get identified.  It is dressed in Roman armor. It may have been Charleton Heston in Ben Hur, but was cut for time.  

Spell-Check! The end credits miss-spell 'Mountie' as 'Mounty'.  The word is an informal reference to The Royal Canadian Mounted Police.

“Lucy and Carol Burnett” or “The Hollywood Unemployment Follies” rates 4 Paper Hearts out of 5 

This episode seems more like “The Carol Burnett Show” than “Here's Lucy” - especially when Lucille Ball is off-screen. A Hollywood revue is a great idea, but the 'book scenes' (in between the songs) are played in such a naturalistic way that they don't really seem any different than the actual show.  It is almost as if the trio actually walked into a Hollywood Hall of Fame and had musical dreams.  It all feels very much like the old Judy Garland / Mickey Rooney 'let's put on a show in a barn' genre.  Gale Gordon has very little to do (not even a cartwheel!) and Desi Jr. is completely absent.  Not unenjoyable but not the best of these musical comedy episodes either.

[thesundanceghost]

Consideration

He was six years old the first time he’d heard it.

“Stephen!’ His mother had snapped as soon as she opened the door to her husband’s study.  “Stop annoying your father, he’s got important things to do.”

Steve had stopped dead in his tracks, his story about his new friend from school ending abruptly.  He’d glanced at his father, hoping to hear some dismissive words along the lines of “it’s not annoying,” but his dad had just glared at him.  Steve had quickly left the room, being shooed off to play with the nanny.

He never did end up finishing that story.

As time would go on, his parents would be the most frequent users of the word. “You’re annoying your aunt with that story,” or “it’s annoying when you talk that quickly.”  He’d been accused of annoying his father more times than he could count, usually given with the same explanation as the first time around.  Steve quickly learned that when they said he had “important things,” it was really just a kinder way to say “better things.”

“If you don’t have anything important to say, don’t say anything at all,” his father once told him.  Steve had tried to correct him-- he knew the right phrase, and that wasn’t it-- but his father had already walked away.

~*~*~

He hadn’t been much older the first time he’d heard someone outside his family use it.  Lisa in his class was crying because Steve had thrown paint over her drawing of her dog.  It hadn’t been very good, so Steve didn’t know why she was so upset, but it hadn’t kept the teacher from coming over and yelling at him.

“We’re desk partners!” Steve had tried to explain.  “We’re supposed to talk to each other, but she said I was being annoying!”

“That’s no excuse to ruin someone’s art, Steve,” Mrs. Cooley had scolded angrily.

“He was being annoying!” Lisa piped up, eyes still red with tears.

Steve then proceeded to throw his paintbrush at her art, and had gotten timeout for the rest of the week.

 ~*~*~

“You’re the most annoying person I’ve ever met.”  That was Laurie Beckham.  He’d deserved this, honestly, after he’d dumped her out of nowhere.  She had a right to be angry, and he already felt pretty guilty about the whole thing.  Still.  It didn’t make it any easier to hear.

“You think you’re the greatest person in the world, but you know what Steve?  You’re just a rich jerk who’s in love with his own voice.  Every date we ever went on was just you talking about pointless shit! How does anybody even stand you?!”

She’d stomped away at that with tears in her eyes, leaving him at the end of the hallway feeling like a complete asshole.

He’d shrugged it off, not allowing himself to be vulnerable in front of everyone at Hawkins High.  It hadn’t been until later that night that he’d really even thought about it.

How does anybody even stand you?!

He’d tried to come up with an answer for that, but fell asleep before he could find one.

 ~*~*~

Tommy and Carol made it better, in some weird way.  He annoyed them, but they all annoyed each other to a point, so it was doable.  Not to mention, they called him out on it.  

They were honest, brutal even, and in some terrible way, it helped.  If Steve would get too loud during a story in the cafeteria, they’d start making irritating beeping sounds or shush him until he either quieted down or gave up on the story.  They’d make a big deal of rolling their eyes when Steve started on a conversation they didn’t care about.  Sometimes they’d just go ahead and talk over him until he got the message and stayed quiet for the rest of the conversation.

By the time they’d made it through most of high school, Steve had learned how to bite his tongue when they were together.  He’d find himself on a date with a girl and be ready to jump in with a personal story before thinking better of it and kissing her instead.  He forced himself to stay quiet during group projects, because honestly his ideas weren’t all that good, and they didn’t really need sharing.

Consideration.  That’s all it was-- being considerate.  His friends had chosen to stick around him.  They’d chosen to spend their days with him, to share their lives with him.  The least he could do was shut up once in a while.

 ~*~*~

“So then, after Aunt Sylvia left, I was like alone this baby who wouldn’t stop crying, and all I wanted was to eat the stupid cookies, but I couldn’t just let the kid wander away, so I ended up--”

“God, can you please just shut up?” Jonathan suddenly snapped, raising his head from the couch.  Steve stopped, feeling completely caught off guard.

“What?” Steve asked, blinking hard at his boyfriend.  Jonathan had come home earlier and promptly collapsed on the furniture, groaning about the worst shift of his life, and Steve had quickly made it his mission to cheer him up until Nancy got there and they could all distract each other.

“Not everything’s about you, Steve,” Jonathan muttered angrily, rubbing at his temples.  “I’ve already heard this story, and I really don’t wanna hear it again.  Not now.”

“I’m just trying to distract you!” Steve shot back, immediately on the defense.

“Believe it or not, I don’t need you to do that!” Jonathan growled, glaring at Steve from his spot on the couch.  “I’ve had a shit day, I’ve got a bitch of a headache, and I just want to sit here, alone.”

“Well sorry I didn’t want you to have to have a pathetic pity party,” Steve drawled, frustrated to no end.  He’d just been trying to help Jonathan get over his disaster of a day, and Jonathan responded to that by getting angry?  What the hell?

“Jesus Christ, you’re just so annoying sometimes!” Jonathan groaned, rubbing at his face in irritation.  

Steve felt like he’d been slapped, hurt immediately bubbling in his throat.  He opened his mouth, hoping some witty rebuttal would fly out, but nothing came out.

“Fine,” he ended up replying, the word dry and cracked on his lips.  He grabbed his jacket from the chair and made his way to the back porch.  “I’ll be outside.”

Jonathan groaned in response, but didn’t stop him.

Once outside, Steve sat a bit too hard on the steps, staring out at the trees.  His head was humming with pent up anxiety, and he felt like there was a stone in his throat every time he swallowed.

It probably didn’t mean anything.  People said things they didn’t mean all the time, especially when they were angry.

But Jonathan had a tendency to be overtly honest when he got mad.  Usually it just pissed Steve off, but now it made him feel nothing short of sick.  

He’d let his guard down after Tommy and Carol were out of the picture.  Nancy and Jonathan had let him talk, for long periods of time too.  They were just kind like that.  He’d catch them rolling their eyes sometimes or smirking at each other, but they’d always let him continue.  He’d assumed they never really cared-- but what if they did?  What if they secretly  hated it when he’d rant that much?  What if they were just praying that they’d be able to change the subject soon enough?  What if they winced every time Steve talked a bit too loud inside a building and he’d just never noticed?

They love you, some small heroic part of his mind reminded him firmly.

They love you for now, another part of his mind yelled, louder than the first voice.

Steve let his head drop down, resting on his thighs.  He tried to block out any more treacherous thoughts, but his mind seemed to be as nonstop as his mouth was.  It was quiet outside, and he’d never hated silence more.

 ~*~*~

He waited almost half an hour to go back inside.  Nancy had arrived, and Jonathan looked like he’d relaxed a bit, his shoulders less tense.  Steve spotted a bottle of aspirin by the couch, and figured that probably helped a bit.  He’d muttered a small apology to Steve when he’d come back in, which Steve had brushed off easily with a smile that felt just a bit forced.

“Anything happen today, Steve?” Nancy asked nonchalantly as she’d sat in between them on the couch, bowl of popcorn in hand.  He couldn’t remember what movie they were watching-- he’d probably been talking about something when his partners had picked it out.

Steve opened his mouth, thinking of the terrible events in gym, the run-in with Tommy after school, the gross trivia he’d learned in anatomy that had made him think of Nancy.

“No, not really,” he answered instead.  

It was only ever a matter of time, wasn’t it?

This is nothing.  If you want to write a happy ending for it, go for it, but I’m leaving it like this.