#don't let their lameness dictate how wonderful you are

[blooming-violets]

HI KATIEEE HOW ARE YOU, MY LOVE, my Andrew hyper fixation came back so I'm going to try to interact again, ALSO I MISSED U AND YOUR WRITING KSBFWKNGLDNGSLFNSKNFNFSL

ALSO GUESS WHO'S BIRTHDAY IS TODAY (obviously mine but it already started in the worst way, my friends forgot my birthday)

-🌸

Your friends are trash and rude and undeserving of your amazingness. I think about you all the time and anytime you pop up in my inbox my heart does a happy dance. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, LOVELY. I WILL SEND YOU ALL THE KISSES.

Here is a birthday present in the shape of a 2am tiny fluff piece of Peter Parker entitled:

The Birthday Girl

You had been ordered to sit alone in your bedroom with the door closed while Peter fiddled around with something on the other side. You could hear the sound of pots and pans clanging together followed by the occasional curse of anger. Judging from the smell, he was the process of cooking your breakfast and burning it. He couldn't hide the obvious smoke smell filling up your small apartment. You were pretty sure you also heard the fire alarm go off once for a brief second before he quickly silenced it.

You stood at the bedroom door and yelled through, "Can I come out yet? I'm bored! It's been almost an hour! You can't keep me prisoner forever!"

Another string of curses hit your ears and you chuckled quietly to yourself at his frustration.

"No!" Peter snapped back. "Shut up and stay put, dammit! I'm almost done!"

You rolled your eyes with a smile, not taking his annoyance seriously, and taking a seat back on the edge of the bed. Along with being told that you must stay locked in the bedroom, he also ordered you to stay in your pajamas. You were not allowed to get dressed under any circumstances. He wanted you to be comfy and cozy.

Finally the door knob jiggled and the door was kicked opened more violently than you would have appreciated. Peter stood in the hallway, his arms full of a large tray covered in various breakfast items, and balancing two full glasses of drinks on his finger tips. In his mouth he held a single red rose. Any ordinary person would not have been able to carry all that in trip but Peter was not ordinary. Your eyes widened at display in front of you.

"You were su'osed to stay in 'ed, dummy." He mumbled around the rose stem, trying to carefully avoid the thorns.

You knew there was one other rule you had forgotten, "Breakfast in bed, right, right. I get it." You giggled. "Let me help you."

You jumped up to grab the tray of food but he shooed you away with his foot. Instead, he placed the tray nicely on the foot of the bed and the glasses on the side table. He ushered you back into the bed but not before dropping the rose in your hand and pecking your lips with a smile.

Peter quickly straightened up and got into character as the dotting waiter.

"Good morning, miss. On today's menu we have the birthday girl's favorite chocolate chip pancakes topped with homemade whipped cream and rainbow sprinkles. On the side, I've got scrambled eggs. They were meant to be sunny side up but the chef struggled this morning and they turned into a lovely scramble instead. There's also some bacon. Charred to a crisp, once again, due to our chef's inability to multitask. Fresh fruit, cut up in perfectly bite sized pieces for that refreshing burst of fruity flavor in the morning. Unfortunately the toast is no longer on the menu as there was an incident where the toaster may have flew out the window in a fit of frustrated rage after burning the fifth piece of toast attempted to be made. But, alas, the meal was made with nothing but love and served to perfection. Please, enjoy."

Your mouth dropped, "Peter...you did not throw our toaster out the window, did you? Not again."

He cleared his throat and shot you a guilty smile, "Not me, miss. That would be something you should take up with the chef."

"Oh my god." You shook your head in disbelief. You'd never met someone who got into more fights with household appliances than Peter Parker did. You sighed, accepting your poor toasters fate. "Well, what made it out of the kitchen looks delicious. Will the waiter and/or chef be joining me this morning to eat?"

"Don't you have a handsome, sexy, beautiful, wonderful, amazing boyfriend who might care to join you instead?"

You pulled the tray of food closer to you and scooped up a big bite of pancakes, "Nope. Just me. And you. My sexy waiter chef man."

"Then I suppose I'll have to join you. I can't have the birthday girl sitting alone on her birthday!" Peter ran to other side of the bed and rolled on, causing some of the scrambled eggs to spill off the plate and onto the sheets. He quickly plucked them up and popped them in his mouth. "I'll wash the sheets later. Also, don't eat the eggs. These are terrible. And crunchy. Did I leave shells in the pan?" He made a face of disgust at the eggs he was chewing in his mouth.

You laughed, "The pancakes are wonderful. Have some of those instead. I can't eat six pancakes, Pete. I'm assuming most of these are actually meant for you?" You scooped some onto your fork and stuck them in Peter's mouth.

His eyes widened in happiness at the taste, "Oh yeah. These are the shit. I did good on those because I knew you liked them most. Then I just kept making them and couldn't stop. There's about twenty more still out in the kitchen."

"You're insane. And I'm sure your crunchy eggs and burned bacon aren't that bad either." You leaned over to kiss his cheek. "Thank you. This is wonderful. I love it. No one's ever made me breakfast in bed before."

"This is just the start of your birthday adventure. First it's breakfast in bed in your pajamas. There's also mimosas. I forget that part. I may have already tried a few glasses to make sure they were up to your standards. They're really good. I think you will approve. Then you get to take a shower with yours truly." He wiggled his eyebrows at you with a devilish smile as you rolled your eyes with a laugh. "Then we are going out. It's a surprise. I'm not telling you where. I'm not going to ruin it no matter how hard you try to interrogate me. These lips are sealed tight. I will surprise you this time."

"I'll get it out of you in the shower," you replied, having no doubt that Peter would spill the beans the second you got him naked. He was terrible at keep secrets from you.

"That's not playing fair," he whined, knowing you were right. He leaned over to attack your neck with kisses. "I'm going to spoil you all day long. You wait, it's going to be the best birthday you've ever had. You're going to be so impressed with me by the time the day is over. Best birthday ever, a Peter Parker promise."

[stitching-in-time]

Voyager rewatch s2 ep18: Death Wish

Voyager's first Q episode! And it's a really good one, albeit with a rather large caveat.

This episode has always been one of my favorites. It's got everything going for it: silly Q hijinks, courtroom drama, a juicy moral dilemma, a gratuitous Will Riker cameo, our very first visit to the Q contiuum, and a terrific performance from guest star Gerrit Graham. He brings a wonderful mix of whimsy and pathos to his Q, and in a role where many actors might have chosen to go big, he brings a subtlety and nuance that makes his character one the audience can truly sympathize with. The ending is very bittersweet, and gives a bit of redemption to John de Lancie's Q, who otherwise was given truly awful dialog in this one.

The only thing that marred this episode was the horribly blatant sexism of John de Lancie's Q. All the little jabs every other line about ‘wearing the pants’ and ‘a woman captain!’ *gasp!* *pearl clutch* it was just like, whoa, what the actual fuck?I never really noticed it as a kid, and I don’t think I re-watched it giving my full attention till now, but wow it sticks out like a sore thumb. How clueless and sexist must the writers have been to think that a race of immortal, omnipotent beings would even have a concept of gender as we think of it, let alone the same sexist attitudes that even humans consider unenlightened? This level of old-school misogyny doesn’t even belong in a show produced in the 1990s, let alone in a fictional 24th century. And having Q develop a crush on Captain Janeway made it even worse, because first he's insulting her, then he's trying to get with her?! Gross! Q is supposed to be a loveable foil, not a disgusting creep. Plus it just felt like a desperate attempt to downplay how obsessed he is with Captain Picard, and reassure us that his fixation on him is in no way romantic. But like, sorry guys, you're the ones who made him obsessed with Picard in the first place, you can't be all 'Q is 100% straight' now and expect us to buy it lmao.

This episode is also notable for being the first time we ever actually see the Q continuum. I remember when it first aired, they hyped it up like a big deal, but then the promos actually showed the scene on the desert road, so everybody was like, 'that's the Q continuum? Lame!' But looking back now, they shouldn't have mentioned it at all, because it's only one scene, and it would have had a bigger impact if we weren't expecting anything. I actually think it's kind of brilliant that everybody expects the Q to live somewhere amazing and mindblowing, but actually they're just sitting around, stagnating from having been so powerful for so long that they don't even care to challenge themselves anymore. I thought all the visual metaphors were clever, and having the continuum be shown to humans in a vernacular they understand was a great way to open it up to further exploration without being tied to any particular setting. (Which they used to good effect later on in one of my favorite crack episodes.)

All in all, I appreciated that though it chewed over the ins an outs of whether suicide is justifiable, it ultimately left that as a matter to be decided on by an individual based on their circumstances, rather than as something that can, or should, be dictated from on high by a society or a court.

Tl;dr: A thoughtful, entertaining, and ultimately moving episode that's well worth the watch, despite the gratingly misogynist dialog they gave to John de Lancie's Q.

[purgatoryapotheca]

List of Types of Graveyard Dirt

GRAVEYARD, GRAVES  DIRT

THIS LIST DEALS WITH THE TYPES OF GRAVES THAT ONE WILL COLLECT DIRT FROM---

A lot of  people really have no idea that there are different types of graveyard dirt and that in reality, the intention of your spell work should dictate where your dirt comes from. There is also energy from things that happen to grow or its location in a Graveyard or Cemetery that is based on energy, when it is not from a specific grave an offering to the guardians at the gates is sufficient unless it is from a grave that is dictated by its location then a further offering to the spirit within that grave is important as well.

1, 4, 7, 9 and 21 locations are considered important in the strength of the dirt for certain spell workings or rituals

In Santeria or Afro-Brazilian and other workings, the multiple gatherings of different types of dirt are used in creating protection and calling in the orisha’s.

The following is a generalized list of the different types of dirt and what it’s good for.

TYPES OF GRAVES-----

Abortionist (very old grave):  This is usually a discounted medical person or a woman that had no medical training and performed abortions, this is a negative use type of dirt, to cause distress to an ill person.

Abused: Dirt from the grave of a person who was physically or emotionally abused can be useful in giving strength and will to remove either yourself or someone from an abusive situation

Abuser’s Grave:   This type of dirt would be used in workings dealing with driving a couple apart or causing confusion. Making them stop loving each other, but be careful this can cause a fight so bad that they could seriously harm each other.  (See also Gambler’s Grave)

Adolescent (from ages 11 to 19): This dirt is known to cause and promote inattentiveness and irresponsible behavior.

In particular, dirt from the graves of those who are ages 17 to 19, make a good additives in spells where you want to promote interest in another person, romantic involvement, romantic gestures, promote sexual attraction, increase lust, and increase sexual appetites.

There is nothing like budding sexuality to bring about all things sexual and romantic.

ACTOR, ARTIST, DANCER, MUSICIAN, Singer, Composer, Writer and others in the Creative Arts: Dirt from the graves of these creative persons, could be used to inspire a creative spark, and possible success be sure that their type of work is the same type that you want to do.  Be sure they were successful and happy in their life, check their back ground history to avoid any of the pit falls that they may have encountered.

An Atheists/ Infidel’s Grave or someone who doesn’t believe in God:  There is a magical working using this to cause disruption in a person’s home, to break up a couple or disrupts a person’s place of business

A Catholic’s Grave: If you get dirt from this type of grave (man or woman) from the breast or heart area this is used to help who ever has left you return to you, this can be a family member of any age or someone you seriously care about

(I need to tell you something about this, I was asked to help find a family member who had left unexpectedly after an argument and was gone for more than a year, the family wanted to find this person, so I did a ritual using this type of dirt, but the vision I received told me that it was not going to be good news, so I told the family of what I had seen, well two weeks later the body of this family member was found in a shallow grave.  they had been murdered but made to look like they had just left, even a suitcase with some clothes were buried with the body,  the person who did this crime was arrested and brought to trial.  So sometimes it can have a sad conclusion, be prepared for that.)

Cheaters: Dirt from the grave of a cheater works well for bringing about love triangles and promoting urges to cheat.

Child (from ages 2 - 10): This type of dirt is a wonderful aid when the appearance of child-like innocence is necessary. It also works well for aid in developing new friendships.

Gathering dirt from a poor child’s grave for use in spell work will also aid in acquiring basic necessities (a home, food, etc).

Dirt from a Child’s grave or a 12 year old Child:    There are two types of uses for this type of dirt to get people to leave either out of your home (like an eviction or a person who is a “sponge”) or a person you dislike in the neighborhood, I think a 13 year old or young teen would be better because they almost always are rebelling or threatening to run away from home because they don’t like parental authority.

Doctor or Nurse: This dirt can be used either to promote healing or cause illness, depending upon the intent of your casting.

Elderly: This dirt is particularly useful in situations where wisdom, knowledge, and know-how is necessary.

A Family member who truly loved you:  For love and protection, best to take from the heart area and give a goodly payment.

Fireman:    Protection but mostly for the home especially from all things fiery, especially good if a family member is a fireman, make into an amulet.

Gambler :  If you know, for a fact, that the gambler was good, then this dirt can be used to increase luck, better odds, and heighten intuition.

If you are unsure of whether or not the gambler was lucky or not, the dirt can be used to promote someone into taking unnecessary risks.

There is also a negative aspect to using this type of dirt.

The old timers usually referred to a Gambler’s grave because they’d be drinking and taking their woman’s money for gambling but in the 21st century terms I’d say a person who is an abuser, this type of dirt would be used in workings dealing with driving a couple apart or causing confusion. Making them stop loving each other, but be careful this can cause a fight so bad that they could seriously harm each other.

Gangster ---If one wishes to do harm, or to force or coerce someone to act in a certain way, one might use the dirt of someone who "died badly" -- before their time, through execution (not by the law), because their spirit, once invoked, would be inclined to perform evil deeds or to seek very strong justice with little compunction.

A Good Person’s Grave:   Excellent for peace in your home and in your work place

Infant : Let’s start with dirt from a Baby’s or Infant’s Grave ---There are a number of magickal workings that use this type of dirt---for example~~~

A Baby’s grave is good for peace in your home, or to have people get along in your home that live with you.

It can also be good for keeping the law away and there is an old time spell that can be use. I will post these spells later in another post

If there is a person you like and you want them to notice you be it man or woman you can use it.

Or to bring back a person into your life.

It can be used to get a job, and there is a formula and spell for that as well.

Also if you have a baby of your own and it has terrifying dreams or cries in a terrifying manner you can use this dirt to help the baby to rest, by putting it in a non-metal jar in the room.  It is believed that a negative spirit is surrounding the frightened baby and the bright spirit light caused by this dirt will chase away such negative energies.

Also it can be used to make someone move out of the area. To do this, put together a dirt dauber nest (type of wasp) and dirt from a baby’s grave, put it in the sleeping area (if the person is living with you) of the person you want to have move out, or near the front porch of a person’s house, they will hear the frightened, terrified cry from that spirit and it will make them move or leave. Only they can hear it not anyone else.

Dirt from an infant’s grave can be useful in spells of fertility, or to ensure that someone becomes totally dependent upon you, or when you need to appear indispensable. Also because a baby's vision is somewhat blurry, this dirt can be useful when you need someone to cast a "blind-eye" to something that you're doing

Infant/child who died on Friday the 13th :  because the spirit of a young child is fairly obedient this dirt can be used to cause trouble or bad luck to someone.

Infant/ who died on  Halloween:  Much the same as one that died on Friday the 13th only worse, might be used to haunt a wrong doer, especially a rapist.

INFANT WHO LIVED TWO DAYS OR LESS: Dirt from the grave of a baby who lived less than one day is particularly effective for certain workings where "worldly" influences need to be kept to a minimum.

INFANT OR BABY THAT NEVER CRIED:  Usually this means a still born baby, for some reason using this dirt is supposed to make your hens lay eggs if they don’t, good for Urban farmers I guess, I think the formula that is done with it is to help keep the chickens calm to lay their eggs.  I have been told also that the dirt from this type of grave is also used in magikal workings concerning being able to enter a place without being seen or making noise. In some other cases to cause lameness or the inability to walk in a person. There is more on this but I have to research it further.

But what I'm concerned about is that it means if the baby was still born, it also means that the spirit never at any point truly entered the body before birth. That is one of the things about souls, they usually don't enter the body completely until the last few hours before birth when they enter the body of the baby is when the contractions begin,  now that is not to say that they don't go in and out of the body from time to time while the body is in Utreo but usually the spirit/soul of the child is hanging around the mother/parents in general to see if this family is going to be a good fit and also if it will fulfill the Karmic life path of the new soul. Because the fetus growing inside a woman's body is in essence "a parasite" until it can live independently outside the body,  some spiritualist and theologists have also said that the soul doesn't truly enter the body until the baby takes its first independent breath, that is why for ages it has been important to hear the baby cry upon birth. 

Lawyer / Judge : This dirt should be used to assist in winning court cases, settlements, etc. It is also helpful when injustice is an issue or when you're rights are being violated.

Madame (female owner of a brothel):  For spells dealing with sexuality

MASS DEATH:  Either by a major accident in which the unnamed are buried or those who died in a mass suicide (think Jones Town), this type of dirt could be used in major physical harm or death.  (Be very, very careful)

But there are different kinds of mass graves. The mass grave of a group of people who were ambushed and slaughtered would be far different than the mass grave of a group of brave soldiers who volunteered for a battle and died there just as the ossuaries where Christian monks donated their remains to the building of highly ornamental bone-chapels, constructed entirely of the skeletal remains of religious devotees.  Or from a mass grave of Holocausts victims of WWII

There is no "one size fits all" way to work. You are working with the spirits of the dead. Your contact with them is essential to the work because you have to remember Graveyard work is SPIRITUAL work.

Mentally Disturbed / Insane: To cause insanity, mental instability, etc.

WARNING: When collecting this dirt, do remember that you're dealing with the spirit of someone who was obviously mentally disturbed.

Millionaire:   from the grave of a wealthy person might be incorporated into a working for prosperity.

Murderer / Murderess/Killer: The older the dirt, the better in this case. Dirt from the grave of someone who has taken human life and has been executed can be extremely powerful in matters of revenge and causing harm.   Use this to drive someone far, far away from you or for hexing, cursing

WARNING: Do be aware that incorporating this type of dirt into your magickal practices can even cause DEATH!  This is very unstable energies involved in this type of dirt, know well who is buried and see if they were without moral compass or killed in the heat of passion or self-defense but was found guilty.  Sometimes the graves of old cowboys who were hung just for cattle rustling or for doing what he felt was being loyal to the brand maybe better.

There is a sub-category to this

Dirt from the grave of the Unjustly Executed:  For example the men and women who were executed during the Salem witch trials, their energies understand revenge for what was done to them, and can be a bit more stable.  But even then use extreme caution.

This is the type of grave that you have to be sure this person was executed only to discover that they did not commit the crime, use this persons grave to bring about justice if you feel you have been victimized.

Murder victim/Murdered: This dirt is very useful in matters of injustice or wrong-doing.

A NATIVE AMERICAN CEMETERY:  Be careful it has to be from a Cemetery not a sacred burial area or ground from the old timers.

Dirt collected from the graves of Native Americans is the perfect additive for spells and charms of protection. It can also promote a connection between you and your Native American Spirit Guide or to help summon your guide.

When collecting from a Native American Cemetery or grave, it helps to know what would be best to give as an offering or payment, do not use any kind of alcohol, but see what they would prefer, either pollen or corn something that ties into their native American beliefs, it’s possible that payment in using either buffalo nickels or Indian head pennies might be good, but meditate with the spirits of this cemetery to be clear what would be correct.

Nearest Relation:   This one is used for protection or to keep the law away, or to protect you from someone who seeks to do you harm, take it from the head and pay this relation a goodly amount of money 50 cents a dollar and bury it right where you take the dirt. Then you can use it in your magical working.

Pet: Dirt from the grave of a personal pet can be useful in matters of the heart, loyalty issues, and protection.

Policeman:  Excellent for protection spells, especially for the home or business This is used for protection and they are supposed to “Protect and Serve”, usually from the grave of an officer who died in the line of duty is best---this is a very powerful type of dirt and you do have to give serious payment

Practitioner of Magick: Literally, dirt from the grave of a practitioner can be used for anything.

Priest Nun / Priest / Pastor: Used in situations where spiritual guidance and spiritual protection are needed. Also used on occasion to convey the appearance of goodness and innocence to the outside world.

A Religious Person’s Grave:   This is different from a Good Person’s Grave, this dirt is more for Hex breaking, because a religious person always prays to God for assistance. If you feel a negative working is being done to you, making you feel unwell, causing you to lose work, or disruption in the home this dirt will help in a magical working to break that Hex. Lots of times it is someone of your family that always seem to have a direct connection to God, so this is good for Hex breaking and protection especially if taken from the heart area.

Roadside death:   There are two uses for dirt from a Roadside Death, the positive is for safe travel, and the negative is the same as Mass Death only it would appear as an accident, in the negative aspect it’s used for revenge. Negative workings I do not recommend.

A Sinner’s Grave:   Much like an abusers grave except you can use it to have unwanted people leave your home to never return, or if you are fed up with your marriage or your boy/girl friend and you want to breakup but you want to win the divorce or breakup, that is to come out good in your favor, then you use a magical working with this dirt. A Sinner is not necessarily an abuser but someone who sins and never repents.

A Sinner’s Grave After 9 Days:  If you want to get rid of someone or leave your home and never come back  get this dirt after the person has been dead for 9 days,  get the dirt from the area of the sinner’s left foot, leave payment there and make sure its carefully covered, sprinkle it around the house or put into the 4 corners of the room where the person sleeps, whatever dirt you have left over (because you don’t want the dirt to be obvious to the person) tie it up in a handkerchief and throw it into running water and the person will never stop walking.

Soldier: Used for bravery, strength, quick thinking, and getting someone to obey or follow orders, rules, etc. -Spells of protection and domination. (Also of courage)   A soldier is obedient and strong and loyal and this dirt can be used in protection and hex breaking as well as domination or to gain courage (as in an amulet or mojo bag)

It’s important to use common sense here. Try to choose a soldier that you think (or know) believed in the kind of cause that you're trying to obtain.

Also, dirt from the graves German soldiers from Hitler’s era make great additives for anything occult related as Hitler was into all things occult.

DIRT FROM 21 soldiers GRAVES:  You are asking for nearly a platoon of men and women for very serious protection and courage.

Suicide:  For negative workings to drive someone who has done you or your family a serious wrong

A Sunken Grave:    If a man leaves his wife or girlfriend and she wants him back she is to get dirt from a grave that has sunken (very old, the coffin may have collapsed) at the head, but she better be sure she wants him back.

A Woman’s Grave:  There is a magical working where dirt from the head of a woman’s grave will help a man bring back a woman who has left him.

Woman who died in childbirth:  To avoid mis-carrages

Each one of these types of Graves has a specific purpose, with a little thought I’m sure you can think of a few more purposes for the uses of dirt from a specific person’s grave.

But one thing you have to do is to know and learn about the various individuals, what they did, what they were like, usually in obituaries especially if the person was liked or had done positive things, with that information you can make plans to visit that person’s grave to see if they’d be willing to work with you. Going through old micro film records of newspapers and reading the Obits can help.

It does mean you have to know your community pretty well, and I do recommend that you never go alone, especially if the cemetery is not in a good part of town.

Now it is not unusual to go to very old cemeteries such as a boot hill if you live in the west to find a grave of an old time law man or outlaw, even old historical graves can be helpful.

But go respectfully, only take a small amount and remember you have to pay for it and do not desecrate a grave.

ALWAYS BE RESPECTFUL!!  AND ALWAYS MAKE PAYMENT

Reference:

http://spiritinfo.blogspot.com/p/types-of-graveyard-dirts-for-reference.html?m=1

[haikyuulovercompany]

Ohh my bad!! So sorry if you not write nsfw I don't read your description before. How about Ushijima with Love me like you do by Ellie goulding is it okay? Thanks

Don’t worry babe! Now this took me a lot of time to write. I rarely get to write about Ushijima, so I took my time. I really hope you like it. It’s been long since the last time I was so nervous about a request. It’s long as heck, thou haha. 

Sorry if there’s any gramatical errors. It’s 1 AM, and I just wanted to post this asap. Tomorrow morning I will try to read it and fix whatever mess I left there. PROMISE !! 

------

Love Me Like You Do - Ushijima Wakatoshi

Ushijima Wakatoshi was almostcertainly the most unapproachable person in the whole academy. He stood talland serious as he walked through the hallways with a perfect presentation. Hiswhite school blazer was spotless, and his formal pants didn’t have a wrinkle onthem. For a young teen that lived alone in the dorms of the school without anyhelp, or reminder to keep his uniform clean, he had excellent habits.

She had never been able to not stareat him. She had always been curious about him. He never talked in class, andfor what she had seen he only spoke when he needed to answer someone. She hadseen him hanging out with really few people, and it was obvious Ushijima wasn’tthe one making the conversation.

So what was it that had her soinfatuated? Three years now of being secretly crushing over the volleyball starof Shiratorizawa, and she still didn’t find how to stop. He had never showedany interest on any girl, and that had restrained her from confessing. If hewasn’t into the idea of dating, exposing herself would be foolish.

But her feelings were there even withthe knowledge that she might never have her chance. Those kind of thoughtsnever failed to make her cry, so she did the best she could to not touch zonesin her mind. She ran from them, and kept the positive idea that maybe if shetried, he would see no reason not to accept her. 

It was her last year, her lastchance. She was sure that if she did nothing, the next time she saw him wasgoing to be in television in some kind of professional volleyball tournament,and she would forever regret the time she wasted in high school.

 You're the light, you're the nightYou're the color of my bloodYou're the cure, you're the pain

 She had made her decision during theInterHigh Preliminaries as she saw the Shiratorizawa team win match aftermatch. They were already a few months into their last year together, and shecouldn’t keep up like that.

His strength-full spikes went in aseasily as always, and the loud noise the ball made when it hit the floorresembled a lot the way her heart beat whenever he was around. She definitelycouldn’t tell herself anymore her feelings were nothing but a fading phase thatwould be over once she was in college.

 You're the only thing I wanna touchNever knew that it could mean so much.

 An impulse caused by a raw desireprovoked her to make the first move. She had waited outside the courts beforethe match that was currently happening ended. She waited patiently hearing the cheeringof the people going and coming for both teams. The long high-pitched sound ofthe whistle broke through the chants and shouts followed by a dead silence; shethen knew the game was officially over. 

As the Shiratorizawa team exited thecourt to have a more than deserved brake, she pretended to be passing by.Something had gotten into her because her feet weren’t her own anymore. Shewalked to the team standing closed to Ushijima, who immediately noticed herpresence.

“Good luck in your next game,” shehad somehow managed to say. Ushijima had stared for a second before answeringwith a short nod.

“Thank you,” he politely said. Sheknew his voice was deep, but it was probably he first time he had directed hiswords to her, and that was enough to bring her back to her usual self. She wasnow speechless and conscious of herself. Right after that Semi Eita hadrecognized her creating a small chat between the team and her. She had stoodalongside Ushijima throughout the whole conversation. 

They soon had to go back to theirnext game. It had only been a couple of minutes, but it had been enough. Shehad never been so close to him. She returned to the bleachers and watched thegame with more excitement, she wanted to cheer more than before. It was sillysince nothing had actually happened, for her it had been a big step, thou.

Now he knew she existed.

You're thefear, I don't careCause I've never been so high

 What was a small step, took her to awhole new journey she never knew she would take. She started greeting him inthe mornings whenever she could. The first couple of times Ushijima lookedlost, and didn’t understand what she wanted. She could see that in his eyes,which turn out to be the most expressive part of his entire being. Two secondslater he would recognize her, and return the greetings.

She might have taken things slow, butshe got only a few months left before the year ended, and the rush of it wastaking the best of her. She didn’t care anymore about how obvious she was. Shestarted creating small chats about school, their future matches, and even aboutthe lame weather. Any insignificant excuse to approach him would suffice. For her surprise, he never seemed troubled, or annoyed by herpresence. Sure, his answers were short, but he would always respond to her. That onlyencouraged her more. She was getting closer to him by the minute, and every dayshe talked to him, she would arrive to her room to twirl and spin and squealas her roommate stared at her as if she was crazy. And she was… she was crazyin love with Ushijima Wakatoshi in the most careless way possible. She waslevitating over the world, and she didn’t want to know anything about the fall.

This didn’t pass unnoticed. Soonenough the tall redhead that always followed Ushijima approached her. He was alsoin the volleyball team, and she had seen first hand his monstrous abilities. Hewas kind of intimidating, and his smile screamed trouble while his eyesdictated a suspicious calmness. She almost shrunk on her seat, and begged notto be murdered.

“You like Wakatoshi-kun, don’t you?”he asked. She let a small gasp to escape her as if her rosy cheeks weren’tenough evidence that she had been caught. “I mean, it’s not that obvious, Ijust really like to observe things,” he kept explaining without being asked,“He’s my best friend, and you seem cute. I can help you.”

“Why? Please don’t tell himanything.” 

“My lips are sealed. Now, will youlike me to help?” 

She mindlessly nodded. He could belying. He could only be planning to humiliate her in front of Ushijima. Thenagain, there was an innocent tone in his voice; he spoke in a childish formthat transmitted honesty.

He invited to go out with them onFriday. 

A chance of a lifetime.

Follow meto the dark.Let me take you past our satellites.You can see the world you brought to life.

She would be lying if she said shenever regretted admitting to Tendo Satori she liked his best friend. Rightafter that conversation restlessness took power of her. She was sure the guywould spread the rumor of her feelings everywhere. The next morning all of thestudents would look at her as they whispered behind her back. She didn’t careabout being obvious, but every single being in school factually knowing she washead-over-hills for the high school volleyball team captain was another thing.

But that dreading moment never arrived.Apart from Tendou smiling at her whenever she was talking to Ushijima, everything wasthe same.

 Fading in, fading outon the edge of paradise

 She arrived five minutes early onthat special Friday afternoon, which was amazing giving the fact she tried awhole lot of different outfits before heading out. And what was even moreamazing was that Ushijima was already there, waiting in the corner of the smallcoffee shop they were all going to meet.

He had looked confused at her, and she quicklyexplained Tendou had invited her as well. He didn’t ask anything, only noddedas if it made total sense for his friend to do stuff like that. She imagined itwas the case.

They stood there in silence for a whole ten minutes.She shuffled on her feet being uneasy. She opened her mouth more than oncetrying to start a conversation, but immediately backed down. She closed hereyes shut tight feeling useless. She was wasting the precious time Tendou wascreating for them by being late.

 “Just say it,” Ushijima finally spoke. She slowlyturned to face him. He was staring at her as serious as always.

She babbled before being able to speak. “I mean, Ionly wanted to talk about… uhm, about your week… how was it?” she nervouslyasked.  

She started to regain some confidence once he startedtalking. He answered in his own fashion. She started asking a bit more andmore, and daring to tell him about herself a little more. After straightfifteen minutes of simply talking, his phone suddenly interrupted them. Itdidn’t have any sound, it only vibrated, but he had politely stopped her midsentence so he was able to pick up. It turned out Tendou was going to be alittle more than late, but asked them to wait for him. She could listen to hisvoice through the phone; it was so loud. She was able to hear him asking if shewas there. He then suggested the both of them should enter the small coffeeshop and order something while he got there. Ushijima gave it a thought and agreed.She had to drown a nervous laugh.

Tendou never arrived.

He called an hour later to give the bad news. By thenneither of them had realized a whole hour had passed. She thought Ushijima wasgoing to say his goodbyes, and that wonderful day would come to an end. Hedidn’t. He only passed the message, and drank some more of his coffee. Shedidn’t say anything either. She instead started to ask about the unusualfriendship they shared wanting to know more about why or how such contrarypersonalities ended up being so close.

He had opened up to her in some strange way. Even whenhe didn’t speak much, he told a lot about himself. He shared key information toher, and she listened carefully to not miss a bit of it.

Once their drinks were gone, and the sky was turninginto a dark blue, he said what she feared the most: time to go back to thedorms. She unconsciously sighed disappointed. She wanted so much more time withhim.

They walked in silence back to Shiratorizawa. It wasthe peaceful kind of silence, thou, one neither of them felt like breaking.Before they entered the academy, she stopped. He stopped as well turning to seeher. 

“It’s really sad that Tendou never arrived,” shestarted saying. Both her hands were in her jacket’s pockets crunching andtwisting the fabric inside. “But, I had a good time. It was a nice evening.”

Then, he softly smiled at her. “Yeah. It was,” he saidas he started walking inside. She stood astonished on her place. Not only hercheeks grew warm, but also her whole body. She wanted to scream to the wholeuniverse that she had made Ushijima Wakatoshi smile. 

She kept it to herself. She kept that beautifulgesture inside her mind, and only pressed her lips into a tight, happy smile,and followed him inside.

 Every inchof your skin is a holy grail I've got to find.Only you can set my heart on fire.

Looking back to that day, _____ can’t thank Tendou enough. Thanks to thatevening she started to notice Ushijima was more cooperative with her. He talkeda little more, and kind of lingered before saying goodbye once the bell rangand they were forced to part ways.

She thought she was hallucinating. She had had such awonderful time with him on Friday, that sometimes she still was in the smallcoffee shop watching him drink his own as they talked. It was logical for hermind to imagine he was feeling the same things. Nevertheless, he had proved herwrong when a week later he asked her if she would like to go again to thecoffee shop.

That had been their first official date. And it wasfollowed by a second and third one, and fourth. He had never insinuated ormentioned where things were going with them. She enjoyed every second of hiscompany one way or another.

Two months later, she was growing anxious. She was notonly crushing on him, she now was sure it was love. It definitely was real, andstrong, and it had installed its roots on her. The careless bravery she felt atthe start was no longer there, because now it was more serious. She was notonly aiming a shot in dark, she had thrown herself off of the cliff and wasfalling into an abyss.

I'll letyou set the paceCause I'm not thinking straight

 One of the things that had becomealmost a tradition in those two months was for her to wait for him outside thegymnasium after she watched the previous volleyball game so they could go tohave dinner. They usually talked about each of their days. It was usually herfavorite time of the day, or week, depended if there was a match or not. Thatday was different. She wanted to know if he felt the same for her. She wantedto ask him if she had made the mistake of becoming only his friend, or if therewas something he wasn’t saying. He ate peacefully not noticing the somehowuncomfortable silence between them.

But she noticed. She could see the unspoken wordsfloating in the air around her head, around her neck choking her. She didn’tsay a thing that night. She was afraid, of course. If she asked anything, andit turned out there was nothing but a ‘beautiful’ friendship, then all would beawkward. Therefore, all would be ruined.  

So she was quiet for another two weeks. She didn’twant him to serenade her, or bring her the biggest bouquet of flowers. She onlyneeded to know where were they standing. People had started murmuring things.It wasn’t only her who thought Ushijima and her had something going on. Now itwas everyone. 

Her first instinct screamed Tendou’s name. Whenclasses were over she ran to his to be able to intercept him before he went topractice. 

“Well, haven’t you thought that maybe it is that obvious?”

She was lost for words. He was right but she stillcouldn’t understand then what was going on. 

“And why does it bother you? Isn’t it a good thing?”

“No when there’s nothing going on between Ushijima andme apart from being friends.” 

Tendou tilted his head looking confused for a briefmoment. After that he sighed and patted her head before leaving. “Give time to time,_____” 

More time? She was already craving more of him, moreof the relationship they shared. If they even share one at all. It had gotten tothe point where she didn’t know if it was a good idea to keep pushing forward.No one was eternally strong. From now to then one reached a certain line, andbroke under the pressure of disappointment.

She was human. She could only go so far withoutreceiving something back. She not only loved his smile, she now felt the needto kiss it. She not only wanted to walk by his side, she wanted to take hishand, to hug his arm. She needed proximity, closeness. 

She felt sparks, and magic, and every cliché when shewas around him. Couldn’t he feel it too?

 My head spinning around I can't see clear no more.What are you waiting for?

 She had fallen into such desperation she had given uphope by then. She was trying to convince herself she did all she could, andlosing him was a straight no. She was mentalizing herself to the idea of beingher friend for the rest of the year. She was now part of his life; at least shewould have that.

She repeated those ideas as if they were a mantra asshe walked to the bleachers. One more game, and off to nationals. 

It didn’t help her to see him play in any way or form.If any, watching him play only made the situation worse. She was at the edge ofher seat with very spike Ushijima got in. The first time she had ever noticedhim was in a volleyball game, and she had fallen for him then, after all. Towatch him play inevitably brought her back to her first year in high school.

At one point his spikes stopped going in, they startedgoing up, to the disbelief of everyone. 

When the match was over, and Shiratorizawa wasofficially declared the loser, she left the gymnasium thinking what she couldpossibly say to him. She could say she knew him well, and knew he hadunconsciously developed an overwhelming confidence. The bigger they were theharder they fell.

She didn’t hear about him for the rest of the week.When Monday arrived, she found him resting on the wall next to the door of herroom. He didn’t hesitated. He stepped up to her. Whether she liked it or not,his unique presence never failed to swipe her off her feet. 

“I’m sorry for being absent lately,” he started tosay. She became confused immediately. She shrugged ready to wave it off, but hecontinued talking. “I’ve been having a lot in my head, but I got it straight.”

Again, she was going to tell him not to worry and heinterrupted with what she was longing to hear. The words that came out of hismouth were so surreal to her that she became deaf for a fraction of second.

Ushijima was confessing to her.

Love melike you doTouch me like you do

What are you waiting for?

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Thanks for the request! I hope you liked it!