#don't make me perceive myself or I just fucken lose my sense of self
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ngl I love having company over but I also hate having company over.
#pros: see person!!#cons: person sees you!#I feel like a rabbit in a trap.#also every time I clean my room I feel like I am not me. so that's fun#don't make me perceive myself or I just fucken lose my sense of self#(my room looks like a pinterest bedroom now and I love it. I can't have a minimalist bedroom or I will run out of serotonin so#so fucken fast you don't understand. but finding so much confidence and sense of identity in presenting more masc creates this disconnect#where I Like this room but it no longer feels like Mine.#and if I change the room so it feels like Mine I will no longer Like it#which is perhaps indicative of a broader problem in the disconnect between how I wish to present myself/conceptualize myself#and what I actually Like#but I don't have the brain cells to unpack all that right now#besides my gender as a concept is a bitch and a bastard and seems to personally have it out for me so.#anyways#in so many words i am too Full Of Queer Rage to hang out w my catholic ex-best-friend from high school in *checks watch* an hour & a half#and my aunt later this evening#But Here We Fucken Are Folks
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