#drop ur venmo if u actually read the whole. thng bc i oWE YOU

[clarasfm]

𝐌𝐄𝐄𝐓 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐒𝐋𝐎𝐀𝐍𝐄𝐒: 𝙘𝙖𝙢𝙚𝙧𝙤𝙣 𝙢𝙞𝙘𝙝𝙖𝙚𝙡 𝙨𝙡𝙤𝙖𝙣𝙚 .

𝐜𝐚𝐦𝐞𝐫𝐨𝐧.𝐬𝟕: lil sloane bc she got her personality from me 𝐜𝐚𝐦𝐞𝐫𝐨𝐧.𝐬𝟕: sick burn to go w/ my matching farmer’s tan 𝐜𝐚𝐦𝐞𝐫𝐨𝐧.𝐬𝟕: lads ft @cohentm 𝐜𝐚𝐦𝐞𝐫𝐨𝐧.𝐬𝟕: idfc bro i’m in love w/ a god damn pipsqueak ft @oliviasfm 𝐜𝐚𝐦𝐞𝐫𝐨𝐧.𝐬𝟕: weekend off & down to the coast ft clara , cohen , nat , & liv 𝐜𝐚𝐦𝐞𝐫𝐨𝐧.𝐬𝟕: liv capturing the exact moment @gifms called me slenderman??? the fuck

𝐂𝐀𝐌𝐄𝐑𝐎𝐍 𝐒𝐋𝐎𝐀𝐍𝐄 , the easiest of the sloane family to love . . . 

if you ask clara , she’ll be the first to tell you that CAM was the best of them . in fact , if you ask anyone , they’d tell you that CAM was the best of them . the best son . the best big brother . the best boyfriend . the best best friend . the best hockey player dillon had ever seen . . . and despite all of these BESTS , if you asked him , he would’ve given you another name .

he was three when clara came along , on his toes with his nose pressed to the glass as he stood next to his father , asking which baby was theirs . cam didn’t really talk much as a kid , but when he did , it was question after question . why is she in there , not out here ? why is she bald ? is her nose always going to be that smushed ? what’s her name ? and they gave him a choice : chloe , caroline , callie , or clara . with a wild imagination , and the nutcracker a december tradition , there was no contest and cameron –– who originally wanted a puppy –– was happy to welcome clara home . 

he was TEN when their mother left without so much as a word . the school called jack thirty minutes past pickup when two tiny sloanes were the only ones left , sitting side by side on a bench , swinging their legs back and forth . by then , he’d stopped asking questions and STARTED answering them . clara’s , to be exact , because from a young age , cam had patience like no one else and a willingness to TEACH when it was needed . and it was much needed as a family of four was reduced to three , and neither of them quite understood what they’d done wrong to make her leave . 

he was FIFTEEN when he taught clara to skate . . . among other things . on ice , on pavement , on a board , on blades . he’d taught her how to throw a football and spotted her when she practiced tumbling in the backyard . high school was HARD , but his grades were decent , and that’s all they had to be . . . because cam was damn near the best hockey player there was . there was no real teenage rebellion for him . he was too busy on the ice , with his team , or playing dad #2 at home . any REBELLION was found in his two best friends . . . cohen and beck . a kid who never smiled and one who couldn’t seem to stop . they were an odd group , to say the least , but he’d always wanted brothers , and he was happy to find them in dillon . not that it was hard ; people LIKED cam . he was . . . responsible and kind , funny and , as clara would come to call him , anal retentive . type a . completely and utterly obsessed with making sure his hair flopped in the right place . . . and making sure she got her homework done each night . they fought . a lot . because cameron was BOSSY and clara didn’t listen . 

he as SEVENTEEN when he fell in love with eyes bluer than any ocean he’d ever had the luck of running into . it was weird , at first , because olivia was not meant to be anything more than clara’s friend . . . who wouldn’t fucking leave their house . . . or the lingering thoughts in his head . she was FUNNIER than anyone he’d ever known , and he kissed her for the first time on the fourth of july , under the noise of fireworks and laughter . she never missed a hockey game , and he loved her for it . she never failed to make him smile , and he loved her for it . she was a little bit fucking weird . . . and he loved her for it . 

he was NINETEEN when things really started to look up . college was going well , and you bet he was still in love . that punk sister of his wasn’t turning out half bad . . . so it seemed he did a pretty good job . he’d declared his major his second semester at dillon : ELEMENTARY EDUCATION , and it was almost as natural as hockey . on the weekends , he taught lessons at the local rink and coached a team of middle school boys on the ice . friday nights were date night , and sundays were meant for SLOANE family dinners . life was painstakingly good , and the only thing you’d hear him complaining about was how often cohen kept him out all night –– not that it was earnest .

he was freshly TWENTY-ONE when he died , and it’s not what you think . it’s not very often texas finds itself drenched in a downpour , but this one had come faster than anyone expected . cam was behind the wheel after a post - game party , not a drop of alcohol in his blood , but his friends were long past gone . he’d wrestled the keys away from one of them and took the liberty of driving everyone home . or –– that was the intention . at a quarter to two in the morning , the sloane house flooded with flashing RED AND BLUE . coach was pulled out of his bed late into the night , and clara , of course , followed . a car accident . four in the vehicle , three survivors . . . but one of them was hardly hanging on . in fact , the only thing keeping him hanging on was a mess of machines and wires and needles . 

he’d hate this , clara mumbled from the opposite side of the room , arms folded over her chest , he’d hate this more than anything . it was the first time she’d ever seen her FATHER cry as he choked out a broken acknowledgement , and despite the grip around her throat making it hard to BREATHE , she couldn’t bring herself to tears . not when her father signed the papers . not when she found herself sitting by his bedside , alone for the last time , with that furrowed brow and fidgeting fingertips . 

ALRIGHT , big guy . . . what if i tell you your HAIR looks like shit . . . or that i’m going to take your car MUDDIN’ or . . . listen , cam . now would be a real good time to pull off one of those miracles . 

because even then , just as she is now , clara was BLINDLY optimistic . but looking down at her brother , STAGNANT , she knew . he’d hate this , and she still didn’t cry as she nodded and whispered a broken it’s okay . i’ll be fine .

she still didn’t cry as the machines were turned off or the last exhale deflated his chest . she still didn’t cry at the wake , the funeral . not the night after , not the week after . she was too STUBBORN . . . to angry to cry . 

instead , it came nearly a MONTH later when a stubborn dishwasher rack wouldn’t pull out and a plate came shattering to the ground . everything that she’d BOTTLED UP came rushing to the surface , and once the tears began , they couldn’t stop . she couldn’t speak ; she could hardly BREATHE . crumbled on the kitchen floor , cut after scrambling to pick up the glass , and SLAMMED with an emotion never taught her how to deal with . it was call coach could do to call olivia , who quietly sank to the ground with her and held on tight . 

it’s not often that you’ll see CLARA SLOANE cry . . . because it’s not often that it happens . instead , you’ll find anger . . . or indifference . . . and it’s a fatal flaw that needs TIME to heal , just as she does . 

still , her father doesn’t much talk about cameron . his room remains untouched , his car under a tarp in the shed . 

still , she’ll talk about him every now and then . . . when she’s comfortable , with faint laughter and the same sparkle in her eye that cam got when someone said something funny . 

still , she can’t step foot into the rink he’d loved so much . . . just as she doesn’t know how to talk to coach about him . 

but with time comes healing , and clara tries to keep him in the back of her mind , making the BIG life choices with cam’s wishes as a guiding light .