#dusting off the cobbwebs

[chilligyu]

"while flowers bloom and fall, scars cure and buds shoot, we are living our first and last moment, so I won’t take you for granted because you loved me as I am."

happy birthday yoon jeonghan! a man who was definitely written with autumnal love in mind

[ambientbruh]

Hot dawg, I just remembered my soundcloud password. 

[wolfinmyribcage]

A recent nightmare that won't get out of my head.

TW: SPIDERS

Some of the details had already begun to fade when I recorded this. Below is what remains.

I was walking down a street in an unfamiliar place. I had a dog with me, and he suddenly darted towards a house as we walked past it. He whined and sniffed at the wall, desperately wanting to get to something on the other side, and it felt important to me that he get to it.

I turned to try and find a way in, and there were three children in front of the house. An older girl, a boy, and a younger girl who seemed bored. While I spoke with the other two, she sat cross-legged and drew in the dirt, frowning.

The older two children told me I couldn't get to their yard by going through their house. All the doors leading to the yard were locked, and all the windows were too small, and that even if there was a way through there were too many spiders.

The younger girl perked up and said she wasn't afraid of spiders. I spoke to her, and she held a sword made of bronze. She said that she was good at knocking down spider webs, and if we looked maybe we could find a way through.

I agreed, and we entered the house alone. It was dark and cluttered inside, covered in dust and cobbwebs. As we went I pointed out spiders and she would use her sword to knock them down. I began to move ahead of her, pointing out spiders as I saw them while she fell behind. I turned and found myself in a garage, and started walking down the narrow space between the car and what was maybe a workbench. Above the workbench, and inches from my face as I moved along, there were many chains hanging from the ceiling. Lots of spiders had woven webs amongst them. I kept calling out each one that I saw as I moved, my panic rising as I went. I counted them out, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, and I think I stopped at eighteen.

I felt them on my skin and looked down at my arm to see one there, and frantically tried to brush it off. I heard a noise and turned to see the girl. She was next to me, covered in spiders, frozen and weeping in fear. I jerked myself away from her, away from the spiders, and began to fall.

As I did so, I screamed. "Mommy!" in a small, panicked voice that belonged to a child but came from my throat.

I woke with the sound of it in my ears and tears in my eyes.

---

So that was awful. And I can't make heads or tails of it. I have not called my mother 'Mommy' since I was a child, and that part almost disturbs me more than the spiders themselves, in retrospect.