#e depressedall yr long right l o l but like.. winter makes it worse ok!! im already suicidal bring on the cold n its amplified by a million
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#getting Real Close 2 the anniversary november is a bad month n i always try 2 make it better but it never lasts i always end up nostalgic 4#the hospital n nurses who like me n bandages around my wrists n routines that i dont get 2 give up on n showers that u have 2 keep pressing#the button for or theyll go cold and ruined socks from that one brief bit u have 2 walk outside n i always forget those tacky sandals they g#ive u n trying not 2 laugh at the med check bc whats the point of hiding it when i Want To Be Here i Want To Get Better but i never rlly do#ive said it b4 n ill say it again probably until i die I Want Residential!! i want 2 live in a hospital 4ever i want it 2 b someone elses re#sponsibility 2 take care of me its 2 much weight 4 me to carry i want to push it off onto someone else whos equipped 2 carry it!!#winter is a bad season and i see it coming but i let it smack me in the fuckin face Every Time like ppl joke abt seasonal depression bc we'r#e depressedall yr long right l o l but like.. winter makes it worse ok!! im already suicidal bring on the cold n its amplified by a million#like i cant go a damn minute cant go 60 fuckin Seconds w/o thinking abt how badly i want 2 die lol and november is the worst going 2 grandma#s n sam commenting on how bad my acne is when rlly i spent the last 40 minutes scratching at my face until it bled plans 2 od until l came a#nd ruined that plan (still bitter abt it esp now we're not talking again like shoulda just let me die bitch!!) stuffing my fucking face on t#hanksgiving n hating myself for at least amonth after guilty over the money spent on me @ christmas but not enough 2 tell them not 2#the whole fuckin month is cursed the whole season is cursed this fuckin Life is Cursed ok n im tired of it i just want 2 b taken care of n#As Always im blaming it on my mother not comforting or holding me as an infant/child bc fuckin Johnathon shared the bed until he was a yr n#a half n she didnt want 2 go thru that again so she just let me cry alone lol :') anyway uhhh todays bad this month is bad this season is ba#d n im not allowed 2 attempt so im not gonna but like. today feels like a Great Fuckin Day 2 slit my throat so :')) we'll see :')) if i do i#gotta make sure itll work bc if i attempt n dont die im inpatient n then No dbt for a Year lmfao so if i do it i gotta do it!! :'))#no od for me bc that never fuckin works just lands me in the hospital with sick down my front and a brain that works a Little Bit Less each#time :') this brain is already shit cant get rid of anything else or ill literally stop functioning so like. what does that leave but slitti#ng my throat?? too cold 2 drown id chicken out in a minute n theres nowhere good 2 hang myself so if i do it i gotta do it :') one slash n i#ts Done n Over with!! wonder if my bitch ass will go thru w it lmfao :'))))
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