#earf's kaiser rambles

[earthtooz]

cw: kaiser. kaiser draws on your skin. gn!reader (as always), unedited lol

before i log off, i present to you all an idea that has plagued me for a considerable amount of time.

imagine doing kaiser's eyeliner.

you don't know how you got here, practice was supposed to be starting in five or so minutes, kaiser is meant to be warming up on the field, you're meant to be checking if all the players were here, yet you both find yourselves in this ridiculous situation.

standing in between his legs as he perches himself on the training ground's bench, you've got a hand on his face as you masterfully wield the red liner in between your fingers. you're a little nervous, admittedly, but you're not letting it show, the quiver of your hand subtle to the outside eye as your eyebrows furrow in concentration subconsciously.

he asked you to do his eyeliner for him- a very intimidating and big ask. especially because this recognisable feature of his (amongst many) is always done meticulously, perfected as part of his daily routine.

so the tremble of your hands and breath is understandable because you don't want to fail and leave a bad impression with him.

you were also being silent because you were impressed by how pigmented this red eyeliner was. where did he get it from? it's really vibrant. maybe you should get one too. flows out very easily too.

however, you were too caught up in your thoughts to realise your proximity. kaiser, on the other hand, was quietly revelling in it as he sits still; the most sensible he's acted in a long time as he soaks up your closeness.

you don't see the small smile of satisfaction that threatens to stretch along his face, resulting directly from this moment of bliss.

"there," you say, finally stepping back to admire your handiwork. you did a pretty good job, even added the under-eye detail that he likes.

reviewing himself in his front camera, kaiser hums in approval before standing up to his full height, shutting off his phone and walking towards you. you hand him the cap.

"good job, pretty. at least i can trust you to do my eyeliner," he mutters, holding his hand out expectantly. you hand him the product, unsuspecting and caught off guard when kaiser suddenly grabs you by the arm.

then, to your horror (and delight), he begins scribbling something on your skin, the pigmented product effortlessly bleeding out to leave his mark behind. when kaiser pulls away, he stares contently at his signature before capping the eyeliner.

"that's the best i've ever written it. you should be honoured."

you then usher him onto the field, basically punching him with each step before scrambling away to find something to erase his handiwork with.

you all can thank @limitlesshq and @kruinka for the birth of whatever this is. @mitsies and all kaiser kissers, this is for u

[earthtooz]

has anyone ever discussed braiding kaiser's hair???

he's got a mullet so there must be some strands of hair that are long enough to braid, so you kinda just do it absentmindedly one night, tying it together with a mini elastic band. when you try to take it out, kaiser's suddenly very defensive about it, wanting to keep it in for as long as possible.

it's almost adorable how dedicated he is to keeping it in, even going to sleep that night with it on. it's only a small plait, noticeable, but not dramatic.

he then asks you to re-plait it the next day, wearing it off to practice. he asks you to do this, again and again.

now before a match, kaiser demands it so that you go with him to the locker rooms to a) give him his good-luck kiss (not that he needs it), and to b) redo the little plait. if you're not there or you don't make it in time, he will absolutely storm up to you in the stands and make a whole ordeal out of it. moral of the story, just tag along everywhere with him before a game to avoid another fiasco.

[earthtooz]

ok but like.. kaiser with a ballerina prodigy s/o.. like,,, think of it... like,,, kaiser, gods chosen emperor, with a s/o who is world famous on the ballet stage,,,, mind empty only

-🕺anon

kaiser with a ballerina prodigy s/o only to throw tantrums every other week because of all the men you have to work with. watches you perform all these lifts on stage and can't help but marvel at how talented and breathtaking you are but gets upset real quick when he thinks about how much time you spend with people that's not him, being close to someone else that's not him.

he gifts you the largest bouquet once the show is over, cheers the loudest for you with it's time for the bow, can't help but feel so proud when it's only you walking downstage by yourself, having your own moment before joining your colleagues.

meeting kaiser backstage, drinking up the 'after-show' high as he applauds you and makes a show in the dressing room.

when he sees your partner, he can't help but throw a glare at him. one he doesn't see, of course, because kaiser is delusional, but you love him all the same.

it's funny because as a ballet dancer, the one sport your teachers tell you to stay away from is soccer. guess you couldn't truly stay away.

OR i present to you... ballet!au with kaiser? reader has to do a duet with kaiser?? reader hates kaiser?? anyone listening??

[earthtooz]

y/n: it's so sad that you have the most detestable personality ever because you're kinda pretty.

kaiser: u think i'm pretty °˖✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧˖°

[earthtooz]

i actually love that kaiser wears glasses canonically because i do too, but my eyesight isn't terrible to the point where i can't see without it, i just can't read a whiteboard or any sign, for that matter, far away.

contacts are a horrifying concept to me and i never wore them, especially when i had practices, so i'm just really making myself giggly at the idea that kaiser doesn't wear contacts either and just... braves out soccer practices and matches without clear vision LMFAOOO (i didn't play soccer but it's still pretty easy to move around and play normally with my vision)

that, or he's long-sighted... :/

[earthtooz]

Do you think Kaiser makes u view things in shojo manga filter like when he's talking to you literal flowers are coming out of his back , everything is shiny his chin is sharp or something.

i like to think that when kaiser talks to US, he sees us in a shoujo manga filter.

our eyes are shiny and beautiful, there are flowers sprouting behind us, bubbles surround us and the background behind us is just pure pink. LOL, that's how it should be xx

[earthtooz]

actually the 'i went to bed with one thought' post was such a lie because you know what other thought i went to bed with last night:

bc kaiser genuinely likes isagi and he's all supportive and whatnot about isagi becoming a good soccer player, can you imagine kaiser trying to befriend isagi outside of matches LMFAOOOOOOOOOO

IMAGINE THEIR CONVERSATIONS !!!!

kaiser is all trying to saddle up to his new buddy and isagi, ever the sweetheart, is just like 'oh. this is weird. hi?' and kaiser's trying to be all nice but y'know, he's egotistical so it doesn't work out. it's not awkward, it's just... not the same vibe... but kaiser continues trying regardless and isagi continues obliviously trying to befriend kaiser as well.

in other words, this is what i call: kaiser romancing isagi.