#eddie and tia pepa. firefam feels etc etc etc

[wellcollapse]

i forgot how good the majority of 6b was

[wanderingwomanwondering]

Buddie 614 Meta

There was so damn much happening in this ep. Even though it didn’t quite unfold the way I expected, it was still oh so good. Several things jumped out at me. *This is a long post. I swear I tried to rein it in. Also I ramble in some spots, my bad*

Leaky Pipe

The first thing that got me was the leaky pipe at Tia Pepa’s house. Eddie came running to fix it but there was no leak, it was just a ploy to get him to her house for a blind date. We know that water symbolism is huge in 6b and linked to Buck and Eddie’s relationship. So the leaky pipe at Tia Pepa’s house feels like an intentional connection between Eddie’s love life and Buck. Both Buck and Eddie are “pouring into each other” with time, love, energy, etc but both are leaky pipes in way because they are:

Still healing individually

Uncertain about how the other man feels

Uncertain about romantic the possibilities with each other

Afraid of messing up the best thing that ever happened to them

We know that the leaky pipe at Tia Pepa’s house is nonexistent; she actually said “it fixed itself”. I took that to mean that Eddie (and probably Buck too) feels like he’s broken or damaged goods as a romantic partner, but he’s not and he’s actually done a ton of work on himself that makes him/will make him an excellent romantic partner if he chooses to pursue a relationship.

FireFam Dating Advice

This scene was unhinged and I need the writers to meet me outside. I just want to talk!

Buck: Well I mean you could always just conveniently forget to text her.

Chim: He’s not gonna ghost her, Buck.

Eddie: Yeah, and she already texted me.

I mean come on! Buck was playing it cool but he absolutely does not want Eddie to date. If Eddie dates and things get serious then it threatens his existing relationship with the Diaz family. Buck was as subtle as a brick! The Diaz family is his family! He would never outright stand in the way of Eddie’s happiness but just like the Ana situation, Buck is giving Eddie side-eye about choosing someone else over him. Buck is taking on the roll that Eddie took on when Buck was dating. Eddie was nice when he did speak but mostly silent during Buck’s dating era. Buck is doing the same thing. He’s trying not to interfere. Eddie was better at it than Buck which feels in character to me. Eddie is an old pro at keeping his feelings to himself, mostly. Buck is less good at that. He wears his heart of his sleeve so he blurted out that Eddie should just not text Vanessa. Mind you, Eddie did not say he would never do that! He instead said that Vanessa already texted him which implied that he was stuck!! He couldn’t just ignore her, even if a part of him might have entertained doing just that to avoid the anxiety of dating when he already has a husband.

Eddie: Now I got to figure out how to let her down easy.

Buck: Ooh. You’re not good at that.

Eddie: No. I’m not. It’s a terrible idea. It’s not going to end very well.

WHAT?! First of all, Buck’s face journey through this conversation was epic. Second of all, Buck called Eddie out! This is a clear callback to the Ana situationship and foreshadowing that Eddie was absolutely going to find a way to not date Vanessa seriously. Buck is not being a butthead during this conversation, like at all, but it’s clear that he does not want Eddie to date. I just hate being forced to date. Hmm. I wonder why?!

Eddie then agrees that he doesn’t let folks down easy. Due to his tone in this part of the conversation, I have no doubt that he was actively remembering the savage way he ended things with Ana. He also remembered the “I thought I would eventually fall in love with you but actually I’m a mess and also my heart already belongs to someone else” of it all!

I also found it absolutely fascinating that Eddie used a version of Buck’s line from the poker game: “This is not going to end well”. I know fandom views the poker event as a Buddie date and now I think Eddie canonically did too! The shared line makes the poker date and the Vanessa date parallel in Eddie’s mind. Maybe the poker date felt like a failure to Eddie because it was like a date but wasn’t an actual date. On the flipside we have the Vanessa date which was a date but was still a failure because neither of them was ready to be in a serious relationship. The two “dates” were similar in that one or both parties weren’t ready! But the difference is that Eddie was upfront with Vanessa and managed to talk to her about not wanting to date. Eddie hasn’t said anything at all to Buck about romance but I think his heart was definitely in date mode at the poker game. I repeat: WHAT?! Holy crap!!

Eddie: It feels like I have to perform.

Hen: Maybe you’re just anxious about said performance.

Eddie: Anxious? Who’s anxious?

Chim: Tia number 3 has entered the chat.

Hen: First of all, 99% of any first date, arranged or otherwise, is a performance, so get over yourself. Second, it’s okay to feel nervous. Vanessa is probably at work right now panicking too.

Eddie: I do not panic.

This whole segment of the conversation is unreal and left me spinning. Eddie is a person who spent his whole life performing, pretending, and doing what was expected of him. Now, he’s healing and looking inward and sussing out what he wants and learning that he deserves every happiness for himself and not just for Christopher. Dating feels like a betrayal of his journey to realness. Huh. I wonder why. Just focusing on the therapy/healing aspect, I get it, but there’s still the unspoken but very much relevant Buck of it all. Eddie may still play some things close to the vest with Buck but he is not lying or pretending with him. He’s himself with Buck. Hen’s suggestion that Eddie is afraid of failing to perform/meet expectations feels queer as hell. She’s the voice of heteronormativity in the conversation. Hen is the queer character speaking life into Eddie’s struggle with repression and comphet! Her comments are double-sided. She’s talking about Vanessa on the surface but underneath it all is the question of “how long are you going to keep playing this comphet game? Maybe you aren’t any good at this game anymore because you’re healing and you’re learning to be true to yourself, Eddie!”

As Chim says, Hen is the FireFam Aunt. She’s the tia putting gentle pressure on him to sort out his feelings about performing versus just being. Sure she normalizes the fears that come with dating and the performance aspect that’s inherent in that but she also highlights that the particular performance that he’s feeling compelled to engage in is not the issue. It’s his fear of NOT PERFORMING. FINALLY. HIS FEAR OF AUTHENTICITY IS THE ISSUE SHE’S RAISING SUBTEXTUALLY.

Eddie claims that he’s not anxious. In a sense he’s not. He’s managed the fear he had of going with the flow and doing what’s expected but now he has to accept and move into the next step. He has to put himself out there. Being actively authentic is another beast entirely!

The “I don’t panic” comment from Eddie sent me to an early grave. The loud callback to his exact struggle with Ana, expectations, and “ready made family” was genius! His Tia’s hope that he will start dating again inevitably had to callback to that significant realization Eddie made in s5. He has to decide if he is going to go back to that or cut his own path to romantic bliss...with Buck.

I think it’s vital to note here that Tia Pepa doesn’t necessarily expect Eddie to be with a woman. That’s who he’s dated in the past so that’s who she sets him up with. But the focus is on him recognizing that he can have a romantic relationship if he wants one and that it’s okay to pursue one. He does not have to be romantically solitary.

Again, during the whole conversation BUCK’S FACE IS DOING ALL THE THINGS! He looks a little timid when he suggests that Eddie simply not text Vanessa back. Buck looks amused when Hen suggests that Eddie is afraid of performing sexually like he knows better. He smiles big when Eddie pushes back and implies that he’s not anxious about that and is fully confident in his sexual prowess. Buck is Team Sexy Eddie but he is not feeling Dating Eddie is the person he’s dating is not him. But he’s trying not to let on that he has a vested personal interest in Eddie not looking at other people!

In other news, it was super interesting that Buck was drinking water through the conversation and was the only one doing so. The emotional flood that Buck is navigating was on display at the lunch table. And the emotional flood that Eddie is navigating was on display in the ep overall. Agua on the way, people!

Vanessa Date

The Vanessa date is parallel to the poker game/date through Eddie’s outfit and through the hip-hop song playing in the background. The song starts with references to money. Also, Vanessa is such a loud choice for the person to turn Eddie down. She’s a woman who was abandoned at the altar and is still processing that loss. She’s therefore not ready for another relationship. 

That felt like an interesting parallel to Eddie himself who was left by Shannon, but the difference is that Eddie has done his processing of that. What he is still processing is his budding feelings for Buck and - I would argue - whether or not he’s capable of and worthy of being a better/good partner to someone else. I wholeheartedly believe that Eddie is still processing the partner part of the Shannon debacle. I love Eddie with all my heart but he was a terrible husband to Shannon and I don’t know that he’s fully processed all of the guilt and anxiety that came with that particular failure. Or at least not well enough to feel comfortable entering into a serious relationship with his best friend whom he loves to the moon and back. Eddie refuses to make the same mistakes in love with Buck or anyone else that he made with Shannon.

Oh and fun fact, Eddie is wearing his buck/chris watch on the date with Vanessa. The blue-faced one that says he’s on the clock to figure something out. 

Bobby Review

First of all, this scene was hilarious. Second, Eddie admitted that he shouldn’t be so bothered by Vanessa’s rejection since he’s not interested in her anyway. So the dialogue is of course about something/someone else.

Eddie: I didn’t even get a chance. She just left me there, hanging.

Bobby: Eddie, we are not here to review your date.

Eddie: Uh, yeah, sorry. Uh, it’s a lot to process.

Bobby: Didn’t expect the brush-off, huh?

Eddie: Well, not gonna lie. It was probably the worst one yet.

Bobby: Wait, you didn’t even want this date.

Eddie: Yeah, so it shouldn’t be bothering me, right? Yeah. Maybe Hen’s right. Maybe I’m anxious about not performing.

I think Eddie’s talking about a few different things here. On the surface it’s about Vanessa of course. She brushed him off which bruised his ego (even though he wasn’t interested in her) and he’s generally anxious about getting back out into the dating world. But when we dig a little deeper, I think he’s actually talking about Buck...maybe because I’m biased and I think all roads lead to Buck.

If we take the poker game as a date, Eddie was fun and comfortable in his own skin and he was with Buck, his person. But Eddie “didn’t even get a chance” with Buck because Buck and Eddie are still dancing around the romantic elephant in the room plus Buck is still sorting himself off while also recovering from the lightning strike. Buck obviously had no idea that Eddie might possibly want to date him. And Eddie certainly didn’t explicitly ask him out on a date. 

Eddie saying that Vanessa brushing him off “was probably the worst one yet” seems weird if we take the poker date as the other thing on Eddie’s mind (consciously or unconsciously) because how could it be worse to be brushed off by someone he never wanted to go out with? But then when we dig into it, Eddie was performing with Vanessa. He was performing for Tia Pepa, Tia Cuca, and for Vanessa herself. Performing the expected role and doing the expected thing ie going out with her as a courtesy. He was doing everything right while also honoring himself, his own growth, and the fact that he doesn’t want to get involved with her romantically. He checked all the boxes and then it was Vanessa who brushed him off! Eddie did the (comphet) dating performance even though he didn’t want to and got pushed aside as a romantic option. I think that felt worse to him because he was doing everything “right”. ‘

On the flipside, with Buck, Eddie hasn’t admitted any romantic feelings to Buck, he hasn’t figured out how Buck feels, he hasn’t done anything formal/official to take it to the next level so not getting his chance and/or being left hanging is the be expected in that situation. Romantically, he risked nothing and gained nothing at the poker game with Buck. Remember, he (and Rosen) even bowed out of the game at one point. He chose to linger in the background admiring Buck from afar.

Maybe I’m going to hard on this and it’s not Buck related but I don’t really believe that if I’m being honest because it was all just too weird and blah otherwise. 

Eddie’s callback to Hen’s comment was interesting too because he didn’t say he was afraid of failing or performing badly. He said that maybe he’s afraid of “not performing” which I read as maybe he’s afraid of being honest, of being seen, or being authentic and genuine, of taking risks, of going for what he wants! In another light it’s also the fear of not doing the comphet thing that he’s used to and that others expect and instead choosing to be the authentic/genuine Queer King that we all know he is.

When all of the above is combined with Bobby’s call for balance:

Bobby: But maybe it’s time to find the right work/life balance.

Eddie: Mm, feels like I have that. Me, Christopher, we’re a good team.

Bobby: And you’re a great father. But there is more to life, and I think even Christopher would agree. The sooner you realize that, the sooner you can get back out there.

I think it confirms the Buck of it all. Eddie can have more in life than just fatherhood and the firefam and the team. He can have someone in his life that lights the romantic fire in him and that’s totally Buck.

Tia Pepa Grilling

Bobby’s point above echoes Tia Pepa’s point in the opening of the ep and again during the grilling. Honestly, I can appreciate her point about getting set in ones ways. A kind of rigidity can set in if we don’t have anyone or anything providing an alternative perspective or healthy resistance or pulling on our heart strings. Obviously romance isn’t the only way to keep from settling into a narrow pattern in life but that’s the angle the show has taken and I’m willing to roll with it. 

Tia Pepa doesn’t want Eddie to be romantically alone and he admits that he doesn’t want that for himself either. That got me thinking about Eddie’s conversation with Carla in What’s Your Fantasy where she mentioned how people tend to avoid speaking about a dream/crush because it makes it real and fantasies don’t always pan out. Eddie is afraid of speaking the words. Remember Boggle from 601, the word search game? Eddie is looking for the words. He has so much to say to Buck and he hasn’t formulated the words yet. But when he does?! Hot damn! We’re all gonna lose our minds!!

The conversation with Pepa is Eddie getting one step closer to verbalizing who/what he wants in life. One step closer to speaking the dream into reality and acting on his feelings. Yaaasss King, we love to see it!!!