#edit: so guess who fuckin found out [[MORE]] doesnt fkn work anymore 👉😎👉

[henryisalesbian]

me waltzing in with train angst because i can

this isnt for anything in particular (that ive shown yet) but i guess its smtnn to flex my writing skills ? who knows 🤷

cw ; very brief mention of suicide ideation

He sat idly underneath the awnings, the apathetic and unfocused expression on his face soon changed into one of resurfaced sorrow, the corners of his lips beginning to curl downwards as his heart began to feel heavier than it usual was.

" montague, i'm sorry. "

Now, it was Duck's turn to react. Duck was grateful that Diesel's now apologizing, yes, but.. It's the fact that he's doing it is what's taking him off guard.

" you're.. you're sorry? "

The two sat in silence for only a brief moment, the gentle ambience of the midnight and the outdoors surrounding them as Diesel began to speak again as he looked down at the ground he was sitting on.

" it's for something you might have remembered a while ago. you know, about the awful rumors i've spread about you? "

" oh. those ones. " Duck was reminded of them in a sick and fondly fashion. How he was outcasted, thrown out by the others - all because of those horrible names the sleek engine had told the others. " i do remember now. "

" and for a moment, just one moment, it felt like i had at least a sense of priority and worth to my name. sure, my reputation was at most tarnished by the time i arrived at the docks, but it was during that time where i was known for something, for heaven's sake! "

Duck wanted to add in a small detail yet he just wanted to listen to what the diesel before him had to say. He took notes of how Diesel's eyebrows knitted and his voice nearly cracking under pressure from the guilt he's been bottling up all these years.

" i recall back in my homeland - the mainland - i was never really noticed for what i was able to rely on, rather i was noticed for what i was useful for. and so it seems, all this talk of being the 'useful' and 'groundbreaking' diesel has put a weight right on my shoulders, has it not, montague? "

His eyes shifted to Duck's and it was clear to him that Diesel was at a limit here.

Montague had soon replied after, " i can see that it has.. diesel. pardon me, i wanted to bring this up, but- i.. have. already f'rgiven you for what happened with the others. yes, those nasty rumors you've spread of me hurt - badly - and i was furious about them. i suppose something within me knew this wasn't the real you. i suppose that.. maybe you are better than you seem? "

Silence was the only thing that could pool in Diesel's train of thought. He looked to the steam engine with a perplexed, almost confused gaze only for this expression to soften into a teary eyed but almost scornful glare as he turned from Montague's face.

He wasn't angry at him by any means.

He was moreso angry at himself for getting like this and breaking the trusts of everyone he knew on Sodor.

" i don't know how you even do such a thing, duck. to trust an engine like me.. to even consider having someone who tried to throw your life away because of a misunderstanding i didn't know how to handle..! "

" and i knew it was an misunderstanding, diesel, and i wish i was able to tell you before you ran off to the trucks.

" and i wish i listened! " he turned his head quickly to the great western, his eyes almost glossy from the intense guilt of his history as he snapped at duck before quickly shrinking back, appalled by his outbursts, " i wish i had shown that i was reliable to you AND to them. and i wish i was able to listen to you and not do such a ridiculous stunt as that..! "

Duck could only look in not even horror, just a sorrowful empathy.

" and i wish i controlled myself better before knewing the damage it'd cause to my dear mavis and the others.. and if it had gotten worse, .. " he had paused, taking a shaky breath that sounded almost too much like a sob, " ..i only wish for someone, or something, to put me out of my misery. so i wont be such a nuisance anymore. "

The great western engine didn't even know what to say at this point. He knew that Diesel had a horrible reputation behind him but hearing that it had cause that very reputation alone to leak out and damage those to which he loved really set it into perspective. And it was all because he didn't listen.

" pardon me, diesel, if i may.. " he began, " but i am sorry that all of this has happened. i know it. may not seem the best option, if it isn't, but maybe we can start it off on the right foot..? we don't have to start right away but i do offer. "

The sleek and disheveled diesel engine looked at the great western engine once more, blinking a few times, before he croaked.

" you.. you aren't mad at all? "

" not in a bit. " Duck reassured, " i only ask for one thing: please, and i mean it, please do listen to me when thing's are important? "

The silence came back for a moment before Diesel raised a shaky smile.

" of course, duck. i will listen just for you. "