#ehhh i'll call that good for actual tags

[mechsbrackets]

[I.D.: a 32 team single elimination bracket titled "Most Gender Mechanisms Character!". It consists of 16 matchups listed below /End I.D.]

We now have a bracket! The matchups are listed and linked below! All polls will be tagged with #most gender mechanisms character bracket.

Matchups:

Ashes O'Reilly vs. Scuzz Nishimura (this poll is being WEIRD, please vote on the first version (the one linked here) that only seems to be visible through if you go through the tags. Tumblr why)

The Aurora vs. Yog-Sothoth

Nastya Rasputina vs. The Octokittens

Lancelot vs. Ulysses

Lyfrassir Edda vs. Alice

Galahad vs. Dr. Carmilla

Ivy Alexandria vs. Orpheus

Arthur Pendragon vs. Loki

The Toy Soldier vs. Rose Red

Majors Hatter & Hare vs. Raphaella la Cognizi

Marius von Raum vs. Guinevere

Blogbot vs. Mordred

Jonny d'Ville vs. Odin

Captain Joseph Robert Mathea vs. Drumbot Brian

Frankenstein's AI vs. Iphis

Comsat Cheshire vs. Gunpowder Tim

[getvalentined]

Finally updated my directory with the links to bsky and cara, as well as links to my screenshot and gif tags for easier access (for me, mostly) and the Strifentine tag because it belongs with my top ships.

I keep wondering if I should put a little list of my NOTPs and disliked characters up there too, but ehhh. I have one on my website, and the fact that I dislike a ship or a character doesn't mean I'm gonna talk shit or anything. I don't like Ang*al and still dedicated almost 2k words to creating closure for the character at the end of Smoke and Mirrors, I don't like Lucrecia and I still go to bat for her pretty regularly—these are good characters, I just don't personally like them, and don't like how the fandom treats them. Ships are a little more touchy, since people can be really bad at tagging them, but I can just scroll on by and not engage in conversation about them for the most part.

More personal random update nonsense under the cut.

I'm actually feeling really down lately, for a handful of reasons. Some of it is the weather and air quality recently (it's so hot I want to throw up, there's been smoke in the air so I can't breathe, etc.), but some of it is more...mental and emotional, I guess.

I am so artistically burnt out I kinda want to die (I have no plans to make this happen, don't worry), but I'll deal with it. I've been like this since Turtle's health scare a few months back, when I got less than ten hours of sleep in the span of a week, and then proceeded to get less than five hours a night for the two weeks following, so it's no shock I'm still a mess. It doesn't seem like it's going anywhere any time soon, which sucks because I still owe people commissions from fundraising for her treatment. I may end up just...saving up to refund people.

The issue is that I feel like I can't draw unless I'm working on commissions, but when I try to work on commissions I literally burst into tears and can't do anything. It's a really fucked up cycle where I end up just paralyzed and on the verge of throwing up every time I even think about drawing, which is super hard on me as an artist. I feel like a failure, I feel like I'm letting everyone down, I feel like I'm ruining everyone's opinions of me forever. It's a really shitty feeling.

I'll figure something out. I'm an adult, that's what I have to do.

Speaking of people with ruined opinions of me, I think I'm going to start muting or unfollowing people who reblog/interact a lot with BB$C. I know she has a lot of friends, and maybe she's gotten better, but she still has me blocked so I'm not exactly hopeful. This is the woman who (apparently) told her friends that I abused and lied about her because one of my friends reported and called her out for tracing, and when she faced no consequences I made a vague sad thread on the general topic of popularity rendering unethical behavior acceptable in modern fandom. I only found out that she was seemingly telling people I abused her because one of her friends made a public comment on the twits about me being abusive—on a QRT of my thread detailing how I'd spent the previous year being abused by my now-ex. Very cool for me, the knowledge that some people saw that I'd been abused and went "oh she deserves it though" doesn't haunt me to this day or anything.

It's been a couple years since it all went down, but I just...I dunno, I feel like it's hard to genuinely improve as a person without even trying to make amends with the person she said those things about? But who knows. I'd be down to talk if she ever wanted to, but she hasn't yet, and I don't assume she will. I'm one of like four people on the planet who cares anyway, so it is what it is.

Summer is a rough time of year for me in general, so I'm struggling a lot recently with feeling like I deserve to even talk to other people at all. Constantly seeing the name of someone who went out of her way to make sure that I'd never feel welcome in a community I've been part of for a quarter century pop up on my dash all the time is not conducive to fighting that feeling.

Not to pity party over here, but I do get it. My older sister, my ex, BB$C—they're charming and creative and supportive, the people that they like generally don't get to see how they can be to the people that they don't. In the rare cases that they do see it, they change the narrative to make that person into something irredeemable, downplaying their own actions (if they admit to them at all) while exaggerating the actions of the person they dislike. These people have friends that genuinely love them, so of course they're going to believe their friend over some sad-sack stranger on a dying blogging platform. It's no fault to these people that they believe their friends.

(Just to clarify, I'm not saying that my ex tried to kill me the way my older sister did, or that BB$C was abusive in the way my ex was; these are diminishing levels of trauma. She and I were never friends, our sole one-on-one interaction was me approaching her on a zine project to make sure she was comfortable with me having created a piece of spot art that seemed to have ripped off her page art; I'd done it without realizing the concept had already been used elsewhere in the project, and didn't want her to assume I was copying her without credit. The irony of this is not lost on me.)

It would just be nice to feel like the truth means anything. I'm an abusive liar because I apparently said that this woman traced a bunch of her work; not only did I not report her, but it also isn't a lie. There are overlays with over a half-dozen screenshots and official renders to prove it. But even when her friends are shown those overlays, which I have done, it doesn't matter. The goal posts move, and suddenly I'm abusive just for caring that she traced at all. Allegedly lying is what made me abusive, but somehow I'm still abusive even if I didn't lie—and she's still the nicest person in the world, even though she did.

I do hope she's better. I hope her friends have helped her to become the kind of person who looks back at what she did with guilt and shame, and that she uses those feelings to improve. But seeing her name pop up over and over, sometimes from people who know what she did and still decided to re-follow her years later anyway, is a little too much for me to handle right now.

[chemicalbrew]

tagged

by @radellama thanks bestie!!!

1. why did you choose your url?

multiple reasons:

I chose chemicalbrew as my go-to handle everywhere important, because the handle I picked for this purpose as a teen is cringe

I like having canon URLs; especially if they are kind of hard-to-get and\or subtle references, which this one is perfect for, IMO. The last time I felt good about a handle in this sense was when I went by theplanetbuster

I like katzero :) a normal amount :) and I always will I think :)

Chemical Brew is just a good track and I love being reminded of its existence every time I log on anywhere.

2. any sideblogs? if you have them name them and why you have them.

I'm too lazy to upkeep them, so I compensate with my tagging system... Well, there is actually one where I wanted to put my writing if I ever did any, but in the end all writing I do is roleplay stuff on discord that's not meant to be shared widely HELP. And what I do end up getting out once in a blue moon, I just put on AO3...

I used to hoard a whole lot of URLs, but I got scared of getting terminated for a second time, so aside from the almost empty writing blog I mentioned earlier, I just hoard five that I'd hate to see anyone else have (some of these I used to go by, too)

3. how long have you been on tumblr?

Almost ten years; I haven't remade once, so you can see this just by going to the archive (don't do that, actually)

4. do you have a queue tag?

I do, and it's a Transistor reference :) I can count on my hands the amount of times I've queued stuff, though.

5. why did you start your blog in the first place?

Found this place while looking for Zelda fanart; thought it would be easier to use the dashboard instead of checking individual pages. At least I think that was the biggest reason. IDR

6. why did you choose your icon/pfp?

Zero I like him :) At this point it feels wrong if I don't have him as my pfp on here and\or discord so... here he is!!! (since I'm still Four on discord) Not to mention that I kinda need him here to match the rest of my stuff.

I put the NB flag border for Pride month this year for fun and I'm too lazy to put the old version back (also, once again, I like weird subtle shit like that.).

7. why did you choose your header?

I always choose my headers with purpose, though it's not quite the case here: this is a holdover from when I was cherrymegablaster, and it's meant to directly complement that URL in a way that's obvious if you played the game. LOL

I kept it because it's funny to call a drink a chemical brew (and because there's not enough DLC footage for me to make a nice gif with. There's a few stills I really like, but I prefer my headers animated!) ...and because I'm just really happy with the gif.

8. what’s your post with the most notes?

I can't be assed to use the site that scans for this stuff and I'm not proud of my ancient random shit that blew up a bit anyway. So... I'll just tell you this gifset I made on a whim is the one with the most notes.

I REALLY hope the rainbow katzero set outpaces it one day because it's also continuously showing up in my activity and it's easily the one I put the most work into. I need to get off my ass and make more gifs!!!

9. how many mutuals do you have?

...does anyone keep count of that? just the right amount to keep me happy :3

10-11. how many followers do you have? how many people do you follow?

343 \ 1414. why are these such nice numbers

12. have you ever made a shitpost?

Yes, but I don't post them, I just send them to my friends on discord. I'd say hatewar but it's on fire alone counts as a collaborative shitpost of the highest tier, but barely anyone knows what I mean and I love it.

13. how often do you use tumblr each day?

Ehhh, it depends... I know I check my activity mostly every morning just in case, and I check the dod3 and katzero tags once or twice a week, but it's not a strict schedule thing, I forget sometimes :] The tags are slow anyway, and I have sooo many active katzero posters blocked that it's even slower for me :p

14. did you have a fight/argument with another blog once?

I don't think so..? Definitely not in public, I've had arguments with friends I made here, but it's a different thing. I think everyone on my dash is largely chill and has moved on past the disk horse or whatever the fuck

15. how do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this’ posts

DO PEOPLE STILL MAKE THESE...

16. do you like tag games?

That and 'reblog and put your opinion on X \ what you did today' is always really fun, I <3 being annoying about minor details in my boring life (also I'm literally doing one rn, aren't I)

17. do you like ask games?

Yes, but I never get any asks, so I don't reblog them too often. :]

18. which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

@/ositia, they're a very good artist and I miss seeing them around

19. do you have a crush on a mutual?

I have only had two crushes in my life, and one of them was on a former mutual I've drifted apart from. I know he won't be reading this cause he blocked me, but I still think about him and I hope he's moved to a nice enough place, at least :")

20. tags

uuugh just do this if you want to

[kaasknot]

tagged by @trillgutterbug ty!!

name: kaasknot, short for kaa's knot. yes i am a freak—but let it be known i picked this name well before a/b/o existed. call me kaa

star sign: JIF natural crunchy peanut butter is best, but i'll accept skippy as a substitute if, for example, there is a salmonella recall,

height: 5'10.5". the half inch is very important to me.

time: is an artificial construct of industrialization and i wish it didn't exist

birthday: labor day

favorite bands/artists: i hate these questions. currently listening to duke ellington, johnny cash, lord huron, indila, and a variety of movie soundtracks. honorable mention to batushka, ethel cain, and four fists.

last movie: buster keaton's Go West, which is heart-warming and absurd beyond belief. with a surprise helping of shockingly racist! but at least that was short-lived, and not entirely unexpected for a movie made in 1925. do watch if you want to see a lonely man befriend an outcast cow, that same man run through the streets of los angeles wearing a devil gimp suit, and can turn off your brain for approximately 1 minute during the organ grinder sequence.

last show: last one i remember clearly was Bridgerton, but that absolutely wasn't the last show i watched. star trek, probably

when did i create this blog: 2012, riding the wave of loki thirst

what i post: mostly reblogs, specializing in memes, shitposts, and whatever fixation du jour i happen to be snorting. currently, that's buster keaton, with flourishes of star trek, supernatural, and band of brothers. burned out on star wars and marvel, you probs won't see any of either for a while

last thing i googled: jake shimabukuro's ukulele cover of "while my guitar gently weeps"

other blogs: ehhh they exist but i don't actually use them. everything i post online goes on this blog

do i get asks?: occasionally. i don't usually know how to answer them, so i ignore them and feel awkward about it

following: smth like 400 blogs, most of which are inactive

average hours of sleep: 7.5 if my cat cooperates

instruments: singing, whistling, very rudimentary piano, even more rudimentary ukulele

what i’m wearing: clothes

dream job: i simply do not dream of labor.

dream trip: i don't go places unless i have good reason. family obligations, to see friends, and/or to go to a convention are usually why i travel

nationality: american

favorite songs: idek i'm just gonna name songs i've played a lot in the last few days. "have you checked your butthole" by tom cardy, jakub józef orliński singing "vedrò con mio diletto" (basically on repeat), "hell's comin' with me" by poor man's poison

last book i’ve read: last book i actually finished was Camera Man, by dana stevens. it was a biography of buster keaton. currently i'm in the middle of reading Buster Keaton: A Filmmaker's Life by james curtis, Keaton by rudi blesh, and Buster Keaton's Sherlock Jr., ed. andrew horton, an essay collection analyzing one of his movies (i know i have a condition, it's terminal). other books i'm reading are Madam: The Biography of Polly Adler by debby applegate (1920s prostitution), Rank Ladies: Gender and Cultural Hierarchy in American Vaudeville by m. alison kibler (what it says on the tin), The Myth of Prison Rape: Sexual Culture in American Prisons by mark fleisher and jessie krienert (basically saying that rape exists, but not using the definitions of civilian society; extremely interesting read), and The Ukulele Handbook by gavin pretor-pinney and tom hodgkinson. i am actually reading all of them, but it's going pretty slowly.

top 3 fictional universes i’d like to live in: star trek for sure. i read a lot of crapsack world scifi, tho, so that's it.

lowkey tagging @spokir @countessofbiscuit @kweh-not-wark @cabezadeperro @even-subtext-is-canon @nottonyharrison