#embarrassing how much i love Versace's tacky designs

[andy-loves-corgis]

All of The Lights - Ch 8 (TRR AU)

Book: The Royal Romance

Pairing: Well… It’s Riley and her pain in this one.

Rating: M (I can’t make them not curse I guess…). 

Word count: ~ 6,800 (longest chapter I ever wrote)

Notes: There will be one big note at the end. But just thank you for still being here!

WARNING: Read the Prologue! Every chapter has TWO timelines, Before (about a year before the Prologue) and After (two years after the prologue), if you don’t pay attention to that you might get confused!

Hardest to Love

And what we had is dead inside, yeah You're actin' like it's still alive And you still wanna make it right, yeah I know But I've been the hardest to love

BEFORE

How long had she been taking that shower?

The sound of the water hitting the porcelain tiles could be considered deafening to some, but right now there was so much noise inside Riley's head that the droplets served only as white noise.

Steam was clouding her senses, although not as much as the overwhelming feeling of awareness. She could still feel the heat emanating from his body and the thought itself made her short of breath, could she indulge in the sensation growing at the pit of her stomach?

No!

Riley had only slept for 4 hours straight, then she was brought back to consciousness by her racing heart, her head couldn’t rest for what have happened mere hours ago, and flashes would take her mind. She knew it would be useless to overthink what happened, the simple fact that by reliving the night before she was inundated with nervousness told her enough.

It was like a fire, she knew that, it would only grow if she wanted it to, if she fed it the right thoughts, the right feelings… and right now her heart was enjoying it all too much.

A ragged breath left her throat while she sat on the rim of her tub, massaging the stiffness out of her left foot, pushing it a little too hard, bringing her back to reality, a reality where these feelings were better to remain an illusion.

Ouch

In about an hour she should head with Madeleine to the boutique, where the Fydelia heiress would pick her dress for tonight, it gave her time for a moment of coffee and contemplation in her favorite study room; throwing on some comfortable tracksuit she followed the smell of freshly baked eclairs.

The study on the second floor was one of her favorite places, mainly because no one ever went there, she could sit alone for hours, stretching, reading, eating without someone counting on her calorie intake… Although, it wasn’t empty this time, she wouldn’t be that lucky, she wasn’t a tiny bit lucky.

Drake was there.

Absentmindedly running his fingers on the guitar chords, with an intoxicating melody; using only three chords, his humming melting into the sounds. Riley’s throat suddenly went dry and she didn’t know what to do.

For God’s sake, he’s my best friend.

“Hey!” she smiled passing the couch he was lazily sitting; the music stopped instantly, and she could almost notice a blush on his cheeks, his eyes averting from hers and landing on her plate.

“Oh hey… food!” he reached for one of the éclairs and she pulled the plate close to her chest.

“That’s mine, I can see you already ate yours” she pointed her head at the center table, where two plates laid with only crumbles on top.

He huffed rolling his eyes while Riley sat across from him, making a point of picking a chocolate glazed éclair slowly and shoving in her mouth; when he laughed it hit her again, right at the pit of her stomach, goosebumps erupting from her skin.

The silence turned into awkward at the same time as the air seemed to freeze.

“Should we talk about it?” Riley was glad her voice didn’t waver, though her heart seemed to be beating in her throat.

“About…?” Drake took his eyes from his phone, which kept beeping with new messages, and glanced at her.

“About… about last night.” She put on a strand of hair behind her ear, looking for the right words. It was like she was a snake waiting to shed her skin, because it wasn’t possible the room was that stuffy.

It took a few seconds for Drake to piece it out together, seconds that fueled Riley’s imagination with images of the uncharted territory they were drifting to, would he be embarrassed? Or maybe he was also feeling the anxiety ft. exhilaration of their last encounter and didn’t know what to do about it.

But all he did was chuckle and get back to his phone.

“No, of course not.”

Excuse me?

Her lack of response triggered Drake to look at her again.

“We were both pretty drunk, you had just seen your ex, or whatever, make out with your worst enemy… and frankly, I’m a man and you look like… that.” He waved his hands at her velour-covered self and frilly socks a tad bit of redness on his cheeks. “Not that I would mean any disrespect. You’re my best friend and will always be, we were just regrettably drunk.”

Through all the morning Riley though she would be relieved by any dismissal of what happened from his part, so she wasn’t prepared at all for the feeling of her stomach churning, the idea of stacking other eclairs clearly not appealing as before.

“Oh… great” she managed to say with a fake smile.

“Don’t worry, little one” he winked, and she decided it was her leave.

“I wasn’t” she brushed it off with another smile. “Well, I have to meet Madeleine, make sure that your one suit is prepared.”

Drake just chuckled again, tossing his phone on the table and getting back to the hypnotic melody of his guitar.

“Alright, boss!”

Once out of the study, Riley wanted to throw up, or scream, or kick something. She felt stupid and didn’t even know why, it hurt, and she didn’t know why.

“Where were you?” Madeleine annoyed tone filled the room once Riley stumbled inside her fitting space. “Why are you wearing this monstrosity? Haven’t I told you how tacky is this look? You’re not some Real Housewife.”

“Madeleine, it was a gift, I never wore it in public, besides it’s pretty comfy and it’s Gucci, it’s not like Juicy Couture.”

Riley couldn’t tell who wore the most horrified look, Madeleine or the two seamstresses.

“It makes you look fat anyway. So, this is dress number 1” Madeleine said twirling on a lavender circular skirt gown, she looked so plain in it that for a moment Riley entertained the thought of saying she loved it.

“Didn’t like it” Riley answered feeling her phone vibrating on her front pocket. It was her father; he must have arrived at the palace, since he sent her a picture of her bed with several dress bags upon it.

Riley moved her attention back to Madeleine after her not-so-subtly cleaning her throat.

“Dress number two” it was a long emerald green charmeuse dress with strapless, sweetheart, appliqued bodice… like a prom dress from a teen rom-com.

“I liked the color…” Riley bit her lip, because she knew Madeleine would lash out at her sooner or later.

“What are you wearing tonight?” she asked as the seamstresses brought her dress #3.

“I don’t know, dad just brought a handful of dresses from home…”

“You’re not wearing something old, are you?” Madeleine turned to her.

“Of course not, Maddie!” Riley rolled her eyes. “I know Zuhair and Elie sent some things to Valtoria, the bags from Dona are probably not for tonight tough. Anyway, he brought it all, God knows I need more club dresses.”

“Dona? As in Donatella Versace?” Madeleine’s voice got high pitched. “Why are these people sending you things? You’re not even on the social season. Where did they even find you out?”

Riley was a little taken aback from her friend’s reaction, but judged it was only because she felt nervous for the night.

“Uhh, last year’s Paris Fashion Week…”

“I was there with you!”

“I know Mads, it was at the Versace show, you hate Versace, remember? I met this… girl.” She thought it was safer than saying it was Lady Gaga. “We chatted about the show, she found out I loved Versace and invited me to meet Donatella. Well, turns out it was this small after-party at Dona’s Presidential Suite. They were all there… Zuhair, Elie, Zac… we just smoked and drank some champagne.”

By the shade of red tinting Madeleine chest, she thought it was better to end her story there.

“You love doing that, don’t you?” the contempt in her voice was palpable as the words fell from her pursed lips, the seamstresses were lacing up a plum dress that fitted her perfectly. “You simply cannot be happy when people other than you are being the center of attention, but I won’t bite the bait.”

“Madeleine, you’re the one who aske..”

“You always do this! But now is my time… to lead the ballet, to lead this family by Leo’s side, interviews… tonight is my night. You’ll need more than some designer dress to upstage me.”

The words hit Riley like a whip.

“I’m not engaging in this nonsense, Madeleine, for real, this is your night, so it’s better if I just leave you to prepare yourself for your big moment.” She got up from the armchair she was curled up. “Anyway, this dress looks great.”

Madeleine didn’t even answer Riley, who left without looking back. A migraine starting to spread in her skull, all she wanted was a peaceful minute, maybe just focus on her breathing on her way back to her room would help.

“Dad!”

She found peace on those glinting blue eyes that just her and Alexander York shared; her father smiled through his thick mustache and spread his arms to her, completely embracing her small figure.

“There’s my girl.” the Duke held her tightly close to his chest before erupting in coughs.

“You ok?” Riley quickly stepped back looking as her father eased his breath.

“Sure, kid. Saliva went down the wrong way, just that!” he patted her back moving to sit on the only space on her bed that wasn’t occupied by dress bags, he pushed the dresses back and motioned for her to sit by his side. “How’s everything?”

“It’s fine, I guess. I got to take the boot out yesterday, that was nice.” She smiled at him hiding her turmoil, her now free foot dangling from the side of her bed.

“You know you can always head back to Valtoria if you want to clear your head, right?” he caught her by surprise with his statement. Another fit of coughs taking over him. “Court life has its perks, but it’s also a tad bit overwhelming sometimes.”

“I know, Dad. I was actually thinking about spending some time there, you know. Before… the semester starts…” a knot started to swell in her throat.

“Yes… yes! I keep forgetting about that. I need to put those reminder things on my phone, you can help me with that later” he laughed again “Although, there’s something I need to give you first, the other reason why I came to visit my girl.”

Alexander reached behind him for a deep blue velvet case with a golden phoenix crest at the center, it meant that whatever was inside was taken right from the vault of Valtorian jewels back home.

“Mimi left if to you” he said patting the box, Riley’s hands reached instantly to the golden bracelet Drake gave her, her eyes would still get moist thinking about her grandmother. “She wanted to give it to you on your Name Day, but I thought that it could outshine any other gifts you got. So, I thought that today would be perfect for it.”

Riley practically braced herself once her father started opening the case, but out of all her grandmother’s jewels, she could never imagine what was inside; the first thing she noticed was the glint on the center diamond, a dark shade of pink. Her mind took her to several years back, when she was just a child watching Mimi getting ready for her 40th Jubilee as ruler of Valtoria, the same case was open on her bed; Riley was obsessed by that tiara.

Back in the 80’s her family was one of the firsts to invest in an Australian diamond mine, now the largest supplier of naturally colored diamonds in the world, including the rare pink diamonds, which were Riley’s favorite. The tiara featured countless of them disposed on the V-shaped motifs, that looked more like hearts to Riley, she called the tiara the Ace of Hearts, and the name ended up sticking out.

Blinking again in her room at the palace, the 4-carat pink diamond stared at her surrounded by gold and platinum and its brothers and sisters of clearer shades.

“You’re giving it to me?” her voice was strangled.

“No, your grandmother gave it to you, she knew how you loved it. You’re a girl of age now, part of Cordonian society, it was about time you have your own tiara.” Alexander moved to kiss her forehead. “I can’t wait to see you wearing it.”

All she could do was nod, somehow her head was trapped on countless nights playing with that tiara, reciting the types of diamonds in it so Mimi would be proud of her, waiting for the day where she could go to all those balls as a grown woman in beautiful dresses, with her own tiara.

She was startled by Manolo arriving on her suite with his crew to do her makeup and hair.

“Oh, for all sacred apples! Is that the Ace of Hearts?” he exclaimed looking at Riley’s hands.

“Yes, my father just gave it to me.” Riley smiled, nostalgia taking over her.

“You’re going to look beautiful, what are you going to wear?” Riley looked back at her bed, settling the tiara back on the cushioned inside of the case, moving to open the bags.

Zuhair Murad sent a silver off-shoulder dress, that just wouldn’t go with the tiara, the three bags from Versace weren’t fit for the occasion, there were two Elie Saab bags and Riley started to pray.

The first was a black jewel-neck satin dress, with hand-painted flowers on the bottom of the skirt, it looked beautiful, but looked so modern compared to the classic tiara; crossing her fingers, she opened the last bag, it was breathtaking; a deep square-neck in dusty pink organza, embroidered from bodice to the bottom of the skirt in rhinestones.

“Yes! This one!” Manolo said clapping his hands enthusiastically.

After a couple of hours indulging Manolo on the light gossip she could afford to tell, Riley saw her dolled up version staring back to herself.

“You look amazing!” Manolo held her shoulders behind her, the rhinestones on the organza glinting under the lights of her room, although nothing could outshine the pink diamonds on her head. Somehow, her reflection looked like a glitter-coated version of herself. “Now, hurry up, your prince is waiting for you.” And winked at her.

Throwing kisses in the air at her, Manolo left her room, were she chose some nude flats to go with the dress, it wasn’t time to test her recently healed ankle. As Riley made her way to the ballroom, she thought about what Manolo had said, her heart almost beating out of her chest as she spotted the figure leaning carelessly on the statue of Maximus V.

The blazer of his gray suit was open, a lock of dark brown hair was falling lazily on his eyes, going back to place as he turned his head up to look at her. Riley felt she was going to faint, was that some joke? Something he couldn’t tell her in the morning?

“Wow” she could notice his mouth moving. “You are… wow, is that Mimi’s crown?”

“It’s a tiara, Drake. We’re not allowed to wear crowns” she laughed delighted.

“Geez you definitely gave ‘you should see me in a crown’ another meaning” Savannah appeared in a beautiful silver dress; Riley bet she had sewn herself.

“Not a crown!” Riley laughed again, but then stopped, as Drake offered his arm to his sister.

“Good evening M’Lady” the voice behind her interrupted them. “Has anyone said how breathtaking you look tonight?”

Liam spun her to face him, his blue eyes the most kind she had seen in weeks, her head was fogged, looking behind her, she saw Drake and Savannah reaching the side door, not looking back.

“Would you give me the honor to accompany you in this ball?” Liam took her hands and she looked down, realizing she hadn’t said a word to him.

“Of course, it would be my pleasure” she forced her cheeks up as he guided her to the main door.

What did she expect? It was crystal clear that whatever had happened the day before meant nothing to Drake, so why did she believe for a second in her own delusion? That’s what this was, a utopia.

“Prince Liam Rhys and Lady Riley York of Valtoria” it was announced as they made their way to the ballroom, as the court went down in whispers, about her outfit choice, her relationship with Liam, her grandmother’s tiara…

“Oh my God, this is the Ace of Hearts, isn’t it?” Kiara approached her with Penelope.

“Yes, my father just gave it to me!” Riley politely smiled at them.

“The luckiest girl!” Madeleine joined them, although she caught a twitch on her left eye when her eyes met the tiara.

“All the luck tonight goes to you, Maddie.”

“It’s not ‘luck’, it’s fate” Madeleine pretended to smile humbly.

I need a drink

Riley chuckled adorably and excused herself.

“Where are you going?” she was surprised by Liam.

“I was going to grab a drink”

“You don’t need to go to the bar, I already brought you what you’re going to drink.” He smiled at her, offering a glass of apple cider, her least favorite drink. “Come here, I want to introduce you to our Chinese Commissary, Chaoxiang Lee, his brother is married to a Cordonian noble.”

“Ahh, here comes your beautiful woman!” Chaoxiang exclaimed, there were so many things wrong with just that sentence that she had a big gulp of her cider to help her smile back at him.

“It’s a pleasure meeting you, Mr. Lee.”

“Oh, you remind me of my niece, she’s exceedingly polite just like all of you court women. We are lucky to have you keep us on our toes!” he sipped his champagne laughing with Liam. “I’ve heard a rumor you’re going to some American college…?

Riley opened her mouth to answer, but Liam was faster.

“It’s just a rumor, she’s not going.” His smile almost deceived her.

“Ahh, good choice young Prince, you can just leave these damsels alone in a place like America.”

She knew better than to disagree with Liam in front of people during court functions, so she just nodded, feeling the pain on her ankle intensify.

“Well, I have promised a drink to Duke Godfrey, I better hurry, it was lovely to meet you” Chaoxiang excused himself.

Riley waited until Mr. Lee was far to turn to Liam.

“What the hell was that, Liam?” she said between her teeth.

“Not now, doll” he pulled her to him a bit abruptly. “People are looking”

“Okay, I’m going outside for a smoke break, then” she gave him a jeering smiled and marched outside.

It took less than five seconds for him to follow her.

“I think you’re right, we need to talk.” Liam’s voice was nowhere near the contained tone he used minutes before. “I’m done with my feelings for you being met with contempt, it’s about time I finally let myself be heard in this relationship, Riley.”

“What are you talking about?” Riley was perplexed.

“You know how difficult it is to love you? I’ve offered you nothing more that my love, my heart, to you, for four years I’ve been trying and trying, and you answer me with applying for a college in the U.S. behind my back?”

“It wasn’t behind your back; I’ve always talked about that” Riley lit a cigarette only to see his eyes go dark.

“It’s time for me to clear out my opinions too” he inhaled deeply. “You need to stop fantasizing about a reality that doesn’t belong to you. New York is a make-believe story in your head, your reality is here. This is real. You need to stop being immature and selfish and start looking around to the people that you’re hurting. Because after everything you’ve made me go through, I still want you. Now, if you’ll excuse me, the choosing ceremony will begin, I need to meet my brother.”

“Liam…”

“I’ll see you later.”

Riley watched him leaving, then turned her back to the entrance, facing the garden below; she was shaking from head to toe, biting her lips with such force that she thought it would break skin.

Through her foggy eyes she noticed a strange movement in the gardens, she could identify Leo, but not the girl with him, she wasn’t dressed for the ball certainly, wearing jeans and a jacket; she seemed to shudder, even though the weather wasn’t that cold, Leo was stroking her cheeks lovingly; she finally notice the girl was crying.

She wasn’t naïve not to know what was happening even before they kissed, Riley felt strangely drawn to the girl, her tears flowing with such… freedom, her feelings free for only her and Leo to see, but nevertheless, free. They were gone when Riley remembered to blink, the orange bottle open in her hands, the sound of trumpets calling her back to the reality.

Back in the ballroom, everyone was expectant for the announcement, but Riley kept her eyes trained on Leo, he had always been worse than Liam at keeping a façade, he looked like a man ready to face his fate… if his fate was guillotine.

“I, Leonard Rhys, future King of Cordonia, come today to tell the news to all my court that I found my bride during this social season” to some his voice would sound nervous, as a man about to propose, but Riley knew better. “As for the woman who… stole my heart and will fiercely lead Cordonia with me, I present you… Countess Madeleine Arden, from Fydelia”

The crowd erupted in applause and shouting, but Riley felt dizzy, she should have eaten something before all that cider, it was a blur of Leo giving her the ancestral ring of the Rhys House; she remembered being pulled into a hug with Penelope and Kiara; she tried to escape as soon as the waltz for the engaged couple started.

“Riley… I mean, Lady Riley, are you ok?” Riley turned to see a Walker, but not the one she wanted to see. “There are still a couple of hours for this to end.”

“Yes, Savannah. I’m good” she put on her smile, ready to lie. “My ankle is killing me, and I think it’s better if I just lie down a little.”

“Oh, ok! I hope you’re better soon.” She waved at Riley going back to where Maxwell and Bertrand Beaumont were talking.

Breathing was only possible when Riley reached the corridor to her room, but she felt she was being closely followed.

“Riley” it was almost physically painful to hear Liam’s voice.

“I’m just tired, Liam.” She held her tongue, her hand on the doorknob.

“I know you’re not happy.” He said in an empty voice, and for a flick of a second that sentence filled her with a last gleam of hope, that he would understand her, that he would see her. “But you will learn how to be.”

It was as if her forces were drained from her body, she nodded at his words and he kissed her forehead; inside her room it wasn’t less suffocating, she pulled the tiara from her head, the pins plucking several hair strands from her scalps, even this pain was numbed by his words.

This is real.

Completely naked in front of the mirror, she traced her fingertips on the marks the embroidered bodice of the dress left on her skin.

Immature and selfish.

Her reflection mocked her, it could go and live the life on the other side of it as she was forced to stay there, forever. She didn’t revel on the feeling of her flannel pants on her legs, or the coarse material of the carpets on her bare feet, a sleepwalker wide awake.

The final destiny was the same place she began her morning, the cozy study was now dark, if not only by the fireplace; she sat in front of it as she watched it burn, the white envelope with the printed purple letters; the letterhead saying We are delighted to inform…

You’ll learn how to be happy.

AFTER

“I can’t wear that!” Hana seemed mortified as Maxwell held the mini skirt before her.

“You gotta show those legs” Max huffed and tossed the skirt on the bed, landing beside Riley.

It was a sunny day on the capital, although the air was chilly outside, Riley could smell the flowers from the nearby garden from her open window; Maxwell fussed on her closet some more, muttering some things.

“Here, try this dress!” he offered Hana a Dolce & Gabbana black corset dress and her eyes grew wide. “Shush! You can only complain when you try it!”

After a few minutes Hana emerged in the dress, she looked gorgeous, but her awkwardness was almost palpable.

“Why should I wear this?” her voice was low.

“This will channel a woman who isn’t afraid of her desires, a femme fatale, a Big Bad Bitch.” Maxwell answered with a flourish.

Riley burst out laughing.

“Should I be flattered you’re looking for that in my closet?” she asked still chuckling as Max made his way to her mini fridge and grabbing some tonic, as he pulled a flask from his pocket and three cups. “Max, it’s 4pm!”

“It’s 8pm somewhere! Besides, Hana here, needs some liquid courage.” He pushed a cup on Hana’s hand who also started laughing.

“Is it crazy that I’m doing it?”

“You mean going on a blind date with a girl that you met on the internet? That’s basically every parent’s nightmare!” Riley took a sip from her gin. “I’m kidding, Han. If you feel it’s right, just go for it, life’s too short…”

Riley got up and marched to her closet she knew the perfect dress for Hana, a ruffled lily-print bardot dress, also D&G.

“Oh my god! This is gorgeous!” Hana exclaimed feeling the fabric. “What about you two, plans for tonight?”

“Well, I actually have to go back to Ramsford to take care of some business for Bertrand” Max answered sipping his gin.

“The Turkish guy didn’t call you back?” Riley turned to him.

“In fact, I ghosted him”

“Max, you were never the same after the Mystery Woman.” Hana sighed going back inside the closet to try on the dress.

“Mystery Woman?” Riley asked puzzled and the younger Beaumont groaned uncomfortably.

“He had this affair with an older woman around the time of Liam’s Social Season” Hana shouted from the closet.

“How old?”

“47” Max practically coughed the number.

“That’s not all, she was married.” Hana said opening the door

She looked stunning.

“Well, that’s what I call coming out of the closet in style!” Maxwell whistled and Riley tossed one of her pillows on him.

“I guess that’s settled, thank you, R!” Hana hugged her and she reveled on the feeling.

A beep on Maxwell’s phone startled them, but it wasn’t until his brows joined at the center of his forehead that Riley started to feel uneasiness.

“I think you should see this.” He said with a pitied look directed to her.

He offered her his phone where a number of articles were pinned under his alerts on her name.

‘It was for the best’ Prince Liam on his former girlfriend Riley York

Riley stared quizzically at Maxwell who kept the downcast look.

“Keep reading.”

There was a bunch of things on how he fell in love with Madeleine, his social season, and then what she wanted to see.

Interviewer: So, I know I shouldn’t dwell on the love life of our future ruler, but you had an on-and-off-again relationship with an infamous figure of the court, Lady Riley York, we know she got into some trouble a couple of years ago, was it when things broke-off for good?

Prince Liam: Well we’re not here to talk about my past, especially about a person who’s very dear to me. What Riley and I had is in the past, she’s a wonderful person, we just happened to follow different paths. It was for the best.

“It was actually really sweet of him to say that” Hana muttered.

“Yeah, he could have said I was a lying bitch who was in a relationship with his best friend behind his back!” Riley tried to mock the situation but grimaced at the end.

“You know he’s still crazy about you, right?” Maxwell asked with another pitiful look.

“I really don’t know how to feel about that.” Riley sighed and got out of bed. “Come on, you have your stuff to do, I’m also visiting some old friend.”

“Are you sure? I can cancel…” Hana started but Riley cut her out.

“You’re going, Han. God knows my live needs newer gossip.” She rolled her eyes and pushed them out of her door.

Phew!

Riley marched to her bathroom for a long hot bath. This interview was something her therapist would love to hear about, it has been over a year of her trying to explain her relationships to Dr Strausser.

“How do you feel about him, Riley?”

As if she could answer this question, any feeling she had for either Liam or Drake was buried inside a box on the depths of herself, and she made a point of locking it and throwing the key away. Probably her cowardice towards getting in touch with those feelings were the main reason she had stopped seeing her therapist for weeks now.

When the water ran cold, she decided to stay true to her word and see an old friend, she should make peace with her past, right?

The Wood Wheel looked exactly like she remembered, even the sounds her boots made on the floor; she took it all in, waves and waves of feelings crashing over her: the smell of the crispy bittersweet bacon, chatter and chuckles, dim lights on the booths at the back, perfect for the couples. It felt like her grandmother’s lake house where she would go when she was little, welcoming and distant once her grandmother wasn’t there anymore.

She walked near the bar, scanning the polaroids on the Hall of Fame, there she was, full smile holding two empty shot cups, a gauze covering one of her hands; the first time she had ever entered there.

“Well, it’s been some time” the grave voice of Al took her by surprise, she smiled genuinely. “Are you looking for someone?”

“No” she wouldn’t mention Drake, not in a million years. “I just missed this place.”

“The usual?” he brought up the bottle of Maraschino and she shook her head laughing.

“Give me your best house red”

He filled a glass as she sat on one of the stools, she just enjoyed the final verses of a Torn cover, a blonde girl thanking as the sparse audience applauded.

“So, where have you been?” Al asked, washing some glasses.

“Don’t you follow the news?” she raised an eyebrow at him.

“I don’t believe the news.”

She took another sip from her wine.

“You shouldn’t!”

“So, where were you…?”

“Oh, I was at this luxurious resort… it also happened to be a rehab facility” she laughed, and he followed her.

“I’m glad you’re back. Have you talked to…?”

“Yeah, everything’s good!” she cut him, forcing on a smile; offering her glass for a refill. “Do you mind if I take this outside for a smoke?”

He shrugged and gestured her to go for it.

The clicking of her heels on the floor followed her; it was easier to breath outside, the chilly air smelled like freshly mowed grass, she pulled out her pack of cigarettes and leaned on the wood wall behind her. After a few minutes of silence, someone else came through the back door.

“Hey, do you have a lighter?” it was the blonde girl who was singing, Riley smiled and held her lighter to her; watching her medium effortlessly messy bob swirls on the wind. “Thanks.”

“You’re welcome, nice jacket!” Riley pointed out to her red denim jacket.

“Oh thanks, loved your boots! You look familiar…” the girl squinted. “But I don’t know many rich girls who enjoy cheap wines.”

“What makes you think I’m rich?”

“You’re wearing $1,000 boots.” The blonde shot a brow up.

Riley laughed.

“I’m Riley.”

“I’m Cassidy… I saw you on TV, but you look less…” Cassidy started.

“Suicidal?” Riley asked point blank as a joke but watched as Cassidy was taken aback. “I’m sorry, that was a joke… that’s why I don’t have many friends.”

“I was about to say ‘prissy’” Cassidy laughed took a long drag of her cigarette.

“No, I’m cool… Just used to hang out with the wrong people.” Riley shrugged. “So, you play here?”

“Yeah, sometimes alone, sometimes with my boyfriend. In fact, that bastard is late to pick me up.” Cassidy smiled. “You should come next week when he’s with me! You’ve seen the crowd here, bring some friends…Oh, there he is!”

A pickup truck parked on the darkened corner ahead of them.

“Really, promise you’ll come, you seem nice and your friends must tip well” Cassidy laughed. “You can even meet some commoner to dance with.”

Riley laughed again, throwing her cigarette but on the ashtray.

“I’ll give you my noble word.”

“Next Saturday, 8pm.” Cassidy waved and moved to the truck as Riley moved to the door.

When she turned to answer one last time her whole body froze.

Because her eyes adjusted to the poorly lit back and she recognized the truck, although, even if she hadn’t, Cassidy turned on the interior lights and she could see Drakes face as clear as day, getting closer and closer to the friendly blonde.

She gave her back to them as quick as possible, getting back inside with short breaths coming out of her mouth; Riley moved back to her seat out of pure instincts, her head foggy, almost numb.

“On second thought, I’ll accept the Maraschino.”

Al gave her a knowing look.

The car ride back home was silent, her driver certainly could read the room and as if knowing she wasn’t to be bothered, just put on her favorite playlist, Post Malone’s voice soothing her nerves.

I had a thousand bad times, so what’s another time to me?

“Thanks, Hans!” she muttered getting out of the car.

Sleep was a thought too far from her head, therefore, she let her feet guide her anywhere they saw fit; on a reflex she ended up on a study she hadn’t entered in ages. She roamed the room, sitting on the windowsill, her favorite spot there; even though she didn’t want to think about what happened the scene kept playing again and again in her head until not-so-hushed voices outside the study caught her attention.

“You were supposed to say that you were always in love with me, that your relationship with Riley was a way to get closer to me!” Madeleine seemed enraged.

“For four years, Madeleine? While you got engaged to my brother?” Liam tried to keep it low.

“Press is having a field day because you couldn’t do us all a favor and forget your freaking crush on that bitch.”

“This conversation is over, Madeleine.” Liam seemed closer to the door, and Riley pulled her legs to her chest

“No, it isn’t.”

Clicking heels echoed on the corridors getting far from her, she thanked God… a little too early, as Liam made his way inside, not noticing her in the first moment, loosening his tie and going straight to the shelves stashing the liquor.

“It’s not polite to eavesdrop, Lady Riley.” His voice startled her.

“Actually, I was here first.” Riley watched as he took a sip from his vodka and moved towards her. “Madeleine seemed pretty upset. Although, I’m surprised you said what you said.”

“Well… I’ve rehearsed enough times to say things like that” Liam said taking another sip from his glass, “It’s for the best, it’s over now… It wasn’t anyone’s fault it just didn’t work out… She was a good girl, just wasn’t the one… We just grew apart. I couldn’t say you wrecked me, could I?

He moved closer to her, sharing the moonlight bathing her sitting on the windowsill; she felt embarrassed. His hand moved to her cheek and the coldness from his fingers startled her.

“I won’t drag your name through the mud. We both know I could” His gentle hand now gripped her chin as his breath was felt on her lips, she gulped under his touch pulling her face from his grip. “… maybe I should.”

“It’s getting late.” She muttered and got up as way to excuse herself.

Liam smiled sadly, touching her elbow as she passed by him.

“Drake left you” his words slapped her. “I’m the one who has been here, waiting for you. I’ll always be.”

She gulped again.

“Good night, Liam.”

Riley practically ran to her room, locking her door behind her as to keep her demons away. She concentrated on her breathing until the knot on her chest diminished, her hands were still trembling when she opened her first drawer, picking a pajama. Her fingers danced at the bottom of the drawer pulling it up, it opened as a lid. The inside was untouched, like a time capsule sending her to two years prior.

 There laid her grandmother’s tiara, the Ace of Hearts; a burnt piece of paper with an almost unrecognizable NYU logo; and the item that instantly caught her attention: a white iPhone 4, the secret phone she used to talk to Drake back when her mother confiscated her phone.

She roamed through the drawer finding a charging cable, she sat on the bed forgetting about her pajamas, waiting for it to turn on. It felt so small on her hands, so many feelings encased on that tiny piece of metal.

There were four voice messages, all of them from that fateful day; the notifications burning bright on her eyes, she knew she shouldn’t do that, not with everything that happened.

She pressed the icon to listen.

You’ve reached Drake Walker’s girlfriend. If you’re Drake, leave a message (laughing)

.

There was a loud gasp, as if someone just broke out crying and hang up.

You’ve reached Drake Walker’s girlfriend. If you’re Drake, leave a message (laughing)

.

I guess I just wanted to hear your voice.

She promised not to do this, bottled it up, but effortlessly a tear rolled from her eye. His voice was so broken, he was so broken.

You’ve reached Drake Walker’s girlfriend. If you’re Drake, leave a message (laughing)

.

I know I shouldn’t do this, but I can’t stop thinking if I had arrived five minutes later, I would never forgive myself. If I hadn’t come… God, I can’t… I can’t lose you.

The tear turned into a sob; she gritted her teeth to stop it, but it started reverberating through her whole body.

You’ve reached Drake Walker’s girlfriend. If you’re Drake, leave a message (laughing)

.

They let me see you… I… I can’t think about what you did… I’ve tried to ask Bertrand to bring that stupid stuffed dinosaur you kept in your car, but he said your car isn’t in the parking lot… why am I blabbering? I just… I lov… (cut)

Her head hit the pillow, eyes close shut.

What had she done to her life?

_____________________________________________________________

Riley(Before) Dress

The Ace of Hearts 

Notes: Well, we did it! Thanks to the few of you there are still here I came back from this long hiatus. Life got another level of hard this year, so many things happened on the past 12 months, more responsibilities at work, planning my wedding, then… [insert Cardi B shouting Corona Virus], I was working for 12h a day at home in order to keep my job and everything I’ve worked so hard to build.

But I also gave up other things that gave me joy, like writing this fic. This chapter was incredibly hard to write, though I’ve never felt so accomplished. You don’t know how full my heart is right now, thank you again! I love you <3

Tagging the amazing: @saivilo; @kimmiedoo5; @pug-bitch; @bee1arw; @laurmillen; @axwalker​; @world-of-dreams-and-muse​; @rtinaz​; @iplaydrake​; @notoriouscs​; @mind-reader1​; @annekebbphotography​; @walkerismychoice​;  @tmarie82​​​; @blackwidow2721​​​; @thequeenchoices​​​; @missameliep​​​; @jovialyouthmusic​​​; @perksof-everything​​​; @choicesmacmakes​​​; @carabeth @drakenazario​​​; @drakesensworld​​​; @moneyfordiamonds​​​; @ao719​​​; @lynne1993​​​; @ilovedrakewalker23​​​; @msjpuddleduck​​​; @drakewalkerisreal​​​; @violinist3121; @wannabemc2​​​; @gibbles82​​​; @furiousherringoperatortoad​​​; @jens-diamondchoices​​​; @rainbowsinthestorm​​​; @fromthedeskofpaisleybleakmore​​; @emceesynonymroll​​; @addictedtodrakefanfic​​; @texaskitten30​​​; @dcbbw​​; @i-bloody-love-drake-walker​​; @mom2000aggie​;