#endlesschatter

[lo-fi-charming]

so i've been keeping up with TMP as it's airing, which has been fun, it's actually really nice to experience this kind of story weekly since i came into TMA late and listened up to the s4 finale in like, a month or two. i've been enjoying the new characters and statements, and while i was worried i'd have trouble actively listening (my attention span/executive functioning can be really variable when it comes to podcasts), it's been surprisingly easy for me to actually listen to each new ep the day it drops publicly

all this to say im enjoying the show! but i've found myself feeling increasingly frustrated with a couple things i keep seeing when it comes to discussions of it

to me, it seems... there's been a pervasive reluctance to take TMP as what it is. and i do understand that. it'd be stupid to pretend TMP doesn't exist exclusively because of TMA and that show's success, that it's a successor that was pitched as being similar. it's a story being written by the same people (plus guests), in the same universe (roughly), going for about the same tone and maybe themes.

i just feel like it's a bit of a shame, though, that so many folks seem unwilling not to carry TMA with them when they're engaging with TMP

i don't know where or when it was said, but i swear there was a comment made by jonny and/or alex about how TMP will have some commonality with TMA in terms of world-building, but also, people who listened to TMA first may find themselves theorizing in the wrong direction because we're judging things based off what is no longer concrete, reliable information; things are going to work differently in the world of TMP, and since we have preconceived notions on what is relevant or how things work, that's going to influence how we engage with information presented in TMP if we let it. and that's not even considering the fact that they've been explicit in conveying the idea that TMP was written so you can experience it fully without having listened to any of TMA at all!

i'm very much someone who tries to engage with media on its own terms, largely taking things at face value until i'm given reason to suspect otherwise. that's something i'm trying my best to still do with TMP, even though obviously, i've also listened to TMA and am basing some of my thoughts and personal theories on what we know from that

but that's what i mean to say i guess, it's something you have to actively choose to do. and it feels like, just based on what i've been seeing in fandom spaces, that a lot of people are having a bit of an odd time with TMP because of a reluctance to do that?

i think the easiest way to explain what i mean is to point to a general acceptance, already on the level of fanon it seems, to interpret the computer voices as Our Jon and Martin (+ Jonah/Elias, maybe). now obviously we have the actual real world reason why their voices are present in TMP, because of course jonny and alex were going to come back as voices in the show in some way. and i 100% agree it's a perfectly logical conclusion to then interpret their inclusion as being related to Jon and Martin somehow. i'm personally very into the theory that it is in no way them - not in any way that matters - but specifically their voices that have been stolen (by the Web?) as a means to help spread fears in other realities. but that's really not how i've been seeing people play with the concept? it seems largely 1:1. and again, i totally understand where people are coming from with that - especially when you consider how it can be a super fun concept for horror and angst, or even just the fact that folks want an excuse to carry their favorite characters into this new show and still play around with them. i promise i don't mean to bring this up as a means of making anyone feel bad or like, chastised for interpreting things a certain way and playing in the space!

it's the biggest example of what i mean though, and was a huge point of frustration for me when we were first being presented with TMP. it's not just that i don't want the voices to be Jon and Martin proper (i am very into their Ambiguous End, i believe it's best to leave that as a space for fans to play in); in all honesty, i think it's kind of a shame and maybe even a bit boring (im sorry!) to be engaging with TMP this way

and it's not just stuff like that - i've been seeing a fair amount of people expressing frustration and feeling disappointed with how TMP is hitting, but i mean, i feel like that's inevitable when you're going into it expecting More TMA? i saw at least one person basically say "ive been waiting for it to make me feel the way TMA made me feel, and it hasn't yet", and i really just feel like that's setting yourself up to be dissatisfied! beyond the fact that we're only 5 episodes in and the story has barely gotten a chance to happen yet, a huge element of this new show is that it's being approached as a largely collaborative effort, it seems, with lots of guests coming in to help shape the story and more writing and plotting influence that isn't jonny

obviously it's fine to not be super into that! undoubtedly it's a question of taste. but you do have to acknowledge that that's the case and adjust your expectations accordingly, or else you're not going to have a great time

i really like TMA, i had a great time with it, but even if TMP is a sequel to its parent podcast, it's not the same thing - and personally, i don't want it to be! i do hope that's a sentiment that is able to be more widely felt by some fans as we gain more distance from TMA while TMP is airing. i just think more people would be able to enjoy it that way, and come up with more interesting theories and interpretations of things! but those are really just my own personal thoughts

[endlessapis]

Just a note: Due to recent revelations, I’m no longer comfortable drawing FN@F content and won’t be creating any more from here on. I’m queer and trans, so the thought of providing any sort of attention to the franchise (even through my own AUs/interpretations/whatever) makes me... super uncomfortable, to say the least. 

I’ve decided to leave the stuff I’ve drawn up for the time being since it’s a part of my own growth as an artist, but I’ll be removing them from the series tags + adding a specific, timeline-related tag to prevent folks from thinking I support Scott. Big apologies to anyone who followed me for this particular type of content—I’ve appreciated your support, big time ♥️

[inkedheartpoetry-blog]

Choose your words wisely.

#speakwithpurpose #silence #endlesschatter #smartpeople #bitetongue #poem #quote #chooseyourwordswisely #spilledinked #InkedHeartPoetry♥ #SRChappell

[lo-fi-charming]

truly, peak daisira is doomed toxic yuri... they balance each other out. they will never see eye to eye or truly know each other. they're ride or die and would kill for each other. they were never meant to be <3

[lo-fi-charming]

like... daisy ending up in the coffin is significant. it's not just to be ironic. it being her "first encounter" with the entities after becoming an officer is significant. the fact her former partner - someone whose apathy and brutality as an officer she understood and sympathized with - is taken into the coffin isn't just scary because it could have been her, but because they end up in there for the same reasons. it's about the crushing, inescapable weight of what she's done, knows is unfair and awful, but does anyway.

daisy doesn't realize what she's been doing for most of her life is wrong just because she gets trapped in the buried; it isn't, like, detoxed out of her, affording her Sudden Clarity. and it isn't that she's forced to change, either. that she's made to suffer long enough that ~moral goodness~ manifests, as if that's how you become a better person, you just have to get what you deserve enough... the buried didn't MAKE daisy "good" or "regret" what she'd done - it's just that everything finally caught up to her. daisy was already afraid of herself and the things she'd done. she's been afraid at least since the first time she saw the coffin.

the buried is a fear that can represent the feeling of being trapped under so much Something that there is no way you can ever see yourself escaping it. the things daisy has done throughout her life are not done without consequence. in the past, she was always able to outrun it for this or that reason: luck, cleverness, a system that protected her, a partner that enabled her, etc. but it meant daisy had to keep running. keep feeding it and keep killing. keep digging the hole. nothing forced her to do it; you can argue quite a lot of things encouraged her behavior, but daisy admits it herself: she liked it. she was good at it. it's always been a part of her and that's what's scary.

and even when daisy gets rescued and is out of the coffin, is she? the weight is still there. she's still being crushed by it and there's still nothing she can do to escape it. the only difference between then and now is that daisy refuses to try running from it.

[lo-fi-charming]

SORRY, THEY SKIPPED READING OUT THE 'MY SKIN TURNED INTO BUTTERFLIES' CASE?????? lame ass fuck

[lo-fi-charming]

suddenly tormented with Thoughts about jon... im currently listening to someone else talk about how, when jon realized martin getting caught by prentiss was at least partially his fault, his way of dealing with his guilt was to become very diligent in doing what he could to keep martin safe. offers him the cot, starts trying to encourage everyone in the archives to be more careful in their investigating, bothers elias about safety measures, etc.

and i was just thinking that how this is about him feeling guilty, yeah, but i think it's also another way jon's childhood trauma manifests...? i feel like maybe it is, to some amount, projection?

the stuff with mr. spider and the web obviously influenced him a lot in terms of why he tends to get severely paranoid and questions others' motivations and his own agency in things. but in a more mundane way, i wonder if it also influenced how he reacts to not just his own 'helplessness', but others'? like, jon recognizes that martin was not given enough attention and consideration and care; jon texts him and takes prentiss' response as martin, accepts it at face value, but still... two weeks is a long time? no one even considered checking in on martin after barely hearing from him

i guess im trying to say is like... jon responds very immediately and intensely to this because he is attempting to do for martin what was not done for him. jon almost got eaten by a big, scary spider; his guardian, who up to then had been somewhat neglectful and/or dismissive of his needs, does not believe him about the incident. jon grows up feeling unsafe because the only person he really had around to protect him failed to make him feel like he could rely on her for help or support

imo this is a big thing with jon in general... his lack of a support system. up for debate on how much of that is his own 'fault' - he's not exactly a super sociable person, he's never been good at making friends, but- i dunno, being a bit abrasive doesn't mean you deserve to never have anyone to rely on. and he certainly didn't deserve to be ignored, resented, bullied, and hunted as a young child

but yeah... im thinking about how maybe a desire to offer support, even if it doesn't seem like he can really do much, is a very Jon Thing, and we see it very early, and it's just now occurring to me it might be tied to all this. how his fear was born and how it was cultivated by a lack of love and attention, how he was left to develop his own coping mechanisms, most of which (arguably) only exacerbated his problems in the long run... this is a personality trait we see in jon throughout the entire show's run, too - starts with martin, but we see how guilty and hurt he is over what happens with sasha, and then over time we see as he tries his best to become more trusting and open to others in an attempt to demonstrate his interest in their safety and offer his support

just think it's really like... both cute and charming but really sad and telling, that the first major glimpse we see of the 'real' jon behind his stuffy, skeptical facade is him recognizing that someone else has been neglected and nearly lost to something horrible, and his immediate response is to do as much as he can to verbalize belief in their experience, offer up what he can to help them feel safe, and do everything in his limited power to make sure they aren't harmed by the threat again

[lo-fi-charming]

ive said it before and ill say it again that the best thing about daisy tonner is that she was a legitimately awful self-serving human being who abused her position of power to commit horrible crimes for her own pleasure and benefit, and not only does she fully acknowledge all of this and more, but she understands she will never be able to make up for any of it AND SHE CHOSE TO TRY ANYWAY. even if the only way she could possibly even attempt to make any sort of meaningful effort in that direction was to simply choose to do nothing and let herself slowly waste away

daisy is a great character because not only did she come to honestly, deeply regret doing terrible things for horrible reasons, she knows exactly why she did them, and does not deny her autonomy in those situations, even actively refusing to allow others to make excuses for her; she understands she abused her power and took advantage of a corrupt system that allowed her to accomplish deadly and selfish goals. she ends up in the buried and thinks she's in literal, actual hell, and unironically believed she deserved to be there. but even worse than the prospect of eternal suffering was the idea that she would never have a chance to choose to try being a better person even if all she could do was nothing at all but live with the weight of the things she'd done and make the choice every day to never do them again

[lo-fi-charming]

im sure it's been pointed out already but

im squinting a little... im tapping my chin about it...

[lo-fi-charming]

once again forgor about listening to the new ep today until coming across The Wildest Spoiler on my dash

[lo-fi-charming]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

got tagged by @milkteamoon! ^^

1. How many works do you have on Ao3? // 176!

2. What’s your total Ao3 word count? // 866,977

3. What fandoms do you write for? // Mainly TMA the last few years; previously, I wrote a lot of OPM fic. I'd say those are easily my two 'biggest' fandoms in terms of being actively involved and writing fic for them. I'll also write fic of other things I enjoy though, so I have a lot of one-shots and short series for other things too!

4. What are your top five fics by kudos? // Sticking with TMA fic for this one, so:

What Lies Beyond the Frame (rated G, jmart) — A minor AU where I give Jon a new Beholding power, letting him see through his glasses when he's not wearing them. One of my earliest works for the fandom! I'm actually surprised to find it at the top of this list.

off-the-clock assistance (rated E, jmart) — An AOB fic taking place during the iconic Martin Living In The Archives era. I wrote this after realizing that other TMA smut fics had taught me I actually DO enjoy fisting as a concept, lol.

The Kissing Game (rated T, jmart) — A lighthearted, Christmas-y fic where Jon, Tim, and Sasha get into a competitive little holiday game of trying to catch Martin under the mistletoe. This one was very fun to write and I quite like how I ultimately wrapped it up.

A Friendly Favor (rated E, martim) — An AU where Tim and Martin are friends with benefits! I used to be very into martim when I first got into the fandom... I do still enjoy them, but we all know where my main focus/energy ultimately started going hehe. This one ended up developing into a tiny series of fics in the same setting.

Sizing Up (rated E, jmart) — Wherein Jon discovers that Martin is a size queen. This one was based off a stupid little comic I drew and is probably the closes I've gotten to writing a 'crack fic', though I wouldn't call it that - it's more in terms of the Energy I brought to writing it? Just doing something with a very silly base concept but taking it (mostly) seriously.

5. Do you respond to comments? // I do sometimes, if I feel like I have anything worth saying! Sometimes I'll respond with a simple 'thank you' or variation thereof if someone says something particularly nice though ;w;

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? // Kind of a difficult question honestly... I don't really write 'angsty' endings to my fic, even if they do have a darker tone or a lot of angst in the middle somewhere; I'm not really a hurt-no-comfort guy. I also think it's hard to say whether an ending is angsty because it can kinda depend on the perspective of the character(s) and I'd say generally, when I'm doing things as I intended, even if the ending is a bit dark, that doesn't ring as angsty to me?

If I HAD to choose one... maybe when the dream ends, a very old, Sans-centric Undertale fic I wrote where he experiences disorienting dissociation and deja vu of other timelines post-pacifist ending. It has a hopeful conclusion, but still leans heavily on his feelings of detachment, vague depression, and anxiety from feeling like everything around him is impermanent and repetitive.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? // Hm, approaching this in terms of fic where the happiness of the end feels earned, that'd probably go to The Taste of Midnight, my witch!Jon AU fic where he has to save his town from a disastrous force (with Martin's help). The final chapter, once the plot is resolved, is very idyllic and fluffy - a nice, pleasant conclusion for all the dramatic stuff that happened!

8. Do you get hate on fics? // I've gotten hate on a fic ONCE, as far as I can remember! It was for Deep V (rated E), a fic where Jon is trans and has dysphoric feelings about his chest, but decides he wants to try improving his relationship to it via kink. I made the mistake of openly asking for feedback on it when I posted it, and one of the more well-known assholes in the fandom (which I would learn after the fact), left a very nasty comment on it basically scolding me for even having written/shared it in the first place. Luckily I got a lot of useful advice and more friendly feedback/encouragement from much cooler people in the fandom, which was very nice and helped keep my feelings towards the fic largely positive! A harrowing but imo good learning experience in the end.

9. Do you write smut? // Yup! I have for a long time. It's generally my favorite kind of fic to read as well as write, though my tastes have been refining the last couple of years. I could write a whole big thing on my feelings about smut fic but I'll refrain this time!

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written? // I don't think I've ever written a crossover fic! Right now, the closest I've gotten is vaguely contributing too (and loudly supporting the creation of) a Murderbot/Among Us fic my roomie started a year or two ago. Which I need to continue yelling at them to publish... hehe.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? // Boy I sure hope not!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? // Yes, actually! Someone asked for permission to translate my OPM fic The Apron (rated E) into Russian! This is wild to me.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? // Yes, I'm actually co-writing one now with my friend V! It's an edited version of a long-going Jondaisy RP called Open Door (rated E). It's been a fun (if slow-going) project; it's an interesting challenge to go through an RP where we're each playing one character's part and try to edit it into a state that makes it more natural to read for others.

14. What’s your all time favorite ship? // Jon/Daisy!!!! You might want to call recency bias, but they are simply Everything To Me that I've ever needed in a ship, actually, it's kind of insane how much of a hold they've taken over me. I look back on my older ships and I enjoy them all very much, but nothing hits the way jaisy does. I fear nothing else ever will... they're my true OTP...

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? // I have quite a few... A lot that I really want to go back to... Probably my most ambitious and least likely would be And Only Space Stood Between Them, which is an unfinished Oban Star Racers fic that would've involved interplanetary space travel, worldbuilding for a planet and alien species that was only VERY lightly explored in the anime, two protagonists/alternating POVs, a huge cast of supporting characters, an overarching plot amidst a star-racing competition, and a developing friendship/romance(?) between Eva and Aikka. I had SUPER big aspirations for it, and only got to the 4th chapter, when Eva first leaves Earth to head for his home planet. In a perfect world I would write this space epic..... It is my dear wish that... maybe someday...................

16. What are your writing strengths? // I've been told I'm good at writing in-character, which I greatly appreciate as feedback and dearly hope is true. I personally think I'm actually pretty decent at naturalistic dialogue, which I often hear is a difficult aspect of writing for folks. I think I'm generally good at pacing too, and I'd like to say that descriptive imagery is a solid strength of mine, though that's an element of writing often subject to taste...

17. What are your writing weaknesses? // I have no idea if it's a real weakness but I often get self-conscious about my writing being boring or repetitive or trite or something, despite people telling me this isn't the case when I've asked. I think it's just a case of, despite how long I've been writing, I'm still relatively young and have a lot to learn; I'm still finding my confidence in my unique voice and what I'm good at.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? // At the moment I only feel comfortable dabbling with the inclusion of Spanish, and only because I've been actively trying to learn it for a year. Even then, I basically only use it if I'm writing something with canonically Spanish-speaking characters. As a reader, it's something I really like to encounter when done well! Especially as a way to explore a diverse headcanon for a character.

19. First fandom you wrote for? // Pokemon!

20. Favorite First fic you’ve written? // (I actually misread this question, then decided to keep my first answer, because I'm so bad at picking a favorite fic! Honestly!)

Anyways, in terms of my first fic: it was a Pokemon fic with no main title. It's about a girl named Kim with a Charmander starter. She visits a pokemon center after adopting an abandoned and injured Growlithe, only to realize the center has been infiltrated by Team Rocket, who attempt to steal the Pokemon being healed there. I have an original, printed version of this fic in my stuff somewhere! I've daydreamed about making a comic out of it while keeping all the original narration/dialogue.

Okay, now I tag my dear friends. Obvs only do this if you want to~

@temporalreplicsimile , @callmearcturus, @zykaben, @ostentenacity

[lo-fi-charming]

here's your reminder that. Jaisy

[lo-fi-charming]

i see jondaisy friendship i go insane

[lo-fi-charming]

ohhh good statement this week, i looove to hear about guys becoming mulch

[lo-fi-charming]

AAA I HAVE TO SCRIBBLE MY FIRST-IMPRESSION VISUAL HCS BEFORE I SEE TOO MANY ON MY DASH

[lo-fi-charming]

i just think it would be nice to see more fic where jon and daisy are friends, like they (almost) are in canon

or at the very least more fic with daisy in general, bc there's a lot of potential in playing with her character, but a lot of the time you just don't get to see much of her at all...