#enma kozato my absolute BELOVED!!!!

[hopeswriting]

is enma the best villain--nay, antagonist of khr and why is the answer yes? and is enma the one who has the best relationship with tsuna among all the khr's villains/antagonists and why is the answer yes?

(THAT SAID, tsuna & mukuro dynamic is really good too, but it was mostly only potential, and one practically left untouched at that, whereas with enma & tsuna amano actually fleshed them out. it's all right there on the pages, and so i have no choice but to give them this one.)

it’s the way their pain is so similar and yet complete opposite, and so there’s no walking around that huge, insurmountable wall between them, no breaking it to reach out to each other through it, and no jumping above it either. they can only clash against each other, slamming against that wall before they can slam into each other and hurt each other, but the wall is jagged and sharp and hurts them first before they can hurt each other. hurts tsuna because he doesn’t want to do this and still hopes and looks for another peaceful option where they won’t have to hurt each other, and hurts enma because he embraces that jagged and sharp wall, wholly and fully giving himself to it. because he’s always done so because his pain is his strength, and so the more he bleeds the stronger he is, and the harsher he can weaponize his pain against those who inflicted it upon him.

but they almost managed to peacefully reach out to each other through that wall first, didn’t they? by making it smaller brick by brick, putting them down with mindful, careful and understanding hands. and that almost is still there between them as they clash against each other, and is doing more than just lingering between them. it's making both of them hurt even more over the fact they’re now fighting each other, making their fists heavier (tsuna) and harsher (enma). it makes tsuna doubts too, makes him struggle in holding onto his resolve to fight enma and the shimon for the sake of his friends, makes him falter in that resolve at times, and makes him question if any of this is right or truly needed. and some part of him, if not all of him, even as he keeps doing what he needs to do, can’t bring itself to believe it is.

but enma? the constant reminder of that almost (almost friends, almost on the same side, almost understanding and compassion and healing) makes him so angry. both over how tsuna gave him the hope he wouldn’t have to do any of this the hard and painful way after all, only for him to reveal himself just the same as every other mafiosi who’ve ever hurt them, and in fact the worst of them (in his pov), and also over how tsuna’s still holding onto that almost as they’re fighting each other, hoping they can go back to it somehow like he has any right to (again, in his pov), which makes him all the angrier. he calls it unfair tsuna keeps denying being the mafia boss he’s making him out to be, being like the cruel mafiosi enma’s known all his life, let alone a mafia boss, of vongola or any other family. he calls it unfair tsuna, in fact, keeps denying being mafia at all--refuses to be.

he says “isn’t the crest on your gloves proof of the vongola?”, says “you’re at the center of the vongola, and have been benefiting the most from the vongola’s power. and then, when the going gets tough, you escape from the responsibility”, says “wielding the vongola crest, getting others involved, hurting them, then saying that you won’t succeed as the boss. you hope too much”.

he’s effectively saying to him “becoming mafia and vongola decimo gave you all the things you care about the most in your life and made you the happiest you’ve ever been, whereas being mafia and shimon decimo took everything away from me. so how dare you call yourself different to my face when you’re hurting me right now with the exact same power that has hurt me all my life? when you’re taking away from me the little i have left? how dare you hold onto that power and use it to keep by your side all the things you care about the most it gave you, and yet refuse to take responsibility for all the things it takes away from others? for all the things it took away from me? for all the pain and loss it has inflicted and will keep inflicting?”

and actually i love, love, love so much that enma is the first and only character iirc who absolutely refuses to let tsuna forget for even a second he is undoubtedly mafia, at the very least by the time the shimon arc happens for sure. like even reborn has to take into account he was a civilian all his life right until the point he showed up in his life, and so has no choice but to ease him up into the mafia world little by little if he doesn’t want tsuna to be completely crushed by it. but enma just throws it at his face fully and exactly as it is whenever he can, and with prejudice at that. and not only he doesn’t let him forget he is mafia, but he also demands he takes responsibility for it, whether by completely rejecting it or by owning up to it.

he’s constantly saying to him “you don’t get to have both, don’t get to use the power in your hands for good, for your own good, while refusing to deal with all the bad that power has done and is able to do. not when that power has always been both good and bad, and in fact, has been bad a whole of a lot more than good right up to the point it ended up in your hands.” and he’s not being fair at all because tsuna is in his own right to try and carve a third option for himself if he wants to, but that’s not something enma can deal with at all when he had to choose, and could never have chosen to reject it all the way tsuna is doing.

ever since he committed to be tsuna’s enemy, ever since they stole the sin, literally every single one of his lines is about saying to tsuna “this is what the mafia is. this is what it does and what it makes people do. this is what it does to other people and what it turns them into. this is what mafiosi are, whether by choice, need or coercion, or by having their hands forced to be. this is the mafia you’re the heir to, and for all intents and purposes agreed to be heir to and take ownership of. will you? is this really the mafia you want to protect, enable and perpetuate? is this really the type of mafioso you want to be? is this really the type of mafioso you already are?”. and obviously there’s anger and hatred there, but there’s so much bitterness too, because if tsuna truly was none of those things and was all the things he says he is, then maybe they could have succeeded in carving that third option for themselves. maybe then he could have helped enma carve that third option for himself and the shimon.

“you hope too much” enma says, and wouldn’t he know? when he first saw the hope in tsuna of a way out for him and the shimon to avoid any more pain, and still get justice for it and heal from it all the same? when he wanted to believe in that hope so badly he gave him a chance to prove to him he could trust that hope, that it was real and they were both going to fight for it? but we all know how that ended up.

meanwhile tsuna keeps refusing to take responsibility for sins he hasn’t committed, which is of course only right of him. he says “i didn’t mean to hurt others! i want to use this power to protect my friends! that’s how it’s been until now... and always will be!”. and because of everything happening and that has happened when they’re having this conversation, all enma can hear is “i don’t care about the pain this power inflicted on you and i’m happy to ignore it because that power makes me happy, never mind i acted like i cared about you and your pain once upon a time”, but we know that’s not what tsuna is saying at all. because for how much he passed the vongola trial and had his resolve approved by the former vongola bosses, that resolved was about how he’d sooner burn everything down to the ground before ever taking responsibility for all the sins vongola committed, let alone enabling them and allowing them to continue.

tsuna’s actually saying exactly what he said, is saying “i want to use this power for good because i acknowledge all the bad it has already done and is able to keep doing, and i refuse to allow it to do any more than it has already done. i will only allow myself to do good with this power, to make it into something better because i’m well-aware of its history of blood and sins. and i know i can’t undo any of it, but i can see to it no such cruelty, pain and tragedy will happen ever again. not as long as this power is in my hands at the very least.” and we know that and it’s all obvious to us, but enma doesn’t. enma can’t hear it that way because he resolved to stop putting faith in whatever tsuna says, or even so much as the benefit of the doubt again long before they have this conversation.

and if there’s bitterness on enma’s side that makes all of this sting and hurt that much more, there’s confusion on tsuna's because he doesn’t know when it all went so wrong, when he went wrong. he has no clue about the existence of the note enma wrote him, and the way he sees it one second they were friends, and in the next he has to fight against enma because enma is certainly fighting them and hurting them with all his might, and he doesn’t understand why. which makes all of this even harder for him to see as something they need to do, as something they have no other choice but to do when it doesn’t make any sense at all to him they’re doing this. especially when even enma is so clearly hurt by the fact they’re doing this. especially when doing this is hurting the both of them, and for what? he doesn’t know, and it makes it all the harder to not hold onto the hope they can figure all of this out another way, surely, which makes it harder to fully resolve into fighting enma and the shimon.

and the thing is that they’re both right and in their right to feel that way!! both their feelings are valid and rooted in facts and the truth!! the only time i’d say enma was wrong and unfair with tsuna is when he said tsuna turns his back to vongola whenever things get tough, and like. we know it’s just plainly untrue. we know tsuna would love nothing more but to be able to do that, but times and times again he has no choice but to deal with it. and in fact sooner or later he always makes the choice and resolves himself to be the one who’s going to deal with it, because he’s never had any illusions about how the good things vongola brought in his life came hand in hand with all the bad stuff too. and he was never going to ignore it while accepting the good things because that’s just not who he is, and especially not when the bad things are always a threat to his friends and family. but again, we know that, but enma doesn’t.

also we could argue enma’s wrong too when he holds the fact tsuna wants the best of both worlds against him, but actually even then, like. is he really? like realistically speaking is that something tsuna can really have, and doesn’t him trying to have it only puts the people he cares about in more danger, only hurts the people around him more? we know in at least one future he became vongola decimo and was trying to have the best of both worlds still (him destroying the rings), but seemed to have failed quite badly at it (kyoko and haru still being in the dark about the mafia, yamamoto’s father getting killled, him bringing their younger selves to fight a war for them). and yes of course it had a lot to do with byakuran and his war on the mafia, but still.

tsuna says “despite knowing how that feels... you’re doing the same thing to us” and god, he is. he is. he is doing to them the exact thing that was done to the shimon that left them with so much hurt and anger and hatred, and is being to them the exact kind of people that did the same thing to them and they’re trying to get rid of. do you see the tragedy here, that delightful and painful dramatic irony? and enma is quick to shut him down, to say “you don’t have the right to say anything!!” because, because. it was all done to them first. and not by tsuna and the 10th gen directly, of course, but by everything they represent and agreed to be the successors of and to keep alive through them, from where the shimon stand anyway. and so to enma they’re only doing righteous revenge, are only seeking the justice that was denied to them all their lives.

except they’re wrong and that’s very much not what tsuna and the 10th gen are doing, and so in tsuna’s eyes enma’s actions can only be undeserved and gratuitous cruelty and pain. unfair cruelty and pain (the same way the shimon have seen the things done to them all their lives), and do you see how they’re speaking to each other but can’t hear each other!! because enma needs to lay his pain at someone’s feet, needs for someone to be responsible for it and take responsibility for it, to acknowledge it and pay the price for it. and tsuna and the 10th gen and vongola are the ones coming the closest to be guilty of all of it (and straight up are as far as he knows), but tsuna simply can’t validate the hurt he’s inflicting on them and his friends when he knows it’s no crimes for them to answer for. not even if it’s the only way enma will let him acknowledge his pain, and only then will maybe let himself believe again tsuna wants to help him with it. and not even when it’s clear enma needs tsuna to do that first before letting him try to reach out to him again.

tsuna says “don’t think that you’re the only one who’s angry!!” and yeah, there’s so much anger all over the place here from both of them!! like at this point in time tsuna might be the only one reluctant about everything that’s happening, but fact still is enma is doing his damn best to hurt him and his friends, unfairly at that in his pov, and so of course he isn’t about to stand for it. but all that anger that makes it even harder for them to hear each other is mostly on enma. enma who is so blinded by it and so bound to it, because his strength comes from it and his pain and hatred (and from his love for the shimon and his duties as the shimon boss), but at some point he shackled himself to them too. enma who can’t let tsuna tell him they don’t have to do this, they’ve never needed to do this, because then all the blood that’s already been spilled by the shimon becomes just that, blood. not righteous revenge, not justice, not righteous anger, but just cruel, meaningless and unfair blood. innocent blood.

enma can’t turn back. do you see it? he can’t turn back. he’s already gone too far to turn back now, and as long as he doesn’t let himself turn back, it forces everyone else’s hands too.

and of course, daemon has a lot to do with the situation being the way it is, with the disconnect between enma and tsuna that increases even more the distance between them because they both don’t have all the facts and don’t have the same facts either, but i really love how amano made sure it doesn’t take all their agency away from them (but some, for sure, inevitably, and arguably quite a lot too). like yes daemon manufactured this whole situation and got them all exactly where he wanted them to be like they were all chess pieces, but they’re still the ones who start playing the game. they're still the ones who push that first domino that makes all the other ones fall too.

enma chooses to give tsuna the benefit of the doubt, and chooses to never make that mistake again no matter what when tsuna fails to prove himself worthy of it. kaoru chooses to go for the kill when yamamoto comes close to the truth instead of something that’d be more salvageable, something that’d be easier to take back and undo in the case they’d want to. tsuna chooses to pretend to agree to the ceremony for the sake of avenging yamamoto, putting it over how it might look like to enma, how he might feel about it, and over what it might mean for their budding friendship.

enma and the shimon choose to resolve their issues the painful, bloodiest and mafia way, won’t settle for anything else, and for however much tsuna and the 10th gen may be reluctant to it, they still choose to walk on that path too, to see the necessity of it. enma chooses to believe tsuna’s father is the one who killed his family, never mind how oh so convenient it is that he is and that he learns it now, and tsuna chooses to not argue against it, to give faith to his words. (which is so, so interesting actually. like yes he’s profoundly shocked to hear it and can’t bring himself to believe it, but at the same time he can’t bring himself to fully trust in his father either, to completely rule out the option his father may very well be someone capable of doing something like that.)

i really love how it doesn’t invalidate anyone’s feelings either, doesn’t make them any less right or true. like yes at the root of this all there’s daemon, but everything that has forced them into this situation still remains true. the shimon first gen might not have been betrayed by primo and the rest of his guardians, but they sure as hell were by daemon. the shimon were still persecuted ever since then by the mafia at large, and especially by the mafia families allied to vongola while vongola turned a blind eye to it, or even actively persecuted them too for some generations for all we know. daemon may have killed enma’s family personally, but the rest of the shimon still lost their family under that persecution to mafiosi and mafia families.

everything enma and tsuna said to each other still remains true too. tsuna still refuses to own up to his title as vongola decimo, and yet is acting as vongola decimo in every way and is profiting from being vongola decimo. and isn’t it unfair for those who haven’t the privilege to cherry-pick their mafia experience and have it happen on their own terms? isn’t it unfair to those vongola and its power and influence hurt and is still hurting, tsuna and the people he cares about included? to those vongola will keep hurting if tsuna refuses to take responsibility for all the wrong it did and is able to do too while still holding onto the title of vongola decimo in all but name?

whereas enma won’t regain the pride of the shimon by doing the exact same thing that was done to them and took it away from them to begin with. he won’t heal their pain simply by hurting others the same way they were, by doing to them the exact thing that was done to them, and by becoming the same kind of people that have hurt them. and he won’t keep them safe in a lasting manner either when all he’s doing is weaponize the violence of the mafia against his enemies, giving them even more reasons to eventually, inevitably weaponize it against them in turn, yet again. and isn’t it unfair he demands tsuna and the 10th gen to just take it when he himself is currently seeking justice for how it was done to them first? isn’t it unfair he demands them to pay for sins they didn’t commit when he himself is currently seeking justice for having been made to pay for sins he didn’t commit? isn’t it unfair he demands tsuna to prove him he isn’t like all the mafiosi who’ve hurt them, and punishes and hurts him for failing to when he himself is currently acting exactly like those mafiosi with him?

like, remove daemon from the picture and none of that happens to the shimon, that’s true, but the mafia would still be what it is and would still do what it does. primo would still have kept daemon by his side and would still have turned a blind eye to their ideals diverging out of love for him, and so daemon would still have been free to do whatever he felt the need to do to keep vongola the strongest. and in this scenario he might not actively choose to use the shimon to do that, but they’d still probably not feel kindly towards the mafia and vongola specifically. some of what happened to them would still happen to them, if maybe not as harshly or cruely. and what i’m saying is that if you remove daemon from the picture, the shimon might not have chosen to try to take their revenge on vongola, but they’d still have had all the reasons in the world to do it, rightfully so.

and still that almost, almost, almost between them they want to go back to (tsuna) and wish could have worked out (enma). that almost they’re still trying to hold onto again (tsuna) and refuse to go back to and consider it an option still within reach (enma). almost friends, almost on the same side, almost breaking the cycle of violence so inherent to the mafia for something better, peaceful, healing, happy and freeing. but they missed that window and there’s no going back--enma refuses to allow the option of going back. and i know all his feelings are valid and understandable, i know daemon is manipulating them and is making damn sure they rule over him instead of the opposite, i KNOW, but still.

the tragedy here is that if they could just give each other a second chance, if enma could just give tsuna a second chance, none of this would have needed to happen. if only enma could just put his anger and pain and hatred aside for a moment, if only he could just put his pride and the pride of the shimon aside for a moment. if only he’d let himself talk to tsuna and would let tsuna talk to him, or even if he’d only explain to tsuna why he refuses to do that, giving tsuna the chance to explain himself in turn and clear that one misunderstanding at least, none of this would have needed to happen. like, enma!!!! ENMA!!!!!!!

but of course they can’t do that. enma can’t do that. god, he can’t, he just can’t. he has to see it to the end no matter what that’ll end up meaning.

and wow, that was a lot of words, but please just look at this amazing dynamic they have. so nuanced and layered and compelling, and i’m so, so fucking unwell over it. if i should put it succintly it’s all about how tsuna and enma could have been the first person in their lives to see each other as only tsuna and enma, and were so close to do just that, but there’s simply no forgetting they’re vongola decimo and shimon decimo too. and they can’t see each other as only tsuna and enma without first acknowledging they’re also vongola decimo and shimon decimo. but tsuna can’t agree to being vongola decimo in the sense enma means it and needs it to mean, and enma can’t let tsuna understand him as shimon decimo in any other way than the one thing that has hurt him the most all his life and saved him at the same time, but from his privileged place as vongola decimo, tsuna can only do that to a finite extent.

so like, it’s all about how tsuna is tsuna first before ever being vongola decimo, while enma needs to be shimon decimo first before he can allow himself to be enma. it’s all about how they could have been each other freedom from their respective shackles, and yet found themselves tightening those same shackles around each other instead. god. god!!!!!

how is this arc so underrated??? how is ENMA so underrated??? i am now a shimon arc and enma & tsuna dynamic truther. shimon arc and 0027 nations, where are you at and how can i be allowed into your lands. please come talk to me and let’s be unwell over all of this together.