#entry022

[depressed-fabuloso-blog]

Entry 022, Papyrus and Sans

[vittneshou]

Entry022

On last Sunday, I supposed to have an appointment with doctor about my depression but I didn't go because of a dream I had on the night before. I don't know why I got it. Maybe the more I think of the appointment, the more I think about how I could develop depression.

A dream that made me sad; a dream where I dream about someone I really need, begging for them to stay, crying all my feelings out, pushing tears out of eyes. But sadly, I was still being ignored.

I woke up from that dream. Sadness was what I felt. Why did I cry? Why did I beg? Is it because I want to gain sympathy from them? In reality, when I think of the appointment, I asked myself; what do I gain from going there? Am I thinking to tell them that my depression is getting worse? Am I hoping that they will feel sorry and stay with me? Am I seeing myself as the victim? Are they going to hear me? Are they going to stay?

The more I talk about my depression, I fall even deeper yet I couldn't get them to stay for me.  Maybe they don't think of me anymore. Maybe they're better without me. It is because of the things in my head that they left. How could I forget those words? I could not erase that.

I am just a normal human being with lots of wound from the past. Those people couldn't accept it yet hurt me even more for them only think of themselves. And for that, I could only pray to God to help me stand on my own feet, walk ahead alone and humbly pray He will also hear the cries in my heart about those people.