#esp if rolan is still alive because he still throws all of the blame on the surviving sibling to deflect from his own feelings of grief

[cielsosinfel]

(copying over a ridic long twitter thread where I rambled nonsensically about Rolan post-Lorroakan fight, don't mind me. I have even more thoughts since I read through the Dialogue Parser and saw how his behavior changes if either Cal or Lia, OR BOTH, die that has me even more gdkghkhkh ok i guess i rambled about that in the tags, anyway, i'll copy those bluesky posts over later)

didn't make it to HoH but I did beat Lorroakan finally (I just had to change Lae'zel to battlemaster and give her goading strike and she carried me the whole way lmao) and ROLAN... ROLAN.... ROLAAAAAAAAAAN... i am 100% satisfied with how his story concludes

I'm still kinda surprised how much a fairly minor side character, whose death in the game has negligible impact on anything, stil got to me so bad... the way you can tell from the first scene that he's deeply insecure + deeply stressed over responsibility for his siblings' safety

(instead of trusting his siblings to be able to watch out for themselves as much as him). And he covers it all up with really embarrassing self-aggrandizement, just so conceited, gets mad at TavDurge for showing him up in a way that makes him look weak and incapable.

THE WAY HES AN ANGRY ABUSIVE DRUNK IN ACT 2 AND EVEN when you rescue Cal and Lia he's still so angry and yelling, and Lia is too. i get the impression Lia was the one who always looked out for Cal and Rolan as kids so she has her own issues with needing to be the Strong one

and Rolan is chafing over being the weak adopted brother and has developed even WORSE issues over being the Strong one, and neither can concede ground on who has is the most responsible sibling, and the dynamic is all fucked up and Cal is the only one trying to find some balance

neither of them ever learned they can express they were terrified for the other's sake, and terrified of being too weak to look out for the other, without wrapping it up in protective anger and finger-pointing. it's just ;________;

it really hit hard when he actually apologizes for the way he acted while horrifically drunk in act 2 lol... but then if you stand around him and Lia are still arguing. they really just need to hug it out. cal sitting off to the side desperately wishing they'd hug it out

anyway the fact Rolan is so conceited and assured of his own power and greatness and ability to handle Everything On His Own, that he desperately convinces himself his new master beating him for no good reason constantly has a meaning, he just has to survive to prove himself...

and survive to provide for his siblings (who can't even live with him because lorroakan is that much of a dick???), and is just, a shadow of how he was in act 2, angry and aggressive and ready to take on an army himself for cal and lia's sake, just gets to me sooooooo bad. god.

I just think about what kind of mental gymnastics he must be doing since he got to the Tower, feeling so angry but needing to square everything happening with the image he built up of this guy he HERO WORSHIPPED FOR YEARS, trying to just focus on the needs of his siblings... ugh

And then how it hits all of his insecurities with weakness, of being the one who rescues and protects others instead of needing the rescuing and protecting. Surviving near-certain-death twice only to end up stuck in an abusive apprenticeship. god how stupid must he have felt

(and when i say that i mean that with all the empathy and sympathy in the world, mind). anyway i'm rambling. i really love rolan. i really love how happy he is in the convo after defeating lorroakan, how he SMILES and seems so excited to finally have cal and lia LIVE WITH HIM