#especially if the go petty women misogynistic route

[babswonder]

BARBARA GORDON NATION RISE!!! 

[copperbadge]

Just because I'm curious, what do you do about super rude comments on your fics? I got one thing morning complete with misogynistic slurs and death wishes for the female characters. SUPER fun to wake up to that! I'm probably going to reply to mine, but I'm curious if you ignore them? Delete them? Reply at the risk of feeding the trolls? (Also: Happy birthday!)

Thank you for the birthday wishes!

It depends a bit on context, what I do with rude commenters. If I think they are being rude inadvertently, I tend to be civil, to assume they don’t know they’re being rude and to explain why. Like, with yours, it’s possible someone is dealing with a lot of internalized misogyny and hasn’t yet learned that it’s inappropriate to express that kind of feeling towards characters on someone else’s fanfic (I mean it’s inappropriate in general, but if they’re in a peer group where that’s common, they may not be aware of it). So if that’s the case I’d be like “Actually I don’t really think it’s cool to use those slurs and wish them dead” and maybe discuss why, like, if a dude did what they do we’d love him for it, or maybe they have a fucked-up attitude towards women having sexual autonomy, IDK. “Hey, I disagree with you and here’s why” is a very appropriate response to a comment on your own fic. 

It’s sometimes difficult to tell where the line falls between “This person is fucked up and taking it out on my fanfic” and “This person is fucked up and deliberately trying to hurt me”. The upside of the civility route is that if the person is struggling and wasn’t being intentionally cruel, you’ve given them an out -- you’ve worked to educate them and if they continue to respond in a vile fashion you can bring out the big guns. 

But sometimes someone is just very obviously out to upset you, and in those cases the absolute best thing you can do is simply reply “Your behavior is not welcome here. If you comment again you will be deleted.”  Then I delete the original comment so that only mine remains. And if they respond again, I keep deleting them. Usually I only have to do it once but if you have to do it multiple times you can also get AO3 Abuse involved or turn on moderated commenting so that any comment must be approved by you before it’s public. 

This “scold and delete” isn’t the best route because it puts you on the moral high ground; that’s just a perk. It’s the best route because people like that are desperate for attention and usually desperate for a fight, and the most frustrating thing in the world is trying to pick a fight and not succeeding. It’s why I don’t often respond to anon hate publicly (the Bowie thing was an object lesson for others, thus useful as a public post). 

It’s not because I’m the bigger person, but because I’m petty and I know they’ll spend days obsessively waiting for me to respond, and in the meantime have to read all my posts where I’m enjoying my life. I’m wasting their time and saving mine. And the less time you spend on crafting a response, the easier it is to forget them completely, which is good for the mental health. 

But you know what, if it’s upsetting and you don’t want to deal with it? Deleting it and walking away is 100% acceptable. It’s your fanfic, not a battlefield; you don’t have to fight everyone who comes at you, especially in a place where you’re telling stories to have fun. Do what’s best for your brain. :)