#especially since these two were original my earlier renditions of a persona

[blackkatdraws2]

Wild stoic scary delinquent everyone finds scary paired with that popular lovely sweetheart that everyone loves.

Lesbians.

[taffysannotatedsonichu]

The Most Pointless Character in Sonichu

Taffy here. This was a post I made for the Kiwi Farms forum on the most pointless character in Sonichu in late October 2017, and I took up the challenge to prove every single character has no point. This was kind of my beta version of what would become Taffy’s Annotated Sonichu, so I thought it would be worth reprinting here (also I’m sorry it’s taking me so long to get more CWCDefense or GitM up, I’ve been really sick for the past two weeks and I’m just now trying to get back in the swing of things).

Chris's comic persona and fursona are pointless because he could have just lived vicariously through Sonichu and not have an in-comic presence.

Sonichu himself became pointless after Chris took over as main character but was already pretty pointless since really Chris could have just written a straight Sonic fanfic with Sonic as the lead in the first place. Besides the occasional electric attack and the complete lack of an original personality he's basically Sonic.

That said, all the characters ripped wholesale from Sonic or Pokémon (Sonic himself, Perfect Chaos, Robotnik, Giovanni) are pretty pointless as they were dropped not long in as Sonichu grew to have its own canon with its own crazy cast of characters.

In addition, any character ripped wholesale from any other franchise (Beavis & Butthead, Bugs Bunny, Meg Griffin) exist solely for "fan service", or rather fan disservice.

Rosechu is extremely pointless, all she does is A) be a token girl, B) prove Sonichu is STRAIGHT, and C) occasionally face rape someone. That said The Incredible Lioness is probably the closest we get to a real character with a point, rivaled only by the Voltorb that kills Simonla. They have simple purposes (to brutally maim and murder) and they do them to a T.

Kel is pointless since Rosechu could have just been Chris's Pokémon to begin with and she didn't need to exist as a middleman.

For that matter, any character best known for being a Moon Pal (Bill the Scientist, Metal Sonichu, Yawning Squirtle) or just as a meme in general (Inos), while being great for laughs, are all pretty irrelevant background characters.

Reldnahc Notsew Niatsirhc exists solely for Chris to physically obliterate his sexual insecurity.

Any Jerkop or Manajerk exists solely for Chris to vent his frustrations with real people who were just doing their jobs. Same goes for Hanna.

Blake is too inconsistent to have a point to existing. He was a pointless villain-of-the-week at first and then he was a pointless supporting character.

Sarah Hammer and Wes Iseli are particularly pointless because Chris' relationship with Sarah was already waning when he wrote Sonichu 2. Since the reincarnation plot point was dropped not long after, you can honestly skip Sonichu 2 entirely and not miss anything.

Mary Lee Walsh, while being awesome, is like the jerkops and manajerks just there essentially as a comic book voodoo doll. Maybe the point of her was to show that Chris can in fact write an interesting and badass female character? We'll never know.

Count Graduon is pretty redundant with Mary, power wise. Other than to vent frustrations with his graduation he's really pointless.

All of the Chaotic Combo are basically team filler filling out some elements that the rest of the team lacks. Specifically:

Wild Sonichu doesn't really have a personality. He's pretty redundant with Sonichu himself, other than, of course, we need a green Sonichu. The one thing that possibly could have made him interesting, the struggles of being a single father, are really rushed over so Chris can get back to the murder spree. His only notable father-daughter bonding experience was drilling a man to death.

Bubbles Rosechu, aside from being the token blue Sonichu/water type, finds one Sonichu ball and then returns to being a moron.

Angelica Rosechu, although I imagine her original purpose was to be a pacifist voice of reason and a token religious character, well, that got thrown out the window pretty quickly. The things that differentiate her from Bubbles besides their powers are few and far between.

Punchy Sonichu is just the token red character and the token Asian. Seriously I don't even know what "fighting type" means. In fact, why not make him fire type? It's the one element missing from the Chaotic Combo (Bubbles is water, Wild is earth, Angelica is air, Magi-Chan is ether/heart/mind, no one's fire!) (Note 26/11/18: I now know Fighting-Type is a type of Pokémon, but nevertheless “Fighting-Type is one of the weirder types. The Pokémon types are elements, supernatural creatures... and martial arts. And yes, the Fighting-Type icons in the series are red while Fire-Type is orange, but from a team balance perspective fire would have made sense).

Magi-Chan, especially after being paired off with Silvana taking away his sole unique trait of not being driven around by his penis, is just Chris's round the clock surveillance system.

Boulder Dropping Whale would have been useful if he actually killed Bubbles's mother but since he failed he's just a great meme.

Why does Flame the Sunbird even exist? He's literally just Kazooie from Banjo-Kazooie and his role could have easily been filled by Wild or Bubbles or anyone because that stupid Sunstone doesn't even matter, except it does make everything grow like Norma, whoever she is. Norma is the most relevant character in that whole issue. (Note 26/11/18: Yes, I named Nadine’s mom after this typo.)

Again, Darkbind and Zelina are crimes against nature. (Note from an earlier repost): I am referring to a previous post complaining that Darkbind and Zelina were the combinations of not two but four franchises (Sonic, Pokémon, Zelda & Darkwing Duck) and came off as clunky because of it.)

Crystal the sister is especially irrelevant now that Chris is a girl (why not make her a trans man to mirror Chris' own transition? Oh wait JERKS.), but she was always redundant with Rosechu and Chris himself.

Sailor Megtune - why didn't he just draw Megan herself? We know he's okay drawing her.

Megagi - Already kinda redundant with Megtune and she really had no reason to exist after Chris & Megan had that falling out.

Jamsta and Lolisa speak for themselves at their uselessness. I mean, they are just bit characters anyway. But as someone else mentioned before their radio station is particularly shitty.

Patti-Chan, while her story is cute, just exists as a way for Chris to hold on to his beloved pet and not fully cope with her loss.

Allison Amber, although being one of the better characters, wouldn't need to exist if Chris would just do some work for once. That said if the point of her character was to be an audience surrogate (I mean, until she shoots a man in cold blood) then for once Chris succeeded.

Bionic the Hedgehog as previously mentioned is just there for the sake of having an orange Sonichu, even though he isn't one.

All of the specific characters of Chris's "real life" "sweethearts" (Pandahalo, Blanca, Ivy) as well as their OCs (Jiggliami, Blazebob & Chloe, Layla Flaafy) are pointless because they all just disappear almost immediately after they're introduced after Chris finds out they were a troll or they "died".

Likewise any rendition of one of Chris' real life trolls (Jason Kendrick Howell, Clyde, Jack Thaddeus, Alec, Evan, Sean & Mao) are again just there as pen-and-paper voodoo dolls for Chris to take out his frustrations on. The trolls in particular almost work against Chris' point in including them because no matter how much Chris paints himself as the hero his violent murder sprees always end with him looking like the villain. (Justice for the Asperpedia Four!)

Beel is just Satan and a secretary for the 4-cent-garbage building. Pretty pointless.

Zapina is just there as a token "cute" character.

Simonla is just Wild's token sweetheart and then later the lynchpin Chris needed to justify executing his enemies.

Silvana, while another fairly interesting character, is just a villain-of-the-week with an added dose of Chris's sexual insecurity.

Sarah & Rita Jackarass - These two are both stupid minor characters, but why on Earth did there need to be two of them?

GodJesus exists solely to heap praise onto our beloved autist.

Those stupid Samurai Pizza Transformers are stupid. I hate them so much. I hope they burn in the Earth's lava core.

Sonichu & Rosechu's children are initially just there to be cloyingly cute and then once they're grown to be Chris's LGBT mouthpieces, forgetting that we won't listen to anything they say because we already hate them. Of special pointlessness is Cerah, because while Robbie is the most punchable he's at least the focus character of a lot of the newer stuff (even though we hated him as a Sonee, we hated him as a Sonichu, and we'll hate him as a Rosechu), and Christine is vapid she gives credence to the idea that Magi-Chan is giving it to Rosechu behind Sonichu's back which is way more interesting than canon. Cerah does jack squat besides be a lesbian.

The Asperchu cameos are just there for Chris to try to force Alec to give him what he wants and the Basement Rosechus are just there to slander Alec's name.

Sandy is particularly irrelevant since Simonla's back, she was never anything more than a replacement goldfish for her.

Kevin the Jew - I knew it! I knew it all along! Peppermint Patty is a boy!

Bananasaurus - Don't listen to your Patreon backers Chris.

Lastly, Russel & Cynthia are just there to fill the Sonee/Rosee void left when Cera Christine & Robbie evolved, a void no one in particular wanted filled.

Edited (27/10/17) to include all the MLP characters and Chris's ponysona - We hate them and we want Sonichu back. 

[soundsfrommydetrola]

Frank Sinatra, Swing Easy, Capitol Records, 1954, Reissued 1961

 The Earth has revolved around the sun in its entirety (and then some!) since the Detrola has been dusted off, but in the world of Mr. Francis A. the clock has moved very little since when last we met.

Recorded between two sessions in April of 1954, Swing Easy continues the formula set forth in Songs for Young Lovers but (as the title suggests) with a more earnest bent towards the swinging side of life. The album is of note as it is the first of the Capitol LPs to feature Nelson Riddle as the sole arranger for the set. Riddle was the lead conductor on Songs for Young Lovers but was only given freedom to arrange one of the numbers, the opening track to the second side, Like Someone in Love. With Swing Easy, Riddle clearly sets the tone for what will arguably be the most successful musical partner that Sinatra will share throughout his career. And for a cherry on top, the selections quelled for this romp are perfectly drawn from the Great American Songbook.

(Once again, let the record note that we will be focusing on the 12” 1961 reissue featuring an altered track listing along with four additional selections added to the original 10” 1954 release)

Jeepers Creepers sets us off with a light rolling, arrangement from Riddle which starts in low, allowing Sinatra to set the tone and pick up seamlessly from where Young Lovers has left us. The perfect accompaniment to a cocktail party or light evening in, the song swings, but never gets as forceful as swinging albums will later become during the Reprise years. The brass is allowed a lone shining moment in the orchestral solos and then decrescendos to let Sinatra and Riddle lull the song away. Unlike many Sinatra swing numbers to follow in the 60s, there is no harsh button to signal the end of the number as the greeting to our evening comes to a close.

We stay subdued for the next track, Taking a Chance on Love¸ Sinatra sighs his way through the selection, showing the 50’s crowd what all of those bobbysoxers were screaming about during the prior decade. Similar to the opening number, this track rolls along, leaving plenty of care to stay out of Sinatra’s way as he pulls the listener along the merriest of daydreams. He sells the song in a way no other contemporary would dare to as he sounds genuinely drunk from his infatuation. A nice moment to note, keen listeners will be sure to catch Sinatra’s signature snap leading into “Here I slip again”. Once again, there is no crash to signal the end of the song. Riddle clearly demonstrates that he knows what he’s doing on his first solo trip out.

We continue to bounce our way into the next lullaby-like number: Wrap Your Troubles in Dreams (And Dream Your Troubles Away). Now sober from his previous foray, Sinatra turns into an easy going sage in a defining moment of his Capitol persona. This is the song where you can hear the album over singing straight to you from the speakers. That cocked hat on top of the cocked body with a smile and outstretched arms beckoning the listener to do simply as the title of the album suggests. Once again Riddle doesn’t let the orchestrations get away from him. Sinatra commands the last chorus before softening with the arrangement for the final button. This, to me, is a clear representation of the idealized 1950’s America jumping off the grooves of the vinyl.

At this point, we take our first of the four additional tracks with a historical highlight of the Capitol era. Lean Baby was the first song Sinatra recorded for the label one year prior on April 2, 1953. Conducted by long time Columbia partner Axel Stordahl and arranged by Heine Beau, the song opens with an odd Sinatra vocalization of the orchestration which continues as the lyrical line opens throughout the first refrain. It swings enough, but feels altogether different from the three Riddle selections that have come before it. Sinatra still feels a bit Columbia era here, especially with the “Man, she’s so skinny, she’s so drawn” line leading into a middle verse. The lyrics are laughable and reminiscent of the novelty tracks of the later Columbia era. While we can listen and appreciate the initial statement of this new chapter of the Voice’s career, it only manages to be a footnote compared to the material of the 1954 recording sessions.

A second 1953 cut follows (this time from Sinatra’s second Capitol session on April 30th). Not to be confused with Cole Porter’s song of the same name, this lyric is lacking due to the constant refrain of the title. A much weaker song, this was arranged by Riddle in the same session that gave Sinatra the hit singles I’ve Got the World on a String and South of the Border along with a wonderful recording of Don’t Worry ‘Bout Me. The song fits the theme of the album, but definitely is the most forgettable track thus far. It feels like padding, and you wouldn’t be missing much if you took this opportunity to refill your glass.

Side one ends with a flittering rendition of I’m Gonna Sit Right Down and Write Myself a Letter. I am more accustomed to this song having a more upbeat arrangement, but we glide seamlessly back into the April 1954 sessions here. Benefitting from some well-placed vibe solos, we are, once again rolling right along. While the song doesn’t hit the frenzied heights of a former lover who is on the brink of insanity, the arrangement is suitable to cleanse our palate of what has come before and close side one on a stronger note. Featuring a now patented Riddle pull back at the conclusion, I feel as though this would have been Riddle’s moment to let both Sinatra and the orchestra really take over and harness the sense of a man spiraling out of control. However, the Capitol Sinatra is never want for his senses and we are left with a very polite arrangement of a somewhat perplexing narrative.

Side two opens with a personal favorite: Koehler and Arlen’s Get Happy. Most famous from the 1950 MGM film Summer Stock and performed by Judy Garland, Riddle allows Sinatra to harness the same evangelical power it had in the film. Here we have a constant rising action in an arrangement that bops along which, to me, becomes a near definitive version of the number. This is the Sinatra that we wanted in the previous Letter number. The only let down of the track is that we don’t have the grandiose flourish at the end as Riddle choses to pull back and fade out, thus allowing Garland to keep her crown.

All of Me is the first number to be featured twice in our hallowed halls. Previously featured on 1950’s Sing and Dance with… this version features a much stronger voice than was heard four years earlier. However, I am shocked to find that the arrangement from the Columbia recording is, in my opinion, the more enjoyable of the two. While Riddle’s arrangement is perfectly fine, it loses some of the vim and vigor of a man who is throwing himself completely at his lover. It does hit good heights in the second jaunt through the refrain, and we do get a good bit of robustness from ‘54 Frankie at the end, but it’s not worth losing the orchestral solos featured in the ’50 recording. Either way, no matter which version you hear, there is no denying that this number remains a standard for Sinatra and both versions would be very much welcomed on any Sinatra ‘essentials’ collection.

The next selection is the third of the four added tracks and comes from a March 1955 session three days after the completion of the In the Wee Small Hours LP. How Could You Do a Thing Like that to Me? features an arrangement from Dave Cavanaugh who is keeping within the Riddle vein. This sounds like it could have been recorded one year earlier with the rest of the Swing Easy selections. The brass does get more of a feature here than in the Riddle arrangements but not in a completely distracting way. Sinatra sounds like he has one more year of confidence behind his vocals. The listener doesn’t care of much what has happened to the vocalist based on how Sinatra is selling this confrontation, but he sounds so good doing it, we really don’t care. Easily the best of the added attractions thus far.

Our final additional track jumps back to 1953, this time to a December session heralding Why Should I Cry Over You? The brassiest Riddle arrangement yet, the lyrics here are a bit flat and Sinatra simply bounces along without really selling any form of pain or angst regarding his former lover. There is no sense of scorn or vindictiveness, simply a swell swinging bopper that is a fitting time to refill that empty glass in your hand.

We return to the 1954 April session with Sunday. Featuring a witty lyric reminiscent of Saturday Night is the Loneliest Night of the Week, this is a great dancing tune with wonderful orchestral interludes and a return to the emoting Sinatra who earns the cover image. If only a romp through the week could be this fun.

To close out our evening of easy swinging, we are offered a classic Cole Porter standard: Just One of Those Things. The arrangement here is moody and brooding without being dark, no doubted lifted by Sinatra’s bright lyric over the darker jaunt of Riddle’s arrangement. These elements culminate in this version remaining a definitive version of the song. You get a sense of Sinatra as both a womanizer and a devil with this track, which serves as a perfect end piece to our night as he politely ushers you to the door.

Largely, this album serves as the perfect companion piece to Songs for Young Lovers as they herald in the Sinatra Capitol era. From as early as 1955, Capitol began to reissue both albums as a double LP and they remain inherently linked in subsequent releases to this day. Almost assuredly as a constant measure to fight against the brevity of both albums, Capitol realized early on that they work finest as a set. While this release serves as a better cocktail album than its predecessor, it would be best to serve them together in order to get a plentiful helping of Ol’ Blue Eyes coming into his prime for a perfect evening around the old Detrola.