#especially when that would mean pursuing something that im hardwired to be incapable of

[just-your-average-tangerine]

I'm kind of split between two opinions.

My therapist thinks I likely have alexythemia. No surprises there, I've had trouble identifying and expressing emotions my entire life, I'm autistic, it makes sense. But, one major symptom of alexythemia is lack of creativity. And I've spent my life pursuing the arts in one way or another.

On the one hand, I do feel that I am less creative than the other artists I've known. Less creative than I'd like to be for sure. So I feel that it's likely there's truth in that. And if that's true than it's probably for the best that I stop pursuing the arts and just accept that I work in a grocery store in a miserable little town in thr middle of nowhere, and that's just what my life is.

On the other hand, I don't really believe that creativity is some innate thing that you either have or you don't. I think it's a skill. And like any another skill, some people start out better than others but ultimately anyone can learn and get better at it.

And I dont really know how to reconcile that. Or how that should effect things going forward.