#especially when you're also running 4 dnd games and actually working 45ish hours a week and have to
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have spent all weekend holed up in a cabin working on my novel and while it’s been very creatively fulfilling i’m left feeling very very [emotion] about the whole thing overall
#on the one hand every time i spend time writing it's so validating to get to go. 'oh i DO love this. i really really do.'#'i haven't just tricked myself into thinking i like doing this i really do feel like this is the thing i could do Forever'#but there IS a. 'hey am i actually any GOOD at this????' 'is it supposed to be easier than this? feel less like pulling teeth?'#'should the characters feel more real by now? am i as funny as i think i am? do i have the courage to take the swings i need to?#do i really control the plot as well as i need to? are my ideas really even anything at all?'#and then the third thing is. 'jesus christ it's really hard to write a novel when you have a full time job.'#especially when you're also running 4 dnd games and actually working 45ish hours a week and have to#maintain your own apartment and life and try to have some sliver of a social life and have family obligations#and are trying to get more sleep and have recently gotten back into reading books--#i got a lot done!!!! but not as much as i maybe HOPED to#this draft is like. not quite halfway done and i STILL don't know exactly what i'm doing with some of the#later chapters and while i think this draft is BETTER than draft 1 (obviously) it still like. needs a lot of work#and i'm so Tired....i feel GOOD but i'm so Tired and i have to go back to WORK on tuesday....#i. :( i know these things take time and that's okay i can be okay with it but it's just. really daunting to look down that road#and to know that i could only get as far as i did bc i set aside two whole days for it and WHEN am i gonna get that again#instead i'm just gonna have to go back to fitting it in around all the everything else which is. sigh#but i can do it! i literally can and i'm going to.#and i'm very glad i had this weekend it DID do the main thing i needed it to which is that it made me figure out#HOW to do a proper second draft. so now i can keep going#fcm#my writing
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