#especislly negative emotions

[mhaynoot]

underrated joongdok moment but i just find it hilarious that kim dokja's narration is always describing yjh as having an "emotionless face" or some variation on angry but whenver it shifts to anyone else its always yjh being the most tsun guy possible when kdj does anything

[cranbery]

I don't want to delete instant gram because there's some people on there I am only in contact with on that platform but I fr think reels and the explore page are negatively impacting my emotional state and idk what...to do...I am trying to get the self control to just not touch them but it is so tempting especislly when 1 out of every 100 post is good or relevant to my interests because then I'm like wait maybe it'll start being good now. It's like gambling I guess

[butyouvealwaysbeenthecaretaker]

Vaguing about someone else's post which was talking about the popularity of gay ships in non-canon-gay media vs the popularity of gay media, and how it was silly to praise people for liking the latter more than the former.

Honestly? I think I disagree; I have an escalating sense of dislike towards slash fiction as a whole, kinda precisely because of this. I know this slash fiction represents a safeish space and mode of discovery for a lot of young lgbt people; and also that it's fun to write and consume and not everything needs to be politics. But I've got to say thst my interactions with it feel quite detrimental to actually trying to find myself as a queer adult. What I needed (and still need) was actual representation, by and about queer people living full messy lives. The romance/wish fulfilment aspects of slash fiction, and the culture surrounding slash, wasn't what I needed. Does that make sense?

I feel like vaguely homoerotic, non-gay media is not only not nourishing, but actively detrimental. I think it's telling that the biggest consumers of these things are women (of various sexualities), when you'd sort of expect the "gay male romance/ erotica" genre to be mostly made and consumed by queer chaps. And that these narratives are far more about the needs and desires of their creators than authentic representations of gay life and emotions. And that's Fine, in a sense, because life is short and people should have fun creating art. But...for me, it feels like a barrier to overcome, a part of my life which was negative and acted as a block to coming out fully or well. Because I've never been scared of being a fantasy homosexual, because who would be? That's what I mean by authenticity. What's helpful to me is reading media by queer people writing about their own experiences, in all their complexity and contradictory ways, things which have the ring of truth to them.

And especislly to disagree with the op I'm vaguing about here: I think there's quite a big difference between supporting gay media,and supporting media you can project gayness onto. Both politically and artistically. Not everything has to be Giovanni's Room, and I don't have any real quarrel with a 14 year old girl who wants to imagine Chris Evans and Robert Downey Jr making out. But...

I want to have real, live relationships with other queer people. You know? And I want to read about them. I want more from my life than homoerotic subtext and longing. This media, and the culture around it, is not for/about me; that's fine, I can just avoid it, although I worry a bit about young people having the same negative experience as me; but there are important reasons to be promoting media which is actually gay, as opposed to media one would like to be.