#essentially i feel ignored and invisible and like. honestly i feel like i don’t belong here
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#i’m so. i don’t know. i keep opening tumblr and scrolling my dash and i KNOW it’s a literal symptom of my ocd#and that i should use my coping mechanisms to stop bc i’m too invested#but also my body is fucking me all the way up right now.#chemo puts me into menopause and when i get off my body restarts my period#and the hormones make me fucking insane and that’s where so much of the depression is coming from rn#but i can’t tell if it’s JUST that or if my feelings about this fandom are valid and i need to step away#essentially i feel ignored and invisible and like. honestly i feel like i don’t belong here#and yes that has to do with a certain group of bloggers in this fandom that are exclusionary toward everyone outside their circle but also#i have that stupid lonely high school feeling in this fandom like my friends are really just acquaintances and i’m always just to the left#and that feeling has always existed for me here but it’s so much worse right now which is why i think oh it’s hormones. i just need#to step back until i’m feeling better. but then i can’t stop fucking scrolling and checking my empty notifications#anyway i don’t even know why im saying any of this. i can’t exactly talk about it in real life so#i needed it off my chest i guess.#cancer post#maybe i just need to delete the fucking app altogether
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