#even if you don't count the john journal stuff as canon

[angelsdean]

he's 26 dude !!!!!

[ladyvaderpixetc]

I was not actually tagged but saw this and thought OMG I WANNA PLAY so while I will tag a few friends (@dls-ao3, @theskyandsea, @emorgan5061, @gracerene09, @ktspree13, @starkissed1) please feel free to not play as you wish or have at it if you do!

How many works do you have on AO3?

59, with several misplaced en route from LJ and many WIP's yet to be published.

What’s your total AO3 word count?

705890

How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

Oy. *thinks hard enough steam comes out of ears* 1) Mulder/Scully - The X-Files 2) I thiiiiink I had a brief jaunt writing Rogue/Gambit but I don't know if that was just notes - X-Men Comics. 3) Legolas/Aragorn & Orlando/Viggo - LotR (& LotR RPF) 4) Harry/Draco, & one instance of Harry/Viktor - Harry Potter 5) Mohinder/Sylar - Heroes 6) Arthur/Eames, Dom/Ariadne & JGL/Tom Hardy - Inception & Inception RPF 7) Arthur/Merlin - Merlin (BBC)8) Sherlock/John - Sherlock (BBC) & 9) Thor/Loki - MCU

What are your Top 5 fics by kudos?

Pet (Arthur/Eames) Intended (Drarry), Consolation Prize (Harry/Viktor) Scattered Pieces (Arthur/Eames) L’Inconnu (Drarry)

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Whilst strictly a HEA merchant overall, I did make myself miserable writing Friend Like Me, sobbed all the way through it knowing I couldn't fix the ending without stomping all over the heart of the fic itself. Will always be grateful to @dysonrules for her excellent sequel that achieved what I could not *throws myself sobbing at her feet*

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Tragically yes, not even on my oldest, more gloriously clichéd and tropified cheese either ;P but simply because the reader objected so strongly to the pairing that they felt obliged to hate on every other aspect of the fic as well. This new generation of fans choosing hate over 'don't like, don't read' never ceases to astound and sadden me.

Do you write smut? If so what kind?

I do indeed lol every kind from shameless ridiculous cheese to (hopefully) smutastically hot. I have a real tendency *coughproblemcough* with feeling like I have to write everything I'm seeing in my head, so my stuff tends towards being overly wordy, but hopefully conveys the filth that my brain likes to play me on loop at times ;)

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Several times actually, less in recent years but back before the original purge and AO3 I tended to have my Drarry smut ripped off quite regularly, the same fic in particular, Delicious (an actually RIDICULOUS smutfic) got stolen something like 4 or 5 times but fortunately someone always tipped me off, as people continue to do when my stuff ends up on Wattpad now also. Should it come up, and anyone sees any of my stuff about - unless it's a translation - I categorically have not given permission for my stuff to be posted elsewhere, if you know my stuff and see it anywhere but my ff/net acc or AO3 please let me know <3

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes, several lovely people have translated my stories and I'm always delighted beyond words to be asked <3

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes, back in the day @dreambastion and I co-wrote a few Drarry fics, though I'm not sure many of them ever saw the light of day ;) as we mostly came up with ideas from a Drarry RP journal we had during that time.

What’s your all-time favourite ship?

Gah. Whilst I frequently throw the term OTP around, I don't think I'll ever only have one OTP. I believe in the supremacy of some ships, and they have carved places in my heart that can never be erased whether I've stopped writing or even reading them: Drarry ftw, sorry Ginny but I'll never believe that epilogue, whether the fic is canon-compliant or not, I’ll always believe Harry/Draco is the endgame. ArthurEames is likely the closest I have to a true OTP, I’m sorry but that shit is canon and if Chris Nolan ever tries to convince me otherwise I will sit him down and point out all the ways he is WRONG. AE is the pairing that sparked my non-functional (nonfictional for that matter) brain back into being after a glitch with my hormones and a run-in with a bully masquerading as a beta scared me off of writing for a few years and I’ll always be grateful to it for that. I’ve dabbled in reading several MCU based pairings (Stony, Stucky, Clint/Coulson) but Thorki kicked the door down in late 2018 and refuses to be unseated as my current burning obsession with a ship, and for all the abuse I see the pairing take (seriously what is WRONG with the new-gen of fandom? Y’all would not have survived LJ) it’s where my brain goes to for comfort during these past few difficult years, and I adore it for that alone, if not for the bunnies currently chewing my brain to bits.

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

*horror shudder of guilt and shame* Humbled & Struck. I have these wonderful intentions to do right by Struck every once in a while and then I open the notes and see just how very much of the fic there was still left to write and know I don’t have the wherewithal to re-enter a pairing I no longer have any verve whatsoever to write for. Someday I’ll post a neatened up synopsis so those who liked it can read what should have happened and have an ending, but Humbled is a casualty of both my original computer going BOOM and having to be wiped but also coincided with my brain blip, when my hormones basically shoved everything that made me creative into a box and nailed it shut and left me with a crappy knock off of the baby blues for not quite a year. I lost the verve to write but I also lost all the mental notes I had along with the physical one and genuinely can’t remember what was supposed to happen at the end of Humbled beyond them getting together. These fics are the reason I never post anything WIP now, if I’m posting it, it means it’s complete.

What are your writing strengths?

Gah, talk about a question designed to make everyone squirm. Honestly? Not sure lol. I remember a professor at Uni telling me I had a way of taking the narrative in a chokehold and never letting go, and I remember laughing with him, but as much as I recall him saying it as a positive, looking back I wish I’d asked him more about what he meant, cos it sounds like a negative too, sort of lol.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

Well, I miss the days of mouseover on LJ for a start, without it I tend towards avoiding personally, but I think if you can do it, and do it well, then why not?

What was the first fandom you ever wrote for?

I’m not sure Xfiles counts because I only ever shared it in yahoo group chats lol so my first posted fics were LotR.

What’s your favourite fic you’ve ever written?

Pet. Hands down my favourite, it’s like I had nothing to do with writing it, I vaguely remember being caught up in feel during it, and plotting out what would happen each month, and torturing myself with diff songs from my playlist to get my Arthur POV feels screwed to the sticking place lol but with enough time in between I can actually read/listen to it myself and still be surprised by some places in the story, I still squee when Arthur runs into drunk!Eames in the supermarket, and I NEVER squee over my own stuff otherwise lol I’m truly proud of it if only because it makes me so happy. I know Scattered is vastly behind on updates, and Thorki is hugely to blame for that, but I will NEVER abandon that ‘verse. I’ll be 60 and still thinking of new ways for my boys to be happy, and being happy in turn at just the thought of them <3

[dustydreamsanddirtyscars]

I don't blame you at all for keeping quiet about the show. I just can't understand how the people running the CW can look at what Dabb is doing to this show and go, "Eh - good enough." It's NOT good enough. It is demonstrably terrible, and at this point I desperately hope there will be a new show runner next season who will reveal the last 2 seasons were all a dream because one of the boys was in a coma. I don't know how else to fix things without acting like the Dabb era just didn't happen.

Not sure my ask went thru… What’s up Girly-girl! Long time no comment, edit, review, rant, observation, bitch session…  we miss you! You still watching? Curious as to what you think about theses past 5 episodes. Looks like Dabb in his ultimate suckitude as a Showrunner has screwed Jensen over again and handed off his DeanMichael storyline to another. Shocker. I’ll be really pissed if he has. And it definitely looks that way.             

Hello dear!

I assume these two might have been written by you? And probably some time ago as well. I’m sorry about replying so late, but tumblr hasn’t really been a prioriy these past months. Thank you for your message though. :) I think tumblr is working perfectly alright without me though, but thank you for being sweet and saying you missed my rambles.

That being said, I don’t think there will be any rambles, specs or metas posted on my page in any foreseeable future - though I could probably just schedule the around 200 meta-, gif- and edit-posts that are still sitting in my drafts, but then again… they have collected some dust by now.

To be completely honest, it’s a combination of things why I have been silent on here. One being that my daily life with work has been pretty demanding and doesn’t leave me with a whole lot of energy after I get home, but it’s also that I simply don’t have as much to say about SPN anymore these days.

I joined fandom in the middle of S7 and my personal highlight times on here has been from S8 to S11 - those were the good old days of meta, really they were golden and I cherish that time dearly still, but fandom has changed since then (and what people deem most important as well), the show has changed and I don’t feel like I am having a place in this fandom any longer. While I also always love editing, my primary focus on tumblr and with my blog has been analysis and meta and I feel like the kind of meta I strived for, loved reading and wrote myself theme wise is no longer of any interest to the majority of people - which doesn’t really bother me, I would continue to post my views regardless, but these past 3 seasons under Dabb’s reign have been hard on me. He turned the show into something I can barely recognize as the show I fell in love with. The storytelling is a mess and so much other stuff as well that I have been very vocal about up until a few months back, but I didn’t want to be just negative any longer so I took a break hoping that maybe SPN would inspire me again to write, but Dabb’s version of SPN is so shallow, so foreseeable from miles away that it has simply not been the case.

To put it plainly, Dabb has made me fall out of love with SPN these past 3 years as he turned it into a show that has nothing in common with the show I love. Of course all of our tastes differ, but my personal favourite seasons past Kripke were the Carver years as he imo knew how to craft story, craft emotion, craft characters and he knew how to play subtle, how to set up a story and follow through, how to make your heart ache in the best way possible. His style of storytelling and showrunning is what I adored and Dabb’s style has hardy anything in common with that so the past three years watching the show, seeing canon thrown out the window, replacing deep emotion with cheap melodrama and stories that built up and had a climax to millions of stories that go nowhere has left their mark on me. It’s been a tough three years, years that were frustrating, yes even painful, it was like a relationship that you always hoped would blossom again but never did. It’s like a relationship that had all the raw potential but ended up hurting you more than it made you happy.

Don’t get me wrong, I will always love this show and there will never be another show that will have this impact on me and my life and I can guarantee that there will NEVER be a character that will mean as much to me as Dean Winchester, but Dabb era has been painful, because I cared so much about the show. I was mourning it and it’s characters while they were still there on my screen but treated with such careless hands that I needed to take a step back and to be honest, I think it was the right call. For one because no one needs a negative voice all the time, but even more so now that J2M have revealed that S15 will be the last.

I see a lot of people very broken up about it and I’d have been the same way after S8 or 9 or 10 or 11 if it had ended then, right now I feel relief - and I don’t want to hurt anybody with saying that - and strangely enough for the first time in a while interest again (I have been watching the episodes btw, but like I said… nothing that would need to be written about - aside from Jensen rocking it with his Michael struggle, which like you said now has been given to someone else, once more) and a faint bit of hope and even happiness, because this way they should be able to craft an ending that is planned from the get-go. And that is something that could be very good for the storyline - then again, sadly I doubt that someone like Dabb could pull it all together. But here’s to hoping. All I want at this point is for them to make it count, make it worth it - I’d love nothing more than seeing the first episode of S15 and feeling like writing meta again.

So, what does it all add up to? I know this is a long ramble, but I felt it was overdue given my silence on here. I don’t know how often I’ll be on here from now on, I’ll check in here and there, but I doubt I’ll be posting much. To everybody who is hurting due to SPN coming to an end: HUGS. Really selfishly I can say I truly don’t hurt or feel broken up, I feel more like resolution is finally on the horizon and potential for a wonderful ending. And something that I will always be grateful for is the people this show has brought into my life, people who’ll stay in my life way past this show, that’s what makes the show count: just like the character will transcend, keep living, so will these friendships for life and that’s how this show will become “immortal”. Not through the storylines, not through the 15 seasons it aired, it had impact through and due to the people who watched it and who found like minded people through it they can consider close friends and even family now.

Anyway, if I could have one wish fulfilled, it would be to get all of the good writers back on the show for this last hurra, Ben Edlund, Jeremy Carver, Sera Gamble, Raelle Tucker, Robbie Thompson and Adam Glass for example and of course Eric Kripke. Let them pen the ending to the show that famously once said “endings are hard, but nothing ever truly ends, does it”. And yes, I still stand by my sceanrio that I have written about many a times before in terms of endings. I’d love it if the ending scene was a shot of the Impala on some stretch of the road (the brothers may have died fighting the good fight or finally retired or whatever else) and some guy who looks to be lost, but a good soul tries the door and it swings open. He sits down, rumages through the car to find the keys and finally looks into the glove compartment where a thick envelope sits that reads:

“For you”

And the guy picks me it up and opens it and inside there’s a leather journal, reminiscent of John’s but not his and a folded piece of paper and the keys to the Impala. And you can see in Dean’s handwriting there’s written:

“May she be as much of a home to you as she was for me and my brother. Treat her well, or I swear I’ll haunt your ass.”

And the guy laughs and turns on the ignition, “Back in Black” starts blasting from the radio so that he turns down the volume and fumbles for the journal, opens it up and looks at the first page that says:

“My name is Dean Winchesters. And then is my story. Buckle up.”