#even tho i don't expect anything to happen. purely bc having crushes is a really low effort distraction method)

[sunjoys]

why is march like this

[flo-shifting]

Shifting break update.

I've realized a lot in this much needed break.

Fist: I need to shift bc I don't know what I'm doing with my life and I don't even know where to start.

I'm a little of a control freak, I think. But not of the "good kind", the effective kind. I just want, need to feel like I'm having the life that I desperately desired, and shifting was the perfect way of having exactly what I had in mind since...ever?

All that, mixed with me being an obsessive dreamer... I don't think it's a good convo. I feel like I've put in hold a lot of things in my life, thinking it wouldn't be necessary to deal with them if I just could escape them eventually.

I know. Damn.

I can't neglect my life, I mean, I wish I could. Really, I wish I could just stop everything and just trow responsibility out the window and with that everything that I hate about myself and my life. buuuut, i guess not.

In a way, I am proud of this new adulthood that is blooming in me. I also know that growing up doesn't mean that my inner child is just gone. She's there. We talk a lot. She wants to shift. I don't know anymore if it's possible.

I truly don't know anymore.

I'm not saying it's not real or that this is a faith crisis and that I'll get over it. I don't think it's a matter of motivation, either. I just...don't know and don't have the energy or strength to just keep going out of pure determination.

I hope to do it. I'm not trying tho. Not like I used to. Not with methods or subliminals. I don't even know what I do. I just have hope, i guess.

I don't know.

I've been daydreaming a lot too. Maladaptive. In the sense that it's all the time, and it gets in the way of life. If I don't, I get bored and in that almost unbearable way that makes you think "man, I really can't stand being present". Which, yeah, yikes.

I'm really making an effort here, to cope with everything in my mind and shifting also. I always said, and it's true even, that when I found out about shifting something in me woke up. The world was different, the universe was there, at the grasp of my hand. And not being able to even touch it, experience it how I wanted it, was a big blow to my mental health.

High expectations do that to you.

Having a belief system that revolves around upbeat mentality, manifestation and big rewards do that to you too.

This community is full of young people. Some, very, very young. And lest be honest, mental health is not at his finest here. I've heard a lot of talk about how shifting can be traumatic, but only after you do it, and when someone openly describes being burnt out and depressed after seeing almost no results the only responses are: "don't give up, think about you meeting this and that"; "what if the next time you tried is when it actually happens"; "your cc wouldn't want you to give up on them".

I'm sorry, buy even with good intentions, those statements are draining at best. To want something so much and be convinced that if only you could do it, if you try hard enough and have more information and change your perspective and mind and whatever people will come up next! If you finally do it, everything will be fine. But you don't get it. Over, and over again. It's soul crushing.

On top of that, everybody seems to do it just fine. They get to live their dream life and have all this other people following their adventures, building a platform or getting money out of it.

And some seem to lie about it, which also piles up on everything that is going around in your mind with doubts and concerns.

Let's admit it: there are a lot of things in this shifting community that are shady. Not only the people on it, but the "information" and the credibility of it.

It's a lot.

Again, with this I'm not saying that it's not possible (for me shifting it's a matter of faith just like a religion, more than a scientific thing) but it definitely wore me out.

I've had a weird year. A really weird year, and shifting was what stared it all. I'm not sure of anything nowadays, only that our minds are our first and more important tool to understand life and be able not only to navigate it but to live it in a way that brings us joy and passion and everything we need to feel hole. And the path we take to get that, it's everything.

If you feel like shifting its taking a toll on you, that not shifting is making you feel insane...you're not alone. To believe in something so out of the norm it can be isolating, I know a lot of people found a community and friends and that's great! I'm truly happy for them, but also that's not the case with everybody.

Breaks are important. Yes. But don't be afraid of pulling back of trying if you notice it became obsessive and corrosive. If just the thought of never again trying to shift it brings you distress, then reexamine why shifting is so important to you. Why do you need it so bad. Be honest with yourself, but most important, be patience.

All things have their process, their time. This is true with shifting, but also with us. With our minds, body and soul. And to know yourself, to learn to take care of you and to do what it takes sacrifices what it takes in order for you to be well and safe, is more important than anything shifting related.

I used to think of taking care of my mental health as a tool for shifting. If I do this and that, the days would slowly become lighter. I was getting better (with its usual ups and down, but better nonetheless), but in my mind it was always now I'll shift, this was blocking me now there's nothing on my way.

The focus point was wrong. And the shifting cloud on my mind was getting heavier and heavier, I didn't realize at the moment, just bc I wanted it so bad that I couldn't think of shifting as a burden.

Like I said, I don't know anything anymore. Don't feel like I should, either. But being honest with myself is the most important thing right now. Of course, I want to shift. Shifting it's not the cause of my problems either, that's all me.

I'll be reevaluating everything now. Not wanting to prove it right or wrong. Not rushing, or expecting, nor obsessing.

For now, I'm allowing myself to give up on shifting, something I was sure I would never do in a million years.

We'll see how it goes.