#every Hannibal fan now blocks me for hate speech

[doppelnatur]

CAN I PLS HEAR UR WILL GRAHAM TAKE?? hannibal is one of my favorite shows but GOD DAMN do they fumble the ball w his illness/neurodivergency/mental illness sometimes (often)

Omg ok listen I haven't watched Hannibal in a hot second and my opinions are deeply deeply unpopular, you probably won't agree at all it's ok. but my impression from last watching it was that, esp in the latest seasons, we're told a bunch of stuff about Will Graham by other characters, which is supposed to be "reading him" but which is directly contradicted by his on screen actions.

My take on Will Graham is that he's a kind and gentle autistic person with magical ""empathy"" abilities that make him over identify with and feel guilty for the actions of others. (Hannibal also has magical abilities, idc about their bs psychoanalysis, super sense of smell, empathy whatever shit it's magic and that's FINE. Face blindness also doesn't make you do this shit so like. That's a magical curse also idc).

His (wrong) belief that his empathy magic makes him evil and responsible is reaffirmed by literally every other character in the show in weird and honestly predatory ways. Obviously Jack uses it to get Will to continue way beyond when he himself wants to stop, Hannibal (wrongly) thinks this magical ability makes Will Graham able to understand him, like on an emotional level and becomes obsessed with him, Alana from the beginning patronizes Will and has a distrust of him and his moral (not just mental! That worry is fair lol) stability and abandons him when he would need her. I think Freddie's attitude to him is supposed to be "foreshadowing his inevitable downfall" which is caused by him being a "criminal kind of person" (read: autistic/magical/mentally ill idc). This believe in criminal people and ""mental illness""" (it whatever the fuck this show does to the concept) making people criminal is a core tenant of the world of the show and it is why it expects us all as viewers to take the side of the other characters because of this.

And then one concrete example that sticks out rn in my mind where someone says something about Will Graham that. In my opinion is directly contradicted by what we see on screen is in season three, when he frees the guy that is trapped by that woman because Hannibal said he murdered his sister (i don't get this plot at all btw what the fuck why was she doing this in the first place what was her relation i know they explain this but i didn't get it) and Will puts a bag over his head and brings him away from the house and then let's him go. But when he (somehow???) Finds the house again and attacks the woman, she blames Will and says this outcome was his intention and that he wanted to make her a murderer. Which he doesn't contradict, because will Graham never contradicts what ppl think about him lol but it's framed like she revealed his evil truth to the audience??? When, if that's what they wanted to do. It would have been so easy to not have Will put a bag over his head. Watching it I was like "why is he putting a bag over his head, he's freeing him" but that's the thing you do when you don't want the outcome where he finds the house again. I just. Don't get it.

It's like the show wrote two characters, will Graham in the dialogue of how everyone including himself sees him which is how we seem to be supposed to see him? As this fallen corrupted man who loves Hannibal. And then will Graham who does things who is repeatedly shown to be extremely concerned with saving lives and values even the criminal lives no one else in the show values lol. And who tbh doesn't seem in love with Hannibal to me. At all. He's like gaslit and pretending that's the feeling of the guy to me.

[stratsandwhiskeywritestuff]

Q+A With Strats and Whiskey!

We held a brief Q+A over on our Twitter, and had some awesome questions come in! We’ll post em here too for everyone to see. Have questions for us too? Hit us up on Twitter or in our ask box :D we’d love to hear from you!

Questions include asking us about the collaborative process, about writing kink together, the trust that takes, what characters we love writing most and our thoughts on writing in general!

PaleGlimmer: I asked about collab writing because I have no idea how you make it work.

WHISKEY: I’ve been collaborating on stories since I got into Hannibal. For me, it started as an offshoot of online RP. If you go back far enough you can see that, because the writing is stilted and jumpy, and you can tell that two people are writing. I’ve had three major collab partners in my fandom life and after a time our “voices” and styles start to gel and it becomes more seamless. That, for me, means that’s the right partner to write with, because you start taking on their mannerisms and descriptions, and they take on yours, and people can’t tell (or can tell very vaguely) that two people wrote a story.

As for technicalities, we just “tag” each other with part of the story for the other to continue it. Sometimes it’s short tags, dialogue, or brief descriptions, other times we get carried away (in the best way possible) and end up writing 6k a day. With Strats and I, we started with preferential characters and usually tagged for just them, but now we cover everything and everyone in our tags.

STRATS: Whiskey covered this pretty well. With Whiskey, We share characters pretty evenly now, and just write about 200-300 word chunks back and forth, but there are definitely characters we each feel more comfortable with. And scenarios we both excel at! Even if I haven’t written much, I’ll tag Whiskey in if we are coming up on something Whiskey is better at, and vice versa. (For example, Whiskey is much better at pretentious Hannibal speeches than I am, and I have a particular fondness for writing emotional breakdowns. This doesn’t mean we are the only person to write those, of course, just that we tag each other in more often.)

If I’m writing with anyone else, I usually write the same way. There’s only one person I’ll still do RP-style writing with. Usually I try to match my partner’s style, so for example, when I wrote with YAMD I focused a lot more on detailed descriptions than I usually do. I can’t really describe it, I just try to align with how my partner writes. 

I’M NOT VERY HELPFUL, SORRY :D

Cuttlefishcatfish:

1. What do you love about writing?

STRATS: When you finally get to that moment, that scene you’ve been thinking about for AGES, the one you have entirely plotted for weeks. 

Also, writing emotional breakdowns. Give me a sobbing panic attack any day. 

WHISKEY: The moment you hit the flow point and everything just makes sense; either an idea just CLICKS or you finally get over that plot point you were worried about and you are racing through.

2. What do you hate about writing?

STRATS: god why haven’t we yet invented a way for me to think words onto the page? I’M SO TIRED. 

WHISKEY: That meme? The one that goes like “I need this very specific fic and I need it immediately… which means I need to write it… but I just wanna read it, not write it”. That.

3. One writing tip that you could give to other writers.

STRATS: When I was a teenager I came across some writing advice from an author I loved (I want to say Steven King, but it’s been years). The advice was “sit down and actually write.” And I was PISSED. As a teenager struggling with motivation, I hated that advice. 

Now I’m almost 27 and I can safely say that the best writing advice I can give you is JUST FUCKING WRITE THE THING. Even on days I feel like my writing is garbage, I force out a bit of garbage. Force your way through the shitty parts so you can get to the fun parts. You can always go back and edit the shitty parts later (and often it turns out they weren’t as shitty as you thought they were). 

WHISKEY: Practice. I’m sorry, I’m trite and boring but honestly that’s the only way you will get better, get into a habit of writing all the time, and start to find your own voice. Practice even just 100 words a day, coz that’s 100 words more than you had yesterday.

4. One overused word in fanfics?

WHISKEY: Oh god our beta actually points these out now haha! I’m terrible for teeth/tongue/lip action (he tongued the corner of his mouth, flashed his teeth, bit his lip)

STRATS: any time someone’s smile “quirks up at the corners” or you read the words “fluttering/thrumming pulse,” that’s me. It’s always me. I have been called out on the hummingbird pulse before. 

5. Have you guys disagreed on a story direction? If yes, how do you resolve that?

WHISKEY: I don’t think we have *disagreed* really, once in a while we find that a story doesn’t flow how it should, and we start over, or a character we had planned in our head ends up written differently on a tag. In that case we usually just ping the other and explain what we were after (we have a chat always open alongside writing) and figure out what works best for the story. I can think of a couple times that’s happened and it’s always a super chill and fair affair; both of us have “won” those kinds of things before.

STRATS: We gel really well together, and often our stories are at least loosely planned out from the beginning, so it doesn’t come up much. Every once in a while one of us says “so I don’t think this is working” and we usually do our best to find a way to change it around. It’s not really “fun” to write together if you’re making your partner write something they aren’t happy with, so we try to take each other’s opinions into account. 

6. How did you guys manage to let the other into your thought process? Writing is intimate. With a writing partner, that person knows what your kinks, opinions about things, etc. are. Was it scary to let that person in and see you being vulnerable with your works? This is assuming that you let your personality bleed through your stories.

So, this is an awesome question actually, thanks for asking it, and the answer might sound a bit weird so bear with us! We both get a bit of a (major) crush on our writing partners when we write, and after. Not in a way that would be considered cheating or manipulative but in a way that is… intimate. You said it right that it’s intimate. Neither of us want to date the other (besides, Strats is married) but we love each other and spend a lot of time together with our writing.

There is a lot of trust there, and opening up is a process. I think with Strats and I, we started talking about a kink we shared (human furniture) and it sort of bled out from there. “Oh, I also like bondage! And I’m a huge fan of cock and ball torture, you into that?” and it grew from there.

There were some kinks that we came across that we’d both agree were not our jam and we’d just put them away, and there were some kinks that at one point were not one of our kinks but now we share them. These are interesting ones because it happened absolutely organically; neither of us ever push the other into kinks we know make the other uncomfortable, but we do offer the chance, if one of us is so inclined.

For Whiskey this was ABO and feminization, for Strats it’s underage. Once in a while we’ll push a little to see how we feel about those things, but there’s always a carte blanche to back out if anything makes us uncomfortable. It’s honestly such a safe place to explore these things that we really love it. Also both of us are super kinky and very open about it so there’s usually VERY little (if any) filter when we talk sex/kink.

Blue Posey: Where do you get the ideas from? Your stories are so varied.

WHISKEY: We shamelessly pluck ideas from the Hannigram Kinkmeme on Discord, we have about 150 saved in a spreadsheet that we random number generate from when we want a new idea. Sometimes it’s AUs of movies or other shows that we like, sometimes it’s just an idea that we’ve had that we put out into the void and one of us will freak out and connect it to something.

STRATS: we also both keep track of twitter and tumblr and will send each other prompts based on those. We are following quite a few non-fandom porn accounts… 

and of course, sometimes I wake up at four am and text whiskey absolute gibberish and in the morning we write a fic.

Christina Shinn: I always like knowing about what gets writers really excited about their own fics. How writers overcome their writer's block. What motivates writers. What are some pet peeves of writers. YAY! Love your fics!

WHISKEY: 1. I get excited about fics I know people are excited about. If Strats pings me with a story idea and she’s stoked about it, I’ll catch that fever and be entirely into exploring that story. Likewise if someone commissions us or requests a story that really digs its heels in.

STRATS: 1) I’ve gotten a LITTLE less vain now that I do commissions and gifts for other people, but generally, every single thing I have written is something I’ve wanted to read, and so I love rereading it. Sometimes I’ll cringe at a typo or a mistake or an awkward line, but overall, I love everything I write. I have spent hours retreading my own fics before. Write the kind of story you want to read!

WHISKEY: 2. Writer’s block is an asshole and honestly I have no actual “fix it” for you; collab writing definitely helps because you have someone to soundboard off of, but even then sometimes we find ourselves just stuck. That’s when we start yet another original story XD

STRATS: 2) Writer's block occasionally eats me alive. If it’s REALLY hitting you, take a day off. It’s okay. Take a break. Do something fun. 

But once that day is over WRITE THE THING. Write something terrible. Just do it. You can always fix it later

WHISKEY: 3. Collab writing is hugely motivating for me, it’s an immediate and awesome feedback loop of love. You tag, you send it off, and someone FINDS THAT IDEA COOL ENOUGH TO CONTINUE and ping you back, and you have new material to work with that didn’t come out of your head and… it’s great, it really is. Also feedback from readers. Even if it’s critique (note: not “I hated this” but “this could have been done differently imo”) it’s a great way to keep growing and moving as a writer.

STRATS: 3) collab writing is really motivating for me because I am a Guilt Monster and other people are relying on me. For my own stuff, I’m motivated because I’m writing something I like. Something I want to reread later. 

If a story isn’t working for you (and it isn’t required for some sort of work or whatever), stop writing it. Go write something you like. It’s okay to say “actually, I don’t want to write this one anymore.”

WHISKEY: 4. I think every writer has a pet peeve regarding their own headcanons. Some people hate endearments with a pairing, but have their own pet names that work for them in their personal headcanon. In others’ work? There are certain things that irk me, but they’re also entirely personal. If I feel that a character has been written really OOC in a fic that is marked as canon for instance, it grinds my gears. THAT SAID that’s also the writer’s own prerogative.

STRATS: 4) I have too many pet peeves to mention because I am a snob, but I still have relatively low standards for what I’ll read, so I’ve read a vast variety of things. 

Besides what Whiskey said about characterization, I have a few aspects of life that I’m somewhat knowledgeable about, and I can’t stand when people get it WRONG. Special mention goes to people writing children badly, which is the entire reason Family of Choice exists. If you don’t have children or know children, PLEASE do some research into child development before you write them. It drives me up the wall when kids are doing things they shouldn’t be at that age. NEWBORNS. DON’T. GIGGLE.

[xswestallen]

I have a question why do I see you guys complaining about Snowbarry but not of the other ships that are with Barry and other characters? I don’t ship Snowbarry just curious

Oh boy, you’re opening a can of worms. Are you sure you want to pull back the pretty curtain of ignorance to the fandom’s history and see the ugly stuff? There’s a bitter history between WestAllen and SnowBarry. It can mostly be boiled down to racism because Iris is played by a black woman.

Disclaimer: I joined the fandom in season 3, so I missed the worst of the tension, but I’ve learned about the history.

Before the show even aired, some people who didn’t like Candice being cast as Iris, started the ship SnowBarry. They claimed Danielle was better suited to play Iris, claiming it was because Danielle was a more established actor. That was true, but they hadn’t even seen Candice’s performance yet. When the show aired, critics were very positive about Candice as Iris, but the SB shippers continued saying Danielle should be Iris, so it became pretty clear the reason they thought that was because she’s white. 

Some SB shippers hoped that The Flash would follow Arrow and go for the non-comic-canon ship of Barry and Caitlin. Others tried to say that Caitlin is actually the true version of Iris from the comics.

Season 1 was a very bad time for the fandom. There was a lot of racism from many SB shippers. They sent hate to Candice on social media and even talked about how they wanted her off the show. A lot of them didn’t like having an interracial couple as the main couple or a black woman as the leading lady. For so many shippers, SnowBarry wasn’t really about liking Barry and Caitlin as a pairing, so much as it was hating Iris and deeming her undeserving of Barry. 

The media were also buying into SnowBarry, asking Danielle about it and trying to paint the show as if there was a love triangle between Barry, Iris, and Caitlin. 

Iris haters coined the rude nickname “Viris Pest” for her. The false claim of WestAllen being incest lead them to label it and it’s shippers “incestallen”. Basically, filling their social media pages with schoolyard insults directed at Iris, Candice, and WestAllen shippers, sometimes tagging Candice and other cast members in them in the hopes of Candice seeing. A lot of SnowBarry pages are more Iris hate pages than they are a page shipping Barry and Caitlin.

The hate was personal against Candice, who despite it, tried-and still does to this day-to advocate for intersectional feminism. She’s been called racial slurs and threatened with physical violence. A particularly nasty blog, that we���ve been trying to get banned, spreads totally unsubstantiated rumors that Candice slept her way into the role of Iris, that she’s not black and has been lying about her race, and that she’s getting fired.

SB shippers use the scene where Caitlin is sexually assaulted by Hannibal Bates in 1x19 as a romantic kiss in edits, because he looked like Barry at the time. WestAllen shippers called them out for romanticizing assault, they accused WestAllen shippers of supporting incest (even though WestAllen is in no way incest. Not biologically or legally!)

In season 3 many of the SB shippers excitedly talked about Barry getting with Caitlin after Iris was murdered, hoping Iris would be forgotten about after her death. They made edits joking about Iris being murdered and Candice losing her job, which varied in degrees of disgusting ranging from mean to to straight up hate speech.

Some SB shippers have called WestAllen shippers angry black woman, delusion for thinking a white guy would love a black woman, and other ridiculous racist bullshit. Pretty much all of their passionate hatred of Iris and her fans comes back to racism. (That goes for all the Iris haters too, not just the SB shippers.)

That’s not to say all WestAllen shippers are 100% innocent. I know that some have hated on SnowBarry shippers who weren’t being racist and just minding their own business, and some have said rude things about Danielle Panabaker personally. It never got to the extent of hate that SnowBarry had, but it was still wrong. One SB shipper I talked to said she was called an “Uncle Tom” and “token black woman” for shipping SB. Between racism in SB online and the backlash she got from everyone else for shipping it, she deleted her blog.

Something not talked about very often, but that I see as a huge problem, is rampant sexism from many SB shippers. So often they cite their reason for shipping SB as liking Caitlin more than Iris. It’s like they only want Caitlin to be with Barry because he’s the protagonist and they think the only way for a female character on the show to have any value is if they date him. I also don’t think the SB shippers even like Caitlin! They ignored her pain of losing Ronnie twice, actually excited to find out he died after season 1, and ignore how we’ve seen on some many occasions that Barry really doesn’t care about or prioritize Caitlin.

Like, in season 2 when she was kidnapped by Zoom and he didn’t give two shits about saving her. He lost his speed to Zoom, but when giving an option to get his speed back, helping Caitlin wasn’t on his mind. Cisco and Wells were the only ones mentioning her and how it’d be impossible to get her back without Barry’s speed.But, what made Barry want to get his speed back was a cop who was murdered that had a kid the same age Barry was when his mom was killed. Caitlin was still the last thing on Barry’s mind. When he did get his speed back, he didn’t go save her or even talk about a plan to save her in the future. He fought random metas around the city. Caitlin only got away from Zoom because he gave her a chance to escape. 

When she turned in Killer Frost and ran away in 3x19, he decided to run to the future, even when Iris pointed out that he should do that later and help look for Caitlin first. He was focused on Iris, not Caitlin, even though Caitlin was objectively in more imminent danger.

Barry and Caitlin are barely even friends! 1x12 seems to be every SB shippers’ favorite episode because it’s the only time in four years that Barry and Caitlin hang out one on one. But, the episode is anything but romantic for Barry and Caitlin. Barry ends up getting a date with another woman! Caitlin was coping with the trauma of what happened to Ronnie by getting drunk. The night ended with her puking in a trash can on the street and Barry having to take care of her, when she could barely walk, not exactly what I’d call a fun night out. I guess it wasn’t for them either, because they have never spent time together without the rest of team since! But somehow, the SB shippers blame that on Iris. Claiming she’s controlling and won’t let Barry have female friends, when there is no canon evidence of that!

It’s canon that Barry and Cisco hang out all the time. Barry even lived with Cisco in season 3. It’s also been mentioned that Cisco and Caitlin hang out one on one, yet never once mention Caitlin is ever there when Barry and Cisco hanging out. They don’t even spend time together when they have one mutual friend around! They are only seen together when several other people are there as well.

If you love Caitlin, why would you want her to be with a guy who she barely spends time with, didn’t do shit to help her when she was kidnapped by Zoom, has always been in love with someone else, didn’t care about finding her for 3 months when he drastically altered the timeline with Flashpoint, got a date with another woman the one time he hung out with Caitlin?????

There is nothing inherently bad about liking Barry and Caitlin as a pairing. It’s the history of what some SnowBarry shippers have done that has lead to such animosity between the fandoms. Barrisco, WesThawne, Olivarry, Barricity, SnoWest, ColdFlash, and all the other ships haven’t had such hateful shippers trying to tear down Candice. So, there is bad blood between WestAllen and SnowBarry shippers. 

There has been so much shit from bad SB shippers that now, a lot of WestAllen shippers will immediately block if you they find out a blog ships SB. I saw one person say proudly that they hate everyone who’s ever shipped SB and everyone who doesn’t hate SB. 

It would be really great if SnowBarry were like any other ship. You, and a lot of other people who haven’t been engaged in the online fandom for a long, myself included, had no idea there was a problem with SB shippers. I wish we could say it’s a thing of the past, put it behind us, and end the war between SB and WestAllen, but there are a lot of SB shippers who are still being racist. 

Just last week, an SB shipper had their Instagram page which claimed to be SB, full of posts hating on Iris and Candice. They made derogatory statements about Iris, Candice, and all WestAllen shippers. They claimed it was Candice Patton’s fault she was suicidal and harassed other users expressing concern for their mental health. 

This shit show just keeps going on and on. I’m afraid it’s never going to end. Just posting this makes me anxious. I’m going to have to close my inbox for a while or else it will be flooded with hate. 

So, yeah, the ugly history of SB has left a lot of tension to say the least.

[viralhottopics]

‘Are You The One?’ Recap: Hi My Name Is Tyranny And Im An Alcoholic

Hello everyone. I would like to thank my loyal followers for questioning my whereabouts on Twitter. I was actually on vacation, because Im not poor. Sorry, but watching these morons was just not a fucking option. I was zen AF and I dont need Carolinas crocodile tears ruining it, k thx.

ANYWAYS, so onto the episode. It was kind of eh, Im going to be honest. If youre looking for another reason to be annoyed by Giannas existence though, then it def delivered.

AFTER THE MATCH CEREMONY

They are all pumped about getting four beams. In fact, if you took a shot for every time someone said four fucking beams youd need to get stomach pumped four fucking times.

Tyranny is like Ossssssssssssssssvaldo is my match. Honestly can we just cut the accent though? Hes from Chicago for gods sake, not Italy.

Oswaldo is not so sure. Hes like she could be my match! Or she isnt! Yeah, thats pretty much how life works, actually.

Also, can we acknowledge the giant-ass drink Tee has the whole time? That cup is actually my favorite cast member this season.

Carolina and Hayden start having a pillow fight because FOUR FUCKING BEAMS, AMIRIGHT?

Now Carolina is very suddenly into Hayden. Carolinas emotions give me whiplash. Betsy DeVos nomination was more certain than this bitch.

Gianna is like “OH NO. NOT TODAY. I DID NOT LEAVE THE SOUTHSIDE FOR THIS.” Shes like I’M GOING TO CONTINUE TO PURSUE THIS MAN WHO TREATS ME SO WELL. Even though they are a confirmed no match. Makes total sense.

So you unfriend-zoned him to cock block him? Seems v fair. So when you go to sleep, do you leave Haydens balls under your pillow or on your nightstand? Let me know.

*Starts Twitter Poll* Is Gianna hot? Yes or No?

Tyler apologizes to Taylor and is like “I have no excuse for being the ‘big bad wolf’ in this.” So youre eating peoples grandmas now? Very Hannibal Lecter-chic. Not sure Tyler understands that hes referencing a fairytale, but hes pretty so well overlook it.

Hes like these girls are all over me wah, life is hard.

TAYLOR: Im mad *looks at Tylers beautiful face* but Im not like, thatttt mad

Hes like Im not that guy, you know that! Shes like,

TYLER: I want to dump Shannon and date you

EVERYONE AT HOME:

Gianna goes to have a talk with Hayden, which she announces for everyone to know. Shes from the Midwest, okay? Shes not used to this whole having brains thing, cut her some slack!

GIANNA: HEY CAMERA GUY IM GOING TO HAVE A TALK WITH HAYDEN ALSO GIANNA: were very low-key shhhh

Little Mike is like this is bullshit, they are not a match, they need to stop and its like SAY IT LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK.

GIANNA: I dont want to stop you from doing something but stop fucking doing it. (Im not even making that up, thats an exact quote) HAYDEN: But I need to play the game GIANNA: Did I fucking stutter

So Hayden has relocated from friendzone island to being a little bitch island. Need a house warming gift, Hayden? Ill get you crowbar so you can pull your head out of your ass. Youre welcome.

Gianna and Hayden have sex, giving life to the newest Trump supporter Im sure. Carolina sees all of this and is like wtffffff. Shes like, totally in love with Hayden! Like, they spoke for a whole 10 minutes. Didnt that mean anything to him?

Andre is like “IF THEY FUCK THIS UP IM GOING TO BE PISSED” and Im like do it. Get mad. You wont. No balls.

Honestly, Gianna could probs take Andre in a fight. That girl should be a fuckin prison warden.

THE CHALLENGE

The challenge this week is for the dudes. The guys have to spin themselves and then go through an obstacle course. Then they have to shoot a basketball into the hoop of the girl they want to date. The person who shoots the third basketball in the hoop wins the date.

challenges sound like the hazing the gay frats do. Its all v weak.

The guys start the game and are falling all over the place. *plays Ed Sheeran*

Hayden is like, fuck it. Fuck this game. Idfc anymore, Im here for Gianna.

HAYDEN:I love Gianna

ME:

He decides to help Oswaldo win a date with Tee. See heres the thingI like Hayden, but I also think hes being very dumb. Its a hard spot for me rn. Really struggling.

Tee being proud of Oswaldo for winning is like Trump being proud of winning president. We all know he couldnt have won without Hayden/Russia.

Derrick and Joey are trying to win Rush Boobss date. Derrick wants to win because fuck Joey. Theyre shooting for legit five minutes. Seriously, Ive seen better shots from . When is the last time you played basketball? Third grade? Derricks like I played division I basketball! which sounds like an alternative fact to me.

Joey wins. So its Osvaldo/Tee and Joey/Rush Boobs.

Ryan tells them they are going to trapeze and Tee is like Im black, I shouldnt be in the air. How did you get to the Dominican Republic? Drive? Horseback? I didnt know your skin color made you less aerodynamic. I just saw and honestly, Im a fucking scientist now.

BACK AT THE HOUSE

Lets all agree that Tee is low-key alcoholic. Shes constantly sipping from that big-ass cup and it seems like they have a good connection. Could that be her match?

Eddie is talking to Alicia about how he is poor and shes like “LOL not me, cant relate to you peasant.” Eddie, you need to get your ass over to Kam where you fucking belong. Know your fucking place. Do not fuck this up for me, Eddie.

Tyler is trying to break up with Shannon and it is a train fucking wreck. Hes like I need to do the right thing and leave you. He actually stole the whole speech from Gabriella in .

REAL PICTURE OF TYLER:

Shannon is like “I feel dumb.” And she should, because she just got played. I feel bad for Shannon. Her voice makes me want to take a waltz off a bridge, but I do feel things, kind of.

Tylers like I didnt realize girls have feelings and get mad when you treat them poorly. Thats like saying I didnt know when you light shit on fire, it gets hot.

Meanwhile, Tee is very much trying to date rape Osvaldo. Its creepy tbh. If a guy was doing that to a girl on this show I would be dialing 911 by now. Tee, knock it off, it’s super gross.

They go to the boom boom room and literally boom boom because they break something. Oswaldo, way to not hold your ground.

Kam is oiling Eddie up and being goofy. I needed this.

Shes like I know Alicia and Eddy have a good friendship, Im not getting territorial, because this is a game show. I LOVE YOU KAM, I AM STARTING YOUR FAN CLUB. Shes so rational. Everyone be like her please.

THE DATE

Oswaldo is like this date will take our relationship to the next level, even though it already has gone to the next level. *wink, wink* I remember when I lost my virginity. We get it, you had sex.

They go to the trapeze place and Oswaldo is like Hopefully I dont break my neck. Thats a pretty reasonable goal.

They all are like surprisingly good at this. Even Tee, whose blackness surprisingly does not hinder her capabilities. Its a miracle.

Oswaldo and Tee are like being lovey-dovey because they fucked that one time. Hes like shes not trying to rape me and I like this side of her. I too am a big fan of the people who dont try and sexually assault me. Weird.

THE TRUTH BOOTH

Ryan comes in hot and asks about the no matches, aka Gianna and Hayden, still hooking up.

Giannas like HOW IS THIS OUR FAULT??? Uh, youre a confirmed no match and youre hooking up. I feel like Im taking crazy pills. Leave the dumb shit to Rush Boobs, please god.

The house is like, “ugh we hate you, lets just get this shit over with.” Thats how I felt with pledges in my sorority.

Tyranny and Oswaldo go to the truth booth because duh.

OSWALDO: Im excited to learn if were a match and really connect on a deeper level. TEE: Im tryna fuck.

Im stressed because Tee will def die of alcohol poisoning tonight if this doesnt work out. And what do you know, NO MATCH.

Tee was like I was falling in love with him. Shes crying. Hes crying. This is depressing. Did I accidentally sit on the remote and turn on ?

Oswaldo starts boxing while Andre is talking him down and all the guys hug him. Wow, I love the bromance. What I love more is that eventually one of them will try and fight another. #Drama

After everything, Tyler and Shannon are still hanging out. Whats Tylers favorite thing about Shannon? She isnt Taylor. Hes got high standards, ya know? #FourFuckingBeams

Taylor is like youre fucked up. And hes like why, because Im having a conversation?

Ugh Taylor, this paaaaains me to say, because I usually automatically side with the hot girl, but hes low-key right. You need to chill out and move on. Hes not worth it, dude. Hes just not.

Andre asks Taylor wtf shes doing with Tyler and Im like YAS KEEP THIS UP.

Andre is like actually, we like each other, Taylor. And shes like wait, yeah we do. WTF is this Jedi mind control shit Andre has.

ANDRE: *swinging coin back and forth* you are getting very sleepy.. and youre going to fuck me TAYLOR: *eyes glazed* yes, master

He says that she should be a Victorias Secret Model and honestly she should marry him just for that. Like thats compliment of the goddam century.

THE MATCHUP CEREMONY

Its the boys pick tonight. Please note that last time they blacked out harder than Tee does on any given weeknight.

Little Mike gets the ball rollin the wrong way and picks Kam.

Mikes like following our heart doesnt work. Hes like we should venture off, and though thats noble, maaaaaaybe not at the match ceremony. Thats like Michael Phelps being like LOOK FREESTYLE JUST DOESNT WORK right before the 4×100 relay.

Ozzy picks Hannah.

Oswaldo is up next and hes like “I GOTTA DO ME.” He picks Taylor.

Ryan asks Taylor how she feels about Tyler and shes like whos Tyler? Andre and her give each other looks and Im like OKAY YES IM HERE FOR THIS SHIT.

Ryans like Andre, do you wish you were with her and hes like Im practicing my patience. Whatever the fuck that means.

Oswaldo is like standing next to her like, lol just fuck me, right?

Andre picks Casandra.

Eddy picks Alicia and is like this is my homie.

KAM: I AM NOT WORRIED. ARE YOU WORRIED, BECAUSE I AM NOT WORRIED!!! *twitches*

Joey picks Rush boobs.

Derrick picks Gianna. Weird.

Tylers up and fucking moseys up to the front. Goddam hes like a walking Shakespeare playtragically beautiful.

Hes like Ryan, let me speak and Ryans like I didnt even say anything, but ok.

Tyler goes off about how he was painted as the villain and how he is innocent and how all this Taylor shit is fake news and the failing lamestream media is spreading false rumors!!! Sad!

Ryan asks Tyler who he likes more, Shannon or Taylor and Tyler picks Shannon.

RYAN: Do you think Tyler is your match? SHANNON: IDK RYAN: Is Taylor his match? SHANNON: IDK RYAN: Is the world round? SHANNON: IDK

Tylers talking about his breakup with Taylor and is like it sucks because you cant delete people in the real world. This is the first thing that I agree with him on. Dont worry Tyler, Ive watched . Well get to that point someday.

Michael picks KARI. Is it Carrie or KAAAAAARI? I have been saying KAAAAARI. Please DM some confirmation.

Hayden is next. Hayden tells the group that him and Gianna are affecting the game and they are going to stop screwing everyone over.

Gianna is like “WTF. WHO TOLD HIM HE COULD SPEAK? WHO LET HIM OUT OF HIS CAGE?” He picks Carolina. Hehe.

Jaylen and Tee are last. Tee is really bummed about Oswaldo and Ryan is like, “bitch its week four.”

These couples are random AF but idk Im drunk and just here to shit talk. Dont give that much of a fuck.

No blackout, so thats good. They get four beams again. Cant wait to hear them talk about it incessantly.

Read more: http://betches.co/2kojpty

from ‘Are You The One?’ Recap: Hi My Name Is Tyranny And Im An Alcoholic

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'Are You The One?' Recap: Hi My Name Is Tyranny And Im An Alcoholic

Hello everyone. I would like to thank my loyal followers for questioning my whereabouts on Twitter. I was actually on vacation, because Im not poor. Sorry, but watching these morons was just not a fucking option. I was zen AF and I dont need Carolinas crocodile tears ruining it, k thx.

ANYWAYS, so onto the episode. It was kind of eh, Im going to be honest. If youre looking for another reason to be annoyed by Giannas existence though, then it def delivered.

AFTER THE MATCH CEREMONY

They are all pumped about getting four beams. In fact, if you took a shot for every time someone said four fucking beams youd need to get stomach pumped four fucking times.

Tyranny is like Ossssssssssssssssvaldo is my match. Honestly can we just cut the accent though? Hes from Chicago for gods sake, not Italy.

Oswaldo is not so sure. Hes like she could be my match! Or she isnt! Yeah, thats pretty much how life works, actually.

Also, can we acknowledge the giant-ass drink Tee has the whole time? That cup is actually my favorite cast member this season.

Carolina and Hayden start having a pillow fight because FOUR FUCKING BEAMS, AMIRIGHT?

Now Carolina is very suddenly into Hayden. Carolinas emotions give me whiplash. Betsy DeVos nomination was more certain than this bitch.

Gianna is like “OH NO. NOT TODAY. I DID NOT LEAVE THE SOUTHSIDE FOR THIS.” Shes like I’M GOING TO CONTINUE TO PURSUE THIS MAN WHO TREATS ME SO WELL. Even though they are a confirmed no match. Makes total sense.

So you unfriend-zoned him to cock block him? Seems v fair. So when you go to sleep, do you leave Haydens balls under your pillow or on your nightstand? Let me know.

*Starts Twitter Poll* Is Gianna hot? Yes or No?

Tyler apologizes to Taylor and is like “I have no excuse for being the ‘big bad wolf’ in this.” So youre eating peoples grandmas now? Very Hannibal Lecter-chic. Not sure Tyler understands that hes referencing a fairytale, but hes pretty so well overlook it.

Hes like these girls are all over me wah, life is hard.

TAYLOR: Im mad *looks at Tylers beautiful face* but Im not like, thatttt mad

Hes like Im not that guy, you know that! Shes like,

TYLER: I want to dump Shannon and date you

EVERYONE AT HOME:

Gianna goes to have a talk with Hayden, which she announces for everyone to know. Shes from the Midwest, okay? Shes not used to this whole having brains thing, cut her some slack!

GIANNA: HEY CAMERA GUY IM GOING TO HAVE A TALK WITH HAYDEN ALSO GIANNA: were very low-key shhhh

Little Mike is like this is bullshit, they are not a match, they need to stop and its like SAY IT LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK.

GIANNA: I dont want to stop you from doing something but stop fucking doing it. (Im not even making that up, thats an exact quote) HAYDEN: But I need to play the game GIANNA: Did I fucking stutter

So Hayden has relocated from friendzone island to being a little bitch island. Need a house warming gift, Hayden? Ill get you crowbar so you can pull your head out of your ass. Youre welcome.

Gianna and Hayden have sex, giving life to the newest Trump supporter Im sure. Carolina sees all of this and is like wtffffff. Shes like, totally in love with Hayden! Like, they spoke for a whole 10 minutes. Didnt that mean anything to him?

Andre is like “IF THEY FUCK THIS UP IM GOING TO BE PISSED” and Im like do it. Get mad. You wont. No balls.

Honestly, Gianna could probs take Andre in a fight. That girl should be a fuckin prison warden.

THE CHALLENGE

The challenge this week is for the dudes. The guys have to spin themselves and then go through an obstacle course. Then they have to shoot a basketball into the hoop of the girl they want to date. The person who shoots the third basketball in the hoop wins the date.

challenges sound like the hazing the gay frats do. Its all v weak.

The guys start the game and are falling all over the place. *plays Ed Sheeran*

Hayden is like, fuck it. Fuck this game. Idfc anymore, Im here for Gianna.

HAYDEN:I love Gianna

ME:

He decides to help Oswaldo win a date with Tee. See heres the thingI like Hayden, but I also think hes being very dumb. Its a hard spot for me rn. Really struggling.

Tee being proud of Oswaldo for winning is like Trump being proud of winning president. We all know he couldnt have won without Hayden/Russia.

Derrick and Joey are trying to win Rush Boobss date. Derrick wants to win because fuck Joey. Theyre shooting for legit five minutes. Seriously, Ive seen better shots from . When is the last time you played basketball? Third grade? Derricks like I played division I basketball! which sounds like an alternative fact to me.

Joey wins. So its Osvaldo/Tee and Joey/Rush Boobs.

Ryan tells them they are going to trapeze and Tee is like Im black, I shouldnt be in the air. How did you get to the Dominican Republic? Drive? Horseback? I didnt know your skin color made you less aerodynamic. I just saw and honestly, Im a fucking scientist now.

BACK AT THE HOUSE

Lets all agree that Tee is low-key alcoholic. Shes constantly sipping from that big-ass cup and it seems like they have a good connection. Could that be her match?

Eddie is talking to Alicia about how he is poor and shes like “LOL not me, cant relate to you peasant.” Eddie, you need to get your ass over to Kam where you fucking belong. Know your fucking place. Do not fuck this up for me, Eddie.

Tyler is trying to break up with Shannon and it is a train fucking wreck. Hes like I need to do the right thing and leave you. He actually stole the whole speech from Gabriella in .

REAL PICTURE OF TYLER:

Shannon is like “I feel dumb.” And she should, because she just got played. I feel bad for Shannon. Her voice makes me want to take a waltz off a bridge, but I do feel things, kind of.

Tylers like I didnt realize girls have feelings and get mad when you treat them poorly. Thats like saying I didnt know when you light shit on fire, it gets hot.

Meanwhile, Tee is very much trying to date rape Osvaldo. Its creepy tbh. If a guy was doing that to a girl on this show I would be dialing 911 by now. Tee, knock it off, it’s super gross.

They go to the boom boom room and literally boom boom because they break something. Oswaldo, way to not hold your ground.

Kam is oiling Eddie up and being goofy. I needed this.

Shes like I know Alicia and Eddy have a good friendship, Im not getting territorial, because this is a game show. I LOVE YOU KAM, I AM STARTING YOUR FAN CLUB. Shes so rational. Everyone be like her please.

THE DATE

Oswaldo is like this date will take our relationship to the next level, even though it already has gone to the next level. *wink, wink* I remember when I lost my virginity. We get it, you had sex.

They go to the trapeze place and Oswaldo is like Hopefully I dont break my neck. Thats a pretty reasonable goal.

They all are like surprisingly good at this. Even Tee, whose blackness surprisingly does not hinder her capabilities. Its a miracle.

Oswaldo and Tee are like being lovey-dovey because they fucked that one time. Hes like shes not trying to rape me and I like this side of her. I too am a big fan of the people who dont try and sexually assault me. Weird.

THE TRUTH BOOTH

Ryan comes in hot and asks about the no matches, aka Gianna and Hayden, still hooking up.

Giannas like HOW IS THIS OUR FAULT??? Uh, youre a confirmed no match and youre hooking up. I feel like Im taking crazy pills. Leave the dumb shit to Rush Boobs, please god.

The house is like, “ugh we hate you, lets just get this shit over with.” Thats how I felt with pledges in my sorority.

Tyranny and Oswaldo go to the truth booth because duh.

OSWALDO: Im excited to learn if were a match and really connect on a deeper level. TEE: Im tryna fuck.

Im stressed because Tee will def die of alcohol poisoning tonight if this doesnt work out. And what do you know, NO MATCH.

Tee was like I was falling in love with him. Shes crying. Hes crying. This is depressing. Did I accidentally sit on the remote and turn on ?

Oswaldo starts boxing while Andre is talking him down and all the guys hug him. Wow, I love the bromance. What I love more is that eventually one of them will try and fight another. #Drama

After everything, Tyler and Shannon are still hanging out. Whats Tylers favorite thing about Shannon? She isnt Taylor. Hes got high standards, ya know? #FourFuckingBeams

Taylor is like youre fucked up. And hes like why, because Im having a conversation?

Ugh Taylor, this paaaaains me to say, because I usually automatically side with the hot girl, but hes low-key right. You need to chill out and move on. Hes not worth it, dude. Hes just not.

Andre asks Taylor wtf shes doing with Tyler and Im like YAS KEEP THIS UP.

Andre is like actually, we like each other, Taylor. And shes like wait, yeah we do. WTF is this Jedi mind control shit Andre has.

ANDRE: *swinging coin back and forth* you are getting very sleepy.. and youre going to fuck me TAYLOR: *eyes glazed* yes, master

He says that she should be a Victorias Secret Model and honestly she should marry him just for that. Like thats compliment of the goddam century.

THE MATCHUP CEREMONY

Its the boys pick tonight. Please note that last time they blacked out harder than Tee does on any given weeknight.

Little Mike gets the ball rollin the wrong way and picks Kam.

Mikes like following our heart doesnt work. Hes like we should venture off, and though thats noble, maaaaaaybe not at the match ceremony. Thats like Michael Phelps being like LOOK FREESTYLE JUST DOESNT WORK right before the 4×100 relay.

Ozzy picks Hannah.

Oswaldo is up next and hes like “I GOTTA DO ME.” He picks Taylor.

Ryan asks Taylor how she feels about Tyler and shes like whos Tyler? Andre and her give each other looks and Im like OKAY YES IM HERE FOR THIS SHIT.

Ryans like Andre, do you wish you were with her and hes like Im practicing my patience. Whatever the fuck that means.

Oswaldo is like standing next to her like, lol just fuck me, right?

Andre picks Casandra.

Eddy picks Alicia and is like this is my homie.

KAM: I AM NOT WORRIED. ARE YOU WORRIED, BECAUSE I AM NOT WORRIED!!! *twitches*

Joey picks Rush boobs.

Derrick picks Gianna. Weird.

Tylers up and fucking moseys up to the front. Goddam hes like a walking Shakespeare playtragically beautiful.

Hes like Ryan, let me speak and Ryans like I didnt even say anything, but ok.

Tyler goes off about how he was painted as the villain and how he is innocent and how all this Taylor shit is fake news and the failing lamestream media is spreading false rumors!!! Sad!

Ryan asks Tyler who he likes more, Shannon or Taylor and Tyler picks Shannon.

RYAN: Do you think Tyler is your match? SHANNON: IDK RYAN: Is Taylor his match? SHANNON: IDK RYAN: Is the world round? SHANNON: IDK

Tylers talking about his breakup with Taylor and is like it sucks because you cant delete people in the real world. This is the first thing that I agree with him on. Dont worry Tyler, Ive watched . Well get to that point someday.

Michael picks KARI. Is it Carrie or KAAAAAARI? I have been saying KAAAAARI. Please DM some confirmation.

Hayden is next. Hayden tells the group that him and Gianna are affecting the game and they are going to stop screwing everyone over.

Gianna is like “WTF. WHO TOLD HIM HE COULD SPEAK? WHO LET HIM OUT OF HIS CAGE?” He picks Carolina. Hehe.

Jaylen and Tee are last. Tee is really bummed about Oswaldo and Ryan is like, “bitch its week four.”

These couples are random AF but idk Im drunk and just here to shit talk. Dont give that much of a fuck.

No blackout, so thats good. They get four beams again. Cant wait to hear them talk about it incessantly.

Read more: http://www.betches.com/are-you-the-one-season-5-episode-4-recap

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