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#every like. test ive taken online is always like yeahhh probably? but not super strongly right
charlieism · 2 years
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literally all i want is to go in for an autism diagnosis or something
#every like. test ive taken online is always like yeahhh probably? but not super strongly right#but i fundamentally am bad at filling in those kinda things bc idk what the threshold for answers like strongly agree agree etc is#and i dont always agree fully w one part of the question but i will strongly agree with half of it so like what then#and all the things abt social interactions like. i CAN meet people and i am good at it but thats bc ive LEARNED what makes ppl comfortable#its like putting on a little character. im still me im just acting more confident and extroverted bc that makes everyone happier. LEARNT IT#honestly tho like even if i went in and they like nah u just a bit weird. itd be good. bc then at least id know for sure yknow#i let go of this a while ago but i had a MASSIVE conversation w my sister yesterday abt all these fucking traits and things we've done our#whole lives some of them overlapping but just like. a lot of internal things. that we dont think are normal neurotypical behaviour. we got#v in depth abt it but most of that stuff isnt on the questionnaires obviously i guess lol. like idk if itd be autism or whay#but i stg its something and she swears on her life she thinks so too and wanted us diagnosed when we were younger but mum wouldnt hear it.#but at the same time like is it masking or am i actually just introverted and an actor. is me never looking ppl in the faces unless we're#alrdy friends which leads to completely not recognising ppl i should know neurodivergent or just me. is the way i remix words and say them#aloud to myself vocal stimming or just weird. my constant need to fidget w rings and hair? not that weird. my little routines while driving#like tapping my foot when we pass a driveway? who knows.#ID LIKE TO KNOWWWW i want some conclusive results lmao#jay rambles
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