#every time i try it feels like needles in my brain
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#i hate having adhd#i hate having anxiety#i have two final papers due today on subjects I find interesting and that I've been thinking about all semester#and i can't get started on actually writing them#every time i try it feels like needles in my brain#i'm so fucking tired of trying and trying to get through college and just self-destructing at every opportunity#i literally know exactly what i'm going to write and i nearly vomit every time i go to actually do the work#i hate it#fuck all this neurodiversity pride shit#i just want to not be a fuckup#its so fucking hard to try your best and still fail worse than anybody you know#i've been on and off medications and therapy for over a decade and it hasn't helped at all#i'd cry except i'm so burnt out i literally can't remember the last time i felt strong emotion#cbt doesn't help when you can rationally think your way through a feeling and splash cold water on your face#and then everything comes back five seconds later
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