#everythingisindutchnidontspeakit

[thebestoftimes]

If I understand correctly u have mi, and if you have something that might be similar to what sander might have, do you think this was realistic, I mean the way he acted before he ran out naked?

I was originally scared to answer this because i’m normally very closed off when it comes to talking about my mental health. But I also want to destroy the American stigma that it shouldn’t be talked about and that it’s something to be ashamed of so FUCK IT let’s talk about it.

LONG ASS POST BELOW

I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder when I was 16. I won’t get into my symptoms and my life with depression because that isn’t relevant to wtfock yet unless you count Sander’s sad ig post as a possibility of a depressive episode. When I was 19 the therapist I was seeing posed that maybe I had generalized anxiety. I didn’t buy it because I had never had a full-blown panic attack. I’m just an extremely high-strung person that is stressed 24-7 and tended to spiral quickly into worry. I didn’t think that constituted an anxiety disorder. Especially because I’m still very high functioning under stress. Me being anxious normally just triggered my depression rather than anything else. Not very exciting. I went to a psychiatrist to get my meds adjusted for like 4th time in my life because yet again, my anti-depressants stopped working after a six month period even with a dose change. This psychiatrist was brand new to me so I had to give a short spiel on my mental health history and symptoms. Immediately she said I was bipolar. I DID NOT BELIEVE HER. I still don’t kind of. But I’m starting to. I just want a second opinion from another doctor really. Here’s why she said I was bipolar and here’s why I was an idiot for thinking I didn’t have anxiety.

My thoughts go a hundred miles a minute. I get overwhelmed quickly by them and it makes it difficult to sleep 99% time. It also means I spiral VERY QUICKLY. Point A leads to point Z in 0.05 seconds and suddenly I’m stressed and then depressed.

I feel uncomfortable in my skin a lot. Leg bouncing 24/7. I started to pick at my skin so bad I have scars all over my back and shoulders from it. Blood underneath my fingernails. Blood on the straps of my prom dress because I couldn’t stop. Hugging myself so tightly I hope I collapse into myself. Stretching out my arms because I feel so off and strange in my own body. I’m too hot and I’m too cold and I toss and turn because I can’t get comfortable and I can’t get my thoughts to just shUT UP FOR ONCE. If there was a camera in my room you’d see me groan into my pillow a lot in frustration.

I’ve only ever had one real episode of mania, and it was actually hypomania (which sounds worse than mania but it’s not it’s actually more stable). And that was when I was put on a mood stabilizer after being told i was bipolar ii (non-cyclical, mostly depressive). Psych meds take about a month to properly enter into your bloodstream and for about two weeks I was... really interesting. I laughed at my own jokes for deadass ten minutes. I thought everything was funny. I talked a mile a minute and I already talk extremely quickly. The best way to describe it, according to what my mother witnessed, was that I was myself on steroids. My brain no longer filtered how quickly my thoughts moved to my mouth. She said you could actually see how fast my brain works because that’s how I was talking. I changed subjects very rapidly and was quite jumpy. I was also very agitated. And even more on edge than normal. I thought people would think I was just in an abnormally good mood because I have a rep for being very bubbly and animated but friends I wasn’t even that close with would be like Jess are you okay..? I’ve never experienced anything quite like that since then. 

So yes. Sander was extremely accurate. I was upset watching the clip because it was like watching myself. His giddiness and then his quick breathing and clawing at his back and he couldn’t sit still and he needed air but he needed to go back to sleep but he COULDN’T sleep and so he needed to get OUT and do SOMETHING. Yes, maybe food will help. Food and some water and fresh air. That will make him feel better. I didn’t see him leaving as a super manic episode and impulsiveness, I saw it as him desperately trying to make himself calm down. And that shit hurted. What really sucks is that a lot of us don’t have a Lucas or a Robbe. We have to talk ourselves down. Calm ourselves down. Plead with ourselves to try and get more sleep. Tell ourselves to slow down because we’re going too fast and people are thinking something is off. 

Idk if I have bipolar disorder. I was born “””gifted””” so my mind has always worked very strangely and quickly and I’ve always presented myself in public as very bubbly and animated and so I wouldn’t know what a hypomanic episode in me would even look like besides that one time (hypo-mania is different than regular mania! It’s probably what Sander was actually going through while a character like Even or Eliott was truly manic. Hypomania is a bit more toned down) esp because I’m not impulsive, have mood swings, and I’m not an impulsive spender. I do sometimes devote myself to things in totality for crazy amounts of time. Like spending a whole day on one thing and ignoring everything else or deciding I’ll do a whole project at 2am and not finish until 7 so maybe that’s hypomania? IDK I’ve always done shit like that! I know I have depression. I know i have some form of anxiety. I know that Sander and I were identical for a hot minute. So yeah. Pretty damn realistic.

If anyone wants to ask more questions or just talk then go ahead.

[shakshuka-grandpasweaters]

I like Mia and Alexander and think they're the best noorhelm and like them as a couple but also like that they split, it makes for a more realistic relationship and I love that they choose to do what they want themselves instead of giving up everything to be with each other, sometimes you have to split even though you still love each other. (still shitty to do it in Amira's season though)

Frist of all: Yes, absolutely shitty to do it in Amiras season and not necessary, at least not like this.

And secondly I am ambivalent about this break up. I do think it makes sense for them in the situation they were in and how they developed them. But then again I think Alex and Mia weren’t “toxic” at all, they were different. And I do think it’s not necessary for every different couple to split up. I think it’s also important to show that not every relationship is easy breezy and everything comes natural. Sometimes it’s “not easy” but you can still make it work. I think with alex and Mia the problem was that the relationship wasn’t the priority. And  I think that’s totally valid, that happens, especially after school when you start your life. But I also think it is totally okay to prioritize your relationship and work on it and put effort into it. They chose not to do that with them. 

So yeah, I think they could have gone the other way as well and it would have been realistic and valid as well.

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[itsallaskam]

everythingisindutchnidontspeakit Making a accurate representation of teenagers would not work if there wasn't any pressure to have sex or drink

Yeah, that’s not my point. I didn’t say it wasn’t accurate. I said it was a tired thing. I too was once a teenager. Though I definitely think you can do an accurate representation of teenagers without that pressure. just because that’s the most visible part of the spectrum doesn’t mean that’s all there is, it’s just formed the stereotype.