#exept with xxc

[dawnandstardust]

Xue Yang about being cared for and being known

Xue Yang is picky about the things he wants people to know about him. After the Chang clan massacre he isn’t trying to pretend to be innocent, he admits it pretty proudly, but if someone were to ask ’why did you kill them?’ I don’t think he would give an honest answer, probably just something along the lines of ’because it was funny’.

Afterwards in the Yi City I think there was something comfortable for him in the fact that both people he lived with were blind and didn’t know him, he had all the freedom to be whatever he wanted to be, and it’s interesting that when telling the story to Xiao Xingchen he decided to share something so vulnerable from his past when he coudl’ve just told a fictional story. There comes the deep yearning in all of us to *shudders* be known.

To Xue Yang it was probably funny that Xiao Xingchen cared for someone like him, and only after Xiao Xingchen and that care was gone did he realize that he genuenily was enjoying it, not just as a joke. Maybe for him it was also easier to imagine that Xiao Xingchen was giving this care to his namless friend and not Xue Yang specifically, and it would be interesting to see his reaction to recieving genuine care while someone knows exactly who he is. (Which I will be doing in my fanfic.)

When his identity is finally revealed he isn’t panicking, he’s unusually calm and reasonable, saying to Xiao Xingchen that he understands that the other is angry but that they can talk about it. Like where did that emotional maturity come from? (Probably from Xiao Xingchen himself.)

But then he shares the vulnerable story from his past and expects Xiao Xingchen to continue his kind behavior and to be finally heard and understood as himself, but of course Xiao Xingchen - who is also in a very emotional state and not in a place to have a conversation about someones childhood trauma - can’t condone a massacre no matter what trauma the other one has been through. That’s what sets Xue Yang off, he has shared the most painful memories of his life and is called disgusting in return. (Just to make it clear I don’t put any blame on Xiao Xingchen in this situation.)

Because there must be some sort of rule in his head about ’people don’t do things out of the goodness of their hearts, but because they get something from it’ and so he resorts to threats and manipulation. And Xiao Xingchen wasn’t a rule for Xue Yang, he was an exception.

And that’s also why I don’t think Xue Yang would be satisfied with a commandable fierce corpse Xiao Xingchen because that would be just Xue Yang caring for himself through someone and not the same Xiao Xingchen being kind to him.

[lightbluedevil]

Happy new year, have this rly quick coffee au sketch

Where Xy probably got fired for breaking the dress code, that or treating all customers terribly (exept xxc)