#fabric arts are not forgiving. and are extremely time consuming. just put it down. when you need to.

[moe-broey]

Wow, I'm really making steady progress on my Askr siblings plushies, more than I've made in god knows how long, I can finally kind of see how everything is gonna theoretically fall into place --

The Unauthorized Fucking Thing:

[sword-faerie]

dear faeries,

I think I see my life clearer now than I have ever been able to before but I want to explain why I think this is so that way I can use this as a little cheatsheet if things ever ever get bad for me again! here we go

health

this is the first year I've ever considered my physical health for this long in a proactive way and I think my biggest takeaways are that it's no one's business what I'm doing #1 and #2 movement & physical exercise helps me personally so much (dancing, walking, running) and #3 if you feel like you need a more rigorous diet/workout to get through something emotionally um pls just do it because you didn't know it before but the result of this for you? is actually abs ♡ lmao

my mental health dipped all the way down, shot way waaaaaay too far confusingly and egotistically up and is now finally settling in this kind of mid range or grey area I feel the most comfortable existing in lol

I think this mid realm is a good state because it keeps me in a space where I can be humble and empathetic to the ever evident displays of hardship or struggle but not to the extent where I neglect to ever shine my own light or get locked in time frozen in fear. Just healthy boundary setting in a nutshell.

I've learned to focus on the truthful, the joyful, and the meaningful. The blanket label "happiness" is not for me ♡ as an artist, a person with my past, and someone who feels super super deeply I think this is something I'm meant to accept and if anything it's made me "happier" in theory to accept the melancholic rhythms that my mind and body naturally exute.

Now my joyfullness when it comes is all real without fabrication and performance so the evidence is surely there. I think this was the right thing. it feels best to be a melancholically "happy" girl ♡

family

because I've been hurt so dreadfully by my family I wanted to survive without them and to reject them and label myself as "other" and "different" when the reality is they are who I've come from

I cannot acknowledge the desire to be different without acknowledging that I am the same (at least in origin) and that my dna HAS INFORMATION for me

but what's beautiful about today that was not there in the past is my forgiveness. my forgiveness and acceptance and willingness to see both the dark and light aspects of my family. I'm happy about this and happy that because of this I now have family I'm proud to claim.

purpose

the question of life this one..

in early conversations with my ex we would talk about why we thought we were put on this planet and he would always say just to "enjoy it" and I always thought that was the lamest most self serving wish but what if "enjoyment" isn't selfish. It's what people enjoy that can become selfish.

I know I was meant to create art and stand with the environmental earth. I know I was meant to love what i love in some fashion of my very own unique way.

I was not meant to be just coasting through or waiting for nothing indefinitely or even leaving well enough alone lol.

I was born with the ability to create positive change in the areas I care for if I just believe and I think I'm pretty on track right now if I just keep moving forward ✨️ It's okay if your purpose looks different from outside wandering eyes. I can feel it's bright light clear as day and that's what matters at the end of the day. I have vision!

learning

reading essentially an extreme spiritual-psych book SPECIFICALLY written for and by women ruined most other self help books for me and honestly a lot of books for me in general. it changed my life ♡ now I'm very discerning about the books and content that I consume, I stuck the library back deep into my routine which is awesome being able to read everyday whatever I want in a quiet peaceful place and I've been feeding on the romantic aspect of planning some/having dates there soon, very very very forever pro-library ♡

I think media for me should only be used for self expression, connection, and inspiration. I am challenging myself to trust more in the information that can be accumulated elsewhere and also through play and experience over mindlessly paying attention to and feeding online outlets, the internet is getting scary

relationships

I think the things I've always felt were true about me are still true today which is that I just do very well in solitude and I'm unpracticed on how to love well outside of that safe space and up to the level of expectation most people expect and prefer. my affections are often perceived as that of like a baby candle? nothing groundbreaking but still slightly warm lol nice for a while but could blow out at any time leaving many out in the cold

I in fact cannot bond well easily to everyone and the only thing I think that will continue to hold me back is choosing individuals who aren't gonna benefit from my very slow very unfeeding love style and whoever I am trying to force a bond while skipping ever truly being known, is just not gonna happen.

ALSO NO DUOS YOU WILL NOT IN YOUR CURRENT STATE OF BEING SURVIVE THE EXPECTATION OF TRYING TO BE IN A DUO. YOUR SPIRIT WILL DIE AND SO WILL THE FRIENDSHIP, AND IT'LL BE SAD FOR EVERYONE FOREVER.

i feel faith that my next relationships will actually be some matches made in heaven but without any of all the fantasy

and I think its because I've finally begun advocating for who I really am and what I really do and don't want and what I really can and can't do that maybe others can.

Being honest and upfront about that is gonna be a key and the louder and clearer I am about this, the faster I'll be able to attract my most desired and destined platonic opportunities ♡ pls just love you & stay true to you ♡

you won the relationship game by bagging your soulmate early but don't neglect the fun of this part settling into the comfort of having it so young

you're with the love of your life!! don't shy and scare away!!

you can now do all the beautiful things you've always wondered and dreamed about in love!!

enjoy him and enjoy eachother in this life, this is such a blessing I pray I never take for granted 🩷

focus

my focus is honestly pretty solid but some things to be mindful of is resting when I'm wounded or pained in any way because continuing anything while in harms way kills the ultimate longevity of my focus and will eventually 100% cause a crash out. also the phones nowadays are literally causing soul famine, blindness, and media disease so watch ya back with the tech shit it's getting absolutely heartless and scary out here.

creativity

it's safe to feel pride HERE.

I was born a creative but didn't understand what the power of that really meant because feeling pride as an artist is so embarrassing and pretentious in this lifetime but it's something that exists inarguably in me and it could be a gift to the world if I learn to use it to tell the right stories and convey the right colors

overall

even though your spark is tiny, it is mighty. a lot of inner change has already taken place you thought never ever would, keep listening to it and allowing yourself it's natural and residual fade and grow life cycle.

in you, however big or small..

there is a🕯light that never goes out ✨️

[gloamingdawn]

I don’t normally do big posts like this because I’m definitely the kind of person that would rather just reach out privately than dump an entire text post on a website but seeing as today is “World Kindness Day” in honor of Mr. Fred Rogers I’ve decided to deviate a little. As we slip into the Holiday Creep our online communities can start to feel a little more distant as important RL things are happening for folks and now seemed as good a time as any to give some public kudos. 

The bulk of this post is going to be me gushing over people I haven’t spent enough time gushing over lately, and it’s not meant as a personal slight if you read this and aren’t included -- my thoughts are really hole-y after a long couple of weeks at work and there’s a good chance I’ll do a couple more of these as we drift into the New Decade. 

@kharrisdawndancer​ You & I have been online (and RL) friends for a very long time now. One of my favorite memories from when I lived near enough to you to visit easily was sitting at your kitchen table, eating tiramisu that your husband put way too much booze in. I moved over to WrA with you, we’ve raided together, you were one of the first people I called after Rory had to be emergency admitted to the vet for his troubles, and you’re one of my constant pillars of support when I’m struggling with my place in the community. 

You do so much by hosting Cakes in game nearly weekly & trying your hardest to make it out to all the social events you can to support the other players and guilds who give their time to make sure other RPers have a space to hang out. You, your characters, writing & art are very special and I hope you keep creating in this space for a while to come. 

@turning-through-the-never​ What a year, huh? I can narrow that down even further to “What a month, huh?” as you, with Kharris, were driving forces in bringing people together for the October Writing Challenge. You’ve doubled down on this and started the Weekly Writing Challenge over at @weekly-writing-challenge​, adding to all the stuff you do to make the WoW RP & WoW Tumblr community a more creative and constant space to play in.

You do so much in game to not only make good events with the Tarts but you constantly advertise, attend, and sometimes perform at events for other guilds within WrA and MG and I know how time consuming that is -- especially with how incredibly busy you are in your personal life. You’ve done a very good job of keeping up with your stable of characters through all of this, something that never fails to impress me. I’m very happy I ran into you nearly five years ago when you were barking for a Tarts event -- my time on this server has been so much better for it. 

@darbiebot​ Your D&D game has made me lifelong friends and brought me closer with people who I was never able to find the time to hang out with even though we only lived 20 minutes from each other. It’s a major factor of joy in my life and I really do get a little sad when we can’t play as much as we want. I’ve been telling my own group that the next couple of months will be rocky -- that’s just how it is as adults with families around the holidays, but I’m looking forward to diving in feet first when we’re able to get back to playing again in the HOMEBREW STORY you made. It’s in all caps because I’m so proud that you’ve done this and I am extremely excited to do my best to ruin as many encounters as you’re willing to put in front of me (& maybe also thunderwave the rest of my party to death). 

@andijelly​ You’re at the helm of a huge, icon of a guild and I know how spooky that can be. You’ve had to navigate losing officers, gaining officers, dealing with the insanity that trying to plan and execute a good event can bring. You’ve got an amazing support net behind you, & the fact that they’re always so willing to help you out speaks volumes to your character and theirs. 

Thank you for putting up with me pestering you about things with grace. As a former major officer for a big, military style RP guild and an event planner in real life I often have Suggestions or Observations and you kindly listen to me every time I dump them in your lap. You’re going to rock that hat you’re making, just take it one stitch at a time and remember -- you can always rip back and fix your mistakes! Yarn is the most forgiving material.

@lylianwyatte​ We’ve not known each other very long but your excitement around RP and your willingness to reach out to literally anyone to start a thread or get them involved at whatever event is going on is refreshing. You’re such a bright and light personality that you’re a boon to any community space whether that’s a guild or in a discord. I’m happy the Owl found you, and that you engaged with me & some of my other spaces through them. 

@belillinafireseeker​ You are SO NICE. All the time. It might be the curse of being close enough to Canada that it’s just seeped into you from across the border, but it’s the trait of yours I immediately mention when new folks are asking about the who’s-who around the server. You’re another one of the major drivers of events on the server, and you’ve somehow managed to bridge yourself across two high-performance, high-event guilds and I am constantly impressed that you’re able to keep that up. 

@theconstructsworld​ You didn’t think you’d be able to write as much for the October Writing Challenge, but you really stuck to it and made sure to get something out on a daily basis. Life’s kept you away from the game for a while, but your posts really do pick up my day sometimes. I hope you’re able to come back soon, but in the meantime there’s always this terrible website & discord. Please keep writing as much as you’re able! 

@seraphai​ My crafty buddy <3. Your quilting is so impressive to me, it’s one of the fabric witchery crafts that I’ve yet to dive into and it makes my history loving heart so happy to see the blocks you’ve put together. It’s one of the handmade disciplines I really worry will die out over the next decade (maybe that’s a good resolution for me, huh? Just start). On the in-game, in-RP side of things our characters just sort of clicked and then we just sort of clicked. Chatting with you about our stories or what’s going on is a highlight of my day whenever we manage to find the time. I hope you’re able to get some good R&R over your upcoming holiday break, you’ve earned it in spades!

Alright, my brain is mush. I’m going to sign this off here and come up with more gratitude over the next few weeks so I can be mushy about more folks in my sphere in another (probably way too long) post. 

[paradiseisfound-blog1]

Imagine this: Landing in a town. Walking through the streets, unthinkingly seeking the strange, glad to be alone and to feel the sterile, yet authentic air against your face. The streets are crowded; people push against you as they pass, staring from doorways and windows, making comments openly to each other in a different language, and sometimes cease to walk merely in order to watch you. A whirlwind of questions attack your senses: How friendly are they? What do they think of me? Would one of them help me if I asked? Their faces are masks. They all look older than Jesus. What little energy you have is only a mass desire to get a bite to eat, but since no one of them stops eating, you don’t know. Most of the body types are heavy and unhealthy. Consumer restaurants haunt every well-lit corner like hotdog stands at a carnival. Being well fed and healthy seems like a rare condition in these parts. A sluggishly obese man passes gas sending his children into a hyena laughing frenzy. But these people don’t seem to be suffering at all. In fact, they seem to undergo the same amount of emotion as you. That last idea is untrue. It’s not always easy to support the stares of hungry people. Surely, not hungry for the mechanics of sustenance, but hungry in the sense of yearning, to get somewhere or something. Thinking this way can put somebody on the streets. It is as if they didn’t exist, but you do, sympathetically drowning in confusion. Both suppositions are possible. This iconic purgatory turns us upside and rattles the change from our pockets, stuffing sodium into the cracks and crevices they think they’ve missed.

 But you shouldn’t get hung up on the wal-mart experience you had…

 Because we are here to talk about Tokyo.

 Tokyo is like turning your xbox on and the world responds. It’s taking times square and moving it forward one hundred years, dropping historical significance in the unlit rifts. Tokyo is a crazy, frenetic, and astonishing city. It’s known for its trendy nightlife district, karaoke, and the pearl of our splendor, amazing food. There is something about a fast-paced modern city that still embraces its traditional roots. Through the looking glass, it’s chaos, however, when you’re in the thick of it, it’s organized. The crowds are orderly, the infrastructure is well thought-out, and the inconspicuous details blow your mind. Similar to Norway, and like most bigger cities, Tokyo is awfully expensive. If you’re smart, you can navigate the city on a budget, still be prepared to make some sacrifices. Most dorm beds in hostels cost between 2,000-5,000 JPY (roughly 18-45 USD) per night. The Japanese pride themselves on their cleanliness. Also, WiFi is standard in almost every living situation. If hostels aren’t on your list of desirable sleeping arrangements, take a gander at Airbnb. We found great deals at really affordable prices. Beware Introverts! In our experience, Japanese people are extremely jovial and helpful. It’s an integral part of their peaceful culture. They may seem overeager, but do not take this assistance as a disruption or an intrusion. They’re just ensuring an enjoyable experience in a country they’re proud of. In one instance, we were in between a rock and a closing cement wall. A man recognized our discouragement and offered his help with a traditional eastern head bow and a western handshake. He asked us to follow him and followed him we did. He guided the train station, traversing us through the assorted chaos like a magical bellwether. He navigated the ticket machine like a technology wizard and we were just two confused sheep trying to keep up with the bell. In most countries, a tip would have been expected in return for his good deed. But not this man. We parted ways with a traditional head bow and a western handshake.

Food in Japan is a shock to the tastebuds and an explorative insight into Japanese art. The subtle nuances considered in the creation of each dish is phenomenal. Main japanese dishes to pay attention to are: sushi, ramen, unagi, tempura, kaiseki, soba, and yakitori. Unique and beguiling, Japan is a country of extremes. It straddles both the traditional and the ultra-modern, and hosts alongside natural landscapes serving the most locally recognizable dishes. Its food is notoriously nutritious, with a diet based around fresh, seasonal products. Moreover, if sight-seeing throws a kink in your step, you have many great, often cheap, options to cram into your already outrageously hectic schedule.

A word of advice to travelers planning on the go: learn how to appropriately plan on the go! A relationship is truly tested on the constraints from which a loosely planned trip is based; murder almost ensued between us. Fortunately, we love each other too much to dispose of a body in a foreign country. I digress. Kyoto was our saving grace. We reconnected with sanity. Kyoto has a magnificent landscape surrounded by mountains; it has countless zen gardens, temples, and statues, as well as endless food options. Wandering around Kyoto, popping into temples and seeing a wide array of gardens, is only a small part of what the city gathers. Through an untrained eye, the art appears mundane, but the masks, capes, and seemingly occult-like qualities open a world of historic significance. A hostel in Kyoto will cost between 2,000-4,000 JPY per night, but, again, Airbnb is another feasible option. Beyond the japanese temples, there’s a vibrant nightlife and restaurant scene. The citizens welcome you into their residential life and send you off with warm regards. We thoroughly enjoyed our experience in Kyoto.

Hiroshima. What can I say about the city that hasn’t been said already? Arriving in Hiroshima was a pleasant experience. Everything was organized and the foul odor of its tainted past seemed to be tucked under new foundation. But the odor tended to linger the closer you got to the Atomic Bomb Dome. The remains of the atomic bomb dropped on the city, on the 6th of August 1945, left a permanent imprint, as one could imagine. The museum shined a light on a day I couldn’t even fathomed envisioning. Entering the main area was sobering. At the moment the atomic bomb flashed six hundred meters above the city: nurses, tailors, surgical staff, ex-pat german christians, among thousands of other people were killed by the blast. As I stared at the pictures, I could hear the crying family members and smell the burning skin barely hanging on to their frail bones like dripping wax paper. I envisioned the seven deltaic rivers turning black and radioactive. It was reported that the center of the bomb blast reached billions of degrees celsius. I could see the family members longing and wondering why they lived when so many others died; Why a three year old boy was wiped off of his tricycle like a fading shadow; or why God brought families to count small items of chance and volition, pondering how a human being could bring another to the point of execution within seconds. I could see people so dehydrated they drank the black radioactive waste flooding through the rivers. Some wiped tears from their cheeks, others wiped charred skin. I could hear the uncomfortably detailed accounts of mass raids in Kure, Iwakuni, Tokuyama, and other nearby towns; the frequency of people disappearing and the families jittery with angst. The sheer science of the long-term effects was unbelievable in itself. The still morning, cool and pleasant, that changed the world. I had a distinct recollection of crying over lost pets and heart breaks, but this--this was beyond my wildest dreams. It was a vision that dripped off the spoon and created a picture in the milk below. I saw it manifesting before my eyes. The tears began to well up and the terror left me stranded in self-loathing. Not self-loathing in the sense that I hate myself, but the fact that I was on the side of the pond that inflicted this heinous so-called “retributional” act killing thousands and, eventually, killing thousands more. But don’t let the depressing details get you down. Hiroshima has overcome; it’s a city of peace and forgiveness. It’s a moving lesson in humanity: to forgive and never forget, to take the lessons from the past and build on them. Hiroshima is a staple on the island of Japan. Food, culture, and social appreciation run rampant in the streets; it exudes pride and discards prejudice. We felt welcomed and the only attack was on our digestive system. We would put Hiroshima’s ramen up to any similar dish in Japan. In all, Hiroshima isn’t a city that should be identified by it’s past, but by its eccentricities. It was the zenith of our Japan trip and showed us each city has its own personality. So, the only tremendous explosions you’ll hear nowadays is in result of fried meats in the kitchen.

Unfortunately, we didn’t spend much time in Osaka. The city was enormous. We only had one day to plan for Thailand. Reiterating my point, make sure you effectively plan on the go! You don’t want any buried relationships or butchered bod--plans. Osaka is, supposedly, known for its food. It has been scientifically proven: happiness is acquired through the consumption of sushi in Osaka. I would provide a source, but in the instance you find this is fabricated, you will coin me as “fake news” and throw rocks at my car. Japan is a country with immense personality and undeniable character. If you decide to take a whack at that side of Asia, keep us in mind for advice. We have dabbled with the best of em’.