#fallingoutofatree

[isaysorryverysoftly]

I just wanna explain my extremely personal relationship to the feeling of falling out of a tree because it will be a major theme in some of my literary work, just because oh my gosh i just cant stop wanting to say the sentence 'why don't we go hang out and fall out of some trees'

As i child, perhaps 9 I fell out of a tree that was probably like idk, three metres high, maybe four. At the time i said it was 7. Idk, it was certainly higher than i ever climbed before. I got that like ‘passing beyond reality’ feeling, like, i am so high i could just abandon my life and stay up here forever because they just, i’m just not in this world anymore. Anyway, I fell out of the tree and landed into a rocky outcrop, like this kind of low garden fence made out of spikey pieces of shale to denote the path from the garden section. I landed on my back upon this wall. It just felt kind of funny and good. I think i hit my head as well. There was no pain, there was no bruise at all, it felt actually really really fun. And not just the falling to. The idea that my body was this immortal thing, to feel hard things hit me and laugh at it, it felt playful, like i was play fighting with gravity. The fact i was able to laugh it off when my friends grandma came up seriously concerned that i had like died or worse, gotten expelled from walking (I dont actually think that not being able to walk is worse than dying but i wanted to make a harry potter reference here). The idea that danger could be funny was better than the absence of danger, immortality wasn’t a tool for protection, it was a tool for play, it was a tool for playful little gestures, from this feeling that the floor/ground was connected to the branches in no order. That i didn’t have to climb down the tree to get there, that i could change my mind at any time. That god would let me change my mind, and as a joke i could say ‘bye guys’ and fall off, and there would be this weird threat that i might get hurt, but i just wouldn’t. 

SO yeah what I took from this was not the fact god protects me, but that he enables certain experiences to even exist. Like I am probably the only girl in the world who can think of falling out of trees as fun, but I do all the time, and i want to, I find it so empowering, its like a core of my personality, its like something no one can take away from me. I want to do dumb shit and fall over and get covered in dirt and have none of it amount to stopping me. I want trees to snap and then laugh about it. I want to fall out of the third story building and die and get revived. I want to laugh at mortality, i want to laugh at danger, i want to laugh at precaution, at safety regulations, at fear. I want to take it seriously too, but not so seriously that i cannot laugh at it. I want to go back and forth between the two in a dance of faith and love. Danger and laughing at it. Its good. I can never now, in my mind not fathom how whimsical and fun it felt to be protected by the holy spirit in that context. I will use this experience forever to generate endless more, and this lack of fear just makes me better at loving. I am always the first one to come up with dumb dangerous ideas and everyone loves them, everyone laughs at the absurd bravery, but its a bravery made by real love, a real feeling love from the angels who saved me in that situation, or whatever inner holy love god power thing did, whatever. It’s all real, i don't say dumb stuff out of pessimism, ever. I don’t say ‘what if you just did a backflip right now’, because i want someone to get hurt. No, I say it out of maniacal love, because i want my friends to do anything that would be cool or crazy or funny because god is real, and everything is possible, and everything is good. The only limit is when i get bored of doing dumb backflips which is actually pretty quick, like i could probably watch like three backflips tops until i get bored, 6 if they were a part of some kind of joke, and the joke was constantly evolving. Like idk, if someone was doing like an impression of someone but then they just started adding backflips at really weird times during the impression. Idk…

So yeah in conclusion, experience a miracle, i think, but it doesn’t even matter, i feel like a godly lesson was imparted on me, the following: It’s not just that i am protected by miracles, it’s that my experience can be extended by miracles, that i could laugh and joke on the side of hope, on the side that we could jump out of the window and be fine, that we could smile happily and confidently at the prospect that we would be saved at doing that. That it wouldn’t have to be an ironic imagination, filled with dark humour. That it would feel like we really could do that miracle, and it would just be funny and whimsical and awesome, and that would be the purpose of it needing to happen, because we deserve to be happy, and laugh and shine and be thankful for our ability to do such. It is a slapstick comedy that relies on god necessarily, that can't be interpreted as some kind of laughter at the pain of others, it is a divine slap-stick comedy, that relies on the wonderful mystery of our lord and this world that was made, the person getting hurt is the one to be in awe at, for they we’re brave enough to fall in this world and actually ask to be helped, to ask to work with god, in this wonderfully silly moment, to say: ‘hey god, i know what the possible is, and that would be funny and ok for now, but i really want my friends to have their minds like, actually blown, i want them to be delightfully exposed from beyond their comfort zone in a really hilarious way, and plus anyway, i just think it would be great to have more ways to extend my joke making practice, and I think all the jokes i made about dying by falling out of a tree would be better replaced by the possibility that i could fall out and still live, and then i could make jokes about that, about miraculously not dying by falling out of tree.’ I mean ofcourse, children always make jokes about miracles. ‘And then there was an awesome explosion, but i survived’ ‘You can’t survive an explosion’ ‘ yes i can… i will teleport’. But i think this miracle made my expression of this childish(positive connotation) penchant kinda more theological, a bit. Anyway yeah, concluding point: gonna be a pass on Schadenfreude, jokes about being miraculously saved and actually believing in the miracle in those jokes are wayyyyyyyy funnnnnnnnier.

Thanks for listening