#fantasy au is so fun to chew on... everyone gets to say Fuck and threaten genuine violence...

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

yeehaw just wrote over 3k and i can't publish Any of it without miles of fantasy au context

[c4t1l1n4]

Useless Gays

Based off @em-be-lievable‘s fantasy AU comic

Fluff basically

Implied Romantic LAMP

A little less than 2000 words

TW: I don’t think so but please let me know if I missed something. 

Seriously, go check out the comic, It’s super cool and well done. I took some liberties with this, but I got permission before hand to base my writing off it. 

Also, I don’t write much but tell me if you ever wanna be tagged in stuff.

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Logan didn’t often go on Roman’s quests. It wasn’t that he despised them, he was naturally curious and loved discovering new things, but the Imagination often messed with his head. In fact, Roman normally went alone. Patton joined him sometimes, but only if there were no life threatening activities involved. Besides, Roman prided himself on beating his creations alone. Not unlike Logan, the knight in shinning armor didn’t like asking for help. I suppose that’s why the other two sides were so surprised when he did.

Roman had come home from another long day of adventuring, sulked down from his room and sighed dramatically, before sitting at the dinning room table. Logan looked up from his book, exchanging a look with Patton who was in the kitchen baking as Roman rest his head on the table and sighed once more, this time more dejectedly than the last.

“You alright, honey?” Patton had asked, turning off the oven timer, so it didn’t interrupt their conversation, and joining Roman at the table, who didn’t look up.

“I can’t do anything,” came Roman’s muffled response. Patton frowned worriedly and Logan ditched his book on the couch to join the pair in the dinning room, his voice cutting through the open air.

“And why is that?” He questioned, settling himself in the other empty chair.

“This dumb Dragon Witch!” Roman cried, finally lifting his head to look at the others. ”I created it so I could actually have a challenge and it’s all fun and games, but I can’t seem to beat it no matter how many times we fight.” A moment of silence passed, neither knowing what to say to comfort their boyfriend. “And I was thinking…” Roman sighed, obviously unhappy. “that maybe you guys could help…”

Patton cringed internally as Roman dropped his gaze. Roman really must be struggling if he resorted to asking for help. They all knew that Roman prided himself on being the protector, and if this was affecting him so much, his self-esteem could plummet. And if Roman’s self-esteem tanked, it could only mean the same for Thomas.

“Are you sure you want our help?” Logan chose his words very carefully. “We’d be more than willing, but maybe you should just give it a rest and come back to it when you’re at full strength in a few days.”

Patton nodded in agreement but Roman just shook his head. “I’ve tried that. I’ve tried a whole bunch of things, but I can never catch it off-guard. I figure maybe one of you guys could offer a distraction or find a way to revert it to a less harmful state.”

“If that’s what you want, I’ll do my best.” Patton smiled reassuringly, reaching out to squeeze Roman’s hand.

“I’m not sure how much help I can be, fantasy is not my jam, but I’m not one to turn down a challenge.” Logan stated.

“Really?” Roman stared at them bashfully as they nodded in confirmation. Immediately, his composure did a 180 and he leapt to his feet, pressing a kiss to the top of each of their heads, a huge grin across his face. “This is great because I have a lot of ideas about how to do it and there’s this spell book I found, Logan, and I know you can read a lot of different languages so I figured that you could maybe…” Roman continued to babble on as he took Logan by the hand and drug him upstairs to his room. Logan simply sighed to himself, and wondered if he might regret this.

Patton giggled, happy to see Roman back to his normal self, and turned back to the oven where the cookies had inevitably been burnt to a crisp.

A short time later, the three headed out the door to the imagination, sword, spell book and cookies in hand. The door swung shut behind them and magic swirled around the adventurers. Roman’s outfit didn’t really change, but it looked cleaner and more glamorous than it had before. Patton twirled around as the magic changed what he was wearing into a more durable, but still quite comfortable sweater. He seemed to fit right in with the theme that the whole Imagination had going on. Logan shivered quite unexpectedly as the magic traveled around his body, changing his clothes into one of a sorcerer, which Roman deemed quite fitting since he was the one who was holding the spell book. Logan just rolled his eyes and pulled uncomfortably at the space where his tie had been. Well, at least he had kept his glasses.

The trio made their way through a cheery forest and passed through a quaint, little town talking amongst themselves to pass the time. Their pleasant chatter fell to silence as they came to the dark cave where the Dragon Witch lay. Logan steeled himself as Roman called out to it in a boisterous voice.

“I’m back, you cowardly fiend!” He exclaimed dramatically, drawing his sword.

A deep rumbling came forth from the cave and Logan flipped open the spell book, almost dropping it as a reply echoed back. “And you’ve brought company? Friends… Something closer. As an offering, no doubt.”

Roman stiffened in rage. “I’ll die before I give up to you.” He challenged, earning a laugh from the depths of the cave.

“And I’ll praise the day that it happens.” Finally something emerged, Patton taking a subconscious step back out of fear as the Dragon Witch step out from the shadows of the cave. It was black, with purple accents running across it’s body. “Oh,” The Dragon stopped as it spotted Logan. “A magican. You’ve found one. Cute.” It’s voice drawled. “And,” It’s gaze flickered over to Patton. “Whatever he’s supposed to be.”

Roman gripped his sword tighter in defense of his loved one, about to attack, when Logan sighed, cutting him off.

“Enough with the theatrics.” Logan grumbled. This place was already messing with his head. He glanced down at the spell book and spoke in a language none of them had heard before, pointing his finger at the Dragon Witch. A stream of blue light pierced the monster, surrounding them with smoke and Logan snapped the spell book shut. “There. Now he should be more easy to deal with. I’m gong back to the Mindscape to fend off this migraine but you can…”

Logan trailed off as the smoke cleared, revealing the dragon witch who, might I say, didn’t turn out as expected. He still looked ferocious, horns sprouting from his head and small dragon wings on his back, but in a different way. His hair was purple and the clothes he wore were some sort of black, leather-like material, but all Logan could think was ‘Oh no, he’s hot.’ Being in the Imagination must be affecting Logan more than he thought.

Patton let out something resembling a whine, burying his face in Roman’s shoulder and the prince let his sword drop from it’s fighting position.

“Tell me I’m not the only one.” Patton’s muffled voice asked.

“We might have to make room for one more.” Logan agreed.

“No, are kidding! I mean, yeah, he’s hot, but he’s the dragon witch.” Roman exclaimed.

“I know, but you said it yourself, he’s hot!”

“We’re still not gonna kill him, right?”

“Fuck.” All attention turned to the Dragon Witch who now seemed more flustered than upset. “I’m way too much of a useless gay for this.” He groaned, running a hand his hair, turning and walking back towards his cave.

“Wait!” Patton called after him.

“Nope! I’m just gonna go bury myself in my pile of gold and pretend that’s enough to satisfy me.” The man called back, disappearing out of sight into the darkness.

“We have to go after him.” Patton insisted, glancing at his other two partners.

“I don’t know, babe, shouldn’t we just leave him be.” Roman tried, looking to Logan for support.

“Normally, I’d agree with you, but I think I might be a new found believer in love at first sight.” Logan mused.

Roman groaned. “The Imagination really is messing with your head.”

“We can’t just leave him there. And the spell permanently prevents him from turning into a threat ever again.” Logan reasoned and Roman sighed. He’d go through with it because he wouldn’t hear the end of it if they didn’t. Besides, maybe Logan had a point.

“Ok, fine, but if he relapses and reeks havoc all over the Mind Palace, it’s not my fault.” Roman grumbled. He turned to grab Patton’s hand, only to find that Patton wasn’t there. “Patton?”

They looked around frantically before spotting Patton at the entrance of the cave. “Patton!” Logan called, eyes wide with fear as he wandered inside.

“Patton!!” Roman echoed Logan’s cry, the pair of them racing towards the cave after the third part of their trio. Roman drew his sword, swearing to kill the Dragon Witch, no matter how hot he was, if he hurt a single hair on Patton’s head. The pair burst into the cave only to find the Dragon Witch sitting on top of his pile of gold with Patton in his lap. The Dragon Witch had one arm wrapped around Patton and was using his other hand to eat the very burnt cookies Patton had been carrying. Patton giggled and waved cheerily to his boyfriends, both of which who looked on with surprise. Logan sighed a breath of relief and they both began walking up the the pile where they sat. The Dragon Witch stopped chewing, and narrowed his eyes at the others approach. He growled and they began to glow a dangerous golden color, causing the others to stop in their tracks. Everyone was tense for a moment before Patton ran a hand through the Dragon Witch’s hair, and the golden glow faded some.

“Right,” The Dragon Witch seemed embarrassed, his eyes returning to their normal purple color. “Sorry. That happens sometimes. I tend to get overprotective. But he’s yours not mine, so uhhh.. yeah. Right. Go ahead and take him and l’ll uh, I’ll leave you alone.” His cheeks flushed pink as he took another bite of the cookie and avoided eye contact.

“Can we keep him?” Patton asked excitedly, throwing his arm around the Dragon Witch’s shoulders and squeezing him tight.

“Nah, you go on ahead,” The Dragon Witch spoke up before anyone else could, nudging Patton little bit. “Roman doesn’t want me around anyway.”

Roman smiled bashfully, sweating his sword. “I’m sure we could work something out.”

“What’s your name?” Logan asked, making eye contact with the Dragon Witch.

“Virgil.”

Yeah, Roman could definitely work with that.

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Random tags bc this is like every ship: @tinysidestrashcaptain @randomslasher @notveryglittery @volumes2lo-gan @not-so-innocent-bi-sander