#faux-christmas sweaters are my jam

[sieldraws]

Happy Holidays @glorthelions! I hope you’re having a great time & the year 2020 treats you well.

Bless, Sanni / sielustaja

[seenashwrite]

Nash Watches & Rates Cheesy Hallmark & Lifetime Winter Movies So You Don’t Have To

(a.k.a. -  Nash Records Her Viewings Of Hallmark & Lifetime Winter Movies, which are fanfic in visual form & are gold. And yes, it’s a apparently a legit sub-genre. Best I can tell, if it’s not Christmas or Valentines, and there’s snow, then it goes. Spoilers abound.)

ETA: This adventure is now moving to @seenashblog, so my SPN peeps can rest assured they’ll not be exposed to this any longer - I have a feeling I’ll not be done purging my soul for awhile yet #bless my heart

As per last time during the Christmas round-ups, 4 and 5 stars mean the best of the lot, 3 stars means it’s not necessarily a waste of your time, 2 stars is up to your discretion, and 1 star means it is time you will never get back.

Here we go.

Winter Castle (people you've never heard of - Hallmark)

Holy shit, cliché on parade and nobody can act?! Jack-friggin'-pot. Zero chemistry amongst anyone, from family to friendship to romance?! Hot damn.

So they're all at this place for a destination wedding (a.k.a, Selfish And Life-Disrupting And Huge Expense For Guests Thing And Oh Here’s Our Registry Too, come at me brah), and everyone is staying in a hotel. HA! KIDDING! They're all in this giant faux igloo, and by "faux" I mean there are these church-esque doors in what is, I guess, a specially-flown-in iceberg on land. Google tells me it’s an actual place. 

Anyway, through the doors you'll find hallways (that have people carved into them, not creepy at all) which are lined with rooms. Suites? I never saw a bathroom door, doesn't damn matter, nobody poos in Hallmark's world. Oh, also, for lighting, we have Target pillar candles, then everything's backlit in '80s neon:

Are they shitting me?

But that's beside the point. Point is, it may be pretty to look at but in execution, it's stupid. No way people haven’t had to peace out and find a new joint to stay in because of near or actual hypothermia. Based on the warm, cozy, wood-floored, windowed, staircase-and-balcony-having rehearsal dinner area in a large building with stone wall exterior, this hotel actually has some, y'know, hotel to it. Lodge? Who cares, but I bring it up because of the standard precocious child who is there to bring everybody together whilst turning into a popsicle.

The poor kid is bundled within an inch of her life, dumb bunny-eared toboggan to puffy jacket, and is burrito'd in a sleeping bag, with a quilt on this bed that looks to be carved out of ice, as well, and I say "as well" because our leading lady is shown frequently perched on what looks to be a chair carved out of ice (fur puffy thing for ass protection) with her laptop on a table carved out of ice when she's face-timing her Not Gay Male Best Friend in a bow-tie and sweater vest back home, and - bonus! - he doubles as The One Person Of Color. Now, if memory serves, legit igloos made by actual First Nation(s) folks (meaning both Canadian and American - specifically, Alaskan - and probs any groups that found themselves in the way-way-North in the way-back-when and had to come up with this genius or, you know, die) are actually pretty damn warm once the fire gets cranking. Not to say you don't keep some fierce socks and gloves on, that's plain smart, but enclosed space with heat is enclosed space with heat - just don't lick the walls. That's good advice, igloo or otherwise. 

On that topic, via the article linked above, says one of the actresses:

"It's like an igloo," Mullen told the Standard. "The further you go into the hotel, it gets colder and colder. As you walk down the hallway into the different rooms, it's just getting into your bones." She said every time they called "Cut!," everyone would put on jackets to warm up. 

She’s incorrect - that’s not like an igloo. It’s too big, that’s why it doesn’t stay warm. I have *zero* desire to go to this place. That sounds like Dante’s Frosty The Snowman circle of hell. I digress.

I say all that to say, this movie is straight dumb because the script is basic bitch, they were leaning on the location and hard. It gets a star because they tried in the sense that they did use a unique setting, but the rest was neglected (the story and the casting). Everything else was so blaaaaaand, and the acting was so stilted and unnatural, and they cast the mother with someone who looks the exact same age as the lead gal/her sister (the bride), and then there’s this one chick character who was so pathetically desperate, and the leading man was such a pussy who wouldn't make a fucking decision, and they had our leading lady be all *sniffle* and tolerating that shit AND SHE JUST MET HIM BY THE WAY, and I just.... ugh.

1/5 stars

.

Royal Matchmaker (Bethany Joy Lenz - Hallmark)

This isn't an "official" Winter '19 jam, google tells me it's from the '18 spring movies, but everybody's bundled up, so I'm calling bullshit. It ain't half-bad, despite the fact that it's a “royal” one, who’d-a-thunk? There was one over Christmas that got a 4 (see link up top), and I never would’ve predicted it. But that was an oldie-goldie, this is now. This one has the traditional royal romance beats and, no shit, the sidekick is the same one from another "royal", the absolutely horrid "Christmas At The Palace”, from Christmas ‘18. I cannot reiterate how bad that movie was - not "My Christmas Love" bad, but bad.

All right, so - she’s a matchmaker from NYC, which is at least a new take on what's coming next - and you guessed it, a prince HAS to get married or some reason, even though it's mentioned they are under a Parliamentary system and not a monarchy, but he still has to because it's the 17th century, oh wait no it’s not. The king, who is from a random made-up locale (*sigh*) has hired her (and said partner) to find a suitable wife for his son, who’s presented as the typical eligible rich bachelor, and “presented as” is the key phrase. It’s one of the things I like about this plot, but it doesn't outweigh the bleeeccchhh.

For one, it wears me out, the making-up of countries. It’s distracting. If you’re gonna do royalty, the right move is to have the royal not be a king/prince but make it a duke/duchess jam, refer to the locale vaguely as a duchy in England or Ireland or Scotland or Sweden or Norway or whatever Americans will fall for, 'cause as a rule, Americans aren't typically hip to other countries' jams. Hell, say someone is a prince/princess, but it’s more in inherited title only - that’s what the 4 from the Christmas list did right. Nobody called him “Prince Whatever”, he wasn’t presented as this hot commodity, it was a nothing burger, we didn’t even find out that he had the title til near the end of the movie. I’ve digressed, back to this flick.

I detest the royal garb they’ve got lead dude in at the conclusion, it looks like you or I waltzed into Party City and slapped down $30 and walked back to the set. It’s ill-tailored and in too-bright colors and is, again, something utterly distracting that could've been avoided, and same with the king’s, too-small jacket to too-long length of slacks. All the women, including our main gal, are in prom dresses straight off the rack from Sears and J.C. Penney’s. This is not praise. The men are all in identical rented tuxedos with clip bow-ties. Thanks, I hate it.

I mean, and I hate that there’s a ball at the end at all, but it goes hand-in-hand with the core premise, which is that they’re on a tight schedule - ol’ Bethany has 4 weeks. They, of course, fall in love with one another, and props to casting because these two look good together and have decent chemistry, but that could be because Lenz knocks these movies out of the park - this is the third... maybe the fourth... that I’ve seen with her - she elevates everything she’s in. When I mentioned her to a friend, I was told she also elevated some shitty TV show that I never watched, so perhaps you are already familiar with her.

Anyhow, once again there’s too much filler and the ending draaaaaaags and then BOOM it’s done in the last three minutes, which is standard for these movies (both Lifetime and Hallmark), I’d say, about 95% of the time. The story was good in that the prince wasn’t a typical playboy and he kept his philanthropic side a secret because he didn’t want press invading these small villages and whatever he was helping rebuild - he genuinely likes getting his hands dirty and he actually knows how to do shit, he fixes a radiator at a community center at one point. Eh. I dunno. It had such potential in the front half, then just shit the bed in the back half, so it was half of a waste of my time. But you may dig it. It's far from the worst of Hallmark's offerings but, again, I think it's because of Lenz, she's the only thing getting it up from a 1/5.

2/5 stars

.

Oh… oh mah… what the... we interrupt the winter fare for what looks like a rando that’s snuck in and christ on a cracker, no. No. No. NO. The summary:

A woman begins an online relationship with a famous photographer, not realizing that she is actually communicating with the man’s young son.

This caught my ear because as I was sitting here writing up the last movie, it came on, and I hear this woman’s voice, her typing (so it’s her voice in her mind), then a man’s voice (as she’s reading), and I looked up when the man’s voice started switching to a kid’s (boy’s) voice back and forth every sentence or so - and then I looked at that summary, and….

NO

"Chance at Romance", it's called –> 0/5 stars, I don’t even need to watch it, what a stupid garbage fucking premise, and it’s gross, and I hope that shit kid gets punished, like as in, no computer til he's old enough to own his own home and pay for his own internet, because scumbag kid. If he has the balls to pull this catfishing shitstorm on a fucking adult and gets away with it, what the fuck will he do to manipulate girls his own age? Gross. IT’S A GROSS PREMISE YOU GREETING CARD FUCKTARDS

.

Love On Ice (Andrew Walker, who's in every fourth movie, and  the lead chick's familiar her name is Julie Berman - Hallmark)

Former pro skater, now teaching - don't worry, it's not the aforementioned “Christmas At The Palace”, despite the similar M.O. - and decides to go for one last run at regionals because the new coach in town who's teaching the next big thing is like "You used to be the next big thing, why don't you undo eight years of not training aggressively in, like, a couple weeks and compete against the girl I've been hired to make a winner, and I'll coach you both, because I have a boner for you and your shitty blonde extensions! No, that's not what he says, but that's the deal, yo. The next-big-thing's got an overbearing mother and, once his boner gets found out, here comes a new coach that used to be the former-next-big-thing's coach, and she's a horrible actress, she can't play sneaky-evil to save her life. I liked the two leads, and they did a better job than the other ice skating scenes/movies with concealing the real skater actors, but overall this was as boring as watching paint dry, I just wanted it to be over.

1/5 stars

.

The Perfect Catch (Nikki DeLoach and... shock of all shocks, no not really... our old buddy, Andrew Walker - Hallmark)

I swear, I don't know if Andrew Walker is on some mission from god, or being punished by him. I'm in the same boat, so I empathize. At least I'm not contracted. I can't speak for him, but I remain happy for DHJ, that he's escaped this purgatory, and is safe on the shore... at least, at present.

In any event, this one doesn't seem like a "Winter official", but there were jackets and no definite spring or fall standards (pastels or orange leaves), and it's airing now, so here we are. It seems to be baseball season, so I know they mean for it to be spring, but they are wearing coat-coats, not it's-still-kinda-chilly light jackets. I don't fucking care, I watched it, so I’m reporting on it.

It ticks many boxes on the Winter Fanfic Bingo card (forthcoming), specifically the ones that are carryovers from Christmas and will be carried over to all the Hallmark/Lifetime movies regardless of time of year. Because being formulaic, when playing the long game, is cheap and efficient, and in the restaurant business, or products made on a factory line, or in healthcare standards, things of that ilk, you want streamlined coupled with the trieds-and-trues. In writing? Not-so-much. It's lazy.

And speaking of restaurants, that's the first box that got ticked - our leading lady owns a restaurant and, next box, it's in danger of being lost. Other boxes include: our leading man is famous; he's the character that comes back home, leaves/might leave, then changes mine/comes back, and it's to stay!; adorable child who ideally will bring everyone together; a character's parents are dead. Blah-blah. Blah-blah-blah. Blah-blaaaaah-blah-bleh. <---- that had more variety than this flick. I mean, there's nothing wrong with this movie. It's vanilla. It's white bread. It's mashed potatoes with no salt or a touch of sour cream mixed in, no loading with shredded sharp cheese and crumbled brown sugar-and-cracked-pepper bacon and the barest touch of chives. I'm hungry, shut up.

It doesn't just get 1 star because it's not bottom barrel - everyone's competent in their acting, there's nothing outlandishly stupid about the script, it's not shellacked in Velveeta. I will say that they pull a little teensy, micro-twist with how they resolve his balancing a primo offer that in no way should he pass on career-wise fairly realistically. The very last scene is, of course, stupid and embarrassing.

2/5 stars

The next movie has palm trees, so officially not Winter. But oof.... it's got Kelly Rutherford and Cameron Mathison, both of whom are ringers. Hmmm. Yeah, I still ain’t subjecting myself to more than needed for this adventure. Oh, and they continue to play the basic-basic-BAAAAASIC-boring "Hope At Christmas" on Hallmark Movies and Mysteries", if you’re interested. It is a mystery to me as to why they continue to do so. Anyhow, there's apparently 3 or 4 more brand spanking new offerings from Hallmark for the next several weeks. 

More to come. I’ll reblog this with every new entry added to the top, so you can always just keep this post URL bookmarked if you think you missed it. Tell me if you want to be tagged. 

[andreafestefano]

Easy DIY pumpkin patch wreath

I have a fun early fall project for you today! If you don't like looking at fall stuff at the end of August, you may want to look away. But don't, cause this is cute! If you love it like me...take a look! 😀

I adore fall -- it's my favorite time of year. My birthday is in October, the cooler weather is my jam, I love hoodies and sweaters, apple spiced anything...I love everything about it! Last year I didn't get to decorate for the season since we moved in late October. This year I'm excited and going to enjoy it! 

I have some fun projects already in the works to share with you, but I had to show you this one because it's super cute and was so easy. 

I've shared my love of the grapevine wreath many times. I use these through the year and most of the time just take the old stuff off and stick new stuff in. (I'll link all of them at the end of the post!)

Remember this DIY fall wreath I showed you years ago?:

It has held up beautifully, even through the move. That's the beauty of the grapevine -- you just stick stuff in there and it doesn't need glue to stay put. 

I love that wreath but am leaning towards a simpler look this year. I took all the pumpkins and berries off and will use them elsewhere. I discovered how pretty eucalyptus looks with the warmer tones of the season (check out my sunflowers with it here!). I plan to use it a lot in my fall decor this year. 

Thankfully IKEA has the best faux eucalyptus I've found -- and at a great price. I already have some of it but picked up more to use for projects. 

When I buy the big bunches of faux stuff I never just leave it like that, I always cut it down into individual peices. It's just easier to use and looks more natural: 

I stuck them in the wreath along the bottom, first one direction and then on the other side I went in from the other direction. So the two sides are balanced on the bottom. 

I found this sprig of tiny pumpkins at Michael's last week and just loved it. I like how small and simple they were: 

Again, I cut this down. Each pumpkin is on it's own small branch, so I just cut them off. I took the leaves off because I didn't want them to compete with the eucalyptus. 

These pliers (affiliate) are GREAT for a project like this. I couldn't do these wreaths without them. They have side that cuts wires easily: 

I just placed the pumpkins in randomly throughout the leaves. I didn't want to go crazy with it -- the name of this game is simplicity. I could have used the bigger pumpkins that were on there before but they overwhelmed it. 

My final touch was some pretty buffalo check ribbon. I think it works beautifully at fall and Christmas! I got mine at the craft store but this one is very similar. 

I made a simple bow using the bow tutorial I shared with you last Christmas and attached in the middle: 

So sweet right? As I worked on this I thought it looked like little pumpkins in a patch, hence the name of this post. ;) 

You may have noticed that my style changed a bit after our move. We lived in a 300 square foot hotel room for more than two months and when we moved into this house I felt a definite shift in my decorating. 

I much prefer a simple, uncluttered look now. I've always enjoyed letting spaces breathe, but now I crave that more than ever. That will carry through to my holiday decor as well I'm sure. 

I just adore this wreath!:

It's SO easy to transform these for the seasons! You can see how I used a grapevine wreath at Christmas here, for spring here and for summer here. All the fall doodads are on sale big time at the craft stores right now, so get to it! :) 

Have you ever made a wreath using the grapevine? If you have I'd love to see them on my Facebook page! Have a great weekend! 

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[lukerhill]

Easy DIY pumpkin patch wreath

I have a fun early fall project for you today! If you don't like looking at fall stuff at the end of August, you may want to look away. But don't, cause this is cute! If you love it like me...take a look! 😀

I adore fall -- it's my favorite time of year. My birthday is in October, the cooler weather is my jam, I love hoodies and sweaters, apple spiced anything...I love everything about it! Last year I didn't get to decorate for the season since we moved in late October. This year I'm excited and going to enjoy it! 

I have some fun projects already in the works to share with you, but I had to show you this one because it's super cute and was so easy. 

I've shared my love of the grapevine wreath many times. I use these through the year and most of the time just take the old stuff off and stick new stuff in. (I'll link all of them at the end of the post!)

Remember this DIY fall wreath I showed you years ago?:

It has held up beautifully, even through the move. That's the beauty of the grapevine -- you just stick stuff in there and it doesn't need glue to stay put. 

I love that wreath but am leaning towards a simpler look this year. I took all the pumpkins and berries off and will use them elsewhere. I discovered how pretty eucalyptus looks with the warmer tones of the season (check out my sunflowers with it here!). I plan to use it a lot in my fall decor this year. 

Thankfully IKEA has the best faux eucalyptus I've found -- and at a great price. I already have some of it but picked up more to use for projects. 

When I buy the big bunches of faux stuff I never just leave it like that, I always cut it down into individual peices. It's just easier to use and looks more natural: 

I stuck them in the wreath along the bottom, first one direction and then on the other side I went in from the other direction. So the two sides are balanced on the bottom. 

I found this sprig of tiny pumpkins at Michael's last week and just loved it. I like how small and simple they were: 

Again, I cut this down. Each pumpkin is on it's own small branch, so I just cut them off. I took the leaves off because I didn't want them to compete with the eucalyptus. 

These pliers (affiliate) are GREAT for a project like this. I couldn't do these wreaths without them. They have side that cuts wires easily: 

I just placed the pumpkins in randomly throughout the leaves. I didn't want to go crazy with it -- the name of this game is simplicity. I could have used the bigger pumpkins that were on there before but they overwhelmed it. 

My final touch was some pretty buffalo check ribbon. I think it works beautifully at fall and Christmas! I got mine at the craft store but this one is very similar. 

I made a simple bow using the bow tutorial I shared with you last Christmas and attached in the middle: 

So sweet right? As I worked on this I thought it looked like little pumpkins in a patch, hence the name of this post. ;) 

You may have noticed that my style changed a bit after our move. We lived in a 300 square foot hotel room for more than two months and when we moved into this house I felt a definite shift in my decorating. 

I much prefer a simple, uncluttered look now. I've always enjoyed letting spaces breathe, but now I crave that more than ever. That will carry through to my holiday decor as well I'm sure. 

I just adore this wreath!:

It's SO easy to transform these for the seasons! You can see how I used a grapevine wreath at Christmas here, for spring here and for summer here. All the fall doodads are on sale big time at the craft stores right now, so get to it! :) 

Have you ever made a wreath using the grapevine? If you have I'd love to see them on my Facebook page! Have a great weekend! 

SaveSave

This content is property of Thrifty Decor Chick LLC. If you are reading this on any other site other than https://ift.tt/1kRxOJ2 or one of her social media platforms, please contact her immediately (thriftydecorchick at gmail dot com). Any other use of this content is strictly forbidden.