#feel like i don't know the ''''rules'''' of ebay at all and that's definitely adding to this anxiety and overthinking

[beehop]

ugh got an offer auto rejected on ebay and now i feel like i was an asshole for lowballing as much as i did. hate it here.

[unpeeledpotatochic]

It was not a typical Sunday morning.

I woke up with sandy throat and beady eyes.

I dug deep under my sheets with the worst case of dysmenorrhea and my legs—God, my legs, they're as sore and as heavy as a giant sloth in hangover.

It wasn't good.

I have no plans of moving all day nor getting out of bed. I'm in no mood to eat or give a damn about how I look and there is no freaking way I'm opening that door amidst the relentless knocks.

𝙔𝙤𝙪𝙧 relentless knocks.

"Go away!" I said, half mumbling, half shouting. I just have no energy to process sensible behaviour right now. Neither would I entertain one. I intend to do nothing but divine isolation.

"I have cupcakes." That's what I heard you said. But I wasn't sure until you added, "I've got vanilla icing and red velvet. Good stuff."

I managed a petulant pout—a mannerism I do before I allow myself to admit I have nothing to say to make you go away.

"Spare key under the flower pot!"

The dragging silence filled the apartment before I finally saw your boyish grins as you approach my murphy bed. You've always got this lively glint in your eyes, it's like you're really happy to see me or something. I don't know, I find it both amusing and annoying. You placed the box of cupcakes on the right side of my bed and opened it.

"Ta-da!" You even added for effect, which only earned a legendary eyeroll from me.

"I told you, you can't see me today." I grunted, my nose buried on the soft pillow along with the rest of my face.

"𝘐 𝘤𝘢𝘯'𝘵, 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘥𝘰𝘦𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘮𝘦𝘢𝘯 𝘐 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥𝘯'𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰."

I grimaced only to conceal a smile. It's one of those rare moments when I find your cheesy lines actually cute.

"And I made this for you."

I turned to look and saw you handing me a CD. I received it, flipped it over to read what was written on the cover—which turns out to be your very own handwriting.

"Sunday Bloody Sunday by U2... Let It Bleed by Rolling Stones... Bleed It Out by Linkin Park... What's this, a period mix? You made me a period mix?"

You shrugged and let out a chuckle. "Chocolate?"

I could only shake my head from your ridiculousness. I nodded and munched on the treats you have brought, it only took me one bite of these heavenly flour creations before I realized I was actually hungry.

"I'm guessing you like 'em?"

"Shut up."

You stood up and headed towards my kitchen with a satisfied smirk. The comfortable silence enveloped my apartment as I enjoyed my cupcakes in peace.

𝐈𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐚 𝐭𝐲𝐩𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐥 𝐒𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐚𝐲 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠.

I know soltitude has always been my closest peer but not today. I don' t know, I somehow felt glad you came.

We spent the whole day bantering over lame TV shows, snuggled in the sofa like professional couch potatoes, laughing at random media stupidity, stealing quick glances when one of us is looking the other way.

We took a nap, spooning. Your long, huge frame enveloping me. Crunched together in an old, dingy couch I bought from ebay. It was nice.

—𝙪𝙣𝙩𝙞𝙡 𝙞𝙩'𝙨 𝙣𝙤𝙩. Like a broken record, reality dawned on me.

I nudged you awake as I struggled to sit up, "Hey, wake up."

"Hmm?" Disoriented, you started to stir away from unconsciousness and your eyes found mine. "Hey.."

Please don't smile.

"You need to go." I said.

"Huh? No, no work today. Come on let's get some more sleep—"

"No, you need to go. This is bad. We're cuddling and spooning. It's against the rules. It's even worse, we're snuggling with our clothes on."

"What?"

I shrugged, I met your confused green hues with my shrewd brown ones.

"Okay." You said. I could tell there's something else you want to say by the slight tick on your jaw.

"I think we should take a break for awhile, not see each other for a little bit. Maybe see other people just to erase this uncomfortable air."

"Uncomfortable? Milana, for serious, it was just a nap."

I shrugged. It felt wrong and...𝘴𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘺. I've never thought a nap could bring forth a sudden rush of thoughts I couldn't even begin to transcribe. I shrugged, blood slowly drains off of my cheeks but I stood my ground. Deliberately castigating myself for even thinking it was nice. Nice isn't good.

"So you want me to see someone else?" you asked, your tone daring.

I nodded.

You scoffed and started tying your shoes, shook your head while giving me that sideway glance of disbelief. You're upset.

Good.

"Great." was the last word you said before you stormed off.

The door hit an unfriendly thud before utter silence settled in. Followed by the familiar hollowness I start to believe is my definition of 𝘩𝘰𝘮𝘦. I'm alone again. Safe.

Now this feels right.