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ronwestbreeze · 10 months

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you're gonna go far | 6

pairing: jake sully x neytiri x tsu'tey x fem!human! reader summary: a scientist arrives on pandora (unwillingly) a year after the exile of the rda. now she must deal with the likes of a clan leader, a great warrior, and a thanator rider. . . word count: 8.5k

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It was a little difficult to get out of bed that morning.

One of those days.

Long and exhausting. It was challenging to get stuff done. You knew things like this wouldn’t just go away instantly. But you hoped that maybe…

It wasn’t too bad like before. You were able to think about the chores that had to be done later in the day and pushed yourself out of the bedroom.

So you went through most of the day barely existing. Norm was the first to notice your slight change in behavior because he began trying to joke more with you—no matter how bad they ended up being—and tried getting you out of your head. And you were thankful for that. At least that’s what was different this time around. You weren’t entirely alone nor held up in your room.

That was progress, right? You honestly couldn’t tell. Sometimes you felt like you were still stuck, that you weren’t moving forward. Or getting better. At least back to what you used to be.

Yet, you’ve been this way—asleep—for so long that you have forgotten what you used to be like. You forgot when the last time you smiled. You forgot when you felt the most happy or any other emotion besides anger and grief.

You wondered where that part of you went. Some days you went searching. Other days you somberly accepted that it was a part of you, that you were never going to get back.

At some point, you figured it died along with your mother.

“You want me to check on the baby today?” Norm asked you as you were getting ready for your link for the day.

You shook your head as you sat on the link bed, “No, I’ll be fine. Just one of those days, you know? We all have em’.”

He frowned when you shrugged it off or appeared a little too nonchalant about it, “Yeah, I guess.”

“Thanks for offering though.”

“Anytime, Doc.” He gave you a pat on the shoulder, while watching you particularly closely, “Just tell me you need a break. Don’t push yourself, okay?”

He was nice. You needed something like that.

Neytiri noticed it too.

While the two of you were in the garden that day, Neytiri had been saying words in Na’vi for you to repeat. And you did it, not perfectly of course, but you managed. It was just that you didn’t take in any information. Not in the way she knew you to.

You had a certain look that told Neytiri you were hanging onto her every word, whenever you were learning something new from her. Eyes slightly vibrant with curiosity.

That look wasn’t there today. Instead, in its place was a dullness and lifeless sort of unfocused gaze.

Your ears were low again.

Neytiri didn’t know when she became so attentive to your moods or facial expressions. So much so that she could tell when you were somewhat happy and really, painfully sad—

You were just easy to read in this form.

Yes, that was it.

“What is wrong, tanhi?” Neytiri eventually asked because she didn’t completely despise you so much to ignore your change in mood.

There was a twitch in your ears when you heard your name being called. You looked up from the newly planted mushroom seeds you had been mentally counting at Neytiri to find her staring at you expectantly. “Huh?”

She rolled her eyes, “You are not listening. I know you are distracted. What is wrong with you?”

You cringed at yourself for allowing yourself to get so distracted by your swimming thoughts. Drowning in them as usual. “It’s nothing. Just have a lot on my mind.”

But the answer did not satisfy her. Neytiri shook her head, “Sky People are always hiding their feelings. You are doing that. It is okay to be sad. It is natural.”

“I’m not hiding it—” You sighed, turning your gaze back to the mushroom seeds. “It’s just one of those days. Maybe—Maybe today I am sad. I could barely get out of bed and tomorrow it might be worse—what are you doing?”

You watched as Neytiri got up and moved behind you. A second later, you feel a brief tugging at your hair until it became loose from your short braid. “If you want to learn our ways, then you must take care of your hair. I look at it and it is a mess.”

“It was in a braid before…”

“I did not like it.”

With that, she got up again and trekked back into the forest. You watched her go in bewilderment at the sudden change of conversation and attitude from the Na’vi woman. You had no idea what had come over the woman or what made her suddenly leave, but you didn’t focus on it for too long. The confusion and startlement you had was enough energy to continue planting the rest of the mushrooms. You didn’t bother putting your hair back into a braid, not wanting to spend time threading through the thick strands until your fingers were too sore to complete your job. And the last thing you needed was something stopping you from finishing this one simple task—

A splash of cold water was suddenly dumped onto your head, leaving you soaking wet.

And terribly pissed.

You snapped your head behind you to find Neytiri placing the leaf down next to her—which was glistening with water. The same water that was now spilled all over you.

“Neytiri—ouch!”

“Hold still.” Neytiri hissed at you as she ran her long fingers through your hair.

You grumbled but reluctantly listened, still confused and a bit pissed at what was going on. And for a while, the two of you remained there. You, sitting on the ground still counting the seeds quietly to yourself while Neytiri stayed behind you. Braiding a few strands of hair.

It was then you realized just how different your hair was from the way it was in your human body. The hair length was very similar to how you used to wear it when you were a teenager. You wondered then just how old this avatar body was.

Once she was finally finished, she crouched down in front of you to get a better look. Her yellow irises scanning your face and her work. Tucking rebellious strands behind your ear, patting down some of the fuzziness, and making sure the braid was visible around your face.

You watched her quietly. And soon, when she was done obsessing over your hair, she watched you too.

It wasn’t the way you and Jake watched each other. This—this had something different about it.

Time was an illusion here. Trapped in her yellow gaze. You hadn’t realized you had been staring for so long—nor did you realize you had briefly glanced at her lips—until a sudden sound from the forest pulled the both of you out of this strange trance.

And once you snapped to your senses, your body quickly reacted. You shot to your feet and cleared your throat, “I gotta check on the avatar now.” You didn’t meet her gaze. “I’ll see you.”

Before she could stop you, you already scurried off. Stopping once you were far enough away out of her sight.

Stopping when you felt a new pair of eyes watching you rather closely.

You glanced around the forest surroundings as you approached the longhouse with a frown until your eyes locked on another pair of yellow eyes. Severe ones.

Tsu’tey was in the trees further away but enough for you to see him watching you, even when you caught him doing so. He did not look away from you. Narrowed eyes and that scowl resting on his angular face.

For a moment you wondered what the look was for. You wondered what he could yell at you about this time, even though you listened to his demands and had stayed away from the Omatikaya territory.

A scared part of you wondered if he had seen you and Neytiri just now.

Nothing happened. But still, it would give enough ammunition for him to verbally attack you. Hate you even more possibly.

Except there would be no battle today. As Tsu’tey disappeared within the trees without a word.

You were confused but relieved at the same time.

Dealing with an angry clan leader was not on your to-do list. Nor were you properly prepared for it.

After watching the trees in silence, you eventually went inside.

Neytiri watched your retreating figure with a frown, her heart…shifting—only a little bit as you disappeared. Her gaze then moved toward the trees, the area where the sound had come from before. And with an irritated frown, she got up and stalked toward the area.

They were still there. She could feel their eyes on her as she went further into the forest. With a hiss, she glared at the trees, “Come out. Enough hiding!”

Just a little bit above her, a few feet away a familiar warrior snaked out of the bushes and seated himself on the large branch with his usual expression he wore whenever he was away from their shared hut.

Neytiri frowned up at Tsu’tey, “You are watching me.”

“I am watching her.”

After a beat and a quiet sigh, Neytiri climbed up the tree and joined him. Despite his very sour mood, he tugged her close to his side as they sat together. On the branch, they had a good view of the Avatar Compound. A few dreamwalkers were running about but none of them seemed to bother Tsu’tey as much as you did. Neytiri could easily tell with how he kept glaring at the longhouse, the same place she always watched you disappear in whenever you left your false body.

“You have been spending time with her,” Tsu’tey stated more so than asking. There wasn’t much to hide, they both knew Neytiri spent some of her free time visiting you. Only when Tsu’tey or Jake are busy with their duties and she’s finished with hers before the both of them. “I do not like it.”

“She has done nothing.” Neytiri reasoned.

“Yet.”

“And what did I say if she does? I would kill her myself.”

As she said this, Neytiri felt a certain wavering in her heavy words. Like a part of her didn’t believe it anymore.

She rested her head on his shoulder, hugging his arm with a content sigh, “But I cannot ignore what the Great Mother has shown me. She has stopped my bow before and now she’s done it a second time. Do you not think it means something, yawne?”

In the corner of her, she watched as his jaw tightened, his features becoming particularly focused. “I do not trust this.”

“You do not trust the Great Mother?”

“That is not what I mean.” He corrected her calmly. Neytiri knew that Tsu’tey, like any other child of Eywa respected her and trusted in her signs. Always had. That was how he was raised. And she knew he wasn’t about to abandon that because of one demon.

But his words were still reluctant, “I do not know where our Great Mother is leading us. I do not know why she wants that demon spared—when she is just like the rest of them.”

Neytiri considered his words, “Perhaps she is like Jake—”

“There is only one Jake. And she is nothing like him.”

She made a sound of disagreement but didn’t push further on the subject. She noticed how tense he was, how tense he had been for the past week. She wondered then if he was truly upset by this or if there was something more to this quiet anger he so carefully restrained. Of course, his hatred for the Sky People was no question.

But Neytiri knew Tsu’tey.

Skin and bone. Heart and soul.

She knew her mate. Not only as a mate but as a friend. They had grown up together. Along with her sister, Sylwanin. There was nothing he could hide from her even if he tried.

“She may not be like Jake. But clearly, the Great Mother has chosen her for a reason. My mother even allows her to stay—I believe it is time you seek the answers.”

Tsu’tey scoffed but didn’t brush her off. Instead, he leaned in closer, allowing his hand to rest on her growing stomach. “You will be a great Tsahik.”

“Not as great as my mother. Nor my sister.”

Tsu’tey shook his head and cupped her cheek, “You will be great, my beautiful heart.”

A soft smile tugged at her lips only to falter when she noticed how exhausted he truly looked. How close he looked to breaking but hiding it. He could never hide it well from her. Nor Jake.

She then took his face in her hands and whispered soothingly, “What is it, my love?”

Knowing that there was no point in denying a response—knowing that Neytiri would not stop until she got what she wanted—Tsu’tey turned away from her to stare back at the compound.

“The Tipani clan are becoming reckless. They already do not like the Sky People that have stayed—but now that the demon has come, I worry they will begin to take matters into their own hands. I worry…that our clans will begin to clash.”

Neytiri took his hand in hers and pressed a gentle kiss onto his knuckles, “If it comes to it, I will stand by you. Jake will too. But I also will ask you to speak to our Great Mother about your troubles.” She caressed his exhausted lines with a small frown, “I worry for you, Tsu’tey. I do not want you to take on this task by yourself. You have Jake and I to be with you. That is why Eywa brought us together.”

Right then, he seemed to consider her words. His gaze was still unfocused while staring at the longhouse. A silence settled between them.

“Eywa has created this new path for us.” Tsu’tey mused. “Somedays I wonder if it will lead to something good in the end.”

“Do you think it won’t?”

He was silent. And Neytiri didn’t push.

When Tsu’tey went to the Vitraya Ramunong, the night had already settled around him. When he went to kneel at the tree, connecting his queue to one of the links, his prayers were silent. But his questions were clear. His intention was pure to the Great Mother.

What does it all mean? Guide me, All Mother.

So when a single atokirina flew away from the tree, Tsu’tey took to following it both out of curiosity and apprehension. The Great Mother’s answers weren’t always clear. If anything, her signs only led to more questions.

So, Tsu’tey wondered. He wondered if this would lead to any more answers.

Or just more unwanted questions.

Tsu’tey rushed through the forest, never losing sight of the spirit. He kept going and going until he was nearing the Sky People’s base. Until the trees suddenly became familiar. Until the grounds he had seen many times before unwillingly began to appear around him.

But his body never stopped moving. He never stopped following it. Too desperate for answers. Too desperate, too yearning.

Oh Eywa, he was yearning.

And then, and then, and then.

And then he was staring down at your still false body.

It was strange. Seeing no life in your face. Tsu’tey had only seen your false body from far away, but now seeing you up close. You looked so different yet the same as your human form.

Why was he here? Why did the spirit bring him to…

No.

His vision rippled. Your body morphed from your human form to your false body—impossible.

And then he woke up.

Awake.

Tsu’tey finally realized where he was. Instead of standing in the middle of the forest chasing an atokirina, instead of standing over your false body, he was back in his hut. With his mates sleeping next to him. With his son cuddled between both Jake and him. With Neytiri hugging his waist from behind.

A dream. It was only a dream.

But why you? Why you?

Why?

“Yawne?” Tsu’tey breathed out a sigh and looked over his shoulder to find Jake shifting out of his sleep, looking at him through heavy eyelids. He sat up a bit, careful not to disturb Neteyam’s sleep as he did, “Another nightmare?”

Tsu’tey hesitated—considered the question. The dream he just had. Was it a nightmare?

“No. I am fine. Go back to sleep, my love.”

Jake didn’t look entirely convinced but eventually lied back down. Usually, it took a while for Jake to fall asleep, so Tsu’tey lay back down, adjusting Neytiri’s arm around his waist and squeezing his other hand on Jake’s shoulder.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Jake asked, his voice deep and sluggish.

Tsu’tey nodded, and tucked his nose into Neteyam’s cheek as gently as he could, “I am now.”

It took you a little longer to get out of bed the following week. But you managed. You watched a few more of your mother’s logs and even some of the other ones still in the system.

Dr. Augustine. Norm. Some guy named Quaritch. And then there was Jake Sully.

As a human.

You paused the video to examine his face. You suppose the traits matched his now blue form. The only difference was that instead of his longish dreads, he had a buzz cut in the video. And a tattoo poking out of his short sleeve shirt.

Eventually, you moved on, willing yourself to forget his face for the time being.

You also tried not to think about the fact that Neytiri hadn’t been back for about a week now. Which was normal. You didn’t overthink it. Especially not after that moment—

Eventually, you moved on, willing yourself to forget your thoughts about her.

Then you remembered Tsu’tey. Him watching you so closely. You hoped he didn’t see you and Neytiri. Frankly, you weren’t sure what would happen if he did know.

He’d kill you. That’s for sure.

Eventually, you moved on, willing yourself to forget all three of them.

When you finally got out of bed, you continued with your regular schedule and tried to think of literally anything else. You tended to your garden by yourself and continued checking the baby.

There was a bit of determination for yourself, to keep moving. To not stay in one place any longer or else you’d be stuck.

And you weren’t sure if you’d make it out if you did.

Jake continued visiting the tank room whenever he could.

Today was one of them. Only this time you made it before he did.

“How’s the baby?”

You glanced up briefly from your notes, “Healthy. It might be because Na’vi babies might grow faster in pregnancy—judging by that we might have a couple more months before it’s born.”

Jake nodded, his face serious, “Anything else?”

For a brief second you didn’t respond, too caught up in your thoughts until you realized he had asked you a question. Jake tilted his head, brows furrowed at you.

You shook your head eventually, “No, everything’s all normal.”

He stared at the belly for a moment longer before he left. You were somewhat surprised at his quick retreat but didn’t think much about it. He was some type of great warrior, he was probably busy with something else in his clan. If it meant that the two of you didn’t have to interact much with him anymore or probably a lot shorter than before, then you were okay with it.

It seemed he finally took the hint.

All you could do was keep moving.

Jake came again the next day.

This time around you brought out the ultrasound.

He watched you and the machine intensely. You noticed and gave a sound close to a huff or a snort, “Nothing’s wrong with it. I’m just doing a thorough check-up today.”

A quick look of relief crossed his otherwise exhausted features, “Right, right, of course.”

Once you got the ultrasound running and connected to the avatar, you immediately found the heartbeat with the blurry image of the fetus appearing on the screen. It had grown considerably since the first time you saw it.

“There she is.” You mumbled mostly to yourself. The heartbeat was calming in a way, easing your usual tense muscles.

Jake perked up instantly, staring at you in disbelief, “She? It’s a girl?”

You glanced up at him briefly to find a soft expression on his face upon looking at the fetus. Neteyam—who you just noticed attached to his chest—sleepily snuggled closer to his father’s chest. When his head moved out of the sling, Jake held the back of his head, giving it support.

“Yes.” You gave a short nod.

Another look of relief flashed across his face, this time he didn’t try to hide it like before. A small smile tugged at his lips, “That’s—That’s nice. Amazing.”

In the corner of your eye, you watched him. That easy fatherly expression fell upon his face. How soft his smile was, for something that wasn’t even his. You weren’t sure what to think of it—no, you expected it. It was foreign. A father loving his child. To you at least.

You didn’t know your father. Nor did you have a father figure in your life. That type of love was unfamiliar to you.

Love itself was a foreign concept that you could not yet grasp. The only time you could truly say you experienced something close—similar to love—was with your mother.

And if love was like this—heavy. Leaving you…like this.

You weren’t sure you would want to experience any type of love ever again.

“You sure you’re ready to take on another?” You raised your brows, not looking up from the belly.

Jake looked at you, “Do you care for my answer?”

“I am watching over her. I suppose I should make sure she is left with somewhat tolerable parents—that is, if there aren’t any problems with her when she’s born.” You hummed, rolling your eyes at the sudden look of worry on his face. “Relax, that’s the standard check-up of any baby—well, I don’t know how different it will be compared to human ones.”

A beat went by before he finally answered, “I wouldn’t be honest if I said I wasn’t nervous. What new parent isn’t?”

“Mmm.”

The rest of the session was just the two of you, sitting in a somewhat comfortable silence. Comfortable for you because you were able to ignore him without any problems. And Jake wasn’t being too talkative or apologetic, which was a plus. But he was noticeably less hostile toward you as the time went by. Showing that he was taking the truce quite seriously and keeping his end of the bargain.

In other words, the truce was possibly the best option for you both. You could work in peace without being hammered or interrogated. And Jake would continue his visits without any problems.

You still didn’t like him. And you were sure the feelings were mutual.

But things were becoming easier.

And sometimes you like easy. Just as much as a challenge.

There was a part of him that was curious. Jake didn’t understand it. He didn’t understand Neytiri’s easy trust in you but it only made him more curious as he kept coming to see the baby.

Of course, you were guarded and curt around him. And he was quite the same but that didn’t mean he wasn’t at least a little bit interested in why you were so important to their deity.

So many questions.

A part of him wanted to ask Eywa himself—he wasn’t much used to praying to her but he would now and then out of respect for the People. If he asked, he would possibly gain an answer—which was incredibly rare—or he would gain more questions, which was the more common response.

So, Jake took to finding things out for himself. Even if it meant doing it the hard way. Even if it meant getting his head out of his ass and finally putting things into perspective.

Jake Sully was willing to at least keep this tolerable relationship with you going. Keeping this stable cord steady. You weren’t going anywhere anytime soon. It was time he had to get used to it. It was time for him to get over himself.

And he was willing to show that he did want something different. That he was ready to change, to finally understand you in a way.

But you still didn’t like him. Which was fine.

He didn’t like himself all that much either.

Another week went by and Neytiri still hadn’t come back. Surprisingly, you found yourself missing her. And when you began missing others, you got angry.

Since you didn’t feel like going through that process again, you resolved yourself to thinking that she must’ve gotten busy with her clan. Or grown tired of watching over you and your depressing personality once she realized that you weren’t a threat to her clan.

That must’ve been it. That’s what you chose to believe at that moment.

One day at a time.

You moved forward. Because you had to.

Throughout the week you focused on your work tending to the garden, checking on the baby, and even taking on more responsibilities around Hell’s Gate.

Sometimes you’d help Dr. Patel in the bio labs, other times you went with the other avatars to train your body. There were also days you would help Norm pack different human items he’d usually bring for the Na’vi children of the Omatikaya Clan. You, of course, never ventured too close to their territory whenever you went with him to drop off the items. You’d either stay in the ship you flew in or stay at the base as he left on his own.

Jake still kept coming around but his time there became shorter and shorter with each visit. Again, you didn’t bat an eye. You welcomed it and continued with your work.

Toward the end of your busy and long week, you woke up with a start when a blaring sound struck your room. It had to have been the middle of the night as you looked around frantically, only to realize the sound was coming from your tablet.

Quickly, you grabbed it to find the alarm was the system alerting you something was wrong.

And the problem was coming from the tank room.

You stumbled out of your bedroom and dashed through the long halls until you finally ended up in the tank room. Not caring that you were probably making a bunch of noise in the process.

When you got to Augustine’s tank, your heart sank when you found Grace’s avatar was violently twitching with the lights inside of the tank blaring a red.

“Fuck!” You hissed as you immediately checked for the problem.

The first thing you checked was the avatar itself. Her heart and the baby’s were fine but the avatar’s was slightly elevated, probably in response to whatever was happening to the machine which was the next thing you began to check.

There you discovered that something in it was malfunctioning. Throwing the liquid temperature off, the placentiums weren’t giving any more nutrients like they were supposed to. Whatever was going on, you didn’t have time to fix it or the machine.

If you wasted time like that more damage could be done and you weren’t going to risk that. Especially when the baby was in there. Especially when the baby could receive the worst of your mistake. Of this malfunction.

So, you worked fast.

You searched the room for an empty tank—which you were able to find and rolled it over next to the one Dr. Augustine’s avatar was in. You pulled the empty tank open just as Norm and a few other scientists entered.

“What happened?!” Norm questioned hastily.

Quickly, you jumped down from the empty tank and rushed toward Grace’s, “It’s malfunctioning. I don’t know why but we have to move her.”

Thankfully, Norm didn’t ask any more questions. He ordered the other scientists to help you.

You worked quickly. Draining the rest of the liquid from the tank, carefully moving the avatar—this required multiple hands—until you placed it in the new tank.

“Track her heart rate.” You ordered one of them.

A second later, a woman responded, “Stable but its body temperature’s dropping fast.”

By the time she said that you closed the tank. “Norm, fill it up.”

You jumped down, grabbed the heart monitor from the female scientist, and watched the lines closely. The tank was nearly filled up as Norm came up beside you.

Along with the heart monitor, your heart pounded through your ears as the tank finally filled up. You gave the monitor to Norm and went to adjust the temperature back to the usual settings.

When the blue lights came on it felt as if the room breathed a huge sigh of relief. You took the monitor back as Norm hummed, “Lucky you were the one to get here first. And quick thinking too—do you know what went wrong with the other one?”

The rest of the scientists poured out of the room as you slowly shook your head. “I don’t know. I couldn’t waste time, Spellman. Not when it could’ve risked the baby.”

Norm nodded and patted your shoulder, “You’re right. Good work, Doc.” He moved to the other side of the tank with a thoughtful expression. “You want me to stay and help with anything else?”

The lines on the monitor were stable, which brought you some sense of comfort. And yet the slight panic remained. “No, no. I’m good here. You can go back to bed. I’ll finish up here soon.”

“Okay.” Norm eventually moved toward the exit. “Get some sleep, Reeds. I’m serious.”

You nodded without looking at him. “Yeah, sure. Goodnight.”

“Good morning.” Norm corrected with a tired grin.

With that, Norm left. You breathed in a steady breath before grabbing a chair from the corner of the lab and sinking onto it. The monitor was kept nearby, the heart rate melodic in your ears as you set your tablet down on your lap.

For a while, you studied how far along the avatar was. It had been a good couple of months since you first discovered the child—which left her at about twenty-four to twenty-seven weeks at least. That’s not even counting when she first got pregnant. But compared to a human, the Na’vi pregnancy went by a lot faster, which also confirmed your theory.

Or maybe your perception of time was fucked up with how distracted and busy you had been.

Was that why the malfunction happened? Were you too distracted to notice any faults in the system during your usual sessions? What did happen?

You contemplated this for a while. Until your mind became hazy and your eyes droopy. At some point, you fell asleep next to the tank because there was no way you would leave the fetus’ side at that point. Not after all of that.

It felt as if your eyes had been closed for only a couple of seconds before you were suddenly jolted awake to find Norm standing over you.

“What happened? Is it the tank again?” You instantly asked, turning to check on the tank.

“No, no, no—the—she’s fine!” Norm quickly assured while easing you back into your chair. “I thought I told you to get some sleep.”

You stared at him for a beat, both a tired and an annoyed expression easily falling upon your face. “Well, I assure you I certainly wasn’t sitting with my eyes closed just then.”

Norm winced, “Sorry. I thought you’d want to get in your own bed before Jake gets here.” He rubbed the back of his neck as you got up from the chair. “I had to tell him what happened—he’s flying over now.”

“That’s fine.” You grumbled. “I can stand just one day in the same room with him. Besides, I should probably figure out what went wrong with that tank.”

Norm nodded, “Okay—uh, should I be a mediator for the both of you or..?”

“Oh, please.” You rolled your eyes. “It’s not like I’m meeting their clan leader.”

“You really need to try and get along with him.” Norm chuckled with a shake of his head.

You scowled, “Are you going to keep yapping in my ear about it or be useful?”

“Alright, alright, don’t an ass.” He strolled toward the doorway. “Jake’ll be here in fifteen.”

Once he left, you got to work again. You weren’t an official engineer but you knew a good amount of information from your training back on Earth. You hoisted yourself up and into the tank before you began taking it apart. You stood in it, trying to find out what exactly had gone wrong—while glancing at the heart monitor now and then.

Your brain was moving quickly yet hazily from the sleep. Eyes honed in on the mess of wires in front of you. So distracted by your silent questions and theories that you didn’t hear the incoming footsteps. Only the voice that followed after.

“What happened? Is she okay?”

“Yes, she’s fine.” You replied immediately, watching in the corner of your eye as he approached the new tank. His hair was tied back and across his chest was a leather strap that carried what looked like a machete. “It was just a malfunction with the tank. We were able to get her out before any real damage could be done.”

Jake frowned, “Malfunction? How the hell did you let that happen?!”

“Look, I don’t know.” You replied calmly, ignoring the twitch in your jaw. “I’m still trying to figure all that out. But she’s out of it and fine. Norm helped if that makes you feel better—”

“I thought you had things handled? What happened to that?” Jake scowled, his tone vicious.

“I do.”

“Then what the hell happened—”

“I already said I don’t know!” You seethed, glaring down at the group of wires now hanging from your hands. Somewhere in the back of your brain, you realized that Norm really did have to stand between the two of you. That this truce wasn’t stable enough. That the two of them were just too explosive. “The hell do you think I’m trying to do? Kill the baby?!”

You missed the way Jake’s face faltered slightly, catching himself. “No…No, that’s not what I—”

“Then get off my fucking dick!” You snapped, throwing a piece of the tank to the floor with a clatter.

All sound was gone from the room then.

This was the last thing you wanted to deal with. Being scolded like some child—like you already weren’t beating yourself up over this mess.

You sunk onto the floor of the tank and continued working. Because that’s what you were best at. Not conversations. Not people. Not love.

Work. It was everything to you.

Already you were mentally drowning Jake out, ignoring the fact that there was another person in the room with you. But eventually, you realized that there was nothing wrong with the wires. It must’ve been something else. Another theory down the drain.

Jake uttered your name at one point. And you ignored him.

There was a sigh followed by a short pause before he spoke, “I’m sorry.” You continued ignoring him. There was something about his apologies. You were just tired of them. “That wasn’t fair, you’re right. I shouldn’t have come at you like that—”

“Augustine’s avatar is over there.” You mumbled. “You can check on her yourself.”

There was another silence but you were too focused on what was in front of you to notice or care. You were so determined to ignore him and the sting in the corners of your eyes.

You didn’t like to cry. Especially in front of others.

Thankfully, you ignored him long enough until you realized you were finally alone.

After a while, you breathed out a tired sigh.

Fortunately, as the days went by there were no other problems with the new tank or baby, but it didn’t stop you from always double-checking everything after that close call. So much so that you didn’t realize how much sleep you were missing until Norm pulled you away from your work and forced you back into your room. Locked the door and everything just to make his point.

With the promise of Norm taking care of your work, you eventually allowed yourself to sleep for practically the entire day. Not without the tablet on the dresser next to your bed of course.

Even after catching up on some semblance of sleep, Norm still didn’t let you get back to your schedule right away. Which irritated you of course.

“I don’t want you in my garden, Spellman.”

He rolled his eyes, “And I don’t want you stressing yourself out. As your friend and colleague who happens to care about your well-being, I demand you stay away from the garden until you’re completely rested.”

You frowned at him, “We’re friends?”

“Shut up and accept my love.”

And he kept true to his word. Norm kept you away from the gardens, even the tank room. And made sure that the scientists knew how to keep you away as well. He covered all of his bases.

Damn him.

You couldn’t sit around and do nothing though. So, at some point you were so desperate you resorted to practically begging Norm to just give you something to do that would distract you throughout the whole day. You nagged and nagged and nagged until Norm finally gave in.

“There’s an old link shack north of Hell’s Gate. We’ve been thinking about restoring all of them around the area. But that particular shack’s connection is a little wonky. Maybe you could head over and restock the supplies with your avatar. Maybe even fix the connection while you’re at it.”

You nodded quickly, “Yeah, sure thing. I’ll get on that—”

“And don’t try to sneak your way to the gardens!” Norm added sternly, sending you a look over his shoulder while clicking away at his computer. “Plus, you won’t need the Samson ships. The shack’s not too far from here.”

With that, you went to grab supplies, such as med kits, weapons—one gun and a few stacks of ammo—blankets, Na’vi weapons, a hunting knife, and a bow with a few arrows. You kept the hunting knife to yourself just in case.

After getting all of this, you placed the bag of supplies in the compound longhouse where your avatar always slept when you weren’t linked. Once you got to your link bed and linked up with your avatar, you grabbed the hunting knife and the bag of supplies before taking off north from Hell’s Gate.

The sky was grey today with a few darker clouds on the horizon instead of the shimmering blue you were used to. A storm might’ve been coming.

Which meant you had to make this trip quick. There was no telling how bad these storms could get on this planet.

Similar to how you traveled through the forest with Neytiri, you took to the trees so that you’d have less of a chance of running into or disturbing any of Pandora’s finest. Hopefully, you had learned to be quiet enough to not draw any attention your way as well.

As time went by, the sky got darker. You followed the coordinates Norm gave you while slipping through the trees like the true shadow you were. Traveling and climbing through the trees got easier as you went. You had done it enough times with Neytiri that you knew what to do and how to do it. Albeit not perfectly, but enough to get by. Blending into the environment as best as you could.

You enjoyed it, the vibrant life and colors of the forest once again. Every time felt like you were taking in Pandora for the very first time. Every time felt like a huge breath of the freshest air. Here, you were weightless. You weren’t a scientist. You weren’t human. You weren’t an avatar. You were just were.

You existed here. You were real.

Truly this place was everything you dreamed of when you were younger.

Rain began to pour by the time you spotted the shack. It was propped up and well hidden in a large tree, with moss growing out of the sides, the entire thing looking like it hadn’t been used in a long time.

You slid down from a branch as quietly as you could and landed in front of the metal entrance. By the time you got the door open and crouched inside, you were soaking wet from the rain.

The shack itself wasn’t too small, which surprised you. It must’ve been made to allow avatars to be able to roam freely through here without too much trouble.

Once the door was closed, you sunk onto the empty cot in the corner of the shack and began unpacking the supplies. The med kit went into the cabinets above a wooden table attached to the wall. The blankets went on the cot. The gun and ammo went under the cot in a long black case filled with old and rusted weapons you had to throw out into the rain. You kept the hunting knife tucked in your shorts.

The rain kept going. It was relaxing. Stopping for a moment to listen. Smelling it through the cracked window next to the cot you sat on.

It was nice. You could stay here if you wanted. This could’ve been your new home if you didn’t have responsibilities at Hell’s Gate.

Lastly, you worked on the radio that sat on the wooden table—which you assumed was connected to the main base. So, for the next few minutes, you took your time messing with the radio. Listening to either ongoing static or barely audible voices going in and out. At some point, you messed with the wires a few times before Norm’s voice finally came through.

“Tomato. Tomato. Tomato.”

You pressed one of the buttons, “Hey, Norm.”

“Oh, Jesus! Reeds!” Norm startled. “Warn a guy next time!”

You pressed your lips into a thin line, “I just wanted to test if it worked. Clearly, I fixed it.”

A snap of thunder drew you away from the radio. Seemed like it was getting worse out there. You hadn’t realized how long you’d been out there until now.

Norm seemed to realize this too, “You gonna stay there and unlink?”

“Mmm.” You paused. “I’m gonna try bringing the avatar back.”

He sighed, “Alright, good luck.”

“Don’t need it.” You said as you got up. “I’m too awesome.”

“Whatever, Reeds.”

Another clap of thunder filled the air as you stepped out of the shack. Immediately you were soaked by how heavy the rain was.

Thunder continued to boom, making your skin jump every now and then. It was just terribly cold, making you start to run so that you could get out of it faster.

You ran and ran, and ran, and ran, and ran, only to realize just how much noise you were making and that the area was too unfamiliar to you. It wasn’t long until you realized how lost you were. It was just too dark to navigate your way back or recognize any familiar spots guiding your way.

With that in mind, you went toward the nearest tree and began to climb.

But your body was yanked away from the tree bark almost instantly as you were tackled down to the ground by a large weight. Your left shoulder exploded with vicious pain as if a bunch of sharp knives buried itself into your skin and continued to tear through it.

A strangled scream left your lips as the thunder clapped in the sky once more. You could barely see the creature but it was a dark, large beast. Digging further into your shoulder.

You hadn’t even seen it coming. You hadn’t been paying attention.

Now…

Now you might die because of it.

You tried shoving at it, managing to get most of its weight off of you. But the teeth were still in your shoulder. There was still pain. There was still warm liquid dripping down your arm.

When you moved your leg, you remembered the hunting knife in your shorts. Immediately, you dug into your pocket and found the handle instantly.

After that, you didn’t waste any time stabbing at it blindly and desperately. You did this, you kept going until more warm liquid covered your knife-wielding arm. You did this until the animal was limp against your body. Until you were able to push it off and scramble to your feet and run.

The pain was awful but bearable enough for you to run back to the shack at least. Mud was all over your clothes—some of it in your mouth. If anything, you probably looked insane right now.

You ran. Ran. Ran. Ran. Ran. Way too clumsy to be quiet. What’s worse was you had no clue where you were. And there was more shuffling coming from the bushes and trees surrounding you. If anything, you were probably throwing yourself further into the lion’s den.

It wasn’t long until a black creature suddenly came out of the bushes in front of you, causing you to stumble to a stop as it made its way toward you. Sleek and dangerous. Eyes locked on you.

Thunder boomed again. An identical creature came out from your right. Another on your left. Another. And another. And another.

Until you were surrounded. Until you knew there was no way you were going to make it out of this.

You kept your knife in front of you, trying to ignore the pain in your shoulder, the warm liquid running down your arm, the shakiness in your legs. You began to wonder how much blood you were losing with your energy slowly dwindling as time went by—no, it didn’t matter.

Damn it, you weren’t going to die here! Not like this.

“Come on!” You hissed as you pointed the knife at them. “Come on!”

They growled at you, closing in. Finally, one of them pounced toward you. With the knife, you slashed at it. At that, the creature cringed away and missed you entirely but that didn’t mean the others were going to try their luck.

Out of instinct, you stumbled back as two more tried coming for you. Your back hit a tree as you yelled and swung your knife wildly at them.

Only neither the creature nor your blow landed.

The two creatures were thrown to the side as another clap of thunder struck your ears.

Another figure emerged from the trees and rushed toward you.

Instantly, you swung the knife, only for it to be caught in an iron grip.

You screamed.

“Hey, hey, easy!”

It took you only a couple of moments for you to register the words and that they were coming from a familiar avatar. The last person you ever expected to be here.

Jake lowered your arm with a hiss. You blinked as another round of thunder rattled your ears.

The creatures were closing in again. Jake turned his back to you, hissing at them. His larger arm stretched in front of you protectively when one of them got a little too close for his liking. The creature hissed back

You watched warily behind him, still clutching the dirtied knife. Both of you exhausted and animalistic. Yellow eyes glimmering. One with warning and the other with desperation.

Jake looked terrifying in this light. Just as murderous and dangerous as the animals that surrounded you.

You remained behind him, trembling but glaring. Gripping that knife like your life depended on it.

There was suddenly more shuffling, more thunder, and the creatures then scattered.

You, dumbfounded by this, spoke shakily, “Why did they—”

Jake grabbed your wrist holding the knife.

“We need to move.” He said, dragging you forward.

The two of you ran in the opposite direction of the creatures. He hauled you up a tree before climbing up himself. “Is there a link shack nearby?”

For a moment, you wondered how he knew about the link shacks. You leaned on a branch both to catch your breath and because the quick movements left you a bit dizzy. When you couldn’t come up with plausible answers to your silent question you instead said, “I just came back from one. North from here—I don’t know how far it is.”

Your body leaned a little too far. Jake was quick to grab you in his stronger, more stable arms as he pulled you away from falling off the edge, “Hey, hey, Reeds, I need you here with me, okay? Just stay awake long enough until we get to the shack and we’ll clean you up.”

“I’ve...I’m losing a lot of…” Blood. Blood was what you wanted to say. But the adrenalin was wearing out. Your shoulder throbbed horribly. Exhaustion weighed you down and placed inconvenient black spots in your vision.

“I know.” He draped your good arm over his shoulder and kept you upright. “I know, we’ll get there. I promise.”

There was no arguing with him. You were soaked to the bone and in a hell of a lot of pain. Going back to the shack was your best bet in this horrid weather.

Jake continued to support your weight as the two of you followed the same coordinates leading back to the shack—or rather you haze inaudible directions of what you could remember from the information Norm had given you while Jake haphazardly followed.

Thankfully, the rest of the way wasn’t a long journey. Or maybe you just kept blacking in and out along the way, you didn’t know.

Jake and you stumbled through the door of the shack. He closed the door while you made your way to the radio with whatever strength you had left.

“Norm.” You tapped the radio while wincing. The pain in your shoulder was getting worse. Before now you had been tolerating it. “Norm, can you hear me?”

The static went on.

“Storm must be messing with the signal,” Jake said from behind you as he rummaged through the shack. “We should stay here until the storm settles—”

You rested your head against the small table, the rest of his words becoming nothing but muffled noise to your ears. God, you’ve lost so much blood. And you were so tired.

For a moment, just for a few seconds, you wanted to sleep. Only for a moment.

“Reeds.”

A larger hand rested on the back of your neck, bringing you slightly out of your unconsciousness.

Jake kept calling your name. “Hey, where’s the med kits at? We need to work on your arm, okay? And I need you to stay awake. Can’t have you unlinking in this condition.”

Sluggishly, you nodded, “They’re in the cabinets.”

More thunder rolled by. Jake left your side briefly to search through the cabinets above you. You leaned back in your seat, staring bleakly up at the ceiling.

“How long do these storms last?” You asked.

The thunder responded with a clap.

sorry for the long wait! hopefully it was all worth the wait. another 8k chapter, yay, that wasn't difficult to write at all lol! but now jake and reeds are alone in a shack. anything could happen....

(i'm not adding anymore people anymore!)

taglist: @doggyteam2028 @bigbootahjudy @innercreationflower @n7cje @celi-xxmoon @readerofallthingss @sillyblues @squirtlebob @saturnhas82moons @1mawh0re @aprosiacperson @loserwithnofriends @garfieldsladybird @slutforsmut4ever @lik0

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roosterforme · 1 year

Text

The Gray Sweatpants | Rooster x Reader

Summary: For you and Bradley, sharing a home comes easily. He is always willing to put in the extra work to make you happy, and he will do it wearing his gray sweatpants and a smile.

Warnings: Fluff and smut

Length: 2100 words

Pairing: Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw x Female Reader

This was written to accompany my series Is It Working For You? along with a bunch of my one-shots! (But it can be read on its own) Check my masterlist in my profile for the reading order! Based on a request.

Living with you was an interesting change of pace for Bradley. He had gotten so used to tiny living quarters and never sharing anything. But now you were here in this big house, along with all of your colorful stuff, and your perfume, and your kitchen gadgets. And you wanted to share everything with him.

Not a day went by that you weren't wearing his clothing and using his shaving cream in the shower. And you always offered to share your food with him, holding up a sandwich or forkful of food for him to take a bite. You always seemed to be around asking about his day and giving him all of the details of yours, delivered with your own brand of wit and humor that never failed to have him wrapping his arms around you.

It was one of the first Friday nights after you moved into his house, and now it was your house, too. Every time he got to use the word "ours", it made him happy in a way he couldn't really explain.

"I was thinking we should plant a garden in the backyard," you said, feeding Bradley a bite of your dinner from your perch on his lap. You were wearing one of his Top Gun shirts and nothing else, and Bradley couldn't imagine living here without you. "I mean, San Diego kind of sucks for flowers, but we're hardy east coast people. We should have a garden."

"We would have no street cred if we didn't have sad, dying, east coast people flowers," he replied, delighting in the sound of your laughter.

"Exactly! Plus, the backyard is a little scary, Roo. I'll help you clean it up on Sunday, if you want."

"Sure, Baby Girl. We'll see."

But he had something else in mind now.

---------------------

You woke up on Saturday morning to an empty bed and groaned. Bradley knew you had particular rules concerning him staying in bed with you on Saturday mornings. And you expected a certain level of compliance.

"Bradley?" you called as you stumbled into the kitchen where you found him brewing coffee and eating some toast in just his gray sweatpants.

"Morning, Sweetheart," he rasped, but your mouth had gone dry. You must still be in bed, asleep and dreaming. That was the only way this would make sense.

You made a soft, strangled sound as Bradley reached up into the cabinet and grabbed your favorite mug. "Want some coffee?"

"Bradley," you whispered. He wasn't even wearing any underwear. You could see the outline of his cock pressing against the soft fabric as the pants hung low on his hips.

You were taking a step closer to him, ready to drop to your knees when he said, "You'll be late for brunch with Cam and Maria if you don't leave soon." You had completely forgotten about your plans.

Your eyes slid up his naked torso until they met his smirking face. "Why are you not wearing underwear?"

He suddenly looked embarrassed, cheeks flushing pink. "I actually need you to show me how to use the washing machine. I'm almost out of clean clothes. Can you show me after brunch?"

You glanced at the clock on the microwave and sighed. You didn't even have time to properly blow your boyfriend like you wanted to. "Yeah, I'll show you after I get home, Roo," you whispered, running your fingers along his length through his pants.

"Oh fuck," he grunted when you cupped him and squeezed softly. He pressed you against the edge of the counter, and you could feel him getting hard for you.

But you just stuck your chin in the air. "Next Saturday, make sure you stay in bed with me longer." You ducked out of his grasp with a grin while he groaned your name. "Oh, and I don't want to be late for brunch."

You got ready to go out, and when you passed him in the kitchen before you left, he was eating more toast and glaring at you.

"You gonna come back and take care of this later?" he grunted, gesturing to his semi.

"Sure, Roo. Right after we do your laundry," you said with a wink. He just grunted in response before you added, "And make sure you don't go out in those pants. They are indecent!"

----------------------

As soon as you were gone, Bradley thought about jerking off, but he knew he had a limited amount of time before you would be home again. So he quickly put his old sneakers on along with his aviators and traipsed out through the sliding glass door to the backyard. You weren't wrong; it was in pretty rough shape.

Bradley kicked over a faded lawn gnome and opened up the shed. He pulled out some shovels and a rake that the previous owners had left, and he got to work. An hour later, he was shocked to find that there was in fact a garden bed buried back along the privacy fence. He dug up dead plants and weird lawn ornaments, tossing everything off to the side to get taken out with the trash.

He stopped working for a minute to wipe the sweat from his brow. The sun was strong even for early December, but at least it wasn't too hot outside. And now, as he looked around, Bradley was pleased to see that the whole space looked a lot better. His girlfriend wanted a garden? Well then she would get one.

"Roo?" you called from the sliding glass door. You were grinning and heading his way with a cold water bottle. "What are you doing?"

He took the drink from your hand and downed the entire thing before he answered you. "Making the yard nicer for you. Check it out. A garden bed."

But you weren't really looking at the yard as much as you were looking at him. You wrapped your arms around his sweaty torso and kissed him. "You're so sweet."

He grinned down at you but didn't dare touch, not wanting to get your cute dress all dirty. "We can go to the nursery tomorrow and pick out some flowers if you want. We can plant them...." His word trailed off as you bit your lip and slipped your hand inside the front of his sweatpants.

"I've been thinking about this since I left for brunch." Your voice was soft and breathless as your fingers teased his length before you wrapped your small hand around his cock. "Been thinking about these gray sweatpants."

Bradley let you ease the fabric down until he was fully exposed. You were licking your lips and moaning softly. He knew exactly what that meant.

"God damn it," he groaned as you dropped to your knees on the grass in front of him. He was standing in the center of the yard, looking around to see if there was any way one of the neighbors could see what was going on. But when you kissed and licked away his precum before parting your lips and taking his tip, he decided he didn't care.

Bradley reached one big palm to the back of your head and guided you along. You took him a little deeper, looking up at him as your mouth filled up with each inch of him until your lip was brushing his coarse hairs. You gagged a bit, hollowing your cheeks as you sucked on him. "You're such a good girl. I'll give you anything you want."

You moaned around him, your tongue swirling along the underside of his entire length until you pulled him out to the tip. You kissed him sweetly and softly asked, "You know what I want, Roo?"

Bradley shook his head a little bit, dazed as you let his cock rest against your plush tongue. He was panting now and twitching as your hot breath teased his dick.

"You tell me what you want, and I'll give it to you."

You giggled and smiled up at him with half lidded eyes as your tongue caressed him. You kissed his swollen tip and nuzzled him with your nose before you said, "I want you to fuck me. Right here. In our backyard."

Bradley hauled you to your feet by grabbing your elbows. You squealed with delight, but he hushed you with one hand over your mouth. "I'll give you what you want, but you have to behave. You want our elderly neighbors calling the cops, because they think I'm back here trying to murder you?"

You groaned and licked Bradley's palm, gripping his cock with both hands. "Please, Bradley. Please make it so good that it sounds like that!"

His hand drifted down to your neck, and he led you to the side of the shed, stroking your soft skin as you practically purred for him. His hard dick bounced along, hanging out over his sweatpants as he backed you up against the small building. "Okay."

-----------------------

You were so turned on for him, and you blamed it all on his sweatpants. He had no idea what he was capable of in those things. But without underwear? Bradley Bradshaw should have been illegal.

And now he had your back pinned against the shed with his huge hand on your neck while he reached into your underwear and started to finger you.

"Oh," you gasped, admiring the way his aviators were sliding down his nose while you rode his middle finger. The pressure on your throat wasn't enough to hurt, but it was enough to make you feel like you were no longer in charge here. And that feeling excited you.

Bradley's thumb stroked your clit, and you cried out for him. "Shh, be a good girl," he whispered, kissing your lips one time while his middle finger pressed forward on your most sensitive spot. When you whimpered, he kissed your forehead and said, "Yeah, nice and quiet, Baby Girl. Show me how good you can be."

You kept your little noises as quiet as you could, moving your hips in time with his thumb stroking you. When you were close, Bradley slipped his finger out of you, leaving you whining his name. He spun you to face the shed, yanking your underwear down so the lace brushed along your legs before they hit the ground. You planted both of your palms against the siding as Bradley pulled your dress up to your waist, fully exposing you to any neighbor who could have potentially been a little too nosy.

"Oh my god," you groaned as Bradley planted his left hand above yours and guided himself inside you with the other.

"You're so fucking wet." His voice was deep and needy as he fucked you, placing his hand on your pussy. He let you rub yourself against him as he bumped you along with his thrusts.

"Bradley." The second syllable was much louder than the first, your voice rising in pitch with pleasure. "Fuck!"

"Shh," he scolded once more. "Quiet, or I'll stop."

It was an empty threat, you were sure of it. He must be beyond the point of no return, but just in case, you covered your own mouth with your hand. He had you pinned tight between his pelvis and his palm, grinding against your butt, and holding you in place.

The beautiful friction of his palm had you clenching and cumming as your orgasm washed over you suddenly. "It's so good," you whined, needing both hands on the shed to keep yourself upright. "You're so good, Roo."

The string of obscenities he muttered next to your ear were nowhere near as filthy as his cock slamming into you and filling you with his cum. He used your pussy to drain him of every last drop as you pulsed around him, and when he withdrew, you felt your thighs get coated with his mess.

You spun around to face him, eyes wide. "I can't believe you fucked me in the backyard." Your eyes dipped down to his cock, softening and dripping your mixed ejaculate all over those gray sweatpants.

He tipped your chin up and looked at you over the top of his aviators. "You tell me you want something, I'm going to give it to you. Especially if it's my cock."

You grinned and kissed him before adjusting his sunglasses. "Let's go inside. We have even more laundry to do now." You tucked him back inside his sweatpants before stepping out of your underwear. "Don't forget those," you said, pointing to the scrap of lace in the grass.

You watched Bradley bend down and pick them up, bringing them up to his nose with a grunt as he followed you inside.

---------------------------

I hope you enjoyed Rooster's gray sweatpants @thedroneranger

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#bradley rooster bradshaw x reader #rooster x you #rooster fanfic #rooster x female reader #rooster x reader #bradley bradshaw x reader #bradley rooster bradshaw #bradley bradshaw fic #bradley bradshaw imagine #bradley bradshaw x female reader #bradley bradshaw fanfiction #bradley rooster x reader #rooster bradshaw x female reader #top gun fanfiction #top gun maverick fanfiction #top gun imagine

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jtl07 · 2 months

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Oh wow, the ideas kept spinning! So much fun! Now I got a new idea 😅 What if Bea’s band need a new drummer, and Ava shows up (late of course) to the audition. The other band-mates, especially Mary, is ready to just say thank you, next. She is late, she is too bubly for their style and she wears a pink shirt with frogs on?!? Nope, next! But Beatrice can see (and feel) that there’s something there. Something they need! She fights for her. To give her a chance! Something Ava has never experienced before 😭

lolol anon you've started a whole thing what have you doneeeeee

first off, pink shirt with frogs is fantastic love it to bits and of course Mary's like, "no, hell no, fuck no," but they've been holding auditions all week and Beatrice hasn't been impressed with any of the drummers they've seen so far and she's hella stressed because they have an important gig coming up and the fact that this girl is smiling at Beatrice so hopefully is absolutely not a factor in why Beatrice quietly tells Mary to let her play. "it's only fair," is what she says and Mary grumbles but allows it.

and maybe Beatrice notices that she doesn't have any sheet music so she offers Ava a copy but Ava's like, "nope, no need, I've got it all memorized" - which makes both Beatrice and Mary pause because no. their stuff is complicated, proudly so, and for this kid to waltz in here late and wearing a toddler t-shirt - Beatrice lays a hand on Mary's forearm to quiet her muttering.

Ava takes her time adjusting her seat - "geez last guy must have been a giant" she jokes, while Mary grumbles "isn't everyone compared to you?" and Beatrice lets out a quiet sigh - but finally she settles in. "which one should I start with?" Ava asks and Mary scoffs at the assumption that they're gonna listen to her play more than a few measures, much less a whole song.

but Beatrice answers, "in this life." it makes Mary grin because it's one of their more technical songs, one that most of the auditioners have avoided -and those who'd attempted it had been stopped after only a few bars- and to Beatrice's surprise, it makes Ava grin as well.

"nice," Ava says, wiggling in her seat. "that one's my favorite," as if she knows their music - she knows their music? Beatrice wonders as Ava takes up her drumsticks.

and then Ava starts to play.

to call it playing is inaccurate - or rather, an incomplete description of what Ava does. it's playing in the sense that it's playful - there's a joy that Ava exudes, even here, now, with this most complicated of songs; but there's also something raw, something fierce in the way she throws her whole self into the music - like her life depends on it, like death is at her heels, taunting, haunting, and this is Ava fighting back - do not go gentle into that good light, Beatrice thinks, prays; something inside her rises and rages along with Ava, driving the drumbeat of her heart.

Ava finishes the song, looks over at them breathlessly, a wide grin on her face. it wasn't perfect. even in the haze that had consumed Beatrice, she had been aware of that - the momentary stutters, a flourish where one wasn't written - but it was the most enthralling performance Beatrice had seen that day, had seen in her life, if she was being honest.

"well, Ava, thank you for -" "you're in."

both Ava and Mary gape at Beatrice. Mary's eyes narrow, "Beatrice -"

"she's the best shot we have," Beatrice argues, voice low but still fierce, still riding off of the high that was Ava's performance.

Mary shakes her head. "there's still a couple people we can call, she made too many mistakes, Bea."

"let me practice with her. give me two days." the words are out of Beatrice's mouth before she can fully register what she's saying, but she continues anyway. "two days, and if she's not up to par, we'll do it your way. please, Mary."

Mary looks hard at Beatrice, glances at Ava, who's sitting nervously behind the kit, then back at Beatrice. sighs. "two days," she finally acquiesces, grumbling already about how she's going to regret everything. but Beatrice has already tuned Mary out and tuned herself to Ava's frequency.

two days. Beatrice smiles up at Ava; knows she'll get it in one.

#anon you have the biggest brain #i should probably have tagged these lol #band au #i guess?#jt writes fic #jt answers #avatrice #also i'm picturing mary on bass because of course she would #i'm torn between either shannon or lilith as their usual drummer hm #definitely cam on keyboard who joins them occasionally

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luveline · 1 year

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Hello! I have an idea for the asf universe and would love to see what you make of it (but I love you more so no pressure ofc! 😊😊) Not sure if I’m explaining this well, but maybe ghost is having a day where they’re kind of a bit spacey, just a little lost, sort of moving around in a floaty way. Would love to see how Fred (and George maybe!) kind of keep an eye on her and help ground her, all with that heavy sort of achey love at seeing her like this in their hearts. Thanks sm!!

I hope this is close to what you meant angel, thank you for requesting me! fem!reader, 1k

cw for mental health issues, low moods, spacing out

"Where's your stool?" Fred asks.

You look up at him and rub a sleepy from the corner of your eye. "It was here earlier."

You look not unsteady, exactly, but as though a whipping breeze could knock you down. Fred presses his lips together rather than frown at you, readjusting the boxes under his arms as they begin to slip. The shop is alive around you, at odds with your listlessness. A firecracker frog jumps over your shoes, the heat like sunlight across both of your ankles, but you don't seem to notice.

"Well, that's not alright, is it?" he asks. Gentle, because he wants to be gentle with you, but not too much, lest you feel condescended. "Did George borrow it?"

Your eyes gain a smidge of life. "Yeah. He's bringing it back."

"Would you rather have a chair? Your back must hurt," he says, ducking as a whizzbanger shoots over his head.

"It's really loud in here today, Freddie."

Fred curses the stuff he's carrying. You're only observing, but you're using that tone that hurts his chest, has his hands reaching for you despite the audience of the shop's customers surrounding from both sides and upstairs.

"Let me go put these away, doll. I want to talk to you about something."

"Okay," you murmur. Fred worries more, but luckily you've the wherewithal to speak when a customer approaches, "Hi, how are you?"

Fred swears under his breath and heads to the front of the store where they put the best product. George has indeed borrowed your stool, stretched tall on one dangerous leg as he reattaches a fabric poster that's falling down.

"Almost done?" Fred asks, dropping boxes unceremoniously onto the shelf before waving his hand at them. It's a shame he dropped out, really —the boxes leap to position without wand nor a verbal spell.

George hops down. "Done. Y/N looks a bit… unwell, yeah?"

Fred grabs the stool in one hand. "Yeah. I have it, don't worry."

"I'd say take her upstairs, but…"

But it's too busy and they'd have to close, which would potentially make them late on rent this month because they haven't been busy in a while.

"I think she's okay," Fred says, shrugging one shoulder. He's not sure, honestly, but he wants to offer you as much privacy as he can. "I have her, seriously."

"I know," George says.

Fred hikes it back to your station. You're staring through the till into space, holding your arm loosely in your hand. Fred props the stool behind you and gives you a nudge.

"You have to tell me if you don't feel well," he says. He winces at how close it sounds to a telling off, taking your face into his hands apologetically. "You're very, very quiet today."

You perk up a touch. "I feel a bit tired." You offer him a smile that doesn't reach your eyes. They're sad, and lazy, focused on his nose.

"Is that what it is?" he teases.

He never speaks to you with cruelty and it pays off. He can make these small jokes about how you're feeling and be secure in knowing that you know he means well. You melt into his palms.

"What are you thinking about?"

"Nothing good," you say, dredging up another weak smile.

Fred hates that most. He hates that you spent a long, long time before you met him hiding how you felt. You never deserved the shame. You shouldn't have to water it down or ignore it hoping it'll go away, or hoping that people won't see it. You can't help it. That's what breaks his heart, and what makes it easy to do as he does now, curling an arm around your shoulder to drop a line of kisses over your forehead.

"Ghost?" he asks.

You lean on his abdomen. He hugs you.

"Y/N?" he whispers, ducking his head down further.

"Yeah?"

"Are you okay, lovely girl?"

You preen at his pet name. It's exactly why he says it. Nodding, you rest your face in his shirt and relax. It's impressive in the chaos of the shop.

You ignore him as a customer approaches the till. He knows it's bad service, and he knows it might appear like you're two lovebirds being disgusting in public, but Fred doesn't make you move away from him as he serves them. You hold onto his shirt with tentative fingers.

As soon as he's done with them he descends on you again. He doesn't know how to fix everything, but Fred knows you, and how much affection can ease the bad feelings.

"I think we need a film night tonight," he says.

"I have inventory," you say, as though your boyfriend isn't your boss.

"I'll make George do it…" He peeks around to make sure no one's waiting or looking before he presses a proper kiss to your lips. You kiss back enough to settle his nerves about the whole thing. You're okay, you're just having a rough day. "What I want is me and you and an apple pie with ice cream," he decides. He can see it now. You in his bed in your comfiest pyjamas, your eyes lit up properly, a spoon in your hand.

Fred just wants you to smile and mean it.

"And we'll watch that film you like. With the dogs."

Your hand falls against the small of his back. He has a line of stretch marks there that fascinate you when you're both alone together. You trail your fingertip up and down the ridges like your fingertips are climbing a ladder.

"You'll let me plait your hair?" you ask softly.

"Let my favourite girl play with my hair for hours? You'll have to let me think about it."

You laugh. Fred knows you're gonna be okay.

#a special friend universe #fred weasley x reader #fred weasley imagine

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reslari · 2 months

Text

Time for

Revelations with Res

(Regarding: Godfrey, Marika, and the Hornsent)

The Secret Rite Scroll says: "A lord will usher in a god's return,

and the lord's soul will require a vessel."

Based on Miquella's interpretation via the stuff with Radahn and Mohg, it means that the Lord and another must be sacrificed, and then the Lord's soul needs the body of the other one sacrificed to return, with the God in tow.

At first I thought that this being a "Secret Rite Scroll" means that Marika didn't have anything to do with it, that it's some Secret Third Way to use the divine gateway to ascend. But no, now I think Marika did use it.

On Godfrey.

And she sacrificed a random, nameless Hornsent to put his soul into.

Now, my first thought was "why would someone who played such an important part have no name or mention", but then I remember... Mohg is basically a "random nameless nobody". Gideon doesn't know his name, or even that he's an Omen, just that there's a shardbearer calling himself the "Lord of Blood." When Morgott is naming demigods at the thrones in Leyndell, he says nothing about Mohg at all. It seems everyone knows more about Ranni, and Ranni's entire thing is keeping a low profile. Mohg is basically a ghost, and maybe that works out, because then, presumably "no one" would miss him or notice he's gone.

Furthermore, for Marika's part, why would a sacrifice - and a Hornsent, at that - ever be enshrined in a history Marika controls the narrative of?

This could very well be the "seduction and betrayal" it was talking about in the trailer. She suckered some poor Hornsent into getting close to her. We know not all the Hornsent were down with all the shady shit that was going on in the gaols, etc. After all, the Greater Potentate's Cookbooks talk about it, so one of the would-be sacrificial shamans manipulating a Hornsent into becoming a sacrificial goat in turn isn't farfetched. Especially via "seduction" - which also would explain why the Hornsent grandam calls Marika a "strumpet" (an old timey word for "slut" for anyone who didn't look it up). The fact she's so focused on Marika's sexual proclivities, instead of Marika's bloodthirsty genocide-war is kind of telling, in that regard. Almost like what Marika slept with... might have been a Hornsent. It might have even been one of the Sculpted Keepers, considering Godfrey's later affinity with lions, or that could just be a happy coincidence with Serosh just happening to be a storm lion.

Note: She could just be a cantankerous old woman and calling Marika a slut a gendered insult, because old lady and inter-women aggression, but I still feel like there are better insults to call the bloodthirsty despot that's murdering and oppressing your people than a "slut". The line from the trailer could be metaphorical, still (Marika was "seduced" by the power the Greater Will offered her.) But this feels direct and personal, like the Hornsent Grandam was privy to some kind of information.

Anyway, she killed the hornsent, and Godfrey, and returned as a God.

And because Godfrey's body is now a Hornsent...

It explains why he has the Crucible Knights. It explains why his children with Marika ended up developing aspects of the Crucible. (I don't think Godwyn is an exception, actually, considering his piscine appearance. His traits either were suppressed or manifested after death. The DLC is clear that horns, wings, and tails are NOT the only Crucible aspects that people can develop; there's frog tongues, and flower blooms, and whatever Devonia's weird taur-form thing was. Fish scales and gills and weird clam-faces are not out of the question.)

It explains way too much about what happened with that first generation of demigods.

Yes, Godfrey doesn't have external horns, but I think I can explain that, too:

Not all the Hornsent develop huge horns. In fact, given the Tanglehorn Bairn description, it sounds like a lot that would just die in infancy. Most of the little Hornsent commoner dudes you see just have a few small horns poking out of their heads. Mohg definitely developed a grandiose "tanglehorn" sort of look, but when Radahn took over his body, all that remained were a few poking up around his arms and legs. Would make sense that a "lesser" hornsent's horns would disappear entirely. But that doesn't mean the effect is gone, something that people with no concept of "DNA" or "alleles" could know about.

Speaking of which: The Hornsent think tanglehorns "invoke divinity" which makes me think the choice of Mohg as the sacrifice was deliberate - He is very, VERY evocative of "tanglehorns". Therefore, according to Hornsent culture, he'd probably be a very spiritually powerful Hornsent. And there seems to be some truth to their claims.

The most powerful Hornsent to be sacrificed, to host the soul of the most powerful demigod as a Lord, to usher in the most powerful Empyrean as the - presumably - most powerful God.

I don't think any of that was an accident.

- - -

Side note: I know this doesn't help the Miquella accusations, but Radahn coming back with visible horns might have actually been part of the plan. I do think Miquella intended to uphold the promise he made with his Hornsent follower, and an Elden Lord with visible Crucible traits could have been seen as part of that - he was honoring their idea of divinity in the form of a "tanglehorn".

Furthermore, by using a horn-encrusted Radahn to fight Messmer's Inquisition, it might look like some kind of repentance for Marika's aggressions. A son of Marika fighting another son of Marika with a horned Lord could elicit a positive response from the Hornsent... and Radahn would get the "endless war" he wants against Messmer. There's not actually a reason to mentally manipulate the inquisition, since they were all there voluntarily; they're not the ones suffering, and they weren't fooled into being there.

#elden ring #elden ring spoilers #shadow of the erdtree #shadow of the erdtree spoilers #spoilers #Queen Marika #godfrey the first elden lord #hornsent #miquella the unalloyed #general radahn

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sserpente · 2 years

Photo

A/N: I had this idea a while back. It’s not necessarily that Christmassy so if you’re going to read this outside of the Christmas season or you don’t celebrate Christmas, you’ll be fine too. Have fun!

Words: 2892 Warnings: spiked drink/drug consumption, fluff

“I can’t believe you persuaded me to come.” Eddie took a puff from his cigarette, eyeing the ongoing party through his open van window up and down with dismay. People he knew from school but never spoke to crowded the place, some of them dancing, some of the snogging, some of them puking and all of them drinking.

Now Eddie wasn’t opposed to a few good beers and raiding his uncle’s spirit cabinet every now and then but the mindless High School partying had certainly never been his cup of tea—regardless of the fact that no one ever invited him anyway.

“You wanted to come!” Dustin exclaimed over the loud music. It was his first party since joining High School. Lucas had convinced the other jocks to invite him and his friends and now here he was, making sure little Henderson didn’t do anything stupid.

“I only came because you said there were gonna be drugs.” Plus, he wouldn’t say no to selling a few bags tonight himself. He could use the cash, especially after Wayne had confessed money was gonna be tight for the rest of the month.

“Look, I don’t like these parties either but Lucas wanted us to come and we’re gonna have fun and have a drink and dance…” Dustin offered him a goofy and innocent smile. Eddie smirked, ruffling the younger boy’s hair. He took a final puff from his cigarette and got out of the car. He’d get back home to his beloved guitar to practice some new tunes soon enough. Henderson wouldn’t make it past 1 am, he was sure of that.

You liked winter-break-Christmas parties. At least, that’s what you kept telling yourself to not feel completely crazy and like an old woman. Loud music, teens rubbing their body parts on each other, underage drinking and sometimes, more often than not, destroyed furniture. Your social battery was running low today. In fact, it always ran low. But this was what you were supposed to be doing, right? Partying, enjoying life, enjoying your youth and doing stupid things before you had to grow up and do your taxes and shit.

Of all people, it had been your mum to let you come here in the first place, to meet new people and finally make friends because apparently, it was abnormal to move to a new place and go unnoticed for over a year. Well, you enjoyed the solitude and the additional time the loner method gave you to read and plan your next concerts.

At least the alcohol was good. You’d already had a beer and now made your way back to the hallway with a red plastic cup filled with an unknown mix of expensive spirits—the good stuff—in hand, too lost in thought to watch where you were going… well, actually you were avoiding looking people in the eye, when you bumped into a leather jacket and a washed-out Metallica shirt.

“Oh, sorry…” You choked out, your words swallowed by the loud bass of the music—and gasped for air when your eyes locked with a pair of chocolate button eyes. Eddie The Freak Munson offered you an apologetic smile and raised his hands in defeat. Not exactly what you had expected from someone who dressed like him and regularly brought the teachers at school to a white rage but who you were you to judge? Most people didn’t even know your name here in Hawkins.

The thing was just… you had spoken before. O’Donnells had made a habit out of pairing the two of you during her classes. You were both so equally horrible at Spanish that she must have given up on making an effort for you to improve and just let you do your grammatically horrendous thing. Eddie was doodling in class most of the time or singing and playing some song in his head but still, lessons with him were always… fun. In fact, Eddie was adorable. You’d long have made a move to ask him out if you had the guts to do it. Judging by his battle jacket, he did like the same music, after all.

“You okay?” Eddie tilted his head, his expression getting a little more serious. “You look a little uncomfortable.”

“I think I’ve come to the conclusion I don’t like crowds unless there’s a stage with a band playing right in front of me,” you said.

“Fair point. Why did you come?”

“I’m not sure… aren’t we supposed to like all this?” You gestured around the overcrowded hallway.

“Nah… being like everyone else is overrated,” he responded with a wink. Your heart skipped a beat.

Grinning and to conceal how flustered he’d just made you, you asked, “Why… are you here then, Munson?”

“Henderson. It’s his first party.”

“Oh. That’s… nice of you.” You leaned against your wall, taking a huge gulp from your cup. Whatever it was, it tasted amazing. Fruity. You drank some more. “It doesn’t feel like a Christmas party though.”

“The tree is missing. Definitely,” he agreed, sarcasm dripping from his voice. You looked at each other for a moment and laughed.

“How’s, uh… how’s your music coming along?” You asked, genuine interest swinging in your voice. You drank some more. The alcohol was making you brave. Made it easier for you to talk to Eddie. Well, perhaps that was also because you were not trying to speak to him in Spanish.

“Pretty well, actually. We play gigs at the Hideout now.”

“Oh, that’s cool!” Another gulp. “You should make some posters and plaster them outside of Hawkins to raise some attention.”

“Yeah, we should… we should.” You had a feeling he didn’t elaborate because printing posters cost a shit ton of money. You couldn’t blame him and you doubted they were getting paid for their gigs. You felt your cheeks heating up when he gave you a smile instead, his brown eyes drifting to your hand holding the cup for a moment.

“Hey, can I ask you something?”

“Shoot!”

“Could you… help me paint my nails sometime?”

“Your nails? Your nails?” You took a look at your own nails. You didn’t think you’d ever used a colour other than black.

“Yeah… I think it would look quite metal.”

You laughed. “Well… you’re not wrong. But if that’s the case, you should go all the way out and make your eyes pop with black eyeliner.”

Eddie’s eyes practically lit up.

“I can lend you mine,” you continued. “If you’re gonna get sweaty during your gig you want something that lasts, not the cheap stuff from the drugstore.”

“Is there a catch?” He asked, almost suspiciously. You shook your head.

“No.” Your lips parted when his expression hardened with a start and he stared at someone in the distance somewhere behind you.

“Everything okay?” Another gulp. Damn, that drink was really good. You’d emptied half of it already.

“Just… Carver and his laundry basket crew…” He turned back to you. “Hey, do you mind if we head to the porch for a moment?”

“Ugh… he still thinks you’re a satanic cult leader, huh?”

Eddie shrugged his shoulders as you followed him outside. You let out a sigh of relief when the sounds of the party got quieter, replaced by the peaceful chirping of the cicadas.

“I mean, what does he think you’re going to do? Dice them to death?”

His laugh went down like soft butter, caressing your ears and his grin… his grin made your heart flutter. Damn it. You weren’t about to develop a crush on this man, were you?

“Maybe… I could imagine throwing a D20 at people with full force hurts.”

“You should hide under the tribune during the next game and do that just to make a point,” you suggested, giggling to yourself. That drink was kicking in fast. Might as well use the liquid courage to have a proper conversation with Eddie.

“Tell me about your game. I don’t know an awful lot about D&D but it sounds creative.”

Eddie mimicked you when you leaned against the wall, crossing his arms before his chest. His boyish grin grew even wider as he began to tell you about his newest campaign that was going to “wreck the boys”.

You weren’t sure how many minutes passed, only that your cup got lighter and lighter—much like your head. You stumbled a little, blinking just a little too fast.

“You okay?” Eddie tilted his head, stopping his passionate retelling. The question was reasonable. You felt… funny, to say the least. Funny enough to throw yourself into Eddie’s arms and squeeze him tight. “You are sooo handsome, you know? I just don’t have the balls to tell you. Plus I don’t know how to say it in Spanish,” you giggled, pressing your cheek against his shirt. He smelled nice, minus the cigarette smoke.

Eddie caught you, almost losing his balance in the process. “Uh…”

“I’m soo happy you’re here. I’m soo happy I’m here!” You giggled once more, a lot more hysterically this time.

Eddie pushed you an arm’s length away from him, concern visible on his face. You didn’t register it properly but giggled when he cupped your face with both his calloused hands, his cold rings cooling your heated cheeks. He looked you deep in the eye, almost as if to inspect them.

“Shit…”

“Whaaat?”

“Do you feel… high… by any chance?” Your eyes widened.

“I’m high?” You screeched.

“Give me that.” Eddie didn’t wait for an answer. Unceremoniously, he snatched the red cup from your hand and gave it a sniff. Then he took a sip and spat it out only a heartbeat later.

“What’s happening to me, Eddie?” You giggled once more.

“Someone’s spiked your drink.”

“Whaaaaat?” You drew the word out even more this time. Granted, that would explain the funny feeling. You wanted to cover Eddie in kisses until he begged you for mercy—everywhere. His face, his hands and those damned rings, his chest, his thighs… his cock… oh fuck, you really were high.

“Yeah. And they didn’t exactly measure the dose by the taste of that.”

“How do you even taste that?”

“That’s… a question for another time. Come on… woah… careful.” Eddie caught you just in time when you lost your balance and almost collided with the ground. “Do you have a ride home?”

“Nooo…”

“What, were you gonna walk?”

“Not too far.”

“Not too far? You don’t live too far away, you mean?” Eddie sighed, frustration visible on his handsome and cute face when you only shrugged. He put an arm around you to give you support, reluctantly leading you back inside.

“Hey, Harrington, are you drunk?” He called out when he found who he seemed to be looking for.

“What? No.”

“Can you take Henderson home for me later?”

“Sure… what happened?” Steve eyed you up and down, his lips slightly parted. You chuckled. You used to have the biggest crush on him when you first moved here—much like everyone else.

“Drugs. Overdose. Drink spiked. Quite possibly Ecstasy.”

“Shit… Eddie, she needs a hospital.”

“Nah, that’s just gonna get her in trouble once she’s all sobered up. And me too, given that I’m the one who’d take her there. This isn’t the first time I’ve seen that, I’ll make sure she’s okay.”

“Alright… but call me if something goes wrong. I’ll be calling it a night soon.”

Eddie grinned at him. “You’re getting old, big boy.”

It was the last thing you remembered him saying before the world went blurry and all you could still think about was how you wanted to crawl under Eddie’s skin to cuddle him properly.

Ow. The headache was terrible. You woke up to a spinning room, your brain pounding against your skull. You sat up, making the spinning even worse, and opened your eyes, rubbing your temples in the process.

Weird. You didn’t remember taking your shoes and jacket off before you went to bed. In fact, you couldn’t remember going to bed altogether. And… since when did you have a Metallica poster on your door?

Confused, you looked around. This wasn’t your room. There were clothes scattered all over, a crazy expensive-looking e-guitar hanging on the wall next to two pairs of… handcuffs? Oh, and the surfaces of the desk and his nightstand were practically invisible. Were those condoms? You blushed. Oh… oh fuck, what if you…?

Your heart skipped a beat when the door opened and the man in question entered his room, closing the door behind him quietly. He froze when you realised you had woken up.

“Hi…”

“Hey… uh…”

“There’s some water on the nightstand. Don’t worry I put it there just before you woke up, hasn’t been sitting there for days. You gotta hydrate.”

“Thank you.” Taking him up on his offer, you reached for the glass and emptied it with but a few greedy gulps.

“What… what happened?” You asked.

“What’s the last thing you remember?”

“Well… we talked… we went outside because you wanted to avoid Jason and the others… I… I think we were talking about D&D? The rest… the rest is all gone.”

“That drink you had was spiked with drugs,” Eddie said matter-of-factly. You’d never seen him so serious. You clutched the empty glass tighter. “Some stupid party game. They fill up a bunch of cups with alcohol and mix drugs in a few of them. Whoever gets ‘lucky’ to drink it up…” His hand movement explained the rest. Ends up like you. “I took you home as soon as I realised. But then I also realised that I have no idea where you live so… I brought you to my place. Sorry.”

“That’s okay. Thank you, Eddie. What was that in that drink anyway?”

“Ecstasy, I think. That shit is intense on its own but whatever asshole put it in your drink, they didn’t dose it right. That, uh… could have killed you. But,” he went on, sitting down on a chair the wrong way around, “you’re not vomiting your guts out right now so that’s a good sign.”

“Oh. Good to know.” You paused, biting your lower lip. “Eddie… we, uh… we didn’t… um… you know… right?”

Eddie’s eyes widened. “Oh no! No, no, no, don’t worry, sweetheart. I just… got rid of your shoes and your jacket and tucked you into bed. Even slept on the couch like a true gentleman,” he responded, grinning proudly in the process.

“Oh good… I just thought…” You glanced at the condoms on the nightstand.

“Oh yeah… I… didn’t expect to have anyone over. Didn’t bother cleaning up a little.”

You nodded. His room was pretty much exactly how you’d imagined it. Full of metal stuff and records, plastered in posters, a little chaotic and messy but all in all, cosy and homely.

“What else… did I say… and do? I literally… I don’t remember anything.”

“Not much… Uh… you were giggling a lot on the ride here.”

“W-what else?”

The metalhead shrugged. “You were all over me… but you would have found a tree attractive in that state, so don’t worry about it…”

Your lips parted. Oh. So your high self had admitted to Eddie that you were crushing on him. Just great. “I don’t, I… I mean, I do… never mind.” Your head was still hurting way too much to confess your feelings, even if you longed to give him some confidence he appeared to be lacking with you. A tree. A fucking tree. Did he not realise how incredibly hot he was?

“D-Does anyone know I’m here?” You asked then, if anything to shut up your brain.

“Harrington does. But the police don’t have a clue about what happened if that’s what you’re wondering.”

You let out a breath of relief. “Thank you… my mum would have quite possibly killed me.”

Eddie smiled. “Yeah… well, your secret’s safe with me. To be fair, you didn’t know what you were drinking. Shit like that is dangerous.”

“I think… I think I do remember something though. How… how did you know I was high and not just tipsy?”

You watched him shift in his chair a little. Pleasant shivers ran up and down your spine when he spoke your name. “I, uh… deal. I know a thing or two about drugs and I know how to do it safely… more or less.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah…”

Silence spread between you. Comfortable silence. Who knows what would have happened last night if Eddie hadn’t been there to recognise your symptoms and take you to his place to rest? You couldn’t believe people made him out to be a villain. He was most definitely one of the sweetest men you’d ever met.

“Eddie…?”

He looked up, a little unsure of what to say, so it seemed.

“You wouldn’t, uh… like to… go out sometime, would you?”

“Go out? With you?” He raised his eyebrows in disbelief.

“Yes…” You smiled. “Besides… I owe you some nail polish and eyeliner. After last night’s stunt, you can have both.”

Eddie grinned sheepishly. “There’s an amazing band playing just outside of Hawkins next week. I can get you a ticket?”

A metal concert—that sounded like a perfect date idea for someone like Eddie. You chuckled. “Of course. Let’s do it. I’ll bring the make-up, promise.”

A/N: I saw some videos of Joseph speaking some German words in Dortmund. I am deceased, he is adorable! Alright... I hope you enjoyed that, haha!

Also, my first novel is coming out! FINALLY! Check out my pinned post on my blog for more details! ♥

#eddie munson #eddie munson imagine #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x female reader #eddie munson fluff #eddie stranger things #eddie stranger things imagine #stranger things #stranger things imagine #joseph quinn

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mixelation · 1 year

Text

i wrote. con stuff

Kakashi was refilling water canteens when he saw him up close for the first time.

There were water jugs, set up along the hallways of the hotel. They came with nearly useless paper cones, and the space beneath the spigot wasn’t quite right for a Konoha-issued canteen. Kakashi was tucked into an alcove of one of the less trafficked corridors, finagling water into his canteen with the grace of a genin field-dressing their first wound, when he was hit with the scent of cinnamon.

Kakashi looked up. There was a gaggle of people headed his way, their loud civilian footsteps muffled by the carpet. They were all clearly orbiting around one person.

Kakashi found himself craning his head to look. He’d seen that guy from afar, before– he was the three-time winner of the Hokage Look-alike contest. He was in full costume, and Kakashi had to admit: this guy did make that cloak look good. He had cooler boots than Minato, even, and a roguish smile that made him look just a little dangerous, and a sword at his waist that Minato would never use but certainly offered a specific aesthetic. He was tanned and tall, and even though his hair was clearly bleached, it was cut well to frame his handsome face. Instead of a flak jacket zipped up to his neck, he had a low V-neck shirt that showed off he was as fit as everyone thought a ninja should be. He even smelled cool: sandalwood soap and cinnamon whiskey.

Kakashi watched him as he passed by and then entered a screening room for some terrible TV show, his entourage of men and women alike babbling along behind him. The guy walked with the confidence of a Kage, even if his swagger was painfully civilian.

Kakashi had spilled water all over his gloves. This was not a big deal, except he’d been refilling fucking Itachi’s canteen along with his own. Kakashi found him with the rest at a table in the little food court, and as he took his canteen, Itachi’s eyes traveled from his damp hand to his face with a look of judgment, like he knew exactly what happened.

Itachi’s judgment, if one were to qualify and analyze all his facial expressions (or lack thereof, considering he had on an ANBU mask today), was mild. But it still felt like intense scrutiny.

“Maa, Sensei, I saw your clone,” Kakashi said, sliding into an empty seat. Someone had bought him an extremely disappointing looking lunch. Wonderful. “He had about ten people following him.”

“Oh, so like the real Hokage,” Tori quipped.

Minato amicably rolled his eyes, pushing a drink at Kakashi. Kakashi was pretty sure Itachi was technically on duty now, as Minato’s guard lost their shit whenever he decided to randomly leave Konoha for the day. There were a lot of cosplayers in bad ANBU masks wandering around, but Itachi wasn’t the type to break regulation for a quick costume.

Tori would probably wear anything, though, Kakashi thought as she unpacked a plastic bag to show off her purchases. He should buy her a bird mask. She’d hate that.

A chicken, he decided, flipping over a doujin to read the back.

“Well?” Minato prompted, leaning forward conspiratorially. “Was his costume accurate?”

“Not really,” Kakashi replied. The doujin was about a fictional kunoichi realizing she was the Third Kazekage’s lovechild. Weird. “He sort of had… pirate vibes?”

Minato squinted at him uncertainly.

“But cool,” Kakashi assured him.

“His name is X,” Tori said very authoritatively. “Just X. That’s what’s on all his registrations.”

Minato frowned thoughtfully at his own lunch. “Is that cool? I can’t decide if that’s cool or not.”

“They think it’s cool,” Tori said, pointing to the entrance of the food court.

X must not have liked the TV show very much, because he and what looked like an even bigger gaggle of fans spilled into the food court. Minato turned to watch blatantly and Tori followed suit, like gossipy children.

(Itachi was much more subtle as he checked out the guy. He was in uniform, after all.)

“Wow,” Minato half-whispered, turning back around. “He does have pirate vibes. But, like, cool?”

“Is that an earring?” Itachi asked.

“Should I get a shirt like that?” Minato wondered, staring down at himself.

“I’m going to go talk to him,” Tori announced, kicking her feet over the bench. “Investigate. Find out his secrets.”

“Find out who made his cloak,” Minato told her. “Mine’s getting raggedy.”

Tori sauntered off. She always stomped around cons with the gait of a civilian, but Kakashi watched her add a little sway to her hips as she sashayed directly up to the mass of people floating around X as he ordered a shave ice.

Kakashi watched Tori’s mouth as she twirled a strand of hair and asked if X also had Minato’s famous ANBU tattoo, which Minato absolutely didn’t have. She punctuated this by brushing her hand against his bicep.

Kakashi read X’s lips as he smiled back at her: A true fan, are you?

“Damn, those dimples,” Minato commented. “I think I’m a little in love.”

One of the women who’d been floating around X looked absolutely stricken when Tori replied to a teasing accusation of being bold with, The Yellow Flash is quick but I’m quicker.

“Does that even make sense?” Itachi wondered.

“Should we…” Kakashi started. That guy was at least thirty, and Tori was seventeen. But also: Tori would eat him alive. Kakashi wasn’t sure where this train of thought had been going.

Now she was leading him back over to them. She was quick. She had a little skip to her step on par with the time she’d shown him a seal made out of bacteria in a Petri dish.

“This is X,” Tori introduced. Five separate people had sort of filed after them. “X, this is my Uncle, Minato.”

Itachi did a sort of full body twitch that made Tori’s eyes glint. If anyone connected the dots, no one showed it. Minato’s actual name wasn’t very common knowledge among civilians.

“Er, hi,” Minato said, awkwardly standing to bow. His cheeks were pink. “Um– nice costume.”

X’s return smile was a little too cocky to be truly friendly, but also, those cheekbones.

“Oh, you have a whole little group,” X drawled. “That’s cute.”

Itachi twitched again. Tori’s smile was starting to gain a sort of manic quality.

“Thanks,” Minato replied slowly, clearly completely unsure what else he was supposed to say. “Uh, I was wondering– your cloak–”

X laughed, patted Minato on the shoulder, and promised him his own cloak was good enough. Then he shot Tori a wink and walked back to the rest of his entourage, just like that.

“Umm,” Minato said, standing there dumbly. He twisted his face down to stare at where X had touched him. “Hmm.”

“I planted a tracker on him if you want to follow him,” Tori said, plopping down into her seat.

“I…” Minato continued to stand there, staring at his shoulder. Kakashi, somehow, understood this.

(“I think we should find his hotel room and go through all his things,” Tori said. “Maybe steal his girlfriend. It’d be fun.”

“Entirely unnecessary,” Itachi replied.)

#reborn au #my writing #at first i was going to have tori completely fail For Laughs #but actually maybe sometimes the main character should have successes #so it makes sense when other characters behave as if she is good at things LMAO #ninja con 2000

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the-s1lly-corner · 10 months

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Hay...... Do you think you could do tadc characters with a reader who has super bad depth perception (due to an eye injury) and as a result often ends up walking into things because they didn't realise it was right in front of them?? :3 (aka me)

TADC cast x reader who has very bad depth perception!

fuck it we balling!! (admin is now on a small time crunch, theyre not going to explode if they fail to finish this before they timer is up, but they are weird about time stuff) rolls around ehehehhehe i hope you enjoy!! i must admit, admin was a little stumped on this so this might be a little..... meh </3

CAINE:

i think he blows it out way out of proportion... though im not sure thats the right word... i mean, if you manage to get close to caine (which is quite a feat considering before he didnt really. build genuine connections with circus members as well as being busy with... whatever it is he does...) he doesnt quite.. understand... so i think he insists on being your eyes, utilizing his... thousands of all seeing eyes. he can get overbearing at times so youre going to need to set the record straight and explain things to him... hes a little confused but hes got the spirit.... takes you to his room whenever things get hard (migraine, nausea, ect ect ect) and pampers you... so.. maybe him taking things too far/seriously isnt that bad...

POMNI:

has probably tossed you something before remembering your depth perception... the regret on her face is immediate, spreading over it before you even have the chance to react to whats going on... quick and long stream of apologies as she picks up the thing; it wasnt even likely anything important or fragile

eventually builds the habit to not toss things to people when they ask for something.. offers to read things out for you if you have trouble with it, as well as guiding you to dark places if you have trouble with migraines as well (while admin doesnt have depth perception he does have something funky with his eyes that make them sometimes roll and cross and it suuuucks)

RAGATHA:

oh she is so so so empathetic with you. as mentioned above in pomnis part, if youre prone to nausea or migraines, shes going to do all that she can to help you... usually lets you lay in her bed to collect yourself... helps you judge the distance things are, especially if its in a chaotic situation such as an in house adventure. if you open up to her about the reason behind your bad vision, her heart is going to hurt for you. if you need comfort, she will provide it; if you just need some ears, she will provide. generally very good about accommodating you

JAX:

has probably asked why your eyes look off, assuming they cross or otherwise arent "standard". doesnt really say it to be rude, well.. actually no this is jax hes likely just scoping to see what the deal is, though its more of a curiosity thing. gives a soft "oh" when you briefly explain why. honestly i think he has a habit of tossing things to people when they ask him for something, and i think this would carry over to you.... does sometimes feel bad, but hey! hes not trying to be mean (kinda...)

does not stoop low enough to use your poor depth perception to his advantage for pranks, though. hes an asshole but i dont think he would be that evil tbh...

KINGER:

honestly? same. like i dont think that he has bad eyes thanks to an injury, no rather i think its just because hes OLD!!! so theres times where you guys fail to be each others eyes. you have terrible depth perception, he is shortsighted... uh oh... good news is that hes always keeping an eye on you (no shitty pun intended) due to him constantly worrying about you, so the chance of you somehow being in the way of danger is fairly low.... probably.... if you tend to attract it, though, or are on the clumsier side, rest assured that hes keeping you in the pillow fort!/lh

ZOOBLE:

probably doesnt even notice it at first until you bring it up in passing, and honestly i dont think their view on you would change. sure they would try to be more accommodating for you since theyre not totally apathetic, especially since youre a friend and/or partner... but theyre not too... emotional, so unlike ragatha they wouldnt outwardly give you an excessive amount of.... pity? care? im struggling to find the right word, im afraid... will let you vent about it, though, if the issues that come with it cause any stress.. otherwise doesnt bring it up too much unless you bring it up, both because they dont think its too much of a big deal as well as not wanting to pry

GANGLE:

very sad very empathetic if you ever open up to her about the events leading up to your injury (assuming you remember/it was something that happened in the real world that carried into the digital world), and perhaps sheds a tear for you. helps you read and write things if you struggle with it, as well as even wrapping her ribbon around your eyes should any random bouts of nausea roll in. generally very sweet about it but is very careful about not stepping over any lines, tends to ask before doing something (especially with the blindfolding/nausea thing)

#tadc x reader #the amazing digital circus x reader #digital circus x reader #caine x reader #pomni x reader #ragatha x reader #jax x reader #kinger x reader #zooble x reader #gangle x reader

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gatorlovebot · 10 months

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nsfw. mdni. more vampire gaz stuff inspired by this post

cw: major bloodplay, all consensual though! (biting, blood used as lube)

you awoke to a buzz coming from your phone on your night stand. you fell asleep easily after your night spent with kyle, a special night for the both of you. you knew it wasn't the first time he had feed from a human partner, but he still made you feel like it was one of the most important moments of his life.

he talked you through it and held you as you got dizzy after he licked the puncture wounds clean and closed. feed you little morsels of chocolate and held a cup of juice up to your lips until you felt like yourself again. he bundled you up in your bed, pressing a sweet kiss to your forehead before seeing himself out of your apartment. you weren't all that happy when he declined to stay the night, but you were nodding off to sleep before he was out the door.

your mind goes back to your phone, screen still bright with a new notification. your eyes squint to adjust to the light in the dark of your room, punching in your pin to unlock the screen. it was a text from kyle. at 4:36 in the morning.

"i'm really sorry if this wakes you up. it's 4:36 and all i can do is think about you"

even in your groggy state you couldn't help but smile down at the bright screen, tapping out a response.

"come back over then"

you were expecting him to decline your offer, as he was so stubborn in giving you time and space to yourself tonight. and yet moments later he's messaging you back, telling you he'll be over soon.

you lie back in the sheets, phone tossed to the side, feeling absolutely giddy with excitement at seeing him again. who cares that it was barely 5am, you wished to be back in his presence than in your bed alone.

you must have started to doze off at some point, being startled awake by the feeling of cold hands against your bare skin and a quick chuckle close to your ear. kyle had come back to you.

you melt against him as he presses himself close to you under the covers, a contented sigh leaving your lips when leaves a kiss against your hair, "i'm sorry i woke you."

you smile with your face tucked up to his chest, "no you aren't, you wouldn't have sent it if you really didn't want to wake me."

you can tell he's smiling when he responds, "you're right, i was hoping you'd be up thinking about me."

you pull away from him just a little bit, so you can see his face in the low light of your bedroom. he was just too fucking pretty sometimes. "hate to break it to you," you can barely contain your smirk, "but your text actually woke me up from a delectable slumber."

he tips himself onto his back, bringing his hand over his heart, dramatically choking out, "you wound me, my love."

you can't help but giggle at him, taking his hand from his chest and turning it over to kiss his palm. "i'm really happy you came back." all he does is quirk his eyebrow in response, a sign for you to keep going, "i didn't want you to leave in the first place." you whine against his skin.

"i know, i know," he sighs, shoulders sagging against your pillows. he looks like he belongs in your bed. "the first time can be very intense for some people, i didn't want you to feel suffocated by me."

kyle garrick was an interesting guy. he could be sweet as sugar, like he was being now, but he knew the hold he could have over people. the way he could easily get people addicted to him. like he got you addicted to him.

“kyle, i could never get sick of you,” you confess, adjusting so your chin was resting against his sternum, looking up into his eyes. “so, maybe we could try it again?”

his eyes go dark at your proposition, the corners of his lips quirking up into a barely there smirk. he reaches down to card his fingers through your hair, “baby, after tonight i don’t have to feed for a few more days.”

that’s what he had told you earlier, that he could go a few days between feeding, especially from a human source. he had explained that he hadn’t had a consistent human food source in years and you had to quell down the little prideful part of yourself that reared up inside of you at his words.

he had explained that he wanted to ease you in to the whole thing, wanted to take it slow so you could get better acclimated to the process. but you were more than willing to be his consistent food source, he could come to you whenever he wanted. "yeah, you mentioned that earlier, but you just seemed to like it so much."

"well of course, a sweet thing like you," he compliments easily, fingers caressing the supple fat of your cheek. you tried not to shiver under his gaze when his eyes flashed red for a moment. "but i could tell how much you liked it, could smell it on you."

the smile on your face drops at his assertion, you can't help but feel self conscious, he could smell it on you? he must have been able to tell you were about to spiral because he's quick to reassure you.

"could smell your pussy the second i brought my fangs out, hottest thing ever, baby, promise." he clarified, sitting up to meet your lips for a hot kiss.

you're no longer completely mortified, but your voice is still small when you confide, "how could i not get wet? everything you do is hot, kyle."

"ahh sweetheart," he chides, flashing his gorgeous smile. "you're gonna give me a big head."

he was trying to be bashful but you knew he fucking loved how easy you were for him. and you weren't going to try to hide your feelings. "come on, kyle, you like, i like it," you say it like it's obvious, because it is. nothing was ever going to make you forget the moan he let out when his fangs finally punctured your flesh and the warmth of your blood filled his mouth. or the way his eyes had looked up at your's, dark and unfocused. "let's do it again."

"baby, i'm sorry, but i'm not going to feed from you twice in one night. it's not goo-"

"ok, i know," you interrupt, "so what if you just bite me a little bit, just enou-"

"just enough to get you messy with your own blood? you want me to fuck you too while i'm at it?" he teases, voice dripping in condescension at how needy you were being. all you could do was nod.

and that's how you end up on your back, sleep shirt pushed up to your neck as kyle bullied his way between your thighs. he leaned down to give your nipple a tug with his teeth before trailing his tongue over the sensitive skin of your breast. he looked up at you as his fangs became more prominent, the tilt of his head clearly looking for your permission. you gave him a nod, letting out a hiss of pain as his sharp fangs nipped at your tender flesh. he pulled back to watch the way the blood beaded at the surface, before finally running down to settle in the valley between your breasts.

his eyes were transfixed on every inch of skin he pierced, at every bit of blood that came to the surface. they were all superficial cuts, nothing for you to worry about, he would lick your wounds clean and closed once this was over.

he made his way down your stomach, nipping and biting at the soft, tender flesh, little rivulets of blood falling this way and that, before sliding himself farther down the bed. he urged your thighs wider a part to accommodate the broad width of his shoulders. he blew cool air across your bare cunt just to chuckle at the way it made you squirm in his grasp, before reaching up one his hands to your stomach. you watched the way he dragged one of thumbs through your blood, bringing it back down to press against your clit, smooth circles making you sigh.

you couldn't take your eyes off of him, couldn't stop your body from burning at the way he looked at you. like he wanted to consume you whole. no one had ever made you feel like that before. he finally leaned down to suck your clit into his mouth, groaning at the taste of you, his eyes slipping shut.

one of his fingers was quick to follow, stroking over your wet folds before plunging inside of your heat. you had marveled at his ability to learn your body so quickly at the beginning of your relationship, constantly paying attention to your reactions and asking if things felt good or not. it didn't mean he had you cumming in seconds, but it did mean that you were cumming.

he sucked on your clit hard like he knew you liked and the digit inside of you was rubbing against that spot inside of you that always had you gripping the sheets. as you got closer you couldn't help but grind your hips against his tongue, his noises encouraging your sloppy movements. with a jolt you were cumming around his finger, clenching around the digit and coating it in your cream.

he lets you catch your breathe for only a moment before he's crawling up your body, tongue swiping through the blood pooling over your tummy and your tits, staining your skin red. when your lips finally meet you taste the tang of your juices and the metallic taste of your own blood, the taste brings you back to reality for a moment. you were really doing this. kyle eventually pulled back and all you could focus on was the wetness of his lips, the wonderful red color to them. you knew your mouth looked the same.

"taste so fucking good, baby." he praised, leaning down to kiss over your cheeks as you blushed. you feel his hand between you, swiping through the pools of blood again, then you hear the slick sounds of his hand jerking his wet cock. "you ready for me, baby?" the red of his lips make his teeth look so white in the moonlight. he had a smile that would make you do anything he said, fangs or not.

all he needs is your nod and then he's guiding the thick head of his cock to your sensitive hole. your wet folds are colored red, blood smearing across his dark shaft as he pushes himself inside of you. you groan at the stretch, his finger nowhere near comparing to the girth of his pretty cock.

when he bottoms out, he nuzzles his head underneath your chin, lips ghosting your skin. it makes you still for a moment. you had told him that you weren't comfortable with him biting your neck, it just felt too risky to your little human brain. he was a man who always honored your wishes, but you couldn't help but feel a flash of fear at his fucked out state.

but all he does is press a tender kiss to your flesh before he's sitting back up, big frame looming over you. his smile is filthy as his thrusts deepen. "you look so fucking pretty like this, skin all red just for me, baby." that's how things usually went between you two, kyle's mouth spewing absolute filth while you just squirmed on the bed, taking everything he gave you.

you shudder and whine as his cock grinds against your spot. "there you go, baby, you've been perfect for me all night. do you think you can cum for me again, sweetheart?"

you nod your head dumbly, barely able to hold eye contact as you approach your high. "that's a good fucking girl." he praises, lowering himself so he can lap his tongue across your breasts, licking up your blood as his thrust turn sloppy. you hold him close as you finally reach your peak, cunt clenching against his cock, tears threatening to spills from your eyes at the intensity.

he almost growls as he empties his balls into your oversensitive cunt, head shoved between your breasts to inhale your scent. you two lie like that for a few long moments before he sits up again, pulling his spent cock from your dripping hole.

he reaches down, fingertips massaging the junctures of your hips, sore from being splayed open for so long. he has a small smile on his face as he looks down at your body. you nudge him to try and get him to talk.

he shakes his head, "i know it's wrong of me, but i don't want to clean you up. i just wanna lie here with you and cover myself in your scent."

you think for a moment at how in a few hours you'll be pissy about being sticky from your blood and his spit, but you can't help but open your arms for him.

#gator.writing #kyle gaz garrick x reader #kyle garrick x reader #kyle gaz garrick #cw blood

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swaglet · 1 month

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One of the things that keeps me deep in ed is the fact that i hate having a "feminine body" I HATEEEEE having curves liek fucking hate it.

And the problem is no amount of weight loss will change the structure of my body so unfortunately I have to try to keep myself at a low weight to appear as if I have less curves.

Idk if you watched euphoria but rue (character played by zendaya) has my dream body she's so tall, skinny, "flat" like she looks "boyish" (i swear im not a creep 😭) and I so wanna look like that every time I wear something and see my curves pop out I wanna take a seesaw and just fucking remove them.

Whenever I discuss this w my friends they either tell me I'm humble bragging or they try to tell me that I'm non binary or some bullshit.

Like I jsut wanna have a slender body. Curves to me jsut make me look trashy and too "sexed up" I wanna look like a stick with no shape ffs

under a cut cos its kinda triggering material obvs and im yapping

oh nonnie this is exactly what kept me sick for so long too i'm so sorry to hear this is what you're going through as well :'( my mind always felt at ease when people told me i looked more like a little boy than a grown woman for reasons i'm sure we all have experienced at one time or another (COUGH misogyny and harassment and sexualization and objectification and and and)

i'm actually dealing with the fallout of it rn and it still messes with me mentally... 6 months ago i started birth control to stop my periods entirely to manage my pmdd and the excessive amount of blood i was losing during every period, and while my weight itself hasn't drastically changed at all (it stays within 5 pounds maintenance thanks to the lifting and protein usually i think), any of the body fat i DID has redistributed to make me even curvier than i was before. my boobs and ass are prominent parts of my figure now like they got HUGE compared to how they used to be (FLAT) and i have a small amount of new stretch marks on the inside of my thighs which means they must have gotten meatier and that checks out because a lot of my pantlegs and shorts feel tighter. literally because of that i almost relapsed so many times in the past 6 months but ive had the mental fortitude to just ignore the urge

what has helped me a lot is that, as i have gotten close to the people in my life that are related to my accomplishments that i am proud of (a lot of it having to do with college and my local music scene) and have become comfortable with opening up to them about feeling the way i do, almost all the women in my life have shared that they relate at least a little bit, but that my appearance and certainly not my weight or amount of curves i have don't bear any weight (pun intended) on determining how much they respect me, how talented they think i am, how good they think i am at my job/the things i do, how willing they are to work with me, and stuff like that. many of them have also offered me the advice that we only get one body, and there's only so much you can do to alter the natural shape of your body, and then within those limits there's only so much you can do that's healthy and won't disable you or damage your organs for the rest of your life, and it's unfortunate that men have made our bodies out to be this sexed object but we do really only have one shot at life and ultimately i think it's pointless trying to meticulously control how everyone around us perceives us. to be honest i have felt a lot better about it since i have been making less and less men as friends and making more women friends.

i want to say that curves, or any body shape, aren't trashy or too sexed up, they're just neutral forms that your body takes. you have little to no control over how your genetics and environment shape your bones and distribute your fat patterns aside from exercising in a way that keeps your body working and eating a nutritious diet to fuel you, so the shape of your body literally cannot have like. moral implications like trashy or slutty or sexed up or anything. i repeat that to myself when i look in the mirror every morning. my body is completely neutral no matter how it looks; my body is not the vessel that i, a formless brain, pilot around in the real world; my body is not a physical representation of me.. my body is just part of me, i am my body, my body is me, and anything my body looks like is how i look and that's how life is. i don't have to like how i look, i am allowed to be uncomfortable with it, but nothing is wrong with my body unless something physiologically about me is unwell (ex. joint pain, something is swollen or red, a medical issue basically) or is making me sick or unable to function. if it's something i can't control and can't change drastically without surgery or severely under- or overeating, like my boob size, butt size, thigh gap size, the shape of how my bones fit together and how my muscles and fat lays on top of the bones, then i just do the stupid therapy thing where instead of thinking negative thoughts i think a different thought and don't let myself ruminate on the negative ones i'm fixated on. for example, "my strong healthy non-starved body lets me play my trumpet very loudly and march strongly with force; underneath my gigantic ribcage is a gigantic set of lungs" or "my strong healthy non-starved body lets me go on bug hunts often without getting as tired and weak and needing to stop because now it's full of food that fuels me all day long and i eat like a cavewoman who was built to endurance hunt and gather trinkets all day" and one that i'm sure not many can relate to is "my healthy body lets me sweat now so i don't overheat and although sweating may be unpleasant and very uncomfortable it lets me know i'm alive and that my body is working correctly" and then i try my best to move on with my day

another thing i do is i pay A LOT of attention to the women around me who i look up to and respect; what do they look like? do i ever notice their weight or their curves and feel negatively towards them and have diminished respect towards them or feel disdain towards them? or do i feel a kinship with them if i do ever happen to notice, like "oh she is like me in that regard"? there has never been an instance where i have felt negatively about a woman in my life or lost any respect for her because of her shape, curves or no curves. i'm much more concerned about other things tbh, especially as i get older. idk how old you are nonnie, but in my experience it's very easy to be "boyish" anorexic when you're in your teens and like at the oldest 19 years old... even without synthetic female hormones (birth control) being added to my body, and even with a hormonal imbalance, at about 21 i started rly "growing up" and that's when i got hips and a little bit bigger boobs (still A cups nonetheless) and put on a bit of a belly pooch even when i was still way too underweight. those are just parts of a woman that exist on our bodies naturally and there isn't any judgement to be ascribed to them. every professor, every janitor, every coach, every grown 21+ student walking around my campus (and town!) looks like that regardless of what shape or size we come in. naturally underweight, naturally overweight, neither, curvy, blocky, straight as a board/fridge, regardless of what shape that's just how women are shaped i think. i wouldn't ever judge another woman for looking the way i look, i wouldn't judge another woman for her shape Ever, regardless of what i think her circumstances are, so by that logic i ought to apply that to myself.

another thing that brings me comfort, and you may not believe me with this one but im serious; nobody notices all the things you notice about yourself anywhere NEAR as much as you do. ppl who have known me for 4 years think im 120 pounds (i am 30 pounds heavier than that and they are always in disbelief when i tell them that) and always have no idea i have a small potbelly until i lift my shirt and show them. it's like one of my biggest insecurities in the world and literally no one knows or cares which is insane to me. if i ever get sad about it i tell myself that's where i keep my ovarian cyst at + all my air for when i sing/play instruments and it will go away with time as i get more gains and start eating right again

and nonny!!!!! "slender/stick with no shape" is still just as much of a shape as "feminine/curvy" ! male is not the default no matter how much society wants u to believe that i promise......... there is nothing wrong with the way women's bodies are this is how we have existed naturally for thousands of years since we first got here. our bodies are just as neutral as men's bodies are. it took me a long long time to feel this way about myself and about my body and about the human body in general and recovery is never linear, my outlook changes every day and i have good days and bad days and some days i absolutely just will not go outside because i don't want anyone to look at me. but those have been far and few between lately

i love u very much anon. food definitely tastes better than how skinny feels. living life freely feels better than looking perfectly skinny in an aesthetic outfit. aesthetic outfits are for 1 day. aesthetic outfits and a skinny slender form will be in pictures and they will only last in the pictures. i don't want to scare you but you will either die like that (very slowly) or you will get very unwell and realize you have to choose recovery and you will have to gain it all back slowly and you will have to choose yourself everyday. idk. i put myself through so much agony that i didn't have to go through and looking back on those pictures im thinking in my head. what was all that for? i felt better then but it's so scary to me now. i looked so sick it makes me so sad for little me. i wish she could have lived a life where she wasn't preoccupied with being perceived as a sex object and could have lived free like i do now. BUT WE THRIVE. I BELIEVE IN YOU NONNIE I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH

#>#askbox

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