#feel like i'm in the emotional headspace of a toddler on the floor kicking and screaming and throwing the worst temper tantrum | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ranger-kellyn · 2 months

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this whole "getting better" thing fucking BLOWS. what do you MEAN i have to stick to this whole thing of exercising basically daily, spending at least an hour across the day doing stretches and yoga, eating at minimum three meals, stay away from social media, and dedicating at minimum 20 minutes to journaling every single fucking day. what do you MEAN if i start slacking on EVEN ONE of them, it dominoes until i'm right back in "i'd rather be dead" headspace.............................

#negative #and WHY!!!!!!!!! is it i DISTINCTLY feel this way after talking to either of my parents!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#why!!!!!!!!! can't i just have parents i can talk to and feel better afterwards!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#i've spent YEARS at this point repairing things with my mom and yet i still end up in the worst fucking headspace after talking to her!!!!!#one 30 minute phone call and i feel like all my work had been undone and i am right back in suicidal ideation town!!!!#feel like i'm in the emotional headspace of a toddler on the floor kicking and screaming and throwing the worst temper tantrum #i don't wanna!!!!!!!! i don't wanna!!!!!!!!!! i don't wanna!!!!!!!!!!!!#i don't want to do ANY of it!!!!!!!!!#it's so much!!!!!!!!!!#it takes up so much fucking time!!!!!!!!!! and shackles me to my fucking apartment!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#my bedtime has been pushed back to like 9:45 bc i'm needing to be up by 5:30 and i'm sick of it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#i'm sick of it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#i'm sick of it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#and why why FUCKING WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!! is it every fucking time without fucking fail if i'm asked ''how are you doing/feeling/etc'' my brain #INSTANTLY is like: oh yeah here's the long and short list of all the reasons to be miserable and why we want to die :)#could be doing fine! could be doing good even!! but the SECOND i'm asked that!!!!!!! death darkness there is no hope there is no good

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