#fifteen years of insecurities and being excluded or even just FEELING excluded don't just disappear
Text
i thought i’d try making more last minute plans with this friend who always has to cancel but alas no luck sjkdfkjs it’s just been too long
#it's not a slight it's always for valid reasons to be clear#i mean 'i'm not feeling well' is a valid reason for me like i'm v understanding it's just frustrating#esp when you do prepare for plans and then it doesn't happen#and it's one of those friends where it's just like...feels like everything got kind of wonky#though to be fair that's most people bc after college i really was just so stuck and i didn't wanna make the effort with anyone#(which was already hard enough bc i had been in so many situations where i worked hard for people who wouldn't do the same#and that is somewhat reversed the last few years but i just. i'm so tired. it's not because i don't care#which is how it appeared with some of the ppl who did it to me#but just that i'm so so so tired all the time)#but anyway things were a little better and i gave up making plans after a few tries and was like i'll come back to it#and then my cat died and i just TRULY don't wanna do anything anymore#and it's made harder when you DO do something and then it feels pointless#and with the wonky friendships i'm just like does this person even wanna talk to me anymore#like we are adults you truly aren't forced like in high school and whatever but what do you know#fifteen years of insecurities and being excluded or even just FEELING excluded don't just disappear#but yeah i just don't feel secure in most of my friendships because most people i talk to so occasionally#and see way way less (haven't seen anyone in months lmao again...i wanted to make birthday plans but my cat was dead i couldn't do it)#and of course on my end i'm like of course i love this person it doesn't matter that we rarely talk#but i'm convinced their brains couldn't work the same so like. sad.#anyway i could try to make plans with someone else tomorrow night but i'm kinda like this is what i wanted#bc it's been the longest seen i've seen her and i miss her and i wanna check in#because i was EXTRA not good at it during 2020 i mean who was but it's like wow i had no idea about anything in your life#which...has been an issue with everyone for several years it's always like what new job new place new significant other#i'm completely out of the loop all the time#and i also have insecurities about how i'm the last to find anything out so. feels good!#personal
1 note
·
View note
Last Seen Blogs
shyecustodio
shyshye
j3rry1ce
J3rry1ce
alpinereview
The Alpine Review
outsidersstuff16
Starry's Writing Domain
krisbamboo
GILandewagen